I sense the end of it

Hungry, very very hungry. Lunch hour passed, and haven't eaten anything since 11 am. Why? Because basically, today is just another lazy day to go to the kitchen. Probably we will have dinner outside and whatever.

Today is kind of a lonely day. My facebook friend, Miranabila, text me a while ago, telling me her fine condition far away in Egypt. Well, the revolution and demonstration and whatnot are still ongoing in Egypt, but Mira told me that those people won't disturb any foreigners including Malaysians, so they will be safe. Alhamdulillah.

Like I said, a lonely day. I'd love to hang out sometimes, but to think back of THAT plan, well, better not. I probably stay home at best. Because at home, I can reach to the outside world too, via Internet. I can see what my 'friends' are doing, through Facebook and the list goes on. But, trust me kids, being friends with people virtually IS NOT similar to HAVE FRIENDS IN REALITY.

I am much more of a boring person. I talk less when I have exactly nothing to be bragging about. I care-less about any talks that involves dramas or shows on Astro because I barely had watch any since there's no Astro in the house, I got headache when I started to think and care for the world causes thus have nothing to share, and I am quite a lampy which is a new word I learn, given to those who could not understand on jokes very well. I am a slow lamp, yeah that's what it is. 

Because of the circumstances I have like above, I barely had friends whom I can say best friends. And seriously, to think twice of it, I AM RIGHT. I don't even have a friend to mutter and whine and to be stupid with and not to mention to SPEND with this entire holiday. I am not just plainly broke but plainly friendless. Is that really a word;friendless?

Ceh tak bersyukur betulkan? Ahahaha. Well, yeah maybe I am not grateful enough. But this is what I have been sensing every time when holiday comes. Sad isn't it? Who say humans can be alone? Who says humans  are alright without friends? I sometimes ponder what the word friends really mean. 

I had this facebook friend, who pursued TESL in Shah Alam's UiTM. I told him, that whether he recognized my once-upon-a-time best friend whom is a girl, and pursued the same course as he did there. Until up to this one time, this facebook friend, asked me whether I have seen my best friend's performances in one play they did back there in UiTM Shah Alam. I barely answered a plain NO and he went, "What! You haven't seen YOUR BEST FRIEND'S play?" And from that moment, I sensed the end of it. We were childhood friend, more like best friends, who did almost everything together, but destiny somehow or rather brought us to these separate ways. And when one day we went out together again, there's nothing to be talked about, nothing to share, and to conclude, there's nothing more in common. I am a hopeless friend after all. Hahaha.

Then there was one more girl who always a sunshine. She's the only person I know with a lot of confidence even though sometimes she failed in the things she did. She taught me a lot on confidence, and she is a very fun person to be with. After SPM ended, she accompanied me down under to Midvalley for job hunting. Been there for 2 consecutive days for the hunt. Finally she got a job at Dome Cafe and I got one at Robinson. Due to some events, and due to my parents' objections, I didn't go to work with her and she went there alone. I haven't seen her again from that day onwards up till now. She always changes her phone number and probably she is still at matriculation college. So, I sensed the end of her too in some pitiful ways. 

To start with, it's not their fault for making me a loner like now. I am the one who is too helpless and hopeless in building bridges so that the friendship could constantly reconnects. Oh what a dumbo. I did try to change into a better friend, a better talker, a better listener, but perhaps it took a longer time to blossom. 

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