I can be Matured and childish at a time!

Hello bloggers! I'm gonna start the post with something decent to hear, which I succeed to get a place in matriculation college Johor or abbreviated as KMJ, located in Tangkak. I don't know whether I've been to Tangkak before, since it has been such a long time since I really visit Johor or my families in Singapore.

To Chiam darling: Don't be disheartened by this news. Even though you didn't get it, I am sure there's other opportunity for you, maybe UPU? Just wait honey. And yeah. I laughed and smiled to see that I succeed for something, at least something. KMJ that might be the place where I am heading to is a college that no one has ever brag about, unlike Malacca's and Penang's, whatever it is, I will just leave this to God.

After a few minutes of feeling satisfied, in a sudden this thought appeared in the head. The thought of whether I should quit studying at college and continue with matriculation? If I go to matriculation, I will be spending a year of doing "foundation" in science *again*, and it depends entirely on the result  to let me pursue medicine since it will be a competition, a pointer of 4.00 flat must be in the hand >.< especially for girls. =.= My mom says I will do fine at matriculation due to my SPM result, but I still shiver. The best part of matriculation is that I will be getting allowances for the 2 semesters (1year), so I won't be having financial problem like what I'm having right now. Here, money versus dream of becoming a doctor, and I just wish I can opt for both :(

Now, which path should I go? I myself is still clueless. Foundation is almost over by this July, and insyaAllah I will be flying to Russia by September after raya. My family questioned me so many times about my plan to study medicine there at a very young age, scared that I might change to the worst, scared that I could not adapt and etc. They are scaring me off as well if they know this. Will I get UPU? This only God knows, which I pray and hope I will. Please if not Russia, let me be in UM or UIA. :D Studying in the country is better after so many thoughts and save a lot of money. Going to Russia under *sendirian berhad* fund will be a tough thing for me and my parents. They have hard time to lend in and I have hard time using their money just for my education sake. Sigh:( 

I also found out that I lack a "doc-to-be" attitude, such as patience, empathy, quick decision maker, punctuality, thriftiness, neat, compassion and other things that I have to blend in myself, instill in my soul to become one. I happened to be childish for sometime now, like shop for clothes although I have financial crisis, and being lazy at home without doing anything except homeworks from college. Is this what it takes to be a doctor? I really have to be a better person, more mature, and responsible. Like yesterday, being late for almost 2 hour for math class, was a shame. A doctor has to be punctual. I will be dealing with other people's lives for GOD sake! 

"Seriously, Dayana change yourself!"

My mom told me this yesterday. I have done her wrong for so many times by now, giving her a lot of burden and failing to get any scholarship and being too arrogant to just further my studies at matriculation adds on her burden. And it is all my fault!~ SAD...I let her down, I let my father down either. Haih. I think I change abruptly acting like a richy even though I am not even close to that. I change massively by being too independently and I also failed to manage allowances given to me wisely. Where is the heck my wisdom go!? I have to be a new leaf NOW!

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