The 13

Well, they, the 13 of them, came to join us here a bit late. Almost like 2 months gap between us and them. They said they were belittled. They were treated harsh in USM Kelantan and they were in mental distress that they were given permission to not attending classes for the first months.

One day I received news from a friend who is one of the 13, that they won't be coming here. Everyone was in despair. Of course, it was like a part of us was being separated. They were given a lot of choices on what they should do instead of coming here by MARA. But some of them were really freaking furious at that time, while little of them were really patient. I adored those who was patient enough.

Then, after a while of hiccups hearing bad news from their side, well they were actually 21 in numbers but reduced to 13 for some reasons which I couldn't make out, I suddenly received this message from the same person, the same friend I used to been receiving message, that they were allowed to come.

Once they arrived, none of them were looking joyful, because of certain reasons and mishaps that happened. Some of them weren't been given the rooms at the same hostel as the earlier peeps have. They were in mental distress again going to and fro the guest house. Pity them though.

Most of the 13 friends I mentioned are really a great persons. Funny, outrageous, smart, one of them truly KNOWS Hindi which is a very good thing, one is very athletic, one is super intelligent and full of ideas, and you named it. Also, some of them are really porous but at the same time cute and friendly.

The bond between them however is something you can't deny of the strength it has. It's like hydrogen bond you learned in Chemistry. So strong. They are like sticking together as a synctium almost 24/7. Then, shaitaan whispered me this words that leaded me to jealousy. And the jealousy becoming stronger each day.

I am generally jealous of the bond they have as a group. I mean the girls can rely on the boys member so much that is almost looking like they are some kind of a family. When one get sick, the other will quickly come and lend some medicine. When the canteen is closed due to certain holidays, like for a week, the 13 of them would cooked and eat together at the canteen, which I had never experienced. Also, on study week, they would make this synctial work by doing study group. Get down this white board and prepared for the tutorials and they would learn like that which is efficient. And during vacation week, they would go for a picnic or shopping as the 13. Which for me is the sweetest thing ever.

So sad, that I don't quite have that here. 

I mean I feel alone. And this is bad. Even now, I am.....actually alone.

I am in a terrible jealousy syndrome that I have to get rid off, but just couldn't help it.

They are so happy together and they are family.

Deep down in my heart I want that sort of things too but I just couldn't get one.

But maybe because this is what's the best I can get?

>>p/s: why?<<

Medic-student Pressure VS Maulud Nabi Muhammad s.a.w

Actually I am in a condition of major dilemma.

Maulidur Rasul is this Saturday. I have this crossword puzzle to be completed. It needs me to know various important things that related to the life of Rasulullah S.A.W. 

I tried to complete it by Google most of the answer. This is what happened kids, when in high school, you learnt Islamic Education for the sake of having a big smile on the Ustazah's face as well as to get the A on your slip.

Well, the questions are really tricky. Not everything can be Googled, is what I learned from this event. One of the questions is, write the name of a place where many JINNS were reverted to Islam. Another one is what is the name of a person who reverted to Islam because he wasn't willing to see Prophet Muhammad s.a.w to be insulted? 

Even the crossword puzzle linkage seems to make people confused. And I just knew that we have to pass this by 12 am...which I obviously fail to do that. T___T sorry.

I love you dear HEART, but I am also tired LEARNING about you. But my heart deep inside tells me to be a cardiologist one day:)

Simultaneously, it's hard to answer and revise for Cardiovascular system. Everything is Physics now, eh no! Physiology! But it's damn tricky! I don't know what to write anymore on the answer papers. Plus, tomorrow we have an exam to face. Clap, clap, clap. 

End block again. And please make tomorrow's night come quicker. I am tired actually because for the small group discussion we are going to have tomorrow, most of the people are trying to pick the easiest question available, make me a leader who have to deal asking people which questions they want (apparently, this wasted my time) , and how great because we are going to have Dr Raichur as our supervisor cum tutor. And everyone is afraid of Dr Raichur for certain reasons. Clap again.

At the end, I drown into this dilemma of whether to finish my crossword puzzle or to finish doing this questions. But in the end I chose to blog because 'the blog' is a friend I can trust who is not alive. 

>>p/s: Esok pasti lebih baik daripada hari ni!!! Yakin dengan Allah<<

short mumbling

Today I feel people do not respect me. Actually, I felt it a long ago. When people actually seems to not notice that they have to pay some respect for me. Am I asking for too much?

These days, when it almost pass 6 months being here all alone, I do feel something is wrong. I mean I am facing this complex situation where I cannot tell people. A friend noticed (well, I thanked him for noticing), that something is not well with me. He asked me who. I just can't answer. Too egoistic. I just told him, that he is not that close that I should tell the real story.

I am a person who love to express what I feel. I am somewhat an artist deep down, but too bad I sing badly, so I cannot make a song about it, nor am I a poet. So I just like to mumble. Telling this story, I mean problem to mom also seems to be so awkward. Then, I realised, I don't quite have a person for me to trust. 

Also, being a secondum assistant to this one leader is also seems to be a nuisance. He always forget to help in whatever things I asked kindly for, which at last made me disappointed. Sometimes, I think he disrespect me in things I am doing. But I am not doing things for selfish reasons, instead I am doing for the whole colleagues here:(

Been six months here, at least what I can find is a good room mate. I just need some fresh air somehow. It's also awkward that I don't feel happy...instead very very very sad. 

>>p/s: Ya Allah, if it's true I am not meant to be with the person I adore and love, bring me closer to you please. For your love is my greatest reason why I have to live happily. Please erase this sadness dear Allah.<<

Mati di bumi orang

One fine day, I was having this nice chat cum tutorial with a friend named F. We learned various topics including Biology and some Chemistry as far as I concerned. 

Then, I told him that there was a medical student in Indonesia who was just in his first year, been taken by Allah forever. He was diagnosed with a dengue and died 2 weeks after that. I said to him how sad it would be for the families of that student. 

Then he told me not to pity. Don't pity those died because of jihad. I became purplexed and asked him, "Jihad?"

Then he explained that students who migrated to further his study and then he died because of disease, he can be considered as jihad. But, as long as he while studied, put Allah as his priority.

And after 2 years, when I read this surah, this bumped to me:

Surah An-Nisa, verse 100.

Dan barangsiapa berhijrah di jalan Allah, nescaya mereka akan dapatkan di Bumi Allah ini tempat hijrah yang luas dan rezeki yang banyak. Barang siapa keluar dari rumahnya dengan maksud berhijrah kerana Allah dan Rasulnya, kemudian kematian menimpanya, maka sungguh pahalanya ditetapkan disisi Allah. Dan Allah Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang. 

So, to reflect the sorrow I have in my heart, I should come back strong! It's not easy to be having this chance living in the other side of the world. Even though, I haven't cross continents, it is just Asia, still Asia, but the fact that I live far away from my family, give me the sorrow. The sorrow of not being able to send my little sister to her boarding school, the sorrow of not being able to catch a ride on my little brother's car and have some wild bro-sis day out. WAAA The agony!

Even if I die here, it would be a blessing. Ya ALLAH I need only you in my heart and in my mind. Don't let me be astray....

>>p/s: takde boypren pada umur 20 tahun merupakan satu agony gak.. T.T...sabar ye mama...yang tak sabar nak tgk aku kahwin....study biar gempak dulu...<<

Battle Secondum

Less than 2 weeks before 2nd selanjar. 

Progress has been quite slow. And I am no longer an A-straight kid.

A friend of medschool back then faraway in Perak told me this in Twitter:

"Dapat A ke tak, doesn't matter. Bila dah kerja nanti sama je, gaji sama, start pun dari Housemen"

True indeed. But somehow or rather, the content feeling of obtaining the shining A somewhat matters, to me.

HOWEVER,

now that I am no longer in school, I should put down some believe. People obtaining A is always those who people will look for and look upon to. But, I don't think I want that now.

One day, a friend named N, a girl of course, came to my room during brunch hours. She was wearing baju kelawar and looked insanely just finished her studying. She wanted to get some slides notes and at the same time glancing at my histo work book. I gave her mine since I didn't let her borrow my neuroanatomy textbook because I wanna use it. Later, she found out that I do READ the text book, hence she became puzzled and surprised.

"Wey...aku tak baca pon buku2 semua ni. Aku baca lecture notes je...takde masa nak baca semua ni weh"

That's what she said to me. And she-who-I-must-not-named got an A during the previous battle. And I, who read all these books? Emmmm.....cukup makan aje but I felt content already.

So, if we looked back. Do ALLAH The Most Merciful looks upon the 'A' that we got, or HE looks more upon our efforts and perseverance? Think. And I got the answer. At first, I was quite intimidated by the person named 'N', but then is 'A' matters so much that I must feel intimidated? No. 

When we learned...or when we try to quest for something, we must at our most think that Allah is seeing us. Observing us. We learned and get the knowledge from HIM through mediums like books, lectures, the talks given and etc. Only how fast and how much knowledge we get is what gives us borders.

So I must think. You too. 

Let us study with peace. And do remember, nothing comes in handy and no entity can help us, rather than our MOST MERCIFUL ALLAH S.W.T.

I'll make you stay

Well, this song is just amazing, and suiting the mood I am having right now.

So enjoy, don't forget some tissue to wipe your tears dry!

Bukan semua itu indah

Haha! We are in need to get rid of the fridge we have here. But how? They only give us A ONE WEEK notice? Sigh.

India is a place where it can make you so pissed off. The authority here works slow like a siput and every simple thing can be so complicated.

Recently, the KLE's behalf noticed that there's a peak rise in the electric bill which they assumed we the USMKLE students to be one of the causes. About three weeks ago, I did write an announcement to my colleagues to use the induction cooker less and no one can buy the fridge anymore. But like always, what I told them went down the drain.

So, now, the peak rise of bill has becomes tremendously high. They hence gave us this notice and made us to sign it. Sadly, our student's welfare officer is out somewhere in Mangalore and she will be boarding off to Australia in a week.

The only person we can talked to about the matter is our Deputy Dean who is superbly busy and occupied but he did a great job entertaining us during the study under the tree experience with him at his house. Not to mentioned, he gave us some spaces at his place for us to gather and cooked. It was awesome and I felt like being at kampung where waiting for the aunts to cook and we the kids watched TV while waiting.

Back to the point, now, people are worried where they are gonna place and hide the bloody gigantic fridge. I mean come on la Indians, we are living here for 5 YEARS, and bloody need the fridge. We drink milk daily and we have to cool it in the fridge, we cooked and that's why we have to put our groceries in the fridge. We can't afford to eat outside like some anak bangsawan out there because we are not!! And we have to cook for our own health benefits!!

Thus yesterday, my roomy and me went to have some eye to eye chat with the care taker of the hostel. We told her straight to the face why we need to keep the freaking fridge!!!

Gosh I am so mad. This is the reality when you live in a country so corrupt. And in the country, where the people are so freaking annoying. Some are good and some are just so bad. I am tired thinking of things that we have the right to keep or not. Why making things complicated!!

We have had enough of the most expensive hostel rent in the whole India and now this? Please lah, nak masak pun sempit, but I am aware that kubur nanti lagi sempit. This world is full of injustice....oh Allah gives me strength to face all this.