NO! I can't keep it?

Bizzarrely, I cant keep my pet cat because he or better be called Chorakitmunki is suffering from some sort of ilness caused by tapeworms and other type or worms which are microscopic. I have been worry since yesterday, and now I could not keep it. Now, his adorable blue eyes will only be my memory....T_T

(in my memory)

why I have to feel negative?

People here kept asking me why I have been so negative toward myself? Its pathetic and I know it, I can't be optimistic if I dont feel that I am in a good state.

I have been treated like a commoner in school these days. Which sad to say I hate it, people might think that I am too boastful by trying to explain that I need a "royalty" treatment. NO, I am not boastful or try to be boastful. Recent years, teachers treated me so well, now they kinda abandoned me. Let me give or tell u an example, which is so obvious.

I was selected to represent school in Majlis Tilawah Quran Public Speaking competition since I was form one. The other day, my beloved ustazah told me that this year, I will be representing school again. However, now, they told me (pn musalmah, azlina and ustazah herself), that they have to consider between me and another girl from form 2 Amal just because, the girls mom will be translating the BM text into BI (english). I am so frustrated...!!!

The competition will be on the 6th March which means next week, but frankly speaking I havent started to memorize the text since I DONT HAVE IT!! I tried to find puan azlina whom is holding the text, but I failed. This make things worst. When I tried to represent something, bad thing will happen, this year sucks like cow's ass.

And, today, I went to school, well I never skip school this month, poorly, my gf was not here, absent, and also I was damn boring. No one to joke with, no one actually cared about me. Chiam, on the other hand was sick in a sudden which means that she will be off from school tomorrow, HOW GREAT! T_T

AH!! Hate what I have been through lately. Tension, sad, havoc's life, full of homeworks, third-class mentality teachers, some nerd friends and also a messy house. I just need a very long holiday right away, and wish to be a new person (which is kinda hard)...

She's back!

Apparently Now Nina, a friend of mine who got an offer to Science School in Muar had finally came home. She's back within 2 weeks staying in Muar due to some ragging problems by the seniors.

Well, I am a bit happy as she is here, at least the class is full of silly acts made by her. Tomorrow, I will be attending the Majlis Anugerah for Flying colours PMR candidates in Selangor state. I dont know what will I receive as a gift. Hope is is money.

Today, at school, there was a new ustad on duty. He is replacing ustazah now. I am so intense, because I am so comfy learning with ustazah. Ustaz made me uncomfortable because he is a man obviously. Besides, my higher community members in my class, arranged pour tables in a new position, which sorry to say I HATE IT. Its senget as in Bahasa Melayu. What the heck?

And well, this month as well as next month I wil be busy doing PBSM chores. I hate it a lot. Coz its a boring thing to do. All we as PBSM have to do is wait for someone to get injured so that we can start our mission, pathetic isnt it?

Last but not least,I learnt about the displacement-time graph for today in Physics. I have to admit that this topic is damn crazy-wacky. It ripped my brain off. I dont understand!!!POOR ME. I watched debate among some friends of mine i might say. They are pretty bad in deliberating their points. I was on azeem;s side for sure, just giving him support if he did needs it.

AH the time is envy for me. Nevermind, I better go, to study. or else I will look like a stupid granny. BYE!!@

again NO FUN

its been quite a long time since I last posted a story here. Well, today Saturday, I did nothing accept writing notes on Biology, calling some friends via the phone and of coz being online to post some mod math questions to my forum malakat 92.

Mom isnt here, as she is now is Fraser hill, participating in an activity, some sort of climbing mountain activity. Poor her. Hope she will be here soon. I miss her and her cooking. Today, I had a terrible lunch, bought by my dad. Man the rice was damn spicy and too salty. Where did the cook learnt to cook tht? Seriously, I cant eat the rice so I throwed them away.

At school, teachers gave us KIDS lots of questions and exercises. Especially my english teachers who gave a lot of essays to do. Not only tht, we are supposed to make a pie chart or whatsoever for oral test. My team on the other hard are too passive. I gave them work and they did it, if I didnt do anything they will just dont care abt those sort of problems.

My love life almost came to an end this week. I was heartbroken for the past 3 days, but no one sees it, well, I acted like I am okay but frankly I am way way upset. MaybeI just have to concern abt my studies, I have been a wrong girl. Between MR X and I I cant say to the exact what is our relationship all about, friends, or couples or bff? Ah I dont know. But the truth I still love him and I dont know bout him. My friend told me to find for another one. Whatever!

Besides, I m trying to memorize my poem. I lost it now. This year I am so not active in english activities though, coz they re so many works to do. Maybe next year. Still waiting for MRSM.

A nice script...

Yesterday I found one script that really caught my attention. It begins like this:-

a man, name A an Indian promised a Pakistani, that he is willing to sacrifice for her. Once the pakistani girl returned to her country, to get married, she realized one thing. She is about to married a man whom she doesnt know at all, it was an arrange marriage, based on politic and family bond.

the day before she was about to tunang, she asked her mom

pakistani girl: mom, will u sacrifice ur life for dad?
mom : yes, honey, I will do anything for ur dad.
mom again: Because, once a woman is married, she is no longer bonded wth her own family, she is her husband's right. and she has to sacrifice her life for him.

pakistani girl: will dad sacrifice himself for you?
mom : what are u talking ??! stop this nonsense....
pakistani girl: why? why cant u anwer me?
mom : daughter, u have to understand. a man's love is internal. it can change, and they re not as tough as a woman's love. They wll never sacrifice for us women. But u have to be grateful tht u get Z as ur future husband, coz, he has everything, name, wealth and I am sure he will take good care of you.

pakistani girl: I know a man who can sacrifice himself for me!

(her mom is getting afraid)

mom : hey! stop this nonsense. WHO is he?Where are u? Still in India ?? U have to marry Z. It is a command

pakistani girl: but z wont never sacrifice himself for me. He is always busy with politics. I knew a man who can. And he loves me....

the end...

They are using my brain?

Everything put me on my nerve this week. Now, an ex classmate of mine, was actually using my brain to do all her homeworks. Well she came to my house this evening, and asked me to teach her the chapter 3 of math mod form 4. I was not ready for chapter 3, although its the easiest chapter of all. This is mainly because, I have been missing math classes for two days, and that explained clearly enough isnt it?

Besides, I also had some troubles with my mom at CzipLee this afternoon. I forgot to bring some benjamins and when I have to pay for the books , I found out that I left my purse at home. My mom on the other hand, who was supposed to wait for me, was no longer there when I need to ask for some cash. I searched for her everywhere in the bookstore, but failed. Then, she blamed me for not waiting for her and for being late? What the heck? Misunderstanding detected.

Moreover, there is this friend, smsed me in a sudden asking me to lend her my add math's exercises. Not that I dont want to let her borrow, but the prob is I have some probs that are unsolve. See!! They re using my "power" for their goodness sake. Tomorrow, she will be coming here, and take my book, well, maybe she will copies my answers, whatever! I just dont even care!

Ok, and I received an offline message from Chiam. She read me blog recently abt her not respecting me as a friend. Well, she said she does respect me always! And bla-bla-bla. Watever! Well, perhaps I am blind or been thinking nonsensely abt it. I dont know, I have some emotional crisis. Hate it like hell.

Whats wrong with the teachers?

I am so redly mad, because of my teachers. They actually, dont let me play for any tournament this year, oh god, this cant be happening, whats wrong with the way I play, I can hit back smash and also the in front smash, but why they didnt let me butt in.

Just because I lost to Huda and Aliya last week, doesnt mean that I can play. Helllo!!! old women!! I can play! I feel like yelling these words to them right now. Besides, they want chiam to part with Muneshwari from form 5 for the school's tournament, how about me then,? They dont even care about me. How could they?

I am so dissapointed, since I am the one who is in charge of let chiam play for the school and now, I am the one who is isolated from the game? This is injustice. I really can play, just that on the time Chiam and I lost, we were so tired. They cant judge the book by its cover right? I am dying here! At SKJC Sg Chua recently, where I was the line judge, I felt like I am the blacksheep, coz everyone is playing and I am not, I just can play for "fun". And Chiam no longer respect me for who I am. Chiam doesnt respect me for my effort in bringing her to the club and let her in the game. I feel like cheated?? wel yeah I am.

I felt dumb as well as a total jerk. They see me like a COW DUNG. Its always turned out to be injustice around me, when I am doing good things for the sake of my friends, bad things will be on my side. What the heck? This is some sort of an inverted karma or whatsoever. My life has ruin so badly. When I wanna represent school, I lost and when I did good things for the good sake of my friends, bad things occured to me. I am sick of all these shits. Plus, now the teacher asked me to find some members for the debate competition, no one wanna join me. There are no more sporting friends whom I can rely on. Sorry if I hurt anybody here. This is a true stroy, and I wanna express it.

bad things, always bad things, and they often on my side. T_T

I am far way behind!

It has been 2 days, I left school for the badminton's tournament in SJKC sg Chua Kajang. I hope that I can play but it seemed like this year I wont be representing school for any play, coz of some bad mistake of mine as well as some injury here on my right hand, bruises!

I am now just the line judge. Its sometimes boring. Besides some line judges from other school are cheaters! Not me, ok? I am so honest. HeheheXD. Fine, today, I returned home at 5:30 pm, U can easily tell whether I am tired or vice versa. The school's badminton court is so big, there are 8 court s and today it is full equiped with people. I meant players and not to mention teachers.

So far, from what I have seen, my school's boys, are weak, so weak, all of them lost. There are several players from other schools like SMK Taman Kosas and SMK Cheras Perdana, they re good very good indeed. I was in awe when I watched them play. Only one girl below 15 and below 18 from my school succeed to another round. My mate, Chiam lost as well, not her luck. Chinese like I have been expected are powerful smashers, girls and boys just the same. I can feel my enviness there.

Now, there is one double team left tht HAVE TO WIN! they re my friends. Hope they will win, but I still have doubts. They re easily nervous. Ah....!!! Must win.

Ok thats all for now, bye2.....

Last time with nina

I am so happy that I met nina just now. She hasnt go to Muar yet. She like always with her new cam, capturing photos of her friends. I was walking home with my mate Chiam, and all of a sudden she was a stone far away from me, yelling my name.

I have to see her though, coz today is the last day she is here, in Kajang. I will miss her a lot. We hugged and she also a bit mad coz I didnt attend her party yesterday, sorry I was sick. She was so cheerful, with her big smile, with her wacky attitude yet caught everyone's attention. Love her for that.

I brought her home, and give her the gift tht I bought for her recently. Hope she will like it, and I know I will miss her a lot. Her cheerful attitude always there at school.

fever!!

ok, yesterday, I bumped into a ghost. I dont wanna talk abt it here, becuase it make me dizzy. Now, I suffer from a fever. Not a very good day for me huh? I dont even have the mood to go to Nina's birthday bash.

and one more thing, tomorrow school opens. Yucks! Dont like it a bit. I will have so many works, and I might not be in school on Tuesday and Wednesday, coz I have to go to somewhere undescrible. Something related to sports.

fine, have to go now, my nosy bro need to use the computer, he said I have been using it since morning. So fuck off bro! I ' kill u and give ur flesh to some ggenies.

Life of A solitary Lady

Gladly, today I had a chat with my senior Hamizah Johan, who is currently studying in MRSM somewhere in Pahang. I miss her so much, as she is the coolest senior I ever had in my entire life. She was also the best commander in the PBSM team. I hope I can be like her. Well, we exchanged phone numbers. She was at tesco while we were chatting, and it was just a coincidence when I too had to go to Tesco. At about 6 pm, I reached tesco, I only see her dad , and I didnt see her. Pretty dissapointed though.

Besides that, I also bumped into my freind Maryam. I dont know what had happened to her. She seemed to be broing to see me. Well, I thought her expression was in awe or something called excited? But it turned out to be not. As usual, she was looking for stationaries, and she also wanted to borrow my history notes. Well, since I am very helpful, so I let her lend mine.

Forget about Maryam. We are not like friends anymore, no topic to brag about, mostly like strangers. After buying some groceries, my sister and I looked for a gift for my friend husnina. I was clueless at the gift shop, because, I was not really sure what nina would like, so as a safe choice, I bought her a wallet/purse and it is naruto. I dont know, I hope she will like it. Plus, I dont even think, that I will be there for her party tomorrow, because, I dont feel like I am belong to the group.

In spite of that, I am also a bit sad because I could not watch High School Musical 2 tomorrow, because I have tuition class. I am so depressed now. I dont even know what could I do. I want to see it so much, because during the primiere airing, I didnt watch it as I dont have satellite television or astro.

tidying up my books!

Holidays like nowadays, mean tht we have to do something, tht bring good thing. As for me, I tidied up my books yesterday. My book rack has no empty place, so I had to put them on the floor, but I know tht its not good to put knowledges below ourselves, so I tidied them up, and arranged them on my table.


(this is before, i tidy them up, mess isnt it, i m such a bad organizer)

(history, chemistry, notepad, bio, civic textbooks!! ah cmmon, this is how a school student life is, pressure isnt it)

(wala! this is how I arranged them, so neat? rite? hahahXD. Well, I told ya tht I am a bad organizer)

ok, thts all I think. No more to jot down, waiting for extraordinary stories to tell ya guys about. Maybe later k?

Treasurers

ok, I wanna go straight to the point today. Thank you to Aliya for giving me a souvenir from Bangkok, well I received it for the past two weeks. Its black, and it has a sentimental value, but the most great thing is LIKE IT!!! Thanks sis!
(a souvenir from Aliya Asyiqin)

Plus, I also received this bag pack from nice cousin Kak Dee, whom just giving birth to a wonderful baby boy. Well, she asked me for the gift, and I told her that I wanna a bag, as u see I love collecting baggies. So here it comes. Its purple and it has many love shapes on it, kinda girly, but nevermind, its still cool. Love it damn much.

(I dont have anywhere else to hang it, so I hang it on my door knob)

Last but not least, I also get this pearl necklace from Mekah, given by my ibu (not mother but antie whom I call her IBU). Since I am a grown up lady, she didnt give me the small necklace, instead she gave me this one, pearl! Love it, but still clueless on when to put it on. Sometimes, I acted up like some sort of datin and put it on. Cliche' isnt it?

(white pearl necklace given by ibu, and it was on my swimming attire duh>.<)

Ah no, I forget something, I also have this great red novel borrowed from my friend Christina, it is called Indie Girl. A story about an Indian girl living in America, where she has some identity crisis. She wants to be a fashion journalist so she seeks to "bodek" the editor of a magazine company. Nice, but too heavy la. I think I'll be finishing it next month coz this month I am terribly busy.

(great cover aint it? love it, the covergirl is awesome-ly gorgeous and unique)

whats wrong??

fine, today, is Friday, third day of the CNY's holidays. Nothing much to do, I meant theres NOTHING to do. There are homeworks, and some of them have been done, meanwhile the rest will I finish them up tomorrow, perhaps?

My mom cooked chicken rice today, her recipe, and gladly, it turned out to be YUMMY! I ate twice though, can't help myself. I like always didnt helped her out to prepare lunch as I was distracted by good songs here in my computer.

My Mr X didnt showed up as expected. I am so dissapointed. :( Sad sad situation. His cute sis is here, I mean being online, but not talking much though. Life is hell boring! Guess that she wont give the pc to his bro, or maybe Mr X is not even at home, u know, boys have a lot better things to do rather than sitting in front of the pc and chat with some "girl" like me. Right?

Now, the day is becoming hotter and hotter. Where is the rain?? Ah, I will for it, when I pray for the Asar prayer. And one more thing to discuss here is tht I have just updated my blog with a new template, so cool, and peaceful rite?? I wanna change it next week, every week i will be changing the template and songs too.

I need to go to the mall, need to buy something for a friend, but my dad, ah, he doesnt wanna go out. I feel so frustrated now, wish I could drive. I wanna ask them to let me use the train or taxi but they wont let me, coz well, I am a girl dude, its dangerous. World is not a safe place to live in.

Besides, I sthink I have some problem with my mouth, need to brush my teeth, coz I dont feel comfy now, theres still chicken flavour here in my mouth, hate it like hell! And, plus, its been quite a while since I take pictures of myself (sorry) and also of my freinds, and family. I wanna do it later, maybe I will take some pictures of my buddies at nina's place on Sunday, where she will be holding a birthday bash. watever! (I envy those who organize birthday bash)

Thats all for now dude. Wish to say or write some more, but i am clueless now. sorry.

Bosannyer....

kali ini aku akan jot down benda alah ni dlm BM, sbb ramai yang kat sni sbuk complain yang kau ni nak boast laa pasal aku tulis blog dlm BI. apa laa masalah dorang? aku pon tak tau.

malam ni, iaitu malam jumaat, aku berasa teramatlah bosan bagaikan aku sorang jer tinggal kat dunia ni. nak tonton tv, pon nothing best. lain laa kalau ada sitcom my wife and kids ke, ugly betty ke, antm ke, project runaway ke. ni x, sume citer hong kong yang entah apa2. smlm je yang best skit, ada crite himalaya singh. lawak giler laa....sure terputus gigi korang gelak.

and then, aku ni tgh chat ngan aliya, mmg matured giler budak ni, baru form 2, tp die diam je. bosan doh. nasib baik laa ada pulak kawan cyber aku ni, aina namanyer, die ni je yang active berborak ngan aku kebelakangan ni. ish, sedih,2

currently, sms aku sedang sibuk menaip karangan aku ni, aku tgh sibuk memahami konsep fizik. susah nyer laa..haizz....aku mmg bukan pakar dlmnye. aku masih kurang faham akan velocity, eh mmg lembab betul otak aku ni, dulu x laa mcm ni. aku x suke, mungkin dah terkena sinaran radioactive kot. displacement pon aku kurang faham. masyaALLAH.

anyway, esk dah jumaat, nak pi mall beli something for nina my friend who will be leaving on monday. damn, again losing a good friend. life is fair just tht it wants to test our strength sometimes. ah diriku kini dah menguap abt 60 times kalau dikira. mmg mengantuk, satu harii buat nota sejarah yang berlambak, adeh....

k, just hope tomorrow, ada laa org yang aku ingini online kat YM ni. aku dah bosan thp gaban dah. ah, and aku nak, makan........tapai!! (per aku merepek ni) mengidam lak. ish2.....and aku mesti gak turnkan weight, dah melebihi had dah ni. zzz......namun perlu aku cari masa dan teman utk pi jogging. mungkin esk aku nak ride bike aku, tgk laa kalau ianya masih ok...

Thanks A lot!

yesterday, I received a gift from my cousin Kak Dee. So nice of her forbuying. a nice bag for me which is from Manchester. I got a purple bag, my sis got herself a nice cute tshirt, my bro, I am not really sure, my mom got a nice handbag as well as some kitchen ornament. My dad, on the other hand got a tshirt.

We are so grateful, thanks again, may Allah bless all of you. And I cant wait to see syakir, kak dee's son later. YAY!!!

Words from Mak Ngah

Yesterday's night, I was being brainwashed by my aunt (mak ngah) who had just returned from Manchester. She was an incredible caunsellor. My mom told her about my dismay on not getting a place in boarding school and MRSM. Then, she, as the one who experienced a lot, gave me some good words.

Those who got to go to MRSM or boarding school, will not actually have a great condusive place to study unlike at home. She said theres hikmah for what had happended to me. I may get better future myself if I study hard and smarter here. Theres no different. Well, there are differences actually, coz in boarding school I wont get distracted easily by some circumstances.

She also said her son, well my cousin, name Indra, used to get 6AS in his PMR about 5 years back. At that time, all his friends were moving to teknik school and MRSM. He was the only one left at his school. He was dissapointed as well as I do. Then, he studied so really smart and hard, and guess what, now he is in JAPAN completing his studies on engineering. Meanwhile, his friends, well some of them, are not anywhere.

So as a conclusion, I think, if I dont get a place to any other school, I will be redha, and continue my studies here in Kajang Utama and I'll have so much joy with Chiam and Huda. Besides, I have many gems teachers here to help me. I am so lucky actually, just that before this I was completely blind.

DEAD!

I am sick of being a loser. Its always me who have to be on the lost side, I don't even know what had happened to me today. Yes, today, I meant just now, I was having badminton practice at sports complex in Bangi. The coach Pn Rohana wanted Chiam and I (my team mate) to verse against Huda and Alya in order to choose the best player to represent school next week.

During the practice time, its was a fine game. I played well. In a sudden, in the real game, I sucked. Its always like this. I missed a lot of smashes from Alya. Its a misery. Sad to mention we lost and also, we lost the opportunity to represent school for badminton. Chiam, on the other hand was really very dissapointed in me. I feel again, useless. I am nothing.

The humiliating part was that, after the lost, the teacher needs me to be the "line" girl, the one who have to check for the court's line. This is so bad, I will look dumb. I dont wanna look dumb. I wanna be the player. I am so ashamed of myself. I used to play very well, but today I lost the passion and also the spirit. People will look down at me.

This is maybe some tests from Allah AlMighty, first I didnt get a place in sekolah berasrama penuh (boarding school), then my special one hurted me so deeply until I cant be cured, after that, I failed to get a place in MRSM, now I am expelled from representing school for badminton tournament just because I played like a COW DUNG.

I am so sad, and depressed. Failures are not in my philosophies. I cant fail. I feel terribly down. I am now bad at everything. Its hurt really hurt. No more good friends, no more strong passion of love and no more DAYANA. I AM DEAD!

Thats it! All gone!

Today, I felt like I am useless, nothing, I am a zero. I was absolutely wrong when I thought that I am the best kid at school. And why did I said this? This is because, mainly because I didnt get to go to MRSM.

Why? Where did I got wrong? I suffered too much last year, struggling in both academics and co-curricular activities, but where is the result? Nothing, I am ashamed of myself. I am not anyone. I give up.

My mom said theres hikmah behind all these. But, ah, I cant live anymore, the reason why I want to excahnge school is coz, I need a better future, I wanna feel a new environment, I wanna be independent, eventhough its not fun to stay far away from home. Now, I am waiting for the 2nd intake, but it will be so long, I dont know when. Its sucks now. very sucks, hate everything, hate myself, hate fate, hate everything.

This is humiliating.......T.T

My responsibility as Chairmans

I need to tell u guys about the recent things I did on Friday and yesterday Saturday. Fine, on the previous Friday, after school, I had to go back to school to attend the Leadership Course held by the school itself.

Only the high comittee members had to attend it, like the Chairmans, Treasurers and also The seretaries. I went on the behalf of the Mathematics Club. We had to reach there at 2:30 for registration, but then, the facilitators came at about 4 pm, so that means we had to wait for them at least Half an hour!!

Ok, besides me, there were two others Math club's members, Hidayah and also the treasurer Liew Chee Tuck. There were some sort of talking in the music room, and then after the facilitators showed up, we had a cool activity organised by them. It was mini explorace in the school. I was so dissapointed when I was in the fifth team, lead by this form upper six bro, named Anaz. People always laugh at him, thats cruel.

Our first checkpoint was at the field, where the faci needed one pf our member to sing, unfortunately, Abg Anaz was a bit nervous and he could not sing, meanwhile the other team's leader sang first. So, as the penalty, we had to run around the field. Ah, it was tiring. I was glad when we won the 2nd task, that was guessing how many there are classes in form 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5. So, because we won tht task, the other team had to tied up their tali kasut to eacoh other of their members and walk to the other end of the field in the count of 250. They lost.

2nd checkpoint was at the school carpark. We need to transfer 3 balls into a basket, without touching the balls. We can only use strings. Gladly, we made it, and went to our third checkpoint which is at the library. There, we had to eat a piece of bread, but the bread was in the mouth of one of our members. It was kinda gross. Besides that, we had to actually read the rukun negara as well as sing the lagu negaraku. Watever!

The forth checkpoint was at the canteen. We had to write the full names of all the teachers given. Man, we had 5 incorrect answers and needed to do the penalty task. The punushment was that, we had to eat crackers dipped in some sort of brown-salty water. YUCKS!! SO GROSS! I almost puke. Luckily, Alif one of our members eat them all up. We were then asked to see puan Latifah, the last checkpoint. We got number 2?? but we were asking ourselves why everyone gets 2nd places, THIS WAS ACTUALLY ALL LIE!!!! damn......

AH. But the whole day was actually fine, and FUN. At least I sweat a little. After the course I went straightly to Czip Lee, to buy the things needed for the Math Organisation Chart.