Inferior Knockdown

Assalamualaikum again.

I just wanna tell you how sad it is when a frequent blog you used to stalk upon to is now no longer available. I don't know whether it has been hacked or the author has completely loosing his mind by deleting all those wonderful stuff he made me linger to, but yeah, it's sad for me. 

Pascaspm.com is the blog I am blabbering about. It's a nice random blog from a medical student in Moscow. He has this talent in humor and he made my day often, just by posting something which I can quickly interpret the message but at the same time hilarious. I love reading his travelogue parts whereby he visited many European spots that I drool to go and see. He called his tour group (with a bunch of his friends) as Power Rangers. I mean, I can't just write about how funny the blog is but it's surely the best blog I've subscribed to. And when it's no longer on the net, it's like someone important in your life is suddenly missing.

I am exaggerating. Sorry.

Well, just these past few days (already turn to weeks) have been completely lonely. I used to online everyday, after class ends because to skype with my parents. I don't even have that clique where I go online desperately because of him or her, just to skype, chat or whatever. I just never had. Not to mention, cousins.

Family members are still in the Holy City performing their Umrah. It's a disappointment that I wasn't able to join. But, truth is, I am sacrificing myself to stay here and study for the sake of Ummah. Yes, I want to be a doctor who can contribute a lot of things to the Ummah, the society, the family and the list goes on. Of course, being a medical doctor one day, would let you make you feel like you're some kind of a superhero, but that is just far still far ahead of me.

Most of the friends I have on skype aren't that happening to skype with. I mean, I rarely talk to them in persons, so how should I expect they would react when it come to skype? I mean we don't have anything to talk about anyway, so why bother. Even the closest friends during asasi, are now completely occupied with their own business, so how am I gonna expect they would come online just to talk to the things that we aren't engulf together? It's bizarre.

3 hours difference in time zone has always been a barrier, no matter how fast your Internet is. My mom would go to sleep by 10 pm while it's still around 7 pm here in India. And during that time, I might be busy performing solat or just came back from class. My mom won't stay that long just to see me in skype as she is a pretty busy working career woman, so she needs her sleep at her prior, even how much she must be missing me.

The time barrier is also a hindrance between some of friends who upon miracle have this intention to chat with me and ask me something. By the time I online they would say, they almost went to sleep. So yeah, nothing works in distance relationship as for me. * AGAIN EXAGGERATING*

I also have a circle of friends that we called Bulatan Gembira. It's an Usrah formed group that I suddenly joined without intention to. I never joined one and this is my first. I would say I still have this difficulties to get to cling to the usrah mates even though they are nice and they are part of my friends. Maybe because we rarely are together. Or maybe because I am just a new part of them. It's hard trying to get into some group of people who already have some bond among each other. 

One day, kakak Usrah, told us not to only see Usrah as Usrah. Whenever problem rises in your head, quickly go see any one of them, and share. But I am the one who easily write my problem here (hoping you on the other side could see/read) rather than go to random people who you rarely talk, and suddenly ventilates all the problems arising from your head to that people. And when she asked, what did you get from Usrah, I would frankly say sometimes, yes, I get nothing. The messages sometimes still quite blurred.

Also, it is an inferior when there's someone who wanna take over your place at something. People opted me for becoming their outspoke person is because of some reasons and thank you to them for believing in me. When there's someone better that you see taking over your job without realising that you're pissed that's something that really made me hit by an avalanche. Maybe because I give less said my heart. The girls here take each other's hearts by baking and cooking to each other. Not that, I don't like that method of approaching people, but I am a slow cooker. Not as pro as them, and might as well spend drench five hours just to cook 3 dishes. T.T

Naqib (a friend), once said I have turned into such an emotional person after coming here. I can sense that too. I am not cheerful either. The mood fluctuates often. But I really opt to see other things that would made me occupied rather than reading all the books and devote my life to them and see the same people I see day by day. I need a new quest. A new friend maybe. 

So, that's all the random blabbering. It's actually a stress when you can't even answer the easiest topic of respiratory block in the test. And also, not to be able to impress and help a bunch of discussion group on a topic you think you've completely understood. I am failing.

Kalah Menang

Assalamualaikum people:)

Can you believe that we here had sports day for the past 2 days? Yes! Medical students and sports day are not something bizarre. In fact, I am astonished by the athletic friends and colleagues I have here. 

We have an iron lady, which I competed with her in a 100 meter spring racing. And it is ridiculous, because I am barely a person who can sprint, but she (who is in red team), was basically a representer for SUKMA. Can you note my point now? How on earth can a person who is so kayu like me to win the race? Where is justice? And this is why I hate sports sometimes. It's embarrassing to tell readers here about the actual detail during the competition. 

But at least, I was lucky because I got second place in single badminton game. And it was super lucky for me actually since I competed with the yellow team's first, whom basically, em did not know how to play. I won the first round, then to get either the first or the second place, I fought with a senior, which was from the Blue Team. She is known for being good at the game among her peers, but isn't as good as my old friend back in high school, whom I used to play with quite often when Chiam was around. 

It was a tough fight playing with the Blue Team, but I gave chance to her since I was already pancit. That was a circumstance for not being fit enough. I can say I am proud to contribute some points for my Green House The Pacific Dragons though. Clap clap clap. (*seriously clapping and cheering for myself*)

Okay, so on the first day of Samudra, the green team was so lucky that we were mostly on the first or the 2nd rank. The basketball team won Gold, The netball team won gold too, then we also had the badminton won gold and silver respectively for women's double and men's double and single. 

Too bad things weren't that lucky during the second day. The girls barely win anything. Only the boys sprinters got the medals and the points. T___T...also during baling selipar and galah panjang, we lost. Maybe because we lost our spirit as we knew we weren't strong and many of us were injured. At last, we gave chances for the blue team as they barely win anything HAHAHAHAR.

Well, Samudra2012, was a blast I could say. Too bad I am not athletic enough to have participate in netball since Darina said I can't the grip the ball well, also the futsal which em....I was lazying around not coming for the practice. I am so sorry that I have said yes to participate in the 100 meters, which I obviously can't win. 

Anyhow, Green Team/Pacific has won the 2nd Place!!! Alhamdulillah:) Hooray!!! Most of the competitors we had were injured badly including our group leader whom I assumed he had spasms of his thigh. The Red team roars like always (like in school) and indeed the red team members are not humans. What did they eat????

not complete. but we are the proud to say we are the PACIFIC DRAGONS!!!

Well too bad some of them went home already:(( BUT WE ROCK!

Hurm

Em I could never learn to think nice of people. All I could do, is thinking negative. That person is rude, this person is annoying, people hate me. Why oh why?

Again, quarreling with mom and will be boarding off faraway soon is not a good thing. Yet, everything coming from people's mouth that didn't suit my mood, will deter this mood swings. Been having sleepless nights thinking about future, about life, about future friends, future hardships and many worries and imaginations which are useless. 

Plus, packing things make me sad. And the more I pack, the more I think of bringing the whole house with me. GULP. And today I quarrel with mom regarding one thing so sacred. Mom called me impatience. Hence, she brought up the matter whether or not can I possess a good patience in myself. ARGHH. I am bad at this. Thus, I sinned just because of that during Ramadan. Seriously, I am sick.

Hurm. Hurm....just that, days are becoming nearer to the day I have to leave the house. I really have wasted my long holidays for more of 'NOTHING' compared to 'SOMETHING'. HAIH.....

Heads On

Keep Calm and start packing dear self. Almost every day, after returning home from work, Mom will ask whether or not have I started or finish packing up my stuff. The most intriguing thing to accomplish yet so complicated.

Actually, I have had myself busy packing for baju kurung. As far as I concern, USM-KLE although seems like studying overseas, it follows rules from USM-KK at Kelantan. Therefore, it a must for students to wear formal attire every day to lectures and classes. No excuses. And, according to our seniors, there's a day for girls to must wear a Punjab Suit, or Salwa Kameez. Yahooo!!! I like this. Hehehe :D So when I said formal attires, I mean baju kurung, dear readers.

Hence, I stuffed all that I have to my baggage and it seems that Baju kurung itself already make it full. Haih. I need to re-pack. Plus, I am thinking to buy more packets of Maggie. My frequent food it will be once I am there,  but it seems like 20 kg isn't enough :(

I came up with a plan, to apply for MAS Grad Cards, for students. It allows all members as long they are students to bring extra 10 kg on board, with free of charge but of course, paying the annual fees of USD 30 (for those studying abroad). But, I have second thoughts, if I apply this, I need to use MAS frequently. And, it's not that I will use MAS that frequent, because it's cheaper to return via Air Asia. So, it looks like this plan seems like into no use. Still, it is on my head now. HEHEE...and MAS has far more comfortable seats compared to Air Asia. 

Added up to the headache, I now need to pack for three occasions. One: For 5 years stay in India. Second: For 3 days orientation at USM KK. And Third: For Balik Kampung at Kedah. But I can't just bring different set of clothes for this three occasions. Thus, I need to think of a nice strategy to pull things through. Hehehe. Meaning I have to also bring laundry to India, because I have no time exactly to send them to the dobby. 

I wanna bring the whole HOUSE if I can. :(

This is just hectic and will be havoc. Just need my mental and physical to be prepared by all the future outbreaks. Not to mention, I maybe have to go to Kelantan by bus again. Pity Dad if I ask him to drive. It's so far. 

Anyhow, it is less than 25 days (*how fast time flew*) approximately for me to just set my minds straight and be tough and strong. I will have a drench weeks after Raya, no leisure. And I have to stand on my own feet without parents beside me. 

when can I finish this

It's not as simple as BLAIR when it comes to packing :(

Not to mention, I suddenly wish how Azyan Amani would accept this offer too. I just in a sudden, wish how we could prepare things together and live for 5 years together in India. But, she has her reasons to reject this. She doesn't want to be a doctor and I must respect that. :) 

>>>p/s: bersyukurlaa kepada sesiapa yang dapat IPTA. Anda tidak perlu risau mengemas barang seperti saya....and....I still need to find for sweaters. Its CHILLING and COLD at India <<<

Reality Streaming in Malaysia

One word: MISERY. The reality to download or to stream big files in Malaysia is just going down the drain. I didn't know that actually when we used Wifi, the actual speed we subscribe would be divided according to the numbers of computer in the house that are using the line. This is just super sucks. And, the speed got worsen during weekends. T.T

I have a friend who recently returned from studying at Russia. He took amazing 5 minutes downloading 3 movies simultaneously back there at Russia. I asked him to download some of my favourite TV shows which if I were wanting to download them here, would be just 'impossible'. So yeah, he also gave me abundant of new movies that were not even aired yet in our country, how cool is that? So, as he is now settling back in his hometown, here in Malaysia, and the speed of Internet is just so pathetic, he got so bored for not being able to continue streaming like heaven like before. Pity.

Anyhow, as I was saying, I am currently downloading my current favourite Korean drama called Obgyn Doctors, recommended by my future senior. Trying to download the 7th episode now, and yesterday's episode on War of Blood was just super mesmerizing and impressive. The fake surgery seems to be super real, and the blood too. The same level as Grey's Anatomy would I were to describe this. 

The fact that direct downloading is insecure because if our connection goes wrong, we need to download it back again. And the waits? Who can wait that longer. I am also not the kind of person who like to turning on my computer in bloody long hours just to download a single series. It would damage the computer in a long run due to overheating. 

So yeah, I hope in the near future, there would be an increment in our internet service. We need fast secure connectivity. What not nowadays people do live on online connection. Even business run that way. What's the use of our country being a fibre optic's producer if we cannot even have amazing fast speed Internet right? 

Annoyance

Yeah, it's Ramadan now. But it's so freaking hard to resist annoyance. 

1. annoyed with one girl in Facebook. I don't know whether or not she's a friend I should keep or should I 'unfriend' her. She annoys me by liking every post and every status I made. She is nice and all, but she annoys me everytime. But why am I nagging? That's the reason to have facebook in the first place, wasn't it?

2. annoyed with a friend who seems so mysterious and has a lot of secrets. I do respect people's privacy, but if something like where you are studying is also a mysterious thing and a big secret, how will I function as a friend? 

3. annoyed with some people who couldn't be honest. Mulut putar belit, macam ular. Sometimes it's west sometimes it's east. Not certain and specific. Doing maths is better I guess because there's always specific answers rather than dealing with uncertain people.

4. annoyed with some Malaysian officers who seems to be very bossy and sometimes stuck ups and snobbish. Do they learn manners treating customers? Is it that hard to work a little harder during Ramadhan? Working in an air-conditioned cubicles are so tiring heh? Have they ever ponder how is it like for people who fight for money under hot blazing sun? Just tiresome and gruesome dealing with officers who never know the art of smiling and never ever learn the art of learning people's explanation. HEH. 

5. Super slow KTM is making me nuts. Since, KTM is the only transport, at least the best choice I have to travel to KL if there aren't anyone to drive me there, I have to bear the slowpoke-ness forever. 10 minutes for KTM means 20 minutes and 30 minutes means an hour. Clap clap KTM for being the oldest train service yet still sucks. And I guess the women's coach are now meant for men too aite? There is no longer any officer on duty to let no man into the coach. HAHAHAH. Pity laaa T.T

Dugaan Bulan Ramadhan

Minggu yang serabut. Minda serabut, pertuturan serabut. Semua serabut. Cuma masa tarawih sahaja ketenangan menerpa.

8 August 2011

Actually today I need to send back my Mara's agreement forms and whatnot. One word dealing with all these forms would be : tiresome. No wonder many friends before this, asked me to decide properly either I want to accept this offer of vice versa. And now I know how tedious all of these are. Part of growing up dear self. Live with it.

The fact that some of future coursemates and I have to send all these by 8th August is because we took the agreement by hand, whilst some others got theirs through post laju which is not as laju as it seems. Anyhow, so yeah, I really was positive that I can settle everything about Mara's agreement by today. My mom skipped from her office to follow me to the Oath Commissioner to get her/his signature for the guarantors' agreements. She was a nice lady, which brighten up my day quite a bit.

Spent bloody RM50 note on Stamps for the 5 copies of agreement booklets was something I have to bear. Went to the LHDN, to matikan the stamps ahhaha and luckily it was quite near and didn't cost me a cent. And every thing seems to be almost complete till I arrived at the MARA's headquarters down the Jalan Raja Laut, Kuala Lumpur. Took the bloody commuter to reach Bank Negara, along the way standing upright holding to an aluminium rod because the coach was as always full of bloody people. Walked a few stones of steps to voila reach the MARA's building at almost 1 pm.

Greatly about my arrival was that, it was actually lunch time, Even though most of MARA's staff are Muslim Malays, and they are all fasting, they still need lunch time. I went to the third floor dear readers, where I should hand in the documents. I sat down at one couch and start rearranging all the forms in order. And it was nearly two seconds before 1 pm, that I walked to the receptionist. Greet one woman with salam, but sadly I was badly treated.

It was my bad frankly to say that I came at inappropriate time. She asked me what agreement was that, and I told her that I was one of the USM-KLE'S students. And she went looking puzzle for a sudden as if she doesn't know what is it. I was a bit pissed actually when they told me that they were tired, and asked me to come later. Haissh

And in the end, the agreements need to be corrected. I need to see my cousin again as he is the guarantor, to get his initials for every mistakes in that bloody booklets. HAHAHA. So, I left MARA's building with this frown face. Dad and I walked all the way to Masjid Jamek, crossing the forever crowded Jalan TAR and the hotness of Ramadhan to go to Indian Visa Centre somewhere near the Bangunan Sultan Abdul Samad (Jalan Lebuh Pasar Besar). Saw some tourists drinking coke like heaven brought up the tenses I tell ya! Takpee dugaan.

One thing I hate about KL is the those uniformed DBKL people who should function as our travel guide in KL. How pathetic that they don't even know where Lebuh Pasar Besar is. And what more the Visa Centre. Pity laa Malaysian. And after lotsa walking, guess who helped Dad and I to the Visa Centre? A kind hearted Arabic Man, who is a foreigner for GOD SAKE!!

I was relief when we actually got ourselves to the Visa Centre. Then, came another bad news. The Visa application time is already of at 2 pm. We reached there at 2.30 pm. And of course I was bloody disappointed. After all the walking, after all the sore throat and thirst. But Dad said, in KL weak people die early. You need to be strong to be in KL especially during Ramadhan. Dad was so strong. So rigid and so positive. He is a total opposite from me. I adore him a lot for that. He is willing to sacrifice his time to bear all these with me, syukur AlhamduLILLAH.

Back at home, mom was there. She is kinda mad at me for being so careless filling up these forms. I like always like to blame on things when I am in a bad mood, so all those blaming, made me tired and wearing out. HAHAHA. I slept after reaching home till Iftar. Didn't help mom sorting out the preparation for it though, what a daughter am I huh?

All these I should consider as dugaan. Allah Taala loves me dearly, so HE gives me all these obstacles again and again. I am blessed with a dad who forever is willing to accompany me and attending my amends. I am blessed to have a cousin who is willing to be my guarantor and going to and fro to attend my documents. T.T Syukur ya RABB for all these lovely people. Lovely life and lovely dugaan.

Havoc and Mercy

Assalamualaikum dear readers,

How are our fasting progressing? Any better? AlhamduLILLAH for the chances to feel Ramadan till this very day. 

Well, my preparation to leave to India, is by far approaching 90%. Ceh. Hahaha. But still clothes are unpack, foods to be brought along haven't been bought and yes, I am telling you I am 90% ready? Yeah right.

So, this recent Monday, Encik Redza from MARA contacted me, informing me to take my MARA's agreement letter which almost look like a pillow in an envelope. Luckily, mom and dad were so kind enough to drive all the way to Jln Raja Laut, KL for it. I guess they really really care for me. AlhamduLILLAH.

The office was crowded with both youths and the 'mid' elderly. The woman at the receptionist wasn't rude nor polite. She asked my name thrice and I was like a log waiting for the officer to find my agreement and offer letter. Signed the log book and rushed off to SOGO for shopping. Thankfully, I wasn't in the mood to shop, even though got one blouse...cittt off story.

Anyhow, before I rushed home from MARA's building, I did asked the man who handed me my parcel of documents, when should I send the agreement back. He harshly tell me to send it by THIS UPCOMING MONDAY THE 8TH AUGUST. I was like Ya Allah....with tonnes of them need signatures, some need guarantors and lotsa complicated things to be done, they want it by MONDAY? How great. 

But, the time limit that I was given had somehow put me in this amazing velocity to work hard to get what I want. Of course, it is the 2nd most important agreement I ever had in my life after my agreement to be Allah's slave for the last 19 years, and this one valued so much to me. I am now going to pursue medicine with funds from the People. People's fund. No way I am gonna burn it all to ashes. Half a million ringgit is the worth. InsyaAllah, I will do my very best, to make it all happen.

Just today, I almost finished up 50% of the agreements. All the forms that needed important verification have been  completed. My cousin is kind enough to be one of the guarantor, the first is my mother. Then, I am also done with medical-checkups, took the HEP B AND C shots as well as HIV-did the X-Ray again -.-' and did the urine test. It was shocking however, to notice how high my diastolic pressure is (124/90) and to note that I got blood in my urine, which then gives me this scary feeling that maybe I have kidney problem T.T. All in all, I still feel I am a bit of shaky to note as a healthy woman. This is the repercussion for leading a sedentary lifestyle for almost a year. Blaming myself is what I can at least do though. I am just too lazy to work out. T.T

Anyhow, back at home after that, I told the rest of my future coursemates, that the agreements need to be handing it back by this upcoming Monday. Then the HAVOC begins. I sort of starting it though. Some of my future coursemates, haven't received theirs yet and they started shaking in fear. But then, when a girl call the MARA's officer, they gave another due date which is the 10th August. AND I really feel bad, it feels like I am putting them into this almost wrecking ship already. My friend, Darina, already burst into tears knowing she got 2 days to complete everything up. I am so guilty. But, I really did heard the officer said 8TH AUGUST. Dang. 

Whatever it is, I am glad that they put a new date for it. At least, things will be completed in a manner of neat and proper. I bet my friend Darina can wipe all her tears of worry now. Hahaha. I am so afraid she would change her mind, and go to UniMAS instead of India. Just pray she won't though..

GAHHHH penat....anyhow, thankfully Allah gives mercy to complete all these. If not, it would be war. HAHAHA. And I hope I won't have to redo my medical check-up though....since I did it at AZ ZAHRA, Bangi. Emmm...till then. I will nag again don't worry. ;p

Exam which feels like a phantom

3rd week now and it feels 'okay' a bit compared to the previous weeks. Why eh? Mostly because I read several motivational comments on the blog, and maybe because I finally could adapt to the UiTM Shah Alam campus. I now know where the museum located, where the laboratory located, the computer lab and the lecture hall of course and find good place to eat around Cendekia. Except for one thing, I COULDN'T TOLERATE: THE SMELLY Shiteous TOILETS!

We bumiputeras are well pampered including us who are undertaking the pre-medicine course. Why must I say that? Well, first is because we joined this thing at the first place WITHOUT the need to pay for anything, just using our money to support on our food and stuff we wanna buy. Can you imagine, how lucky we are, seeing those lecturers cum doctors who are also specialists - and they are superbly nice to us - they gave us lecturers without us paying them any tuition fees? And it's so lucky to be having Dr Hisham, an Iraqi as my Physiology lecturer cum doctor in charge during Small Group Session (SGS). Plus, we are staying at 'moderately' furnished hostels with no fees whatsoever- even though has to bear the gross of the toilets and the smells from them that arouse especially at night.

Then before I go further down to the 'mumbling'- I must say now is a hazard zone. Zone to get all the facts and all the mechanisms inside the brain-those we already discussed of course. Because exam is looming. And it's frightening me off like crazy to think of OSPE -Objective Structural Practical Examination -whereby there're 10 stations to deal with- and we have to answer several practical and structural questions-either on anatomy or on laboratories work like measuring blood pressure or lungs volume and capacity. And this is all maybe- plus, tonnes to be read and not just read but to memorize! Then, also we are required to undergo 150 MCQ's together with 3 Short Answer Questions, which are compulsory to be answered. 

Asked one doctor named Dr Syed in the Anatomy Lab just now- regarding the examination. Should we the premed students just depends on the lecture notes or on the books? He said, PRIOR THE BOOKS. The lecture notes are like extra-simplest key points. After listening to the advice, I tried pushing myself to look for more diligence to open up those books and get some points from them. Scary.

But, Premed is also fun. When we got super roommates who heal and washed away all the crazy uneasy feelings on insecurities, when we are able to sit together during dining either it be lunches or dinners, when we are able to advice each other and etc. It's amazing to hear experiences from doctors cum lecturers here- how their life were during the housemanship, during the college years- all in all, they somehow gave inspiration to me- to note that No One Says Life is Easy. What makes it easy, is perseverance and lot of prayers and blessing from Allah and dear Parents.

Thanks for all the comments I received. And, I already been lectured by Mom last week, whereby she told me to rethink if I am really determined to be in this field of madness. Kalau premed pun tak tahan, apatah lagi real med school and real life as a doctor kan? For this 3rd week, I have somehow put in mind that to be rich, this is certainly not the route, but if there's more patience and hardworking together with perseverance and CONFIDENCE we can be specialists- and when we are already one of them- we could gain not just respect but TRUST. The eternal trusts from our patients and the community. Sprinkled too with LEISURE, whereby we can almost do whatever we want without having the need to be boss around. 

-fun going to Hospital Sungai Buloh-the place was a majestic, and a beauty of course. Imagine, how we can go doing roundings at the place, so conducive and comfy. And not as busy as those hospitals like HTAR or HKL. 

-met a neurologist-who is also very sarcastic and funny simultaneously-Dr Andrean Husin who happened to be our coordinator; Dr Rosfaizah's husband-who told me mostly doctors deal with satans compared to dealing with God. 0.0

-met Dr Faisal, a paeditrician- a good doctor who explains very well.

-met Dr Onkara, an opthalmologist (kutt, dah lupe, tehee:D)  ....who happened to be a bit strict, whereby she advised a group mate to do something with his wavy hair as she told us doctors should look boring not interesting. 

>>>p/s: gives strength to your servant dear Allah. To pass all these and be happy. And to Aini Najwa, hope your choice to reject USM is the best for you, Amin<<<

Life after asasi

Earth Hour 2011 wasn't my in-thing after all. Second year, of not participating, and am I that bad for not at least save up a little energy for the Planet Earth? Maybe but whatever.

The reason for not turning off the electricity for that particular event was because I had a feast to attend. And, the feast was a heaven of food, plus it was nice to see long-time-no-see nephews and nieces and beloved aunt who just got diagnosed for having gout this very night. Wah pity her, hope she's fine by now.

One problem when we encountered with big family reunions is the fact that when we got bashed by some cousins and aunts about our education. What are you pursuing now? Where are you studying now? What's your goal? And the list continues. Sometimes, it's okay to interfere with one's life, it proven that they love me and they care, however sometimes it turns out to be a little annoying.

Looks like not many knew what asasi and foundation studies is. When I told them, I just completed mine, they went a bit awkward. Asked me again upon my degree, what choice that I made. InsyaALLAH medicine is still in heart, I replied. One cousin, who already had a child at the age of 18, then bashed me about am I going to go to Russia? I replied a NO. Then, he recommended me Indonesia, Padjajaran, Medan and so on. Mom interrupted and told him that I am afraid of earthquakes and after that, he told me...why need to go overseas when you have a lot of prestige medical schools locally? He is right. And that's what I am aiming for. 

Hahaha. This cousin is one of many who like to play nice and friendly. He then asked me, what's the reason my aunt got her Gout after eaten the fried chicken liver that very night? Tak ke gelabah tanya pasal GOUT kat lepasan asasi macam saya? Well, probably after this, I have to be updated with diseases and their facts so that won't be shivered to answer such questions again, no? 

What a day. But, seriously this cousin, or Abang Saiful, was really nice:) Had fun debating with him about IB, since her daughter wanna do it so much. Well, goodluck for my niece in everything? (As if she care my wish of luck) T.T

>>p/s: have to watch my diet for the time being for watashiwa don't wanna have diabetes and GOT SICK<<<

I sense the end of it

Hungry, very very hungry. Lunch hour passed, and haven't eaten anything since 11 am. Why? Because basically, today is just another lazy day to go to the kitchen. Probably we will have dinner outside and whatever.

Today is kind of a lonely day. My facebook friend, Miranabila, text me a while ago, telling me her fine condition far away in Egypt. Well, the revolution and demonstration and whatnot are still ongoing in Egypt, but Mira told me that those people won't disturb any foreigners including Malaysians, so they will be safe. Alhamdulillah.

Like I said, a lonely day. I'd love to hang out sometimes, but to think back of THAT plan, well, better not. I probably stay home at best. Because at home, I can reach to the outside world too, via Internet. I can see what my 'friends' are doing, through Facebook and the list goes on. But, trust me kids, being friends with people virtually IS NOT similar to HAVE FRIENDS IN REALITY.

I am much more of a boring person. I talk less when I have exactly nothing to be bragging about. I care-less about any talks that involves dramas or shows on Astro because I barely had watch any since there's no Astro in the house, I got headache when I started to think and care for the world causes thus have nothing to share, and I am quite a lampy which is a new word I learn, given to those who could not understand on jokes very well. I am a slow lamp, yeah that's what it is. 

Because of the circumstances I have like above, I barely had friends whom I can say best friends. And seriously, to think twice of it, I AM RIGHT. I don't even have a friend to mutter and whine and to be stupid with and not to mention to SPEND with this entire holiday. I am not just plainly broke but plainly friendless. Is that really a word;friendless?

Ceh tak bersyukur betulkan? Ahahaha. Well, yeah maybe I am not grateful enough. But this is what I have been sensing every time when holiday comes. Sad isn't it? Who say humans can be alone? Who says humans  are alright without friends? I sometimes ponder what the word friends really mean. 

I had this facebook friend, who pursued TESL in Shah Alam's UiTM. I told him, that whether he recognized my once-upon-a-time best friend whom is a girl, and pursued the same course as he did there. Until up to this one time, this facebook friend, asked me whether I have seen my best friend's performances in one play they did back there in UiTM Shah Alam. I barely answered a plain NO and he went, "What! You haven't seen YOUR BEST FRIEND'S play?" And from that moment, I sensed the end of it. We were childhood friend, more like best friends, who did almost everything together, but destiny somehow or rather brought us to these separate ways. And when one day we went out together again, there's nothing to be talked about, nothing to share, and to conclude, there's nothing more in common. I am a hopeless friend after all. Hahaha.

Then there was one more girl who always a sunshine. She's the only person I know with a lot of confidence even though sometimes she failed in the things she did. She taught me a lot on confidence, and she is a very fun person to be with. After SPM ended, she accompanied me down under to Midvalley for job hunting. Been there for 2 consecutive days for the hunt. Finally she got a job at Dome Cafe and I got one at Robinson. Due to some events, and due to my parents' objections, I didn't go to work with her and she went there alone. I haven't seen her again from that day onwards up till now. She always changes her phone number and probably she is still at matriculation college. So, I sensed the end of her too in some pitiful ways. 

To start with, it's not their fault for making me a loner like now. I am the one who is too helpless and hopeless in building bridges so that the friendship could constantly reconnects. Oh what a dumbo. I did try to change into a better friend, a better talker, a better listener, but perhaps it took a longer time to blossom. 

maafkan saya

I apologize deeply for making you people expecting a lot from me. I apologize for not performing better for this year. Something change in me this year. Perhaps my brain is no longer like before. Perhaps I have been bad to people that all these coming backfired at me like every single time. Sudah jatuh, ditimpa pula tangga.Aduh sakitnya!

I feel sorry for mom and dad. They have been my greatest listener to all my whining, to all my muttering about these and thats that didn't satisfy me. I kept burdening and making inflammations in their ears for complaining about how bad I have been and how pathetically I have done in my previous test 1. I want to make a correction to the previous mistakes I have done, but the more I tried, the more worse it becomes.

Last year, I was too bad forcing them to let me having what I wanna pursue. This year, Allah showed HIS POWER by putting me in this condition whereby everything I did nothing seems working. Astaghfirullahalazim. I repented. I regret for the things and troubles I caused my parents to deal up with. I am so ashamed of myself. I should have think wisely and I should have not been so selfish.

Another problem rises after the other. I have this misunderstanding with my roommate at college. And it all happened due to the fact that I switched off her morning alarm, because they kept ringing non-stop, and she didn't wake up for GOD SAKE! I who wish for a peace night, couldn't find any peace because of her unstoppable alarm so I went to her side, and just switch off the damn alarm. I can't get it why she has to set alarms every hour starting the moment she went to bed. Do you think you can wake up in an hour after dozing off at night? Have your rest well and if you wish to wake up early, don't ever think that you can wake up at 2 am, if you went to bed at 12 am? That's crazy. I am so annoyed of this person, so we have this cold war, and couldn't speak to each other for the moment. Whatever.

Seeing how my comrades excel so well in the test 1 scares me. When they ask how did I do, and I told them what EXACTLY I got for the papers, I could see the faces of disappointment. Words of advices pouring into my ear, but I am afraid, like so afraid that I couldn't do good after this. I am so sick of working hard but lacking the luckiness. I am sick of becoming weak at everything. I tried to console myself, that everything has it's silver lining. And that probably the least I can think of. Mom kept reminding me of one suratul Baqarah from the Holy Quran, which said that one thing that you hated the most might be the best thing that ever happened to you. And also, the thing you loved the most, could be the worst thing for you. Above all, seek Allah for guidance, for HE knows best. Astaghfirullahalzim. 

Mom, told me to be strong like Prophet Ayoub. Who stands still beside Allah. Praying day and night. Diligently obligate to Allah. He had once become rich and healthy. In a sudden, Allah tested his strength by taking away all that he had. Allah tested him again, with a disease that make him weaker. Then, came the devils, whispering awful things to him. Telling him to follow them instead praying hard for Allah's forgiveness. But, days after days, week after weeks, and later years by years, Prophet Ayoub A.S still confident that Allah is The One the Almighty One that he had to serve for. He never missed his prayers and so, His prayers were answered by Allah S.W.T. Allah blessed him with more wealth and prosperous health. 

The test I am enduring perhaps not as tough as what Prophet Ayoub A.S encountered. I must not be weak and rendering myself useless. I must stand up straight and walk and run if I can for the better way and better days. I should have been stronger after these weakening events. I should have been struggling harder both in my obligations towards ALLAH the Greatest and also towards the studies that I have to brushing up at. 

>>>p/s: Pray for strength rather than having good events. Because everything has it's own thorns, don't let get yourself hurt<<<

Tron Legacy?

I was sweating all over the forehead. My ATM card went missing. Tried searching it in my purse and everywhere but it was nowhere to be found. Ah....how am I gonna go shopping? 

Two days before the incident happened, I went to Bank Islam, to ensure whether the allowances for the semester had been transferred into my account or otherwise. And yes, thanks to the KPT, now I have the money in the bank. I took the bank slip out and also the card, then drove off back home.

Yesterday, I noticed the card was missing. And, I was about to go for a shopping spree at Midvalley. Dad sent me to bank Islam, where I had to undergo few procedures to get a new ATM card, and burnt RM20 for that. It took an hour and a half at the bank since the officers did their job like so slow than ever. Luckily my little sister was with me, so I had a witness with me who can sign the document and all. We walked to KTM Kajang, which looked near but actually about 3 km from the bank. I who was wearing my gladiator shoes felt so regret because of the uncomfortable shoes.

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Arrived at Midvalley around 1 p.m. Quickly headed to the little surau, where it was crowded, like always. And, after that, went to Subway, where we decided not to eat, since the queue was so long. We went upstairs to the cineplex, and yes, the queue was long too. T.T. My heart wanted to watch Meet The Little Fockers, because I always think that watching something that can really tickle our funny bones, would worth the money. Then, my sister had a contradict opinion, in which she wanted to watch Tron Legacy. We took about an hour for queuing and the only available seatings for Meet The Little Fockers were at 4.30 p.m and for Tron, were at 4.00 p.m. My sister said, we should go for the earliest airing movie, so yeah Tron Legacy it was. T.T.

It was around 2.40 p.m, when we finally got our tickets. So, I went for my lunch at the foodcourt, where the food tasted like a stick. Not kicking my tastebuds at all but did wasting my RM10. My sister mocked me for eating at the food court, because the price I paid, would be just similar if I ate something cooler, like KFC or MCD? What a luck.

It was rather a tiring day for me. With a sore throat to handle, an uncomfortable shoes to walk in, and a runny nose to hate for, nothing seemed fine. Went to several shops, but found nothing catching the eyes. It was almost 4.00 p.m, so we headed back to the cinema. 

We sat at the most annoying seats of all, three rows from the front, so our eyeballs had to stand up causing the eyes to be so much of a sore. The sound was damn loud, that my eardrum was almost damaged. Eating popcorns worsen my sore throat. Coughing added to the dismay. It was nothing but a worst day for an outing. 

Tron Legacy, was having too much lights going on. The sounds were so electrified that I got a headache after it ended. After all, it was not a bad movie, but just too complicated for kids. I pitied some children who went there to watch Tron Legacy, I bet they had harsh time trying to understand about the tech stuff going through out the movie. 

Basically, the movie was about a man named Kevin Flynn, who runs this tech company, Encom. He had this vision of creating a cyber world named The Grid. He told his son, Sam, that one day when he succeed in building that world, everything would be beautiful, and he would bring Sam with him. One day, Kevin went missing, and drove the company that he runs together with a partner (I forgot this guy's name), to the bottom of non-profitable. His son became the heir of the company, but many of its board of directors, stole his programs and wanting to make profit of their own. Okay, going straight to the point, only after decades later, Sam, went to his father's old office down an arcade, where he was accidentally brought into his father's creation; The GRID. 

His father created The Grid together with his clone, named Clu and another man-made human called Tron. There they built programs called ISOs or whatever they called. Clu somehow, became rebellious, and became a traitor. Tron saved Kevin Flynn, and Clu destroyed all the ISO's but failed to destroy one program called Quorra.

Clu governed the Grid after that, and Sam's father lived far away in a mansion where everything is white. Sam who was brought into The Grid, was made to play games, where he had to destroy many other programs using a disk of memory who happened to be like a boomerang. T.T. He succeeded to the final battle, and he was brought to meet Clu. He first thought Clu was his father, but he wasn't. He battled again, and this time with Clu, where he had this stick-like device, which happened can evolved into a big motorbike. They raced, and yeah the movie was more like a video game. 

Sam was later saved by Quorra in a cool fast car. He was brought to meet his father, and a family reunion occurred. Then, Sam did everything to destroy Clu, in which till the end of the movie, they fought, with their super cool vehicles. They needed to head for the entrance, so that they could go back to the Earth. At the same time, Clu, happened not to have been killing the programs of ISO's rather making each one of them, as a troop of soldiers to conquer the Earth. Yeah like every villain would do.

By wanting to conquer the world, Clu had to have Kevin Flynn's memory disk. But at the end, only Sam and Quorra who succeeded to go back to Earth. Clu almost caught them, but he failed due to some power made by Kevin. He was then destroyed when he was brought back into Kevin's body. He can only be destroyed by his creator, who was Kevin himself. And, by that the Grid went vanished. 

Yeah, the storyline was heavy and somehow irrelevant. But the super CGI's were awesome to the maximum. You would also went asking yourself, what the heck with the title; Tron Legacy? Tron was not really described in the movie, he was just Kevin's comrade after all. Better name it The Grid or Flynn, right?

Whatever, but I went home with a fever and nothing was bought. What a day.

Semester Two Chapter 2

Like always, to blog at Puncak Alam takes time. Hard to use the Internet and no time to leisure blogging, literally speaking. Unlike semester 1, currently, tonnes of works are piled on the desk, and just pray hard that I could manage to settle them up in time. 

Anyhow, like I tell you readers earlier, in the previous post, I would like to jot down some objections regarding the talk by UPU staff thingy happened on last Monday the 22nd of November. Yes, like everybody knows, we here in Puncak Alam foundation centers are required to fill in the UPU form for applying our degree courses via online. 13 December is the date projected for us to start applying and continuous until the 26th of December if I was not mistaken. But whatever. 

Prof Ahmad, in just now Physics lecture, suggested us to CHOOSE Physics as our first selection for the degree programme. According to him, we better stick to things that aren't seems limited like Medicine, Pharmacy and dentistry. To note you readers widely, UiTM rather has only 350 spots for the three latter courses. 200 spots for medicine, 100 spots for pharmacy and 50 spots for dentistry. Hahaha. Laugh out loud people. With 1000 ++ ants of people here to compete for the same 'resource' and 'dreams', the possibility narrowed down at a much higher rate. Prof Ahmad went again telling us, sarcastically and frankly, how are we gonna go for medicine, if only a small number of us, obtained at least A in two important subjects; Biology and Chemistry? And, the sound of the cengkerik was heard. Even when he told us to CHOOSE Physics, a girl at the back, exclaimed loudly, AHHHH!!

Back to the talk given on last Monday, I was rather gonna puke, after hearing that, we BETTER go for courses that aren't likely going to be chosen by the applicants. The talker said, over and over, that we BETTER opt for something different, or in other words, choose the road less taken. Many Malaysians are gonna pick medicine. That's for sure, and even though many universities rated the least pointer at 3.50 for the applicant to qualify for the course, that is again A LIE. "Go for other universities", told the talker for the day. Don't choose UiTM unless you are really good and well-equipped with those charismatic features like amazing pointers and credibilities in many areas. And when I thinking back the moment when I whined after receiving a YES for being an asasi student, I looked back at myself at the mirror, and saw the reflection of a loser. I drowned in somewhat a lower charismatic person and having lack in credibilities in many areas. And, so many others here are WAY outstanding. I again feel jaded. 

In my minor group B1, still the friends are there. But, I feel hard to befriend with many of them especially the opposite genders. Like always, I am bad at socializing with the guys. And, the same thing goes for the girls. Not to mention, 3 persons in the B1 group I knew, got a flat 4 pointer recently. When I looked at them, I witnessed my weaknesses  'Lack of diligence' and 'Proud over the top'. Some of them, rather looked simple, and if we didn't bother to ask, probably until the semester II ends, we won't be able to know they were flat pointer students. Applause for them who gained triumph. They deserved it. And the least I could bear in my mind, is that, everyone has his or her own 'rezeki'. 

Before I am off, I also wanna brag that the foundation in science is planning to have the Grand Dinner, in which the further details are still phantoms. Now, the administration board are conducting a vote for the theme. I hope they organized it somewhere nearer, like Kuala Lumpur. But, yes, some might object. Grand Dinner will be a blast, I supposed. But still, on the assurance whether I will attend, is still in consideration. Perhaps, grand dinner is for those who really think socializing is their advantage. Crap, I am lacking in my confidence now. 

Asasi Grand Dinner Blogsphere.   (go or not to go)

I just voted for spring fling; the least that I think suitable and easiest to find a dress to wear. And, thinking of what to wear and put on is a serious problem too. Oh what a life! Plus, not returning home this weekend, weakened my pumping of the heart. Boredom will strike me in the bedroom. And going to and fro to the bathroom, and continuous studying, making me having a headache and eye sore. Adios.

>>>hoping for the sem II allowances to exist in the bank account A.S.A.P;( <<<<

University and School is different.

Well, it feels like only yesterday when SPM ended. Now the new batch of 2010 will face the same challenge eh? Goodluck, two weeks more for them to conquer it all. But, SPM is super easy, I tell you. Hahaha.

1. No more lonely ranger.

Once you are in University, the phrase no longer works. No matter what you do, you always need to be in group. Discussion and etc, presentation and lab reports, everything relies on good teamwork. I had troubles, because I used to work alone in school. In college, I couldn't grab the teamwork concept. It was hard for me to do the laboratory works and reports when it came to co-operation with other people who we don't even know. So, make sure you don't think that when you did well alone at school, it would help you in higher institution. Coz' it's not.

2. Time to be open

Open in aspects of relationships. Don't mingle with just a particular group of people. Balanced both. Because this will help you to gain more informative output and expand your networking.  More you know people, the more easier for you to get fast information about upcoming mock tests whatsoever, advance notes and activities that are going to be held so that you can get extra points for your cocurricular column.

3. Learn to be hungry

In college, there will be so many people each meal time is on. So, if you cannot withstand hunger, bring light snacks like cookies or whatsoever to munch between lectures. If you have many cliques, you can ask them to save you space at the cafe' or at the canteen. Sometimes, be nice helps. So that they can help you buy your meal when you cannot do it on your own.

4. No more teacher's pet

Everyone is basically treated the same by lecturers and tutors. You have to take note to have all your lecturers' contact number and emails, so that you can arrange for later meet ups personally. Tutors are not so much helpful though. One hour tutorial for each subject per week is not enough for you to master certain topic, so meeting up personally with your lecturers could help you gain some extra attention from them, and extra tips too. 

5. Uncertainty IS NOW your enemy

Even if you were the top student at your school, you are no longer committing to that title while in college. More rivals will try to beat you and the only key to strive is to work hard and super duper hard and hard some more. Sometimes, work smart also doesn't work. Even if you got more Aces than someone elses, your pointer will be lower than them. Things won't be fair like in high school. Face all the possibilities lie ahead. Besides, sometimes they are many copycats, but they still make it out to beat you because their copy cat works turns better, and the lecturers never knew whether they actually plagiarised the works or vice versa. So, yeah, it's an unfair world at college. And it will make you mad!

6. Weekends are super boring, so make fun yourself!

There are some colleges which offer good activities during weekends, but some there aren't any. So, please bring anything that can please you. Television is not allowed of course, but having computers is a must, for you to be online watching movies and whatsoever. This is vital for those whom hometown is far away. And, also mind to be active, because if you're bored, you need to go for outing, and the 'journey' for outing is super tiring. 

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to be continued. maybe. hahaha. Gambate for 2010 SPM-ers. I miss those moments of SPM though:( You will too later. Meanwhile, I will be enjoying another 2 weeks of holidays. Yahoo..!

Fahmi likes to arouse jealosy among those who are already in college. muahahahaha. thumbs up!

Scramble Eggs

Assalamualaikum every unreal followers. Saturday is a good day to sleep. Some fulfilled it with a walk with the love ones, some got errands to kick start, and I got nothing but a usual time off. Praise to Allah The Greatest Creator, for this easy going days HE gives me. Thanks for giving me this opportunity to be able to post something right here.

Yesterday, I accidentally break all the eggs that mom just bought. As a result, when I wake up, there was a bowl full of scramble eggs. And since the scramble eggs is better to be eaten while hot, it became sluggishly cold, and not tasty when we ate it for brunch. Yes, for short, I wake up at 12.00 p.m. T.T

I just read about the theory of conspiracy of the Jews, Freemason and what not from Kereta Mayat Blog. Hamka the author wrote it so long for a post, so I just took a short view at it. I knew, I had become rigidly quite obssessed by the videos of the divine book or the arrivals, and even almost completing the new one, PHASE 3. Stupid is what you can tell me. But, dont blame it on me. I was just bored. So bored, that I mostly sat in front of the computer and watching videos that intrigued me. 

Frankly, I didn't actually believe all that Hamka posted. I mean, it's up to us to believe and what not. For me, the Darwin theory is super annoying and misbelieve. Around the globe had been hypnotized by the theory that we as Humans originated from apes and monkeys. That is insulting as for me. I opt not to trust Darwin even how many proves he showed to the world. 

You know, after so many sources of reading that you can access in this modernity of the globalisation, you tend to be more annoyed by them. You can have those scrambled eggs thought about how this happen and vice versa. Maybe it's not my job to worry about the theory of conspiracy, about illumination, about Lady Gaga as Lucifer's worshipper and what not, till I became outrageously scared of watching Gossip Girl and even Glee for example. But too much reading, too much viewing is too a disease. Alas, we cannot even trust bookstores for dealing the books that we thought could broaden our views and minds. All we can trust is Quran. As for me, I tried to understand the translation, and I tried to ask God for what is behind those translation but I couldn't. Perhaps, those who knew Arabic is lucky. But, how many of them who really cares for what the Quran contents?

What we can now do, is just be silent if we have nothing to be shared. Silentness is a key for those who are not knowledgeable enough to prove things, or to have a stand for things he or she voices out. People nowadays kept looking for proves and that is not something to be blamed as we have been gifted the feeling of curiosity from within. 

Finally

Not a big hooha but just so happy that I got my L back. My driving learner license. Now, it is time to renew it, then starting it all over from a scratch. Going to another new driving school. Hope this time works. I wanna dvive so badly! After this, only then I can have my own car. Alhamdulillah.

>>>p/s: trying to study math and biology this holiday, but it seems like I am only gaining a good sleep, and not the good input for my brain<<<

Rules to type

WHY can't some people type down words in the computer or over the net properly?

Can you simply read this without getting your head tumble?

TkPelah, wak pEgILa tiDO.selAmaTbERpuasa.tata:)

or

Lme xchat NGan awK sBb tu DH LupE.

haish....infidels over the net are just annoying ...

The horror part of e-book system

LETS be paperless people! Adding to the dismay, just to download, or to buffer the e book takes such a long time!  (click to enlarge)