Thousand-miles

I frankly took this from Dr Zoul's blog. And this is what I want to be exactly. Professional in the eyes of my patients and society, but at home I will live in a wrecked-ship. 

To say that I am certainly ready for all the outcomes, and the consequences, it would be all lies. You see, once you are entitled with medical school, your life would be different, no matter how your brain makes you think you are the same person.

For instance, my schoolmates are planning on a reunion. Reunion for being 20. Due to the fact that I am actually far from home, deters me to join, apart from not having Chiam beside me. And 5 years away from all those friends and families can make you crazy. Now I know the benefit of studying locally.

Mom on the other hand will always hoping that I study almost 24/7. But I actually have brain-clot somewhere. I encounter this terrible instance memory loss and I cannot persist long-term memory well enough to stuck all these block lectures in my head. Somewhere in my body or brain is lacking of something. I don't know what it is, that's the main problem. Even now, I always prone to have the family or friends to chat with through Skype so that I won't be that homesick. Deactivating facebook is my long thought decision as to make my family realizes that they have to tune up to Skype to 'see' me from far.

In the other 10 years, when I finally start working for the government, people would think I work for money mostly. Plucking money from the tree, to and fro to the hospital and come back home with sleepless nights, this would be a daily routine. Working hard and tired and almost losing a mind can't never be compensated with a high wage. Mind is always priceless and come prior to get the healthy doctor on duty.

To reflect back, what I think I do is acting like Dr House. The cynical but brilliant fake doctor tonnes have watched over the past 8 seasons if I am not mistaken. Frankly speaking, during pre-med, heck yeah I thought I am almost like Dr House. Even reading the Embryo or glancing at the ATLAS, I finally think that I have somehow surpass the world of dumb to the world of geniuses. But, deep down inside, I only fantasize myself and my surroundings. The more I know, the more I don't know.

At home, the real situation is very upsetting. You will get back wearing the pyjamas, heating up the water to make a cup of coffee for the trillions time for the week, and consume your meals, but then again, it often comes out to me that I become confused on what I should give focus to. Like which topic should I master first, or which subject should I give prior to. Sometimes, in the middle of walking to and fro, in the room, I always stop for a sec and becoming blank of not knowing what to do. It's like muscle stiffness and some cerebellar disease or something. 

Books and books are lovely. Soulmates for this journey to begin with. I love my books but are so hard to let the knowledge from them got intact to the memory. Why? Is it because of the food I consume? Is it because I no longer get the 'saint' pure food from home or mom home-made dishes? Maybe. Or maybe because I get rid of the habit of eating raisins and drinking zam-zam water from my daily consumption, just because I cannot get them right here? Probably....but to speak aloud: Where the heck is my brain power?

Answering selanjar 2, isn't as smooth as it was during selanjar 1. I don't know what happened, but what I know is I don't quite get the input from what I studied. This is sad. Is it because I am more prone of believing that I would look stupid after have studied but unable to score the high marks? Maybe because I want to brag about the marks rather that I focus on the knowledge I'd get? It's hard.

I am in the dilemma of getting the right strategy to get back the brain power. How to get all these into the brain. How to remember the pictures in the atlas? How to understand easily the concept of physiology and the names of enzymes in Biochemistry? 

The person who I am now, is a person who is not longer the person whom I used to be. I certainly have some problem in the body but I don't know what it is. Hermmm.....the agony...

Selanjar 2 on 14.2.2012

Uhhhhh.....I am in pain

Ya Allah, berilah aku ketenangan jiwa dan minda untuk menjawab segala apa yang akan kutemui dalam peperiksaan ku. Berilah aku ilham sewaktu aku lupa, kerna hanya padaMU sahaja dapat ku pohon pertolongan. Jauhilah aku daripada riak dan ujub dengan ilmu yang telah aku perolehi...Sesungguhnya KAU sahaja tau yang terbaik buatku...

Penat

Just read all these lectures almost break my nerves.

And this is just for selanjar 2....

How will I get to stand for pro exam if continue like this....

It's a suffer, for forever dream career

Ranting Otak

ni bukan kedai jual todi ye anak2.

Well actually wanna post Wordless Wednesday. Just noticed that I had this wonderful phone K770i which is cybershot then I bought a new one. The new one is far different from the K770i and the camera is so lame. sigh.....

Ini ialah BRAINSTEM ye anak-anak.

To know what the heck is brainstem, you can google it though. When we talked about brain, we  must at first just know the Cerebrum, but it's more than that. Okay, so as a first year medical student, it's a must to know where the cranial nerves are located. The cranial nerves are denoted in ROMAN numerals, like Olfactory Nerve (I) is for the smelling. And I actually have 12 Cranial Nerves to get stuck in my brain.

Okay, better stop blabbering here. This is certainly not wordless wednesday. Lol.

You will read if you know

A thousand miles would I walk if I wanna see you tonight. If only if you know how you meant to me. And yes I regret for not being your closest friend first.

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ff

Le Truth

Just read blog.arif. And what you can find in his latest entry is about MARA, that they don't actually apply the SPC- skim pelajar cemerlang thingy. Like before, those who got SPC (the excellent student scheme) would just have to pay 1% of the total sponsorship they got for their studies. Not anymore bustards!

Well even arif himself is still unsure about this matter. I mean he completed his degree, and he is just hoping that it would be 100% sponsor like it used to be. What the real picture is NOW , MARA has completely revised its policy.

So 20% is what I have to pay after finishing my MD here. Hooray!...And it's a lot I tell you. So don't blame me why I keep on blabbering on saving up. You see, I am no richie kid. I can't depend on my parents all the time. It is already a sin asking money from them at this age even though I am still under their responsibility. At 20, am I kidding my self? 

For sure, I hope this scheme is not gonna change anymore. I wonder how those who finished studying will contemplate on this matter though. Must be so disappointed.

But here one thing:

You are under JPA sponsorship, then you're obliged to work for the government for 10 years. If not, you have to pay ALL the sum of sponsorship you get.

You are under MARA, then you're obliged to pay back about 20% of the total sum you get in the first place, but it is convertible under certain rules and terms. (No need working for government for 10 years)

So which one do you prefer now? 

Bank Negara, Petronas, Shell, Yayasan??

It is all up to you and of course your important SPM results and pointers. 

DR Raichur

Well ada kisah dengan seorang physiologist yand bernama seperti di atas. Nanti gue tulis deh...sekarang sedang sibuk melayan perasaan tak tentu arah study week, yang tak berapa nak progressive. Sigh. I need a spark in my life now.

Masih juga dalam teka-teki nak kemana cuti seminggu lepas exam. Alahai sayang, seminggu aje pon, tak sempat bersuka ria dah kena berduka. And upon all, I do think USM need to revise how they can reduce stress among us students. 

Hari ni, em nak habiskan notes on anatomy, memang tinggal harapan la. Serious penat sayang semua, because looking at the slides like every single details you have to know, but our deputy dean did say that they don't actually hoping we know everything. Tapi Indian lecturers ni lain sikit perangai. They are like books memorizer. Cuba buka buku Chaurasia (a book on dissecting) and you can actually hear the same phrases and sentences just like in the book from their mouth. THE AGONY!

Okay itu sahaja yang dapat dicoret. Dr Raichur, is a person I wanna brag...but later after finish exam. LOL