My Dreams they ruined

Hi. So, here I'm again, sitting on the old bossy chair, smudging my weak fingers on the keyboard. I have exactly no strength to show people how I can be a 'person' because, I am not person. It's not something that I usually trying to tell people, but it's a truth.

Yesterday, I underwent a terrible experience in Bangi. I was at Bangi for a test on the theories of driving so that I can pursue the next level to get my damn driving license. I hate it so much, because it cost me to wait like a big hippo for a long time. Imagine, reaching there at about 9 a.m and only returned at 6 p.m. However, luckily, I passed the stupid test, if not, you won't be seeing much of my stupid posts down here. >.<

Whilst waiting for my bloody turn, just to answer the 50-questions, I got a miss call from Dr. Zul, well to be truth, his wife. His wife was so nice to me. And, down here were the dialogue between Dr Zul's wife and I...about opportunity to Russia.

"Assalamualaikum"

"Waalaikummusalam"

"Hi, Dayana! So, have you decided whether you still interested to join the accelerated medical program?"

"Ah?....I still, not quite sure...my parents...I failed to convince them.."

"But, my husband (Dr.Zul) and I will be in KL tomorrow, maybe you can ask your parents to come and see us and discuss this matter?"

"Oh...I see...but I still have to talk to them. They just don't quite believe in this program. They said, that I might not get a sponsorship if I followed this program as it is considered as a private program. But, I on the other hand, want it so much"

"Tell you parents that this is a good opportunities. Even MRSM sent their students to Russia. Russia State Medical University, is a well-trusted medical school. Why that they seemed so scared of sending you there?"

"Well, they listened to some stories back then, where Malaysians graduated from that school, didnt get recognized by the government, hence hardened them to work in the country"

"OH....That's not true. A lot of students graduated as doctors from that school are well recognized. Even my daughter and my son were RSMU graduates, they got their jobs as soon as they got graduated...and not to mention, lecturers from several local universities, sent their kids to do medic at Russia."
"Can I still follow the program if my parents agree on this at the last minute. I mean, joining it a bit late?"

"No...you can't. You only have the chance till this Sunday, because the class starts on Monday. I am so sorry. But, we will be in KL tomorrow. Ask your parents again"

"Ah,...ok...I will try. Thank you..."

That was the conversation I had. I was very sure on that moment, that I will succeed to convince, to show my rigid reasons why I want to go for this program so much. And, I came home smiling yesterday, with full of enthusiasms, trying to explain why they should invest some money for this....Sadly...you know what I get??? These:

"Dayana...you are inconsiderate!! You should know that this course means a lot of money!! We are not that rich, young lady!!!"

"Dayana, why you want Russia??! Tell me NOW! You want to study medicine or GO TO RUSSIA???!!"

"Stop this nonsense!! You don't even know who Dr Zul is. Who knows he might be some kind of a conman, trying to do business by this particular way. And why ARE you too rushing about this!!!? Tell me NOW!"

"If I invest this, will you survive in Russia??? What will you eat??? Tell me! Will Dr Zul take care of your amenities or your needs as soon as you reach there..Who knows, after getting the money, he will leave you astray in that country...and serve you right..."

And the worst line I got from my dearest mother was...

"You are such a weird person....I don't UNDERSTAND you"

**Then, she went off, without much concern, how I feels, what I want in life and who I am...**
You see...is not like I love to tell bad stories about my mother or my father. I love them with all my heart. I don't want to do bad things in this world, because I know, soon or later on ALLAH could punish me for my wrong doings especially the wrongs towards my parents. I love them dearly, again I mentioned, sadly, I am so confused and disappointed when at times, they never let me to enjoy myself. To let me pursue life that I wanted. They never understand what I really want in this temporary life. All I want is the fullest of life, while I can still could do it. While, I am still strong and capable. I don't want to be missed. I don't want to miss BIG opportunities ahead. If they read this, I might or may get blasted, get kicked out of the house or get a big handful-slap, but I won't be blaming that for doing that, because they have the right whatsoever...

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