The Entity

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Kajang, Selangor, Malaysia
Assalamualaikum. Writing all the way from Belgaum, Karnataka, India. Missing Malaysia so much. But everything is just perfectly fine here. India makes people not just live, but SURVIVE. :)

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And remember, it always rain hard for those who deserve The Sun. :)

Wednesday, 29 June 2011

Wordless Wednesday


Burger and Physics Lecture

Got this story from my roommate here in USA :)

Back in ASASI, there was a guy whose name started with the letter P. He looked intelligent and yeah, not just looked intelligent, he can be considered as a genius.

Most boys at asasi were excellent in Physics. And so was P. 

One day, there was Physics Lecture conducted by our famous male Physics' lecturer: none other than Prof Ahmad or people better knew him as Che Mat.

Like always the projector went crazy, thus the slides could not be projected and jeopardizing the whole mood to listen to the lecture. 

Che Mat had this good vibes with P. He asked P to go to the office and find the technician. And thus, P obeyed the old man.

On the way to the office, P who was chewing a gum needed to throw the gum away. He couldn't do so since he had no paper to wrap the chewed gum. He then, stick it to a wall nearby. However, before he reached the office, he felt guilty for doing so. He must think of something that would enable him to get at least one piece of paper to wrap the gum, and easily dumped it into the trash bin.

So, what P did was that, he asked someone else who was going to the office, to inform about the projector at the lecture hall- meanwhile he went away to the cafe and bought himself a burger. Why a burger???

P took quite a while before returning to the lecture hall. The lecture almost end, there came P with his fulled mouth. Che Mat asked him what took him so long- and saw the burger in his hands. However, the bizzarre thing was that, P didn't get scolded or at least insulted. Instead, Che Mat, saw him and smile.

After the lecture ended, P told his friends that he went to the cafe and got a burger because he needed a piece of paper to wrap his chewed gum - so that it could be 'appropriately' thrown into the trash bin. HahahhahahhXD

But P is a physics' brainiac. He got A+ in both semesters and why would he care about attending lectures. Plus, Che Mat, had once offered him a place for Physics course at UiTM if he had no other option later on in his life. And to get such offer, is not easy.

Monday, 27 June 2011

Two More Months

Home is always a paradise, even though it's not a mansion and surrounded by beaches or flower garden. Trying to stay put on revising is somehow hard. Many to be remembered and to understand but too many distractions, including our parents.

Exam is looming in a couple of days. Frankly speaking, preparation is at par. Not smooth and I don't really know how I am gonna perform. It's a new method of examination when it comes to OSPE. But the great thing about this is the experience and the exposure as a prospective student. 

To stay alone in my hostel at Mawar for revision while my roommates are at their respective home is not a good idea too, even though Internet access is somewhat better compared to home's. Mawar's hostel is just too dim and of poor ventilation, plus it has already been noted as Ladang Ternakan Nyamuk-Mosquitoes Breeding Farm. There had been a couple of sleepless nights and the whole room smelled funny due to minyak serai or Tiger Balm. In a nutshell, I must return home at last.

the exam schedule :S

Examination's schedule already been posted and everyone probably has been noted or informed. It's scary because on 5 weeks of intense course we studied a lot and therefore lot to be comprehended. Just wish I was KYLE XY or JESSEY XX who could just have some glances through the pages of thick books and answer everything correctly but I am not allowed to dream. Human remained human and must committed to his or her own abilities. 

Plus, after Premed ends, I have this wild idea to look for a job. Again, been rejected by mom and dad. So I would just enjoy the 2 more months break before heading for degree. I am scared and nervous, who wouldn't. And just now seeing how Shasha, a childhood friend, already on the pelamin, somehow made me wanna burst into tears. We were small girls and now look at her, perhaps by the time I am finishing this post - she's already someone's wife. A great responsibility and she's just 20. I am amazed:)

While mom and dad already planning on my 'future' wedding, I on the other hand, would just wait for the right time to come. It's hard to be 'away' from being someone's daughter to someone's wife. And what more, I still have to complete another phase of life: Degree. Then, Master, then PHD ...then .......let's see. InshaAllah.

>>>p/s: just hope tonight there's no distractions. just hope that tonight I can at least finish two chapters T.T. just hope that my future husband is the ONE I have been praying for. InshAALLAH.<<<

Saturday, 25 June 2011

Towards the end

----23/6/2011 --- 
Just got back from SGS session and felt delighted. I am so in love with SGS or Small Group Session merely because I really feel like already becoming one of the real medical students. It's also a rezeki and a good luck given by Almighty Allah for me to be a part of Group 11, which comprises with a lot of intelligent and kind-hearted brainiacs whom are willing to share almost anything among each other. It's a chemistry that we are bound into, just simply amazing. Adding to the goodness, our chief who's just soooo murah hati :)

Again, time flew fast like turbulent blood flow . Tomorrow is actually the end of everything that we began with, but also just the starter or precursor for the real journey towards becoming a medical student, or must I say, to grow into versatile medical doctors? Perhaps it's still too early to say this because Pre-medicine is not a guarantee platform that would grab you back to the faculty or to the same course you have been dreaming of. InshaAllah if there's luck and again everything is depending on rezeki from Allah S.W.T.

UiTM Shah Alam or USA has a lot to offer actually. One place that I think I should go, but still haven't step into is the Sports Complex. Listened to a lot of bragging on the bright sides of that complex; on squash courts and on volleyball etc, I get a bit jealous to those people especially the female friends who could spend their afternoon there, and BERIADAH. And speaking of beriadah, it has been ages since I last make it a habit, no wonder turns into a balloon no? - But then again there's no effort to go there. Laziness is a habit which now travels happily in my blood. T.T

temporary campus - gonna switch and migrate to Sg Buloh soon, insyaALLAH

 Plus, one good thing staying at USA is the mobility access - whereby it's easier to ditch a bus compared to those moment during asasi. Sad isn't it? Nowadays, all we have to do is walk a bit to reach the bus stand, and the bus will mostly wait for us, not the opposite. The tendency to 'fly' is high - when you could just touch and go to reach the places you want to go. Staying at Mawar is convenient whereby Shah Alam Seksyen 7 is nearby - my roommates and I often walked through the back entrance- take the flyoever- and dine at nearby KFC or Pizza Hut, and random restaurants in the circle. The only thing that would put me in a great concern is the financial status. Almaklumlah, kena ada duit lebih kalau nak makan sedap3 ni.

Pizza Hut Seksyen 7 is easily accessible

24//6/2011- And just now the lecture on reappraisal of scenario 4 with Dr Harbinder Jeet Singh ended, marked the end of week 4 and marked almost the end of everything. It's a sad thing and a good thing though. Reappraisal is a session whereby the cases/scenarios given of any particular problems regarding one patient, is being summarized - for what are the approximate sickness that patient might be suffering from including the causes and mechanisms that caused that particular disease. Reappraisal is surely fun - but in Premedicine it's mostly just an exposure so that one would not be surprised once he or she gets into medical school.

during last lecture of Premedicine

Dr Harbindar and us discussing the scenario on liver dysfunction. One word: FUN!

Next week, on Wednesday, we are gonna sit for our OSPE- stations of questions needed to be answered in 4 minutes each, and on Thursday is the day for the scary SAQ and MCQ- with negative marking method. All these gives me 'tremors' in the brain. And what not, Dr Raudzah proposed that we must make sure we can get full marks during OSPE. OMG....

Things to be settled here already done- getting my transcripts and already posted some of my friends' just that a bit frustrated by how my 'kindness' sometimes got misused or mistreat by some people. Sometimes, it's better to not hope for things that high, or else get disappointed. trying to be calm as possible...

>>>p/s: Feeling sad because a friend is leaving- going for better and brighter offer. Or maybe feeling a bit sad, because of losing someone whom I thought could be best friend. Seriously, gonna miss this experience with the brainiacs, with the super-annoying hostels, with the inspiring doctors and specialists and those inspiring and impressive Early Clinical Exposures together with the fun Clinical Skills Lab<<<

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

Exam which feels like a phantom

3rd week now and it feels 'okay' a bit compared to the previous weeks. Why eh? Mostly because I read several motivational comments on the blog, and maybe because I finally could adapt to the UiTM Shah Alam campus. I now know where the museum located, where the laboratory located, the computer lab and the lecture hall of course and find good place to eat around Cendekia. Except for one thing, I COULDN'T TOLERATE: THE SMELLY Shiteous TOILETS!

We bumiputeras are well pampered including us who are undertaking the pre-medicine course. Why must I say that? Well, first is because we joined this thing at the first place WITHOUT the need to pay for anything, just using our money to support on our food and stuff we wanna buy. Can you imagine, how lucky we are, seeing those lecturers cum doctors who are also specialists - and they are superbly nice to us - they gave us lecturers without us paying them any tuition fees? And it's so lucky to be having Dr Hisham, an Iraqi as my Physiology lecturer cum doctor in charge during Small Group Session (SGS). Plus, we are staying at 'moderately' furnished hostels with no fees whatsoever- even though has to bear the gross of the toilets and the smells from them that arouse especially at night.

Then before I go further down to the 'mumbling'- I must say now is a hazard zone. Zone to get all the facts and all the mechanisms inside the brain-those we already discussed of course. Because exam is looming. And it's frightening me off like crazy to think of OSPE -Objective Structural Practical Examination -whereby there're 10 stations to deal with- and we have to answer several practical and structural questions-either on anatomy or on laboratories work like measuring blood pressure or lungs volume and capacity. And this is all maybe- plus, tonnes to be read and not just read but to memorize! Then, also we are required to undergo 150 MCQ's together with 3 Short Answer Questions, which are compulsory to be answered. 

Asked one doctor named Dr Syed in the Anatomy Lab just now- regarding the examination. Should we the premed students just depends on the lecture notes or on the books? He said, PRIOR THE BOOKS. The lecture notes are like extra-simplest key points. After listening to the advice, I tried pushing myself to look for more diligence to open up those books and get some points from them. Scary.

But, Premed is also fun. When we got super roommates who heal and washed away all the crazy uneasy feelings on insecurities, when we are able to sit together during dining either it be lunches or dinners, when we are able to advice each other and etc. It's amazing to hear experiences from doctors cum lecturers here- how their life were during the housemanship, during the college years- all in all, they somehow gave inspiration to me- to note that No One Says Life is Easy. What makes it easy, is perseverance and lot of prayers and blessing from Allah and dear Parents.

Thanks for all the comments I received. And, I already been lectured by Mom last week, whereby she told me to rethink if I am really determined to be in this field of madness. Kalau premed pun tak tahan, apatah lagi real med school and real life as a doctor kan? For this 3rd week, I have somehow put in mind that to be rich, this is certainly not the route, but if there's more patience and hardworking together with perseverance and CONFIDENCE we can be specialists- and when we are already one of them- we could gain not just respect but TRUST. The eternal trusts from our patients and the community. Sprinkled too with LEISURE, whereby we can almost do whatever we want without having the need to be boss around. 

-fun going to Hospital Sungai Buloh-the place was a majestic, and a beauty of course. Imagine, how we can go doing roundings at the place, so conducive and comfy. And not as busy as those hospitals like HTAR or HKL. 

-met a neurologist-who is also very sarcastic and funny simultaneously-Dr Andrean Husin who happened to be our coordinator; Dr Rosfaizah's husband-who told me mostly doctors deal with satans compared to dealing with God. 0.0

-met Dr Faisal, a paeditrician- a good doctor who explains very well.

-met Dr Onkara, an opthalmologist (kutt, dah lupe, tehee:D)  ....who happened to be a bit strict, whereby she advised a group mate to do something with his wavy hair as she told us doctors should look boring not interesting. 

>>>p/s: gives strength to your servant dear Allah. To pass all these and be happy. And to Aini Najwa, hope your choice to reject USM is the best for you, Amin<<<

Saturday, 11 June 2011

hopeless and inferior complex

It took me a while to adapt to the situation I am living in now. Situation full of insecurities will lead you to lots of confusion on your perception of life and on the fact whether you can stay put with all the obstacles and the ridges  that you have to overcome through.

I am actually mad at myself for not enjoying and try to feel content of what Allah had been given me. Especially to the opportunity to go to Pre-med at UiTM Shah Alam. I admit being there is one of my many dreams, and it had been granted. The only problem is it will not secure my feet to do medicine. 

Sometimes, I ponder and reflect in front of the mirror, searching for my in and out confidence to stay strong and at put as well as trying to BELIEVE I can do this. I can be a doctor, and even more a specialist one day. UiTM medical school won't just be producing doctors but specialists, and that is genuinely it's motto told by 'our' dean, Dr Khalid Yusof, the Father of UiTM Medical Faculty.

To be frank, for this exactly 2 weeks staying at Shah Alam, was terrifying. The only thing that would made me feel relaxing is seeing my roommates who happened to be amazing braniacs! The living place now is just okay but worse to compare with the previous Puncak Alam, and had somehow made me realize BIG how lucky to be part of Puncak Alam's campus once upon a time.

Doing SGS with the other 9 or 10 brainiacs gives inspiration and the urge to work extra hard to find any information related to the topic we were about to discuss, the scenarios that needed us to explain why they happened, how the happened, genuinely all the mechanisms starting as early as from the brain and down to all the nerves and the organs, the hormones, the cycles of ATP production and all the parts of organs involves in the scenes discussed. I on the other hand, was superbly an infant thinker. Who will search for the information-but lack of deeper explanation. In medicine, there's nothing call SIMPLEST explanation. Every thing must be in every little detail-even to microscopic detail I'll tell you. word now: FRIGHTENING but at the same time, it is fun- more like the feeling of being part of Dr House, Dr Chase and Dr Cameron and Dr Bald and Black during discussion.

Books and lots of books to discover. But, I am the laziest person on Earth, who can feel extremely sleepy by just seeing how thick the books are. I have to change. I must choose to change. And due to the fact of laziness, most of what I jotted down inside my notebook come to a complete trash. Useless. The saddest part of all, to borrow books from the library was 'impossible'-almost impossible because I lost the asasi matriculation card. Had to rely on several friends, to get some books - and I haven't explore them yet. T.T

Lectures were the most relaxing part-sitting back, enjoy all the many dialects and pronunciations from different lecturers from various continents. My favourite would be Dr Hisham from Iraq and the least from Myanmar, whereby it was hard time to 'understand' what the heck she said. Lecture notes were almost useless. Most of the words in there, are hard to read. The seniors highlighted their notes, let us photocopied and now thanks a lot for the small font and hard-to-read notes. T.T

Em and yesterday the 10th June, USM result was out. Laboratories were crowded with laughter and the joyous kids who already secured a place at the very university far away at Kelantan. My neighbour at UiTM-the Kelantanese twins and also one of their vogue friends already parted away to Kelantan and quit the program. What staying is for anyway if you already have a place there and it's so near to your hometown? Right?

Happy for the twins and the vogue friends, or should I say all the 4 flatters who managed to secure a place there. It's an embark towards a brighter future - compared to us here who still stuck doing pre medicine. Hahaha. And my roommate, Aini who also got a place at USM, I just wish she rejected the offer. She has been my closest friend at Pre-Med. Please God, let her stay :')

Frankly, all in all, Pre-medicine wasn't as fun as I first thought it would. It feels scary seeing rivalries rushing doing researches and borrowing thick books and already sketching the various organs and start to remember the parts and all. It's a boredom sometimes whereby all you have is some place looks like pasar malam and some shops selling foods around. And it hurts when you noted with the quote; Beauty fades but Dumb is forever, and yes, I am dumb and never beautiful. T.T

>>>p/s: Thinking of 'involving' into Primary Care Medicine/General Practitioner like Dr Farnaza who we met during the Early Clinical Exposure (ECE) at KK Sungai Buloh. And still in doubt to become a doctor sometimes, even though I know I have no idea of what to become other than this.<<<

Monday, 6 June 2011

dear self

dear self, you are 19 now, look around and feel your surrounding, see around, WHAT have you achieved?

dear self, please be strong. please note that, even though you have lots of friends around, only some would care for's alright if most of them don't.

dear self, stop feeling inferior and be inferior. Trust in yourself. You are one of the kind, and show that to people, even though there're tonnes out the there who are better than you are.

dear self, please be OKAY with criticisms on how the way you look and what ever you do. Please note that you couldn't please every body.

dear self, please feel content with what you have right now,and the people who you are living with. Don't make enemies, but make families.

dear self, please ACT MORE independently. Stop being a baby.

dear self, please think maturely because being an INFANT THINKER leads you nowhere.

Saturday, 4 June 2011


3rd June is over. And hello to 19 years old. Alhamdulillah, praised to the almighty Allah for given me this gift of serendipity and health until now. I am glad to see my dad and my mom at the gate of Kolej Mawar this previous afternoon, especially seeing their smiles put this heavy heart full of stresses at bay. Thanks ALLAH for the wonderful parents you have given me. Thanks for all the wishes sent via texts and not to mention facebook. I enjoyed running up late for bed to answer some of the wall posts. The number of wishes on FB kinda lowered from last year, but the most important thing is the fact knowing how far people are willing to write on our WALL. LOL.

First week of Premed ended. Emmm but I don't know what to brag. I mean, I just do not want to brag because this itself isn't a secure programme that 'hook' me into the medicine faculty. Surely, I want IT badly, but this programme is the KEY for me to unlock, how deep is all the 'wanting' for me for the place. After all, I am not just wanting 'a' place but genuinely planning and aiming to score and to become a specialist. InshaAllah. 

UiTM is just mesmerizing; and I would tell you definitely later when my brain is fully recharged. Now need some sleep. AAAHHH....

>>>P/S: without laptop and Internet I can sleep early like a baby; on 9 pm sharp<<<