It feels different

Fine, it's true that I accept the fact that I am going to India soon. I am excited as everyone else who will also be going there. My dream to study overseas, has been granted, what else do I want? But why I don't feel fine about this. Or in other word: FUN?

People always said, to succeed, do not turn back. Do not contemplate on the past. Past is a history, and things happened. That is life. But, accepting good things are now just as  our  pasts, made me feel bad. Every morning, I would wake up and feel extremely sad, knowing things won't be the same again.

Why I am sad?

1. I am still thinking of UiTM Shah Alam- The Faculty of Medicine.

- Arggghhh...call me insane. Call me pathetic, but this is sooo real. I am having this bad feeling that I won't be part of it any more. After Pre-Medicine experience, I sort of glued to that place already. Even though the hostel is the worst place to live in, even though there's always technical problems at lecture halls and even though the lectures are tedious to be copied, but I am in love with it. I love my fellow friends at Pre-Medicine, especially my super roommates. I now must learn to be apart from them. It is hard, especially when I have always dream to be with them for degree. AHHH, this is nonsense, dear self.

2. I want my Pre Med Room mates back 

- And again another nonsense. One month, or less, but we are like sisters. Memories last, but events fade. The feelings don't just go away. Three of four of us, got the same place, and I am the only one stranded. This is super sad, just knowing, I will be far from all of them. Now, I regret for not excelling the final examination, WHY MUST I FEEL THIS NOW?

miss all of them :'(

3. Joining another group- USM-KLE

-Recently, been busy with Facebook, playing comments with seniors from USM KLE. Of course, I now have to join the new group, leaving this frustration not to be able entering or joining MBBS UiTM Batch 9, meanwhile most of fellow pre-meds can. It felt a lot different, a lot em, less fun. Not to mention, some of the new students are from various matriculation college, only four of us, would be from asasi UiTM, thus it feels awkward. And the awkward has just been super annoying.

USM-KLE new discussion group 

-How I wish to join this group :(

In my dream :(

4. I will be missing the old Pre-Medicine 2011 group. It carved a lot of memories for all of us and surely, had created a perfect bond to unite us. Sadly, not all of us are meant to be together. Live by the fact, dayana...

It has been quite unlike a month ago. Emmm

5. Less than 30 days at home, spending Raya with no leisure

-Since, I got 30 days to spend Ramadhan at home, I must make use of this opportunity. Performing Tarawikh with family and the whole neighbourhood, bring priceless memory. Probably next year, I won't be getting the similar chances. And to think about it, yes, it is so sad.

-On Eid-Fitri, only the 1st day will I have the chance to celebrate with dear big family at Klang, and then at Kedah. Days will be lesser compared to previous years, and the moments at Kedah will be limiting. Meaning, less time to visit many family who I only got to see once a year. After two days at Kedah, I need to return to Kajang, send little brother to SASER, then rush off to Kubang Kerian, Kelantan. PACKED! This is also sad, when you are actually a family-oriented person :(

6. Find myself a bit too occupied to spend with fellow old friends

-I had located myself from being a bad friend to the worst friend ever. Absent during previous barbecue cum reunion for my Form 5 class a 3 weeks ago, due to some circumstances had really been my greatest regret. My old friends are nice to me, they knew why I have been so 'isolated' from their circles, and they also gave me a birthday present recently, which is a book that I have always wanted. But, what did I do in return? Nothing at all. Been busy contemplating my own endeavours and been pretty selfish. What is super wrong with me???

-Plus, added to the dismay, I have exactly no spare time to at least pay them visits, especially during Eid-Fitri later on. This is another factor to the sadness:(

7. No more weekends with family

-Great news is that I no longer can play bratty with my family. Calling them to pick me up during weekends is no longer something I can dwell with. I am a grown up now, I must rely things on friends and seniors now and the fellow Indians lectures. And the best of all, I will only have Sunday to relax and to rejuvenate. YAY! I want to be busy thus, this is the moment Dayana. You asked for it, now live with it. HAHAHA. 

-In addition, if I fall sick, the only people I can rely is again fellow future friends and future seniors and future Indian doctors and nurses. No more good porridge and pamper from MakTeh at Klang. Leaving Klang behind means I also have to kiss goodbye to my niece Khayra Amani and fellow lovely cousins. Surely miss them a lot. Hope they know how to skype though...:(

>>p/s: sorry if I sounded weak here. Just too hard to let the past goes by. But I guess, time will heal everything. And yes, by hook or by crook, India here I come....:P<<<

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