The Entity

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Kajang, Selangor, Malaysia
Assalamualaikum. Writing all the way from Belgaum, Karnataka, India. Missing Malaysia so much. But everything is just perfectly fine here. India makes people not just live, but SURVIVE. :)

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Friday, 29 July 2016


I am coming home to a regret. Life is full of regret but right now I am an adult and I am living a life full of regrets.

Back to a month ago, I arrived at the KLIA2 for good. I was coming home for good after completing my undergraduate studies. Medicine is amazing; only if you once finished it. I knew certainly, coming home this time won't be much the same anymore.

My brother couldn't pick me up early so my mom told me I had to wait till 2 pm. I wanted to stay in Sama-sama Hotel but not only then I realized that we should get to the hotel right before we head for this immigration counter; even before we pick up our baggage. 

With bags loaded on my trolley I need somewhere to stay. And also to charge my phone. I used to have this person I can call. He was my Papa. Papa was a special gift from Allah. He was an amazing dad who had loved us unconditionally. Now, his name as my Papa only became a memory. Memory in my head and in my simcard. I miss him terribly.

I used to have Papa asking me what will my flight number be just in case it got delayed so he can track me down. He used to pick me up at the earliest. I won't be seeing him anymore to pick me up at the airport. 

Apparently after sometime, mom told me maklong was coming to pick me up and she was coming with pak cik Lan. I was not happy or mad or sad. I was just frustrated because I want a close family member to pick me up.

As Pak Cik Lan arrived, I didn't smile nor did I said anything. I hated it when he came because he was not my dad. Then Maklong came in saying that we should go to Klang to visit arwah Mak Teh. Not that I didn't want to but it wasn't the right time to go somewhere to visit the sick. I need my break. I was exhausted. 

I was silent on our way to Klang. I closed my eyes and almost break in tears. I miss my dad. I was imagining that my final arrival from India would be with my closest family members. My parents and my siblings. In my head, I saw them at the gate and they would given me this bouquet of flowers to congratulate me for passing my final examinations. Too bad for me, they were just another dream.

Suddenly, I opened my eyes and I noticed it wasn't the route for Klang. I asked my Uncle Lan, why weren't we on our way to Klang as planned. Maklong told me that she noticed I was behaving slightly odd and she knew exactly that I didn't want to go to Klang. She knew I was sulking. 

She sent me back home where mom and my little sis were there. At home, I cried so much because I miss papa. He had promised to pick me up from the airport exactly in June. He said that when I was just arriving in India a week before he passed away. 

And with that, soon later, not even a month of returning, my Maklong got a heart attack and now she is in coma. My dearest Mak Teh who has helped us so much with Papa's funeral and tahlil, passed away a day before Raya. I was stunned because I didn't even do good to my most closest aunts. My beloved who had loved me ever since like their own child. I regret for not cherishing Maklong when she welcomed me from the airport. I even sulked and made her angry. I regret so bad for now taking the chance by then to visit MakTeh because I was too occupied contemplating with my personal feelings. 

Now I know I will regret for life as Maklong would never regain consciousness and be as healthy as she was. And MakTeh my dearest who always make us feel loved will no longer be here. Two strong pillars of my family; we have lost them in a blink of an eye.