A lot of Offers

At college I could just kept it shut, when my dear friends busily speaking about MARA. My silent was acknowledged by them, however, I could not answer to their question, why was I being silent? since I myself, didn't know the reason.

17th May, which is looming any second from now on, is the holy day when they will be answered. Succeed or Just not their luck. Everything surely has been written in destiny by GOD, and all I could do is of course wishing them good luck. But deep down inside, I feel very bad for knowing that they have the possibility in leaving, and setting me to be a lone ranger in college. Now, this is so emotional huh?

So, today, I went back home, and saw a pile of envelopes on the coffee table addressing to me. Excitingly tearing the envelope up, but sadly, they are again offers from colleges around here, and none actually can take me to pursue medicine. Sigh. I got a letter from Segi College offering nursing and others are like business, accounting, hospitality, and even sijil kemahiran Malaysia. Yeah, there's also an interview in Putrajaya for the diploma kemahiran whatsoever, which I don't think I will go. Sigh and sigh. Too many sighing could lesser down your life up to 5 years and I should be dead quick, with lesser sin, am I? 

Jom main tag la hari ni:)

teringatkan seseorang ye sekarang? siape tu?
hmm...takdelah teringatkan sesiapa, mungkin ada, apa dia tgh buat? ah buang masa je...:(

baju warne ape yang sedang anda pakai?
merah....warna daring..
 

last text message? with whom?
this morning, and he was fahmi, die nak tau kelas MS start at wht time -.-.

last phone call? with whom?
my dad, semalam hahaha, tanya kat mana.

last website
animation pasal DNA replication...

10 orang sahabat terbaik anda: (ni susah ni)

1. Nina
2. Aida Nabila :)
3. Chiam Win Nee
4. Maryam Zamberi
5. Nurul Huda
6. Miranabila
7. Prethiba
8. Fahmi Faisal
9. My sister, Shishin Ashikin

pilih seorang dari sepuluh yang di atas. siapakah orangnye?
Aida sebab die macam nak pindah je...takut:(
 

kenangan pahit yang pernah anda alami bersama rakan anda
die dpt SBP, meninggalkan aku terkontang-kanting tanpa teman
 

rakan karib anda bermula dari huruf ape?

W.Winnie Chiam

5 perkara yang anda suke tentang rakan karib anda:

1. pandai
2. suka tolong
3. funny
4. x emo
5. ingat kawan

5 perkara yang anda tak boleh lupa tentang kawan karib anda?

1. she's funny
2. she's smart
3. she made me feel fun
4. she's helpful
5. asyik main game je

5 perkara yang anda menyampah dengan rakan karib anda?

1. kadang2 annoying
2. pandai math :(
3. none
4. banyak duit...sbb dah kerja merata tmpat
5. none

bila kali pertama jumpa rakan karib anda?
masa form 1...

adakah anda sayang rakan karib anda?
anda bodoh? of coz saya sayang
pernah hug and kiss kawan karib anda?
xx....x sanggup...hehe
pernah tersepak kawan karib anda?
pernah marah die...
pernah mengumpat kawan karib anda?
kita ni manusia hina, kadang2 tu buat tak sedar:P
kali terakhir anda ketawa dengan kawan karib anda?
masa pi ambil result spm
kali terakhir anda marah dengan rakan karib anda?
last year

anda mahu rakan karib anda jadi ape untuk anda?
jadi yang terbaik22!

pesanan anda untuk rakan karib anda:
may u succeed...each and every one of you. Do remind me as someone that has been in your life

tag 5 orang yang anda anggap sahabat:

1. iRWAN
2. fAHMI
3. farahwahida
4. huda razak
5. aina haziqah

It arrived :o

Yesterday, after reaching home from college, a brown envelope was seen inside the mail box of my home sweet home. 

"What's that?" asked Dad, 

"Nothing, just an offer letter from Matriculation college," I answered.

Reminiscing a couple of years back, when I was in Form 4, I always wanted to go to matriculation. Well at that time, I really didn't have that "wide" view about higher education, UPU and sort as well as fast track programmes and not to mention scholarships like MARA or JPA. For me, as long as I could get it to Matriculation, I'll be more than satisfied. I admit I was unacknowledged about all sort of scholarships offered, higher education endeavors and etc, because I never asked and no one really tell me the truth, or the inner scope of it. 

Yes, like yesterday, I can say my old dream did come true. An offer letter from Matriculation Johor, for science, duration 1 year. I tore up the envelope, and read the offer letter, went through all the booklets whatsoever that was given to me. My friend, Irwan, told me about rumors that Johor Matriculation College possesses strict learning system. To my surprise, a lot of schoolmates got JOHOR, but I don't feel a slight feeling deep inside to be excited. 

When my mom came back from work, she sat down and saw the envelope laid on the coffee table. She opened it, and went through it and asked me, 

"So, what are you going to do with this?" 

I answered, "Ignored it, leave it". 

Maybe some people like my formed teachers at school disagree about the my decision to put aside this offer, but I am just scared that I couldn't do good enough, that I couldn't manage to adapt to the strict environment in the college. If I failed, there goes Universities and there goes my dream to become a doctor. That's why I chose not to turn back. I already completed half of my expensive education here in Presco, and if I turned back and attend matriculation is like taking a long path to reach my destination even though I already see the shortest path that could take me there.

what more noble than injecting people to heal them legally?

I currently have a lot of barriers to really help me to become a doctor. I admit, I lack of supports especially from my loves ones, and until now I don't know why they did this. The only way to survive is pretend to be deaf, struggle hard and prove them that I can. It is true that medical profession is full of disguise, playing and seeing blood, slimes, and many other things that people probably would vomit of thinking. Not to mention, dealing with patients with various attitudes and human diversities. These might seem to be difficult but as long as one has passion for it, he or she can definitely bare it, go with it because to live well is to serve for humankind in a lot sort of ways, dealing with people's lives and see them healthy as well as make their families glad are the success in the medical profession and something that could not be bought with money. If no one could understand this, it's okay. Malaysian saying has it that "rambut sama hitam, hati lain-lain". 

As I already put my body and soul in this journey of long life learning, I just have to live with it, bare it, feel it, and struggle hard to achieve it. No more acting, turning back and playing for now on. It has just about to begin :)

 

I just fail again

It is true that even though you had worked hard for something, pray day and night for it to come true, but when luck is not on your side, or when fate has been written that's not yours, thus fail is the only answer to your struggles?

I have always been hearing that, if you never feel the feeling of failure, you will certainly never succeed. But, if failures keep on coming to you and haunt you every single time, and they stop you to do what you like or pursuing what you wanted in life, will you lay back and sigh "Well, it's not my luck, what to do?"

Frankly, I am a kind of person who always wanna achieve the best, even though I must admit I never did, satisfied. Satisfaction is a fairytale for high achiever, some said. That is true, because once you satisfied with something, you will tend to celebrate the success, and do less to increase or to proliferate what you already have, and till that point, where satisfaction actually the initiator to make someone becomes dormant and lazy to do something. That's why I will never satisfy in life.

Like today, I opened the mail box, actually waiting to see if I got the call for UEM scholarship programme. Sadly, I failed again. Terribly shattered right now. My parents were right. Maybe I shouldn't have applied for medicine in the scholarship application. I should have opt for something I am good at. Maybe fate has written that I could not be a doctor. Or maybe I can, but in the country, that if I am willing to struggle in matriculation or foundation via UPU if I could make it. So, now I think I need to set up my mind either to go to Russia or somewhere in the country. SIGH:(

A noob :P

I just realised that I am a noob, or a newbie to be exact. Should I switch to Wordpress?

HER LUMINicSITY

I can be Matured and childish at a time!

Hello bloggers! I'm gonna start the post with something decent to hear, which I succeed to get a place in matriculation college Johor or abbreviated as KMJ, located in Tangkak. I don't know whether I've been to Tangkak before, since it has been such a long time since I really visit Johor or my families in Singapore.

To Chiam darling: Don't be disheartened by this news. Even though you didn't get it, I am sure there's other opportunity for you, maybe UPU? Just wait honey. And yeah. I laughed and smiled to see that I succeed for something, at least something. KMJ that might be the place where I am heading to is a college that no one has ever brag about, unlike Malacca's and Penang's, whatever it is, I will just leave this to God.

After a few minutes of feeling satisfied, in a sudden this thought appeared in the head. The thought of whether I should quit studying at college and continue with matriculation? If I go to matriculation, I will be spending a year of doing "foundation" in science *again*, and it depends entirely on the result  to let me pursue medicine since it will be a competition, a pointer of 4.00 flat must be in the hand >.< especially for girls. =.= My mom says I will do fine at matriculation due to my SPM result, but I still shiver. The best part of matriculation is that I will be getting allowances for the 2 semesters (1year), so I won't be having financial problem like what I'm having right now. Here, money versus dream of becoming a doctor, and I just wish I can opt for both :(

Now, which path should I go? I myself is still clueless. Foundation is almost over by this July, and insyaAllah I will be flying to Russia by September after raya. My family questioned me so many times about my plan to study medicine there at a very young age, scared that I might change to the worst, scared that I could not adapt and etc. They are scaring me off as well if they know this. Will I get UPU? This only God knows, which I pray and hope I will. Please if not Russia, let me be in UM or UIA. :D Studying in the country is better after so many thoughts and save a lot of money. Going to Russia under *sendirian berhad* fund will be a tough thing for me and my parents. They have hard time to lend in and I have hard time using their money just for my education sake. Sigh:( 

I also found out that I lack a "doc-to-be" attitude, such as patience, empathy, quick decision maker, punctuality, thriftiness, neat, compassion and other things that I have to blend in myself, instill in my soul to become one. I happened to be childish for sometime now, like shop for clothes although I have financial crisis, and being lazy at home without doing anything except homeworks from college. Is this what it takes to be a doctor? I really have to be a better person, more mature, and responsible. Like yesterday, being late for almost 2 hour for math class, was a shame. A doctor has to be punctual. I will be dealing with other people's lives for GOD sake! 

"Seriously, Dayana change yourself!"

My mom told me this yesterday. I have done her wrong for so many times by now, giving her a lot of burden and failing to get any scholarship and being too arrogant to just further my studies at matriculation adds on her burden. And it is all my fault!~ SAD...I let her down, I let my father down either. Haih. I think I change abruptly acting like a richy even though I am not even close to that. I change massively by being too independently and I also failed to manage allowances given to me wisely. Where is the heck my wisdom go!? I have to be a new leaf NOW!

Suka-suke

2010 Tag And Answer :P 
:P I was tagged by Nina

5 orang yang masih hidup dan x boleh lupa  

1. Mama:)   
2. Sofiah Nur, a friend 
3. Aida nabila and Nina Zulkifli, collegemates :)  
4. Miss Renata, my ruskeen teacher   
5. khayra amani, asyraf and shakir, my nieces and nephews:)

5 barang yang korang sayang nk buang.    

1. Azyana, a cat toy  
2. songs given by someone used to be special   
3. my old school books 
4. trial  exam sheets given by fahmi :)   
5. hmm...nothing? 

3 bende yang diimpikan dan harap akan menjadi kenyataan satu hari nanti     

1. specializing in Obts/Gynecologist   
2. buy a car of mini cooper   
3. marrying a good/noble/hardworking/loving/caring husband and have as many kids as I wanted. buy a house and bla333

5 org yg nak dtag
-Hani
-Fahmi
-Naqib
-Shafinaz
-Arepa (Megat)

Massive Headache

Well, today is like the usual Monday Blues. I am late for Biology class for about 5 minutes, I bumped into Laila at Putra KTM station and she went:

"Wey, you ni selamba je. Dah lambat ni! Kalau I, dah lama lari!"

Hahaha, I just laugh out. Maybe I am used to be late to classes since I was at school, so I never bother. To start the post, I must say that the day started with a cheer. I actually love to have someone to go to college with, like today, having Laila to accompany me, so it wasn't so boring.

In class, everyone was busy finishing up math tutorials on Series. I myself have yet to finish it, the several questions are so tough, it's like doing calculus, I need to rely on either Nina, Aida or Prethiba to get it done. Luckily, Miss Kaldip showed some empathy, but postponing the dateline to this Friday. Hahaha. Seriously, no fun with this.

For Chemistry tutorial, I just did a few questions that I am confident with, and leave out the rest. I don't know when can I finish them all, but it must be sent in as soon as possible. Crap, again procrastinating. I think I need to see Miss Kho, the Chemistry Lecturer tomorrow, I definitely has lost my mind in Chemistry, giving me the headache that make me wanna vomit.

As for today, Biology was terrifyingly boring exciting. Genetic Control was the the topic we learnt today. Hooray =.=. It is all about DNA Replication, many new enzymes are now known, like DNA Ligase, RNA Polymerase, and so many new terms, like pyridine, purine, lagging and leading strands and many more. I wish I can craved them in this memory stick of the Brain as quick as I can. Even mathematics are getting harder in semester II. So, I can't no longer be as chill as I was for the previous semester. NOW I need to Focus!~

Having a nice chat with Aida, a best friend from college in the train, was interesting. I will miss her terribly:) if she got MARA. Then, after reaching Kajang, I made my way on foot to Maybank. You never know how far is Maybank from KTM Kajang! I had sore feet for walking under the blazing hot sun. From Maybank, I went back to KTM station to wait for the bus to get home. Therefore, it was a tiring day for me, having sore feet, and feeling unhealthy because I assumed that I had this killed skin pigments. No more flawless skin :(

Upon reaching home, I was glad my dear mak long was here, and straightly went to check for a second call from JPA. Unfortunately, I failed again. It's so disheartened. I might not have been expecting too much since the start, now I am the one who have to face the big lost. Boo me people!!~

p/s: waiting for UPU, I hope I get a chance for UM OR UIA.

Kerja Tertangguh

Semalam, sempat lagi tonton "Jangan Tidur Lagi" disebabkan sibuk menyiapkan nota biologi disebabkan ianya akan berpindah tangan kepada rakan sekolej yang sudi nak menirunya. 

To make this post short, aku ada satu tabiat buruk yang juga merupakan satu kelemahan, iaitu, suka menangguhkan kerja. Semalam, dalam Jangan Tidur Lagi, Dato Fadzhilah Kamsah dah pesan bahawa orang yang suka menangguhkan kerja ni tiada prinsip hidup, tidak tahu apa dia mahu dalam hidup, takkan berjaya, dan macam2 lagi. Berpandukan kepada peribahasa siapa makan cili dia terasa pedas, maka aku memang dah insaflah. Semalaman muhasabah diri, macam mana nak elakkan this nasty habit of mine. 

Antara kerja tertangguh, ialah Mathematics, Physics dan macam2 lagi kerja dalam rumah ni. Ini tidak termasuklah dengan bil yang kena bayar, terjadi kerana kemalasan untuk ke bank. Di kajang ni nak ke bank pun payah, jauh benar dari rumah, bas pula macam siput khinzir, jadi aku mengharapkan sang insan bernama manusia yang berkereta untuk menghantar aku ke bank atau ke kedai kalau aku perlu ke sana. Terukkan aku?

Sekarang pula sudah pun semester II di kolej tersorok di The Mall, Kuala Lumpur. Malangnya, sikap aku yang lama kembali lagi, iaitu cepat terasa bosan. Aku tak tipu bila aku cakap saban hari aku makin letih, penat, bosan di kolej. Tapi kalau aku tak pergi, alamatnya susahlah aku nak catch up balik tajuk lecture yang diberi. Buat masa sekarang, aku dah terlepas dua kelas chemistry, disebabkan sakit dan pergi ke PNB. Sekarang, memang dah LOST.Aku juga tidak bohong bila aku kata kolej semakin sukar, tapi inilah hakikat untuk menjadi seorang professional. Kalau tak boleh tahan, baik jadi suri rumah tangga sahaja, atau tunggu SPM II (Sijil Peminangan Malaysia). Hehehe. Tapi, siapalah nak kahwin dengan aku kan?

Jadi aku perlulah ikut nasihat Dr Fazhilah Kamsah. Iaitu mulakan kerja yang lain selepas kerja yang lepas sudah selesai, kemudian baru berehat. Mulakan awal, bagi setiap pekerjaan atau rutin. Aku harap aku mampu nak ikut, kalau tak, baik tak payah hidup :(

Important Dates for Admission into Local Universities (2010/11 session).

1. Sarjana Perubatan ---> 1 June 2010

2. Matriculation Graduates/PASUM/Foundation in Law/STPM Graduates/---> 3/4 July 2010

3. SPM leavers or categories A,B,C,d ---> 

• Foundation programme in UIA, PASUM, USIM/UITM begins on 23rd May 2010
• Registration for new students into IPTA starting 3 and 4th July 2010.

 information gathered from UPU

Monday Teruk

1st: Kawan kat kolej, henfon kene curi, habis spoil our mood

2nd: Kene tipu or conned dengan ape entah kat KTM Putra...habis duit !!6-6

3rd: Penat.Penat.Penat. Sbb pergi driving kat Broga, nak ambil test this friday. 

Apa2pun, I shouldn't mutter or whine here. I will be more tired and exhausted in the future. This is just a small matter. Telling myself to chill. Relax. Make up Chillax. 

Expected Too Much, Gaining A Little

Hello world. It feels so good to be awaken by the sound of melodious azan, addressing the Muslimin and the Muslimat to perform the Subuh obligation. And, every time after the Subuh prayer, one would be forbidden to go back to sleep. But, who really get the hidden message behind the "don't"? Do you? Well, as for me, I was told that those who tend to return to sleep would definitely get it hard for the rezeki or in the Malays people would say "mahal rezeki nanti". 

Humans including you and me, both have this one habit that could not be erased. The habit of expecting too much for anything especially goodness and expecting people around us to react the way that we wanted them to. I've been reminded not to expected too much of anything, because when it happened not like what we wanted it to be, frustration will come along. I hate frustration, and I bet everyone hates it as well.

Like today, I expected that driving lesson was going to be fine, but it was not. I was okay when I handled the car alone, but when the new instructor started to watched how I was doing, I think I became nervous like always. To be frank, I despise being at the track in Broga, because it's boring and freaking hot. I also hate myself for not doing any good, but worst, and if this continues, when will I finally have my driving license and started driving? And yeah, these all happened because I expected too much in myself.

Expecting too much for the government to "offer" me with any scholarship is another thing that I wrongly pursue. Why want they offer me anything? I am nothing compared to those high achievers who obtained straight Aces. Far beyond, I am just an ordinary kid, who didn't find her special ability yet. I hope a little that I could, and make the best of it. Now that I couldn't hope for any offers, I just have to do the best for the future, using the usual method. I must be lying, if I told you here, that I feel happy when dear friends got the call for scholarship interviews. I feel shattered not to be among them, especially when they whom I already created strong bonds with, are expecting to leave, for the better opportunities. Somehow or rather, all I could do is smile with them, laugh when they laugh, and hide this emotionally-ruined feeling. I could just wish them all goodluck:)

Right now, maybe I am in the mode of a inspirited person, but I am sure I can overcome it, when I have the supports from families, from dear friends and from Allah Al-Mighty. So, here once again, take the scenes of mine as something that you could learn from, do not expected too much, because you could just gain a little. Love.

FYI, I no longer need you by my side:p

Well, PNB did called me to show up, and yes, I made my way to the mighty building located in the Golden Triangle of Kuala Lumpur. Every applicants who are just as my age, wearing exclusively smart and formal and every each of them looked smashing. One of those students, is actually an acquittance  back then in  Form 1, he got 8A+ well yeah I must say he is a genius, luckily he moved out from my former school, and enabling me to shine. Hehehe.

The surprise was that, my ex- who is should not be name here, took the time to follow me all the way to Ampang Park. However, we did not go together, since I was late as usual, and he reached at KL Sentral earlier. So, nevermind about that, I did not go to meet him at KFC for breakfast since I was not in the mood, and just bother to reach PNB as soon as possible. Yeah, did I mention about getting in the wrong train? Well, I guess I was distracted by some problems in the head, and made me go all the way back to Bangsar then to Taman Paramount, in which, I was so dumb to not to ask anyone for correct direction until I stopped at Taman Paramount, and asked this elderly woman how to get to Ampang Park, and she went 

"Oh, first time taking the LRT?" 

*GULP, embarrassing:(*

To be frank, PNB didn't call for an interview. In the matter of fact, it was just a 3 segments test full of adrenaline rush (*as for me it was*) and I didn't think I did it smashingly, the time given was insufficient, and I just hope and pray, they can call me back for the interview, I really need it ok?! However, going to PNB was a chance of a lifetime for me, and it was a great experience even though I might not have encraved any of moments there. Nevertheless, I was happy to meet Akmal Farhan back, he changed in terms of social communication skills and more down to earth. I also met a wonderful guy from MRSM Jasin when I went to KLCC, and regret for not asking for his name (*I did, but I forget*) and his phone number. 

So, yeah, KLCC was the place after the intense test. Just to meet my ex. what a stupid and foolish thing I did. Well, to be frank, I didn't feel any sense of fun, excited when seeing him, it was plainly awful and boring. I couldn't understand any words he uttered out, I couldn't understand why he was willing to dress up formally just because I did so, and I couldn't understand his imagination and love for arts during our visit to the Petronas Art Gallery. Sorry, but I think I did fell in love (*puppy love*)  for the wrong guy. 

That was basically everything I did for this week. Looking ahead for any intriguing, exciting, and more bubblegums and gracefulness in tomorrow.