Emotional and backstabbers

Life has always been a lot happier when you don't really care about people around you. Especially those who don't appreciate you. Who don't even look at brighter side of you, instead keep on pointing and seeing the negative side of you. 

I myself was too immersed with those kind of people; was too caring, was too over the board because perhaps my intention to be looked upon to by others; had led me to somehow a sober life. A much devastating kind of life. Because by then I thought, in university, I have to go all out. To be much of a person who speak a lot even though my nature is not that way. But that was proven to be wrong. It all backfired at me.

Just recently there was a seminar going on. We have lots of seminars these days; students are happening to be lecturers to other students. And of course, I like to comment on things. For me, especially being a back bencher, it would be so frustrating seeing my colleagues who were giving the seminar making such a boring looking presentation slide. And for me, colors do attract my attention life span. I don't know about others but this is true for most people. Colors affect our mood too. And thanks to my aggressive-used for twitter, I posted something which eventually butthurted a colleague of mine. Butthurt is simply the best word to describe how this person reacted toward my criticism. I wasn't intended to be rude at all. But he bashed me all the way because I wasn't mentioning him and accused me of mengumpat. 

Here's one thing to people becoming too emotional over some lame tweets or status or whatever it is on social media: if I were to mengumpat, I will not be that direct in twitter. I wasn't mentioning him because my tweet was focusing on a general group of people. To all my colleagues, people who follow me in twitter and to myself. If you ever make a seminar again, presenting your product for instance to a particular audience; a boring color slide will make people to doze off. Well this is an absolute truth!

I did a mistake when I mentioned his slide to be of cow dung green color that made me all sleepy. He said it's not because of the slide making me sleepy but I was sleepy myself. Haha. Not positive enough to take that criticism than okay. But don't accuse people of mengumpat. God knows whoever who do more of the mengumpat stuff. As for myself, it's a reminder that not everybody will be OKAY with that sort of judgement of saying cow dung green, or duck poop gray. (Hijau tahi lembu atau kelabu tahi itik). It is normal in my family to describe colors like that. And when I mentioned that, and because I thought that friend who was presenting was cool enough to denote of that description; I thought it's okay to mention about it. My guess is all wrong. Now everyone's bashing me. Oh dayana stop doing it ! You're doing this all the time. Oh please! Like you never comment over things. And I just made a GENERAL STATEMENT. And you just being a freaking emotional brader! (*I thought boys are cooler here, guess they're not)

And I simply despised the person who actually forwarded that general statement of mine to that friend who didn't quite satisfied over my criticism about the color of his presentation's slide. For what ever reason he did that I simply can't brain it off. But what I know, he's trying to look good in front of others. And that is simply devastating. 

Whatever it is I had apologize for my mistake for thinking that everyone's here is my friend who I can make joke, describe colors like that-like I used to do in my family. Guess I am all wrong. A person do not simply make people as their friends I assumed. And guess, I am not even 'welcomed' to joke around. Perhaps, they like the serious me. The serious all gloomy dayana. Yeahhh...

>>p/s: some people don't like you. and some are just freaking emotional. and you yourself must just ignore and apologize. But beware of rotten ones; some people appear nice in front of you; on the contrary they are just as bad that you can't put trust onto them. Life. Just accept it.<<

To make or not to bake

I really fond of baking. And 99.9% of you must be superbly annoying reading this, about a girl who wanna talk about her cooking experience. Come on! Stop this trend already! Where girls post "Hey look guys! I bake muffins today. They got blueberry jam in them"

I am getting tired of this technology era. Where we are more fond to tell people what we are doing. I don't mind the act of sharing ideas, sharing opinions and perspective. But telling everyone what you are wearing today for an instance is such a loser attempt. Sorry if you feel that I am talking to you. Truth is, I am pointing this to myself.

Perhaps, if we reduce some time telling most of the people we don't even have connection in real life, about where did we go; like in 4square; or telling what we eat and post a picture in Instagram; we could actually do something more useful. Like cleaning up the house, doing the laundry, composing a nice short story, take your cat for a shower hahaha. Sort of things. As for me, if I could just been away from all those eagerness to be open to public, I could have finish reading all my topic for Fracture in Orthopaedic block. 

And now, I am really confuse whether to bake a cake or make a caramel pudding. My naqibah's birthday, and I didn't even wish her. Cooking is the only means; since love always start from the tummy and love is the special ingredient to all food. Thus, in my conclusion, I'd say; if you are too shy to convey love through words or gestures. Send them through food. 

>>P/S: technology is already smart enough in making people more stupid to make even small decision by themselves. And people often forget that 99.9% of people they interact with on the line, don't even care for them. Even I am too stupid to fall into that category. <<

Choked till bleed

I must say this school holiday, I mean medschool holiday, had been such an experience to me. Yesterday, after running errands here and there, I basically made a simple lunch of ikan goreng berlada and my friend made pajeri nenas. It was our usual Saturday. Chilling and relaxing, waiting to have lunch together. 

We put all the lauk pauk on the tikar, as if it were at some park, and we were about to have a picnic. The steamed rice smelled lovely and tempting, hot and juicy. It was basmathi, so yeah, it was luxury. No greens were about to be our meal, but what ever, we had been vegetarian for many days before had the chance to buy meat and fish. 

We sat down, recite the prayer, thanking Allah for the lunch. We were hungry and quickly grabbed the fish and the pineapple. Such simple dish, such delightful taste. It was okay, we were chatting and enjoying the breeze while eating, the breeze of thin wind that came from the big window I have here in the new hostel. 

Suddenly, I felt something cling on my throat. Crap, I knew it. It must be bloody mackerel's bone. I should have separate the bone, but like always, when hunger strike, nothing else is important. I ignored the throat because the pain was still mild and bearable. I continue eating and chatting, till I can no longer swallow. Dysphagia!

"Hazirah, I am choking!!!" I exclaimed

"Oh, Quick, make a bolus out of the rice and swallow it all through!" my friend commanded

Pathetically, I wasn't good at making rice ball because my lunch partner told me to use my palms. I was like what!? I never made such big bolus of rice before, what else to swallow such thing. Basically, I was stubborn.

I tried to make smaller bolus of rice. That's the only way, the easiest way if one would choked on fish bone. After several small bolus of rice, my esophagus is overloaded. Thank God, the bathroom was near, so I ran inside and puke. 

Who won't be surprised if he or she saw blood, fresh red blood came out from the mouth. Even a slight spit was full of blood. 

"Hazirah, I vomit blood!!"

My friend cum lunch partner, who was still eating, stop at an instance. She was shocked. She still ask me to swallow some more bolus of rice. I just couldn't. Too overloaded. I keep wanting to puke. She on the other hand, made her way to our neighbours, asking for help.

Farah our neighbour said, banana would help. Apparently, earlier in the morning, I already made the cekodok pisang batter with all the bananas I had. My friend went upstairs. Saw kak syira, and mentioned that I had vomit blood. 

"Go to EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT THEN!!"she yelled.

While my friend still continue her attempt, asking here and there for banana, I was to and fro, from the bathroom and to the living room where we had our lunch. This time I made once more a bolus of rice. Swallow it, trying hard to swallow it.

I put my finger inside till it touched the throat. As if I was making my own minor surgery to pull the bone out. I remembered one episode in grey's anatomy whereby one patient swallowed a bunched of keys, and they had to use some robot device to pull the keys out. I was thinking to have the same procedure too. Too much imagination once you were panicked. But it was all vain. All I feel was an urge to puke. And yes this time a major PUKE.

Blood, fresh and red mixed together with chyme landed in the toilet bowl. Guess what??

I saw the bloody, mackerel's bone together with it. And yes, nothing was felt clinging to my throat. I am alive !!

But it was still hurt, my esophagus must have swelled somehow and inflammed. I felt hard to speak for some time. I tried to call out for Hazirah. Then I saw her coming, I told her I am okay. 

She breathed deep in relieved. I smiled. And all she could say was: "See! I told you to bolus of rice would work!"

>>p/s: Berhenti sebelum kenyang. Mana tau boleh mati sebab tercekik kan? Ajal tu tak kira tempat, tak kira masa, tak kira sebab<<

Le Truth

Just read blog.arif. And what you can find in his latest entry is about MARA, that they don't actually apply the SPC- skim pelajar cemerlang thingy. Like before, those who got SPC (the excellent student scheme) would just have to pay 1% of the total sponsorship they got for their studies. Not anymore bustards!

Well even arif himself is still unsure about this matter. I mean he completed his degree, and he is just hoping that it would be 100% sponsor like it used to be. What the real picture is NOW , MARA has completely revised its policy.

So 20% is what I have to pay after finishing my MD here. Hooray!...And it's a lot I tell you. So don't blame me why I keep on blabbering on saving up. You see, I am no richie kid. I can't depend on my parents all the time. It is already a sin asking money from them at this age even though I am still under their responsibility. At 20, am I kidding my self? 

For sure, I hope this scheme is not gonna change anymore. I wonder how those who finished studying will contemplate on this matter though. Must be so disappointed.

But here one thing:

You are under JPA sponsorship, then you're obliged to work for the government for 10 years. If not, you have to pay ALL the sum of sponsorship you get.

You are under MARA, then you're obliged to pay back about 20% of the total sum you get in the first place, but it is convertible under certain rules and terms. (No need working for government for 10 years)

So which one do you prefer now? 

Bank Negara, Petronas, Shell, Yayasan??

It is all up to you and of course your important SPM results and pointers. 

The harsh prep

Fine. It's only Selanjar 1 babe, but I am exhausted already. Maybe there isn't much time to have for myself, enough time to rejuvenate or no time to go freshen up the mind. One word: Tiresome.

This is what you call it the cruelty of being a medical student, even though I am just a mere first year for God sake. I am under knowledgeable, and very perishable. I need guidance, yet I feel so alone, even though every time I mingled a lot with my room mate. She's the only person I can trust, I feel comfortable with in anyway but somehow I need more companions, like a group of friends, similar to what I had before while in UiTM. Sadly, it just feels lonely here. Haih.

More companion means a better study surrounding will I have. With 4 blocks to cover in just this short period of study week, I will go insane. If there were more people who I can discuss with, the faster will my prep goes. But this is not the case, unfortunately. I made notes, but then it became too slow to cover 3 topics in one night. Plus, to make things worst, I can only study at night. I will only sleep in the afternoon :'(

Luckily, the lecturers here worked hard to make us in the mind set of examination where we have end block test at the very end of each block we learned. It is conducted in a similar way to the real Selanjar/Continuous Assessment, and USM KK doesn't have this kind of act. Plus, lately we had this Mock SSA (Spot Slide Assessment) where various slides are put in the Sony TV and we have to identify all the blanks on them. No one scored good in the mock test, except for this one Chinese friend, named Gan. Jelly moment was there :P

But too much prep make this head heavier. Just today, half of us were needed to do the spot histo slide identification test.There were more than 40 slides and we have to identify what is each of them, each given 1 minute and a half. It was crazy!! I can only identify skin (thick and thin). Arghhh

Things aren't gone right either. The lunch and dinner at Mess tasted worse day to day. We ate chicken, but it taste like puke most of the time. I am bored with the food already. Plus, tomorrow, our deputy dean who kindly enough to stay alone here, to accompany us at USM KLE, will conduct a revision class at his house. This is again one of the many benefit of being the student of USMKLE. (BANGGA 2X)

>>p/s: Till then. I am not in a good mood. Study is the only 'expertise' I have. Unfortunately, I kind of loosing the tract. Ya Allah, bring me peace and strength.<<

Tengkuk

Assalamualaikum. It's late at night and I crave to post something. So let me be.

Humans eat neck. As in chicken necks. Malaysian, or let me emphasized on malays, do eat necks as in soups, curry, and you named it. I hate necks. Not only that I won't get much of the muscles...eh I mean meat from it, but it is so troublesome to indulge unlike when you eat a drumstick. 

And so one day, while discussing with a friend named Rashdan, I got this new information, well for me it's new, about eating necks. Eating necks are bad for males. Why? I don't know. I have to continue doing research on this. Too bad exam is on friday. Dayummn.

Plus, I also came to know that chicken wings are bad for women. Still I have to search for the answer. Rashdan only gave me the trivia. Shoot. So, while I am writing/typing this post on necks, I had just finished my anatomical study on necks. Now I know there are posterior and anterior part of the neck. Okayyy...

To cut this post short as I am still dwelling on Neuromuscular Transmission and wanting to make my coffee before the heated water cools down, posterior part of the neck are further divided into two triangles. Major one is occipital triangle and the minor is the SUPRACLAVICULAR triangle. So, that's the names. 

Tengkuk in anatomical view.

Just now, we had MDL. It is just like the similar lecture we had in lecture hall but more effective lecture sessions held in the Sony TV labs, whereby that time the lecture was on this posterior side of the necks, and their contents bla-bla-bla...I focused, but I think most of my mind was in New York already that I mistaken SUPRACLAVICULAR triangle with cervical triangle. And so, I continued noting it down as cervical triangle, drew the diagram and etc like any other nerdies would do. 

Soon, when the lecture on it finished, it's time to grab any anatomy lecturers you wanted, and asked them anything where you have doubts. So yeah, I had this doubt on the contents of 'Cervical Triangle'. Note that, cervical triangle doesn't exist. I made it all up. It was on my mind. I asked the lecturer then. With tonnes of other students surrounded us. "Sir, can you explain on cervical triangle's contents please?" 

HAHAHA. The lecturer went bizarred. He didn't know any triangles by that name. And yes, I went home ashamed of myself, knowing that I had wrongly named the triangle. HAHAHARARARAR. 

>>p/s: Moral of the story, read thoroughly again and again....and make sure you don't 'fly' to New York while lecture in progress. Lol<<

Loner Ranger

Yes. I am a lonely ranger. A loner ranger. Oh man. Today is the most hiatus and the most kiasu day I have ever  accounted. Woke up in the late morning. Gushing to the bathroom. Subuh. Then, went to other girls' room next to my room. Asked and chatted about their trip to mumbai. Nothing really. Hearing experiences is not similar to FEEL the experience.

Returned to the room. Roommate was happily reading a novel on Gelak Tergolek whilst laughing and rolling on her bed. I switched on the laptop. Went online. Gahhh...another boredom. Nothing to look through. No interesting wall posts, no interesting blog posts. 

Hmmmph. Continue with Chaurasia. Reading on axillary artery. Boredom. How can we learn anatomy through merely words and long sentences? Arghhh. Thus, by 10, I saw my bed. It was calling me. Hence, I fell deep asleep. 

Waking up again. Thanking god for waking up not to miss Zuhur. After prayers, went to the pantry, make my instant macaroni and cheese which cost me around RM1. Sadly though, with no cooker, and with just plain hot water, macaroni and cheese turned awful. And that what I ate.

Emmm.....now....looking at my mug full of ants...after drinking some minute maid orange juice. What a life! 

Kena marah..

On last Wednesday, I went to The India Visa Centre located at Jalan Lebuh Pasar Besar to of course do my visa. Sadly, MARA didn't covers for it, so I went up using dad's money instead. Pity me though for not having this 'capability' to pay this on my own. I am plain broke.

Actually, on that day before, Tuesday that was, dad and I walked all the way from Jalan Raja Laut crossing the Jalan Tunku Abdul Rahman to reach Masjid Jamek to search for Jalan Lebuh Pasar Besar. Glad that my dad is  a Kuala Lumpur expert, so he knew quite well where some important buildings are located in the city. It was tiring and blazing hot, adding up it was Ramadhan. 

I guess that Tuesday was some sort of a bad luck day for me though. Dad and I went to perform Zuhur at Masjid India, which was sooo crowded. After wudhuk, I went to the Muslimah side of the masjid, then I got scolded for stepping on the pathway that I can't step on if I have my shoes on. The clean lady was like:

" Dah tulis tak boleh pijak pun, masih pijak lagi. Takde mata ke? " 

And she was pointing all those words to me. Everyone was staring at me like I am sort of a loser (Well, practically I am. I step back, took off my shoes and went inside without bothering to give some piece of my mind to the lady. Takpe, puasa, so tahan je nafsu amarah tu :)

Anyhow, as I was saying, I went again to KL on Wednesday, since the service for Visa had already close when we actually arrived at the very place. Early in the morning we went there, and so, I was the first one to deal with the counter that very day. 

Unfortunately, I don't know which part that I did wrong or LOOKed wrong that I was mistreated so badly. Okay, actually as I arrived, I went to the receptionist, gave the lady my information and the lady did write something on my Visa form and then gave it back to me. She gave me my number, and in a couple of seconds, I was called. Damn fast.

Then, it was at the counter where, I was treated like some sort of bastard. The counter lady, asked for my Visa form, my passport and USM offer letter rudely though. The intonation was as if she had PMS on that day. She ruined my mood in a total. Then she asked me rudely again why didn't I complete my visa form. Well it was 90% complete, except that I left blank some of the part I didn't know what to fill. I gave her back as soon as I finished filling those empty parts. She asked for my passport, and kept complaining how different my signature in the passport with the one in the Visa form. Of course a slight different only. Is that such bad thing? No right? T.T

I was so freaking pissed because of the lady at the counter. She even questioned me whether my application has been approved by the manager. I told her NO because I didn't know that the first lady at the reception counter already approve it. She took my visa form, and saw the red ink note written by that lady, and exclaimed, " Just now I asked you dah approve ke belum, you kata belum". Yeah, like I knew THAT was actually what they mean by approved. 

Luckily, all those heart wrenching moment lasted about 20 minutes. I was a bit shocked by how RUDE some people especially officers can be EARLY in the morning. Really spoiled my mood though, I bet she spoiled hers too. Maybe I was right that she has PMS. But why can't she be at least a bit fun. I am going to her country for God sake. Why can she smile? Is not like she's working under the hot blazing sun or it's not like she's on fasting. Haih....what a day

But people, that was just a simple scene one would have to bear in Kuala Lumpur. Harsh people are everywhere. No one you can trust.

>>p/s: KTM SUCKS LIKE ALWAYS. <<

Annoyance

Yeah, it's Ramadan now. But it's so freaking hard to resist annoyance. 

1. annoyed with one girl in Facebook. I don't know whether or not she's a friend I should keep or should I 'unfriend' her. She annoys me by liking every post and every status I made. She is nice and all, but she annoys me everytime. But why am I nagging? That's the reason to have facebook in the first place, wasn't it?

2. annoyed with a friend who seems so mysterious and has a lot of secrets. I do respect people's privacy, but if something like where you are studying is also a mysterious thing and a big secret, how will I function as a friend? 

3. annoyed with some people who couldn't be honest. Mulut putar belit, macam ular. Sometimes it's west sometimes it's east. Not certain and specific. Doing maths is better I guess because there's always specific answers rather than dealing with uncertain people.

4. annoyed with some Malaysian officers who seems to be very bossy and sometimes stuck ups and snobbish. Do they learn manners treating customers? Is it that hard to work a little harder during Ramadhan? Working in an air-conditioned cubicles are so tiring heh? Have they ever ponder how is it like for people who fight for money under hot blazing sun? Just tiresome and gruesome dealing with officers who never know the art of smiling and never ever learn the art of learning people's explanation. HEH. 

5. Super slow KTM is making me nuts. Since, KTM is the only transport, at least the best choice I have to travel to KL if there aren't anyone to drive me there, I have to bear the slowpoke-ness forever. 10 minutes for KTM means 20 minutes and 30 minutes means an hour. Clap clap KTM for being the oldest train service yet still sucks. And I guess the women's coach are now meant for men too aite? There is no longer any officer on duty to let no man into the coach. HAHAHAH. Pity laaa T.T

its tomorrow, next week and the next one week

3 weeks la to go. hehehe. for the finale. I am like having premature contractions in the heart. Lol. Seriously, banyak gila stuff that needed to be stuffed inside the brain, but just pray for strength, and good memories. After all, not everything we learn in Asasi is gonna to be applied in the degree we're about to take. This is fact, told by many who had encountered the same thing.

Tomorrow Chemistry Test. On Monday, it gonna be Physics, Mathematics on following Tuesday and Biology on Thursday. Test II fnishes next week, insyaAllah. Have to struggle harder, because damn I flunked on the last time, and this give me a sign of fright. 

Saya dah mandi, segar-bugar, dan kelas ended early. How I love Wednesday. Sadly, today, there's no chance to watch movies with the comrades. Everyone is under stressful condition. Me too to add up. Planned to see lecturers to ask questions, but then again something came up. And the plans became just plainly plans. Now better not talking to the blog, and started revising chemistry. T.T

Anyhow, goodluck for all asasians fighters for tomorrow. Many of them here are awesome. And, Goodluck too for the finale a week after the test. Let's everyone wear batik on the last FINALE-exam day, shall we?

>>>p/s: enough coupon collected. and it's another week of lecture and tutorials. is this sad?<<<

Learning to Drive with a Psycologist.

Driving lessons are what I am busy with nowadays. Starting from a scratch is something awful and pathetic. And it is becoming even more pathetic when the place is far from home, and new. I feel awkward. My new instructor is now a woman. Last time, two of my instructors were men. Encik Omar and Encik Doe. Well, I forgot what the one was called, so I consoled him Doe in here. Tehee:D

I complained a lot on my former instructors. They were nice and very friendly. But Encik Doe, was known for being a pervert among many students of the same former driving school. My aunt who owned a restaurant near here, asked me to be careful with Encik Doe. Well, I admit that sometimes he did asked weird questions like asking me why I like to wear baggy pants and such. Encik Omar was okay, and funny. But, I messed up with him, and ended up not taking the JPJ test earlier.Why didn't I sit for the test early is based on many reasons, time obstacles, failing my QTI test, and much much more. In other words, I am just a stubborn fella.

Now, with the new instructor, everything is completely different. I just realised that learning to drive with a woman is by far annoying than with the opposite sex. Because woman is just too emotional, and just talks too much. 3 hours of the lesson was not fulfilled with driving lessons, but it turned out to be a psychiatric sessions. This instructor, emphasised on so much of how to manage with the clutch, and she wanted me to drive really slow, like VERY SLOW. For me, if I need to slow down, I will just press on the brake pedal, but she used too much of the clutch. Her way is "TEKAN TAPI TAK TEKAN". Great, and now she hopes I can use all of her way to drive. 

She commented and criticised a lot on my way to turn the car whether it be to the left or to the right. She said I wasn't focused and bla bla, the list continues. I mean, as long as I turned it well so it means okay. But she wanted me to follow all her methods. Not everyone has the same way and method of driving la. Right? I was pissed off, So pissed off. 

One moment, after driving down the small hill at the track, she asked me to stop the car under the tree. Then for 2 hours, she talked about her life, about how I have been, about what she knows about me and the list goes on. She told me the story about her former students. She told me how we get those black spots in our heart. She told me about the evil whispers and so forth. I sat down and boringly listened. At the end of the session, she said I am full of rejection. And I am too confident of what I think.

 Haih...maybe there is some truth in what she was talking about, but seriously, as for drving, as long as I managed to get the car moves, and to get the car stopped, and to get the car turned, it should be fine no. I just need to pass the damn JPJ test, since to drive like a pro one can be improvised once we drive regularly. It's all about practice. But, this new instructor, wants to make me a safe driver. And looks like my wayyy to get the license is longer than I thought. What a luck! :(

Now it's becoming greater

Fine. Thanks to those who congratulated me whatsoever. T.T. But, Facebook-ing has really making me wanna puke. I feel bad right now, really really bad. I don't know why but serious very bad.

Hahaha. And now I just realised how going to college was nothing but just the sake of going. I am actually blaming myself, for showing off what I actually did to many those I knew. But, yeah, like always it fired me back. 3.5 is not enough my dear friends and parents. Even how many times, you wish me luck, you said it's okay, you tell me to be strong and the lists continue. I sort of giving up.

Facebook-ing is a good source of feeling bad about who you are, about what happened to you and etc. Seeing those people posting status about how triumph their lives are, how good they are at certain things, how they ramble about stuff but still making things work out perfectly and just telling how they are doing blissfully, could make you envy and jealous, and in turn, making you feel so bad about yourself. It happened to me like so many times. But, what am I still doing there?

Currently three of my friends, I knew did better. One got a four flat, and actually got an A+ for chemistry, meaning he actually got 90++. How terrific was that? I was with him when we both complaining about mathematics. We were both ranting about the bad mood before the day we will get to know the results and sorts, but looked now where we both at. The Earth and the sky.  Congratulation to him, who got a four flat. He's a genius.

Semester 2 comes not with grace this time. I feel shattered to even know I will be going to that place I hate, and struggle harder. Emmm...what a luck and what a life. Just staring at the mathematics textbook already make me feel like throwing up. Where will I be with this awful results is nowhere but the devastation land.

>>>p/s: Feeling terrible after knowing you are nowhere closer to them the greatest. Feeling jaded when you realising that they are better but you couldn't be anywhere near like them. Sometimes I wish I never knew what is Facebook, what is blogging and what is desire and dreams. <<<

It Died

My kittens never got a long life. So far, as I remembered, I owned almost 12 kittens given birth by my cat named Lopek. But, the kittens, some died, some lost to nowhere, and it left with one. That very last one is special, her name was Kecik. Kecik was a distorted kitten according to my sister, since she has not grown big after months she was born. However, she was fun to play with, very active and very smart. She liked to play with my toes, and sleeping inside my shoes. Apparently, she just loved the scent of my feet. Hahaha:D

kecik and its twin once upon a time:(

Yesterday, before heading to Shah Alam, for my grandaunt's feast, she seemed fine and healthy. Running around us, and making the "pity" faces that always make me melt. She was a joy for me, when breaks come. I can play with her all the time, and pamper her as if she was a baby human. She was also unfortunate, when her own mother disowned her. Well, I guess when a cat went pregnant, she will definitely forget her old kitten, rather seeing it as her rival.

Well, when we got back at around 11 p.m, Kecik, was half conscious. She will usually started to purr, when she saw us. She mostly would walk around our feet, till we cannot even move. When we called her name, she quickly responded, but yesterday it was odd. She sat in front of our door quietly. When we approached her, she didn't purr like she always did. She looked at me, with those sad brown eyes. She didn't even move a bit. We thought she was just tired, but it didn't make any sense. She was never sleepy, she liked to be all awake and run here and there, scratching her body and play all around. Everything can be her toy. She was a super kitten that I love the most.

Until....this morning, at around 8, my dad woke me up from a beautiful sleep. He said, "Get up! Kecik is gone!". All of us, hurried down. Seeing her lying unconsciously was terrifying. Her arm was broken, maybe that was why she hid it the night before and could not move. My sister then told us, that she can see Kecik's heartbeat, but, when we checked again, it's true, it was confirmed, that she has gone forever. My dad took the hoe, and took away her ceased to be buried next to our home. It was sad. Now, when ever I would wake up again, no more purring of cuteness would be heard. No more Kecik to bother me hanging clothes outside. No more Kecik whom would jump inside my mom's car just to play with us. And no more of her to pamper and just to take care off. 

I hate to know that Kecik has gone....but that's life. Gonna get new kittens soon after Lopek gives birth. Hahaha:D But none could replace Kecik.

A maid without being paid

yes, to just filling up the time for today, I did some cleaning spree to my beloved room. Seriously, there are so many books since form 3. I just do not know how to dispose all of them. The books were all blanketed with dust and they smelled weird. Eww..

I tore all the drawings that my sister and I put up on our wall since they looked childish for us now. However, that lead to a ruin wall, so probably I need to paint the wall anew. Maybe purple this time even though I still like the current yellow theme.

I took the whole day to vacuum the room which eventually making me to not noticing how fast the time flew. It was tiring indeed, but the result was satisfying enough. No more sleeping with dirty old bed mats and dusty room. Yay!!

I will post the picture later la.

Massive Headache

Well, today is like the usual Monday Blues. I am late for Biology class for about 5 minutes, I bumped into Laila at Putra KTM station and she went:

"Wey, you ni selamba je. Dah lambat ni! Kalau I, dah lama lari!"

Hahaha, I just laugh out. Maybe I am used to be late to classes since I was at school, so I never bother. To start the post, I must say that the day started with a cheer. I actually love to have someone to go to college with, like today, having Laila to accompany me, so it wasn't so boring.

In class, everyone was busy finishing up math tutorials on Series. I myself have yet to finish it, the several questions are so tough, it's like doing calculus, I need to rely on either Nina, Aida or Prethiba to get it done. Luckily, Miss Kaldip showed some empathy, but postponing the dateline to this Friday. Hahaha. Seriously, no fun with this.

For Chemistry tutorial, I just did a few questions that I am confident with, and leave out the rest. I don't know when can I finish them all, but it must be sent in as soon as possible. Crap, again procrastinating. I think I need to see Miss Kho, the Chemistry Lecturer tomorrow, I definitely has lost my mind in Chemistry, giving me the headache that make me wanna vomit.

As for today, Biology was terrifyingly boring exciting. Genetic Control was the the topic we learnt today. Hooray =.=. It is all about DNA Replication, many new enzymes are now known, like DNA Ligase, RNA Polymerase, and so many new terms, like pyridine, purine, lagging and leading strands and many more. I wish I can craved them in this memory stick of the Brain as quick as I can. Even mathematics are getting harder in semester II. So, I can't no longer be as chill as I was for the previous semester. NOW I need to Focus!~

Having a nice chat with Aida, a best friend from college in the train, was interesting. I will miss her terribly:) if she got MARA. Then, after reaching Kajang, I made my way on foot to Maybank. You never know how far is Maybank from KTM Kajang! I had sore feet for walking under the blazing hot sun. From Maybank, I went back to KTM station to wait for the bus to get home. Therefore, it was a tiring day for me, having sore feet, and feeling unhealthy because I assumed that I had this killed skin pigments. No more flawless skin :(

Upon reaching home, I was glad my dear mak long was here, and straightly went to check for a second call from JPA. Unfortunately, I failed again. It's so disheartened. I might not have been expecting too much since the start, now I am the one who have to face the big lost. Boo me people!!~

p/s: waiting for UPU, I hope I get a chance for UM OR UIA.

Career Test

INFP

INFP's feel internal turmoil when they find themselves in situations in which there is conflict between their inner code of ethics and their relationships with others. They feel caught between pleasing others and maintaining their own integrity. Their natural tendency to identify with others, compounded with their self-sacrificial dispositions, tends to leave them confused as to who they really are. Their quiet personalities further feeds their feelings of depersonalization. The INFP's quest for self-identity then seems even more alluring — but increasingly impossible to attain. As with all NFs, the INFP will feel lost and perplexed at stressful times. As stress builds, INFP's become disconnected from their own personality and perceived place in life. They will lose sight of who they are in relation to time and place. They may not make basic observations, while instead they will focus on the more abstract and symbolic meanings of a particular interaction. This can sometimes baffle those who expect more direct communication and a fairly concrete relationship. Careers This lists represent careers and jobs people of your type tend to enjoy doing. The job requirements are similar to the personality tendencies of your personality type. It is important to remember that this is not a list of all the jobs possible. And it is very important to remember that people can, and frequently do, fill jobs that are dissimilar to their personality... this happens all the time...and sometimes works out quite well. information-graphics...designer college professor researcher legal mediator social worker holistic health...practitioner occupational therapist diversity manager human resource...development specialist employment development...specialist minister/priest/rabbi missionary psychologist writer/poet/novelist journalist editor/art director organizational development...specialist

Disgusting

Very disgusting to see ....

-people with long fingernails. Why they never bother to trim their nails? Oh my! Gross seeing those yellow, dirty nails.

Takut

Dalam hidup sebagai seorang muslim, kita diwajibkan HANYA takut pada Allah dan azab-azabNYA.

Tapi....baru-baru ni, aku jadi amat takut kepada hidup.

1. Takut akan masa depan. Yelah, masa depan kita cume YANG MAHA ESA sahaja yang tau. Bukan facebook, yang macam orang ramai dok buat tu, ape ek namanya? Hah...tilik nasib, tanya tok nujum cyber. Cis. Tu takleh pakai punye. Banyak perkara dirancang, untuk menjalani masa depan yang lebih baik. Tapi, adakah apa yang dirancang itu menjadi satu realiti? Wallahualam:) Hopefully it will:)

2. Takut akan orang ramai. Kenapa ek? Aku takut dengan orang ramai di sekeliling. Takut dengan pandangan mereka, fikiran mereka....ah merepek...

3. Takut akan ibu bapa. Ni biasalah. Tapi aku bukan takut sebab mereka garang, sebaliknya takut kalau2 aku gagal menjadi seseorang seperti yang diharapkan oleh mereka.

4. Takut akan kegagalan. Siapa yang tak takut pada kegagalan mesti dia gila. Setiap orang yang mahu berjaya mesti takut pada kegagalan. Tapi kegagalan juga yang merintis kepada kejayaan. Contoh simple, macam Donald Trump, banyak kali lingkup baru boleh berjaya. Ehm..aku pulak takut kalau2 gagal dalam SPM. Takut teramat.

Kenapa Aida suka takutkan aku? Ish. Berita terbaru aku dengar, hanya 200 calon SPM 2009, mendapat 8 A+ ke atas....? Aku kat manelah agaknya....adeh.....sakit ...T-T

p/s: if I failed to reach the target, would you see me like you used to do?

It's done, hooray

I am glad that the National Physics Quiz for the year 2009 is over. There were only 70 questions and needed to be answered in 2 and a half hours, but I was like suffocating for oxygen. Man, they were tricky! I barely pass it I think, pray for me guys.

Like always, school is boring, every single thing is. In addition, since the teachers are damn busy to start off with revision to toy us up for the upcoming SPM trial, all the laughs and chaotic at school fly with the wind. Ah...how sad.

But, let me tell you what I really think of right now. I am thinking of getting myself out from that school, from the class. It annoyed me so much. I feel terrible. Last wednesday, I was supposed to have account class but it turned me down, when the teacher whom I was waiting for went back just like that, without informing me. I was waiting like a fooled-log at the canteen for nothing. It felt so sad. Now I really confused about my intention of having account as my other subject for SPM. Ah...when will this end?

I also got fed up with my mom. It seems that I have no one to tangle with me for girl talks. Every girl I believe needs a girl talk at least once in a blue moon. However, I will never get that chance. My mom never actually listens to me. Yesterday, I saw her listening keenly to my sister who was practically blabbering about useless thing she did at school. Maybe because my sister is the youngest and supposedly she is the baby in the house, and that is why mom is paying more attention to her and not me. Ah....again frustrating.

Besides that, my day got worst when my school uniform was blemished by something really disgusting. Maybe it was bird poop or alike, and it ruined the uniform. T_T AH, lastly I just wanna say how glad I am to be home.....with blogger my mutual-bestfriend:(

Reminder

I just granted off my promise to finish up some work on additional math, and last night I had a blast with my dad. He is now my accounting teacher. Yeah people, u got me. I will take account papers for SPM, without really learn the chapters in form 4. And when I told my friends, basically the best of them, about my decision to add one extra subject without dropping any of the subjects I already wished to take for SPM, you can definitely imagine how their mouth opened wide as in shock.

People said I am arrogant, a showing off kinda person because, I take an extra subject for the sake of my popularity at school. Whatever. They are gifted with tongues and mouths that enable them to eat and speak, so what do I care.

So, I came online again, and this is barely my ample time. Even though I dont really have any important things to do on the net, I just like to keep myself stuck to internet. It's already a part of my life. I received a comment from Eliza in friendster, asking me when will I get my SPM result. And here came the question marks. Eliza and I went to school together, and we just known each other for a couple of months. And, confirmly, she knew that I am now in form 5, and will be sitting for spm this very year, but she still thought I am already passed 17. How bad is that?

Nevermind about that. Today I want to wish a happy chinese new year, to whomever who celebrate this reddish celebration. Gong Xi Gong Xi. And I just remember that I only have one chinese friend, called Chiam, so happy ox's day. Anyhow, I am now thinking of activities that I can run for the Kelab Pencegahan Jenayah which I am conducting right now. I am thinking of fund raising for the Palestinians. Something involve crimes would do. Will be brought into the meeting room to discuss with Pn Azlina, whom is now the advisor. Wish me luck.

Now, I really want to tell u about some recent events I had been encountering with. Well, I have this friend, whom is from London, and she is yes, a MALAYSIAN. She is currently a prefect now, and well, during the first prefect's meeting, we have to suggest some activities that we want to do for the whole year. This friend of mine on the other hand, suggested things that high classed people do. U know. Like horse riding, ice skating and etc. I dont know, I also like these things, but as I am not affordable so I havent did any of these. Maybe she has, a lot of times. But, she has to understand the condition of our kids. We are not well-off. We are middle class. So let us do middle class activities. Sounds pathetic isnt it? Well, this is what happen when u pursue u middle education in somewhat government schools. We have no money. Yeah, no money, and we have to find sponsors, and yeah, like I have so much time to look for sponsors?

The truth is I really want things to go smoothly. But, bad things came at the end. It is sad. Oh, wait, be optimistic. And, most of the guys in my class thought that I am an optimistic girl. Thanks guys:) At last some people sooth me. Well, I am not, in exact. So, to my friend who read this, sorry for open up stories abt u.