Hina

Assalamualaikum,

Tak pernah saya rasa sesedih ini. 

Saya rasa sesal sebab saya tak pernah ambil peduli atau kisah tentang Palestin.

Ya, saya tahu Israel kejam. Tembak tak putus-putus. Rakus meragut nyawa kanak-kanak seagama dengan saya. Rakus menyeksa mereka yang lemah. 

Ya, saya tahu kanak-kanak di sana diseksa tatkala dalam perjalanan ke sekolah, tatkala sedang bermain bola sepak di kawasan lapang. Sekelip mata, hilang bagi mereka tangan, kaki, sistem pernafasan terseksa dek terkena asap bom yang diletuskan. 

Tapi apa saya buat? 

Allah beri saya upaya dan kudrat pergi ke musolah muslimat sebentar tadi. Musolah yang saya pun pergi jarang-jarang, walaupun tak sampai 20 langkah dah sampai. 

Allah beri saya suatu kesedaran untuk melangkah ke program Malaysian Global March Towards Jerusalem versi USMKLE Belgaum India.

Tersentak di benak hati rasa marah pabila melihat tayangan video kekejaman bala tentera Zionis. 2-3 video tengok. Darina kawan saya dah menangis, terharu. Saya cuba, tapi saya rasa lebih marah. Marah kat diri sendiri. Marah sebab saya sendiri lemah tak berdaya. 

Nama saya Dayana. Saya malu nak mengaku atas nama tu. Sebab nama tu sebenarnya bermaksud kegagahan. Apa yang gagahnya tentang diri saya? Sedangkan nak bangun solat subuh pun masih terkial-kial. Terpaksa suruh kakak usrah kejutkan via SMS. Haish, apakah nilainya saya untuk ISLAM? Gagahkah saya untuk ke Palestin, bantu mereka yang sudah berlumuran darah dan nyawanya sudah berada di hujung tanduk? Mampukah.

Satu video memaparkan reaksi si kecil yang comel menunjukkan rasa marahnya kepada Israel. Israel yang telah memusnahkan semua kepunyaannya, baju, permainan, rantai dan cincin pemberian ibunya, cermin mata hitam pemberian ayahnya. Bajunya berbau asap busuk kimia bom yang diletuskan Yahudi Laknatullah. Macam mana harus dia menikmati kehidupan dalam kegelutan bumi tanah airnya itu? 

Lihat kita disini! Di Malaysia, manusia lemas, saban hari kian lemas! Acap kali berita terpampang adalah berkenaan siapa menang pertandingan cari artis, remaja dirogol, kena belasah dengan Along, dan bermacam-macam lagi, termasuklah kes buang bayi yang sudah kian meningkat. 

Lihat saya di India! Allah beri peluang untuk menceduk Ilmu dalam bidang perubatan. Saya mahukan peluang ni sejak dulu, tapi kadang-kala iman saya longlai, tak pernah rasa syukur. Masa terluang di biarkan begitu sahaja dengan perkara sia-sia. Tak pernah letak sedikit kesedaran untuk menghayati keindahan ciptaan Allah, belajar dengan bersungguh-sungguh demi Allah Taala. Tak pernah!

Selepas Zikir Wadah tadi, saya rasa bagaikan ditembak peluru. Apakah gunanya saya ada mata sekarang, tangan dan jari untuk bekerja dan menaip saban hari. Apa gunanya telinga saya yang kerap digunakan untuk mendengar. Apakah gunanya kaki saya yang masih aktif berjalan dan berlari ke sana ke mari. Apakah gunanya kalau saya tak mampu bantu saudara Islam saya yang saban hari bermandi dengan tangisan dan darah di Palestin?

Bukan sahaja Palestin, bahkan banyak lagi tempat yang penuh dengan kekejaman? Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq? Di manakah saya? Di manakah saya sewaktu mereka sedang melawan pihak musuh Islam???

Maka, saya berdoa agar saya, kamu, awak dan kita mampu menjadi kuat. Kerapkan doa kita, doa melawan musuh. Doa itu senjata orang mukmin! Saya berdoa, agar saya dan kawan-kawan seangkatan dengan saya, mampu menjadi doktor perubatan Muslim dan Muslimah dan mampu ke sana untuk membantu mereka yang memerlukan! Allahuakbar! Hancurlah Yahudi! Hancurlah Zionis! Hancurlah Amerika!

6 months and counting

*counting macam pregnant nak beranak pulak* hahaaha

Today we started our day with the GIT block. GIT is an abbreviation for Gastro-Intestinal-Tract. Okay, so we are basically gonna learn on the tract of the food in our body; right from the oral cavity down esophagus as a bolus, comes down to the stomach at the Cardial notch and it's opening, through the pyloric sphincter, making its way towards the first part of duodenum, second part of duodenum and up till the 4th part and then passing through the ileum and jejunum. The list goes on, with the complex arteries and veins we have to remember.

Of course, for all visual learners, these might be a little handy for you. But for me, it is so hard. Orang cakap, Usah dibilang sukar, sekiranya tak cuba. Stop Wishing. Start doing! But one thing I can resist is to have a nice day without any thing related to books. This is surely not a medical student should do. 

I feel lost today. Maybe because I didn't apply any revision before encountering with an enormous amount of anatomy illustrations, muscles etc. I feel like vomiting. These gave me metabolic acidosis already. LOL. I am exaggerating while I was the one who said I can endure this. Boo me!

Come on dayana! Laziness brings you now where. Start doing. Do you wanna see tears in yourself when Prof KJ mentioned you are in the list of the students who fail the Pro Exam? NO!!! Nauzubillah No! So, dayana stop dreaming, but start making something into a reality. Allah is always there for you!!

And another a couple of months to return to Malaysia. But must make this come back a happy one, for the sake of my parents and families!

His decision

So yeah, he wanted to do medicine. HARHARHAR. Well, good luck then. And all the best.

Brother surpassed me

Assalamualaikum

Have you wonder, how being too good also won't make you feel good? Yeah, I always have the feeling to. Feeling to be distanced away by people, feeling of insecure.

First of all, I really am happy this couple of days because my brother has proven me wrong. HAHA! He got an amazing SPM result, that even I wasn't able to get.

Alhamdulillah for the ease for my brother. He worked hard and he deserved it. He has been a very good and obedient brother and son all this while; I can say everyone loves him so much, and maybe because of the barakah, he got such result:)

Haha! So as a sister who is always busy body, of course I wanna the best for my little brother. I told him to apply for whatever scholarships that are opened for application.

The problem came as he himself doesn't know what he wanna do in the future. Haih, what a brother I have. Frankly, Ridzuan Hanafi Azhar is not a kind of person who is ambitious (like his sister over here), but sometimes being neutral will make our life easier; and it is true.

Mom on the other hand, wanted him to take medicine. His results is too good to be true and mom wants him to do something worth it with the result he had in his hand. I contradicted my mom and told my brother to not take medicine unless if he really is hardworking to study and work as in a team and as in a lone ranger.

He told me that he dislike biology and he doesn't really like reading, thus medicine is definitely not for him. I just don't want him to regret. Skyp-ing with him for a while just now, really showed how I have made a mess in his mind. He seems to haven't find the path he wanna go. His future that is. I am just worried that he might lose the opportunity he should have get. He needs a guidance.

he's in black is the smartass

I really know however, that he wanna be a pilot. Sadly, MAS has stopped recruiting young pilots because of internal management mishaps it faces. Recently, he applied for YTN, but he was dismissed, then he became completely disappointed. He did say he's tired applying for things. I just pity him. He seemed so clueless. I just want him to feel what I don't get to feel. He get such a wonderful gift in his hands, I am sure his future is brighter than me. Just hope he's a little more ambitious. 

Limitless (Community Placement)

Assalamualaikum,

Presenting the acknowledgement video from my team and I who served for 7 weeks at the Government Deaf and Dumb School at Azam Nagar (just behind our new hostel). This time round was our last visit, and we showed to the kids the memoirs we had so that somehow or rather our faces will craved in a part of their memory.

Thank you for the team members as well for being very kind, helpful, creative, hardworking and super duper talented even though we had trouble communicating at first. Learned some sign language and let them learn to spell some easy English words were our main objective. The best thing of all, they were behaving nicely and ease our job to guide them through the games like ayam and musang as well as other games we played together.

Will miss them thoroughly and deeply. Maybe be can meet again some day:)

Inferior Knockdown

Assalamualaikum again.

I just wanna tell you how sad it is when a frequent blog you used to stalk upon to is now no longer available. I don't know whether it has been hacked or the author has completely loosing his mind by deleting all those wonderful stuff he made me linger to, but yeah, it's sad for me. 

Pascaspm.com is the blog I am blabbering about. It's a nice random blog from a medical student in Moscow. He has this talent in humor and he made my day often, just by posting something which I can quickly interpret the message but at the same time hilarious. I love reading his travelogue parts whereby he visited many European spots that I drool to go and see. He called his tour group (with a bunch of his friends) as Power Rangers. I mean, I can't just write about how funny the blog is but it's surely the best blog I've subscribed to. And when it's no longer on the net, it's like someone important in your life is suddenly missing.

I am exaggerating. Sorry.

Well, just these past few days (already turn to weeks) have been completely lonely. I used to online everyday, after class ends because to skype with my parents. I don't even have that clique where I go online desperately because of him or her, just to skype, chat or whatever. I just never had. Not to mention, cousins.

Family members are still in the Holy City performing their Umrah. It's a disappointment that I wasn't able to join. But, truth is, I am sacrificing myself to stay here and study for the sake of Ummah. Yes, I want to be a doctor who can contribute a lot of things to the Ummah, the society, the family and the list goes on. Of course, being a medical doctor one day, would let you make you feel like you're some kind of a superhero, but that is just far still far ahead of me.

Most of the friends I have on skype aren't that happening to skype with. I mean, I rarely talk to them in persons, so how should I expect they would react when it come to skype? I mean we don't have anything to talk about anyway, so why bother. Even the closest friends during asasi, are now completely occupied with their own business, so how am I gonna expect they would come online just to talk to the things that we aren't engulf together? It's bizarre.

3 hours difference in time zone has always been a barrier, no matter how fast your Internet is. My mom would go to sleep by 10 pm while it's still around 7 pm here in India. And during that time, I might be busy performing solat or just came back from class. My mom won't stay that long just to see me in skype as she is a pretty busy working career woman, so she needs her sleep at her prior, even how much she must be missing me.

The time barrier is also a hindrance between some of friends who upon miracle have this intention to chat with me and ask me something. By the time I online they would say, they almost went to sleep. So yeah, nothing works in distance relationship as for me. * AGAIN EXAGGERATING*

I also have a circle of friends that we called Bulatan Gembira. It's an Usrah formed group that I suddenly joined without intention to. I never joined one and this is my first. I would say I still have this difficulties to get to cling to the usrah mates even though they are nice and they are part of my friends. Maybe because we rarely are together. Or maybe because I am just a new part of them. It's hard trying to get into some group of people who already have some bond among each other. 

One day, kakak Usrah, told us not to only see Usrah as Usrah. Whenever problem rises in your head, quickly go see any one of them, and share. But I am the one who easily write my problem here (hoping you on the other side could see/read) rather than go to random people who you rarely talk, and suddenly ventilates all the problems arising from your head to that people. And when she asked, what did you get from Usrah, I would frankly say sometimes, yes, I get nothing. The messages sometimes still quite blurred.

Also, it is an inferior when there's someone who wanna take over your place at something. People opted me for becoming their outspoke person is because of some reasons and thank you to them for believing in me. When there's someone better that you see taking over your job without realising that you're pissed that's something that really made me hit by an avalanche. Maybe because I give less said my heart. The girls here take each other's hearts by baking and cooking to each other. Not that, I don't like that method of approaching people, but I am a slow cooker. Not as pro as them, and might as well spend drench five hours just to cook 3 dishes. T.T

Naqib (a friend), once said I have turned into such an emotional person after coming here. I can sense that too. I am not cheerful either. The mood fluctuates often. But I really opt to see other things that would made me occupied rather than reading all the books and devote my life to them and see the same people I see day by day. I need a new quest. A new friend maybe. 

So, that's all the random blabbering. It's actually a stress when you can't even answer the easiest topic of respiratory block in the test. And also, not to be able to impress and help a bunch of discussion group on a topic you think you've completely understood. I am failing.

Tuang kelas

Assalamualaikum.

After the lovey dovey, not-so-stress environment of the students of USM-KLE, now the strict rules began to take play. HARHARHAR! I like this.

Before this, after these 6 months being here as first years, for the first 2-3 blocks (first semester), the students in my class were very diligent. They came for every class everyday, and carved a big nice smile onto the Indian lecturers' faces. Then, the somewhat hardworking and 'schematic' behavior of frequent attendance has decrease, day by day.

Reason of this might be due to the fact that, most of the students develop a tremendous 'wound' after the immunity loss the battle with the foreign particle or any antigens that were unrecognized by their bodies. They fell ill, they were admitted and number increased so bad. That's how we were forced to have our own kitchen (with Indian chef) called MESS, where we would have our daily meal, for RM300 per month!

Nowadays, 6 months had passed. Students aren't getting ill anymore (other than fever which is common), but the number of absentees are still so high. After the end of selanjar, and just during the opening week of the 2nd semester, the lecturers worked hard to do this feedback selanjar 2 thing which we discussed the topic that had been asked during the exam. For me, it's a super duper important class. What not, it was meant to help us in knowing where we got wrong, knowing where we can improve and who knows the questions might reappear. Sadly, not that I am saying I am the goodie shoes here, but most of the colleagues here didn't seem to bother about this matter. And so, they were absent. 

Even for dissection which can be a very boring and sleeping class, many of us (must-not-be-named), would still prefer to ignore how importance is the fact that they need to attend the dissection. I knew it well how most of them were not ill, and if they were, they would just have a typical slight headache or something. I could just say that they were irresponsible. MARA send them here for the sake of taking class, and learn. Not simply, banked in a sum of money for you to enjoy the day at bed instead.

So, recently, when our lecturers had detect this problem, they told our Prof KJ. One day, the deputy dean, came into our class with a long list of names in his hands. The names were those who fail to attend dissection and other lectures plus, they failed to hand in their letter of absentees. 

If they fail, to do so, or without any reasons for their absentees, Prof KJ will send their documents to MARA, and what do you think MARA will react? 

I just hope that these colleagues of mine have some thought of considerate. Think about how passionate the lecturers are when in come to teaching. I know the Indian Lecturers are not paid that much compared to those in Malaysia, but still they worked super hard to let some medical facts get into our heart and brain. Also, they must always think the reason why the took this path at the first place. Because playing truant is gonna become a habit later on, and could they stand long hours in hospitals upon graduating if they started it first? Sometimes I ponder. 

No matter how genius or good you are during medical schools, but keep being absent with out no reasons, you are in a wrong path towards this noble career. And how good you are in your religion, giving religious talks here and there to people, but if you can't change this attitude, you're just nowhere near towards becoming a great doctor. 

>>p/s: I am writing not because I am pissed, in fact I am not the one who get consequences if they the one who playing truant. I just want them to realize and for you out there, who are still in quest for learning to think deeply. Mom and dad send us here not because to see we enjoy rather than study when the time is really meant for studying. Even, I am learning from my words too.<<

Jeng 3x lagi

Alhamdulillah,

The frightening moment to get the Selanjar 2 results has finally ended. All I can say is thank you Allah. Allah certainly looks upon our effort.

3rd March 2012, marks another end for another battle. And I can now happier to say, 

"eh dah nak habis dah first year?" hehehehe

During the exam, I can sensed every difficulties in the essay question. I didn't know most of it well and just write what I think was right. Today, a miracle happened. First time, in university life attaining the A+. Syukur ya Allah.

Even for SSA which I almost cry attempting the first question: The Norma Basalis. The pictures were hard to interpret for me. The fissures on the cerebellum were very confusing either, thankfully the other questions related to it wasn't a drench. Another A+...alhamdulillah Ya Allah :')

Only for MCQ, Allah wants to give me the sense to reflect myself. MCQ wasn't that hard when I was attempting it, but it came the opposite way. Quite shock seeing how bad I performed in Multiple Choices of True and False. Perhaps, I didn't quite take it by hard the things I should learn. Maybe. So, I must now work extra harder to achieve better grades.

I must say MCQ was the phantom that put my high hopes down, but I am happy enough that I passed with first class. Now, lets focus for the present and the future. Face everything with a smile, and be thankful that you still got chances ahead of you, to change to the better, said a friend named Hanif.

To all other KLE's colleagues, congratulations. Everyone has done very well. 

>>p/s: ourselves now is a reflection of how our children are gonna turn out one day. Thus, it's crucial to change our attitude and pray more and more. Jagalah hubungan dengan Allah, nescaya Allah akan menjaga kita :) <<