The Entity

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Kajang, Selangor, Malaysia
Assalamualaikum. Writing all the way from Belgaum, Karnataka, India. Missing Malaysia so much. But everything is just perfectly fine here. India makes people not just live, but SURVIVE. :)

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And remember, it always rain hard for those who deserve The Sun. :)

Sunday, 26 February 2012

Realiti USMKLE


USMKLE is an offshore campus of USM Kubang Kerian. We have merely just medical school here, whereby in Kubang Kerian, they also have dental, forensic medicine, dietetic and other health sciences courses.

We are barely 2 years old programme. Very young and very fragile indeed. We are lead by one incredible figure namely Professor Kamarudin Jalam or we usually called him Prof KJ.

Prof KJ is our deputy dean here. He lived here all by himself in a mansion behind our hostel. During study week, we would go to his house for some sessions of studying under one roof. 

I am in a second batch of students, our community is not that many, only 160++ I presumed. 

We do and make our University programs by ourselves. We made sportsday and organised it. We danced by our own choreography. We practice singing by ourselves. We made competition among us ourselves. We made Islamic programs by our own means. Easy to say, we made everything on our own.

Plus, we have to pay the rent by using the scholarship money. So basically, we are not rich even though we might have made people think we are rich. 

Tandoori nearby

We are forced to dine and have our meals at a student's canteen called MESS. This place is where we paid RM 300 per month for eating 3 meals per day. We used to have high tea too where at lucky times we'll get fried banana as our delicacy, but not anymore. Dining at MESS for the first 2 months was lovely as most of the food are consume-ably. Nowadays, the food is getting weirder and contains lotsa oil. Sometimes when they wanna cook the cabbage, it turned into cabbage soaked in oil dish. No wonder we are gaining weight.

During holidays, the MESS will stop operating. And thus making paying RM300 for a month meals an absurd thing ever. But sadly, the higher authorities of the KLE, made us eat here because they are afraid that we might have no time to cook for ourselves.

playing doctor sometimes

Cooking for ourselves is fun when you have the ingredients. To be frank, chicken is expensive. Fish is more expensive. Only fruits and vegetables are affordable. To have a fridge to store these groceries is like having to keep a phantom in the house. We never knew when we have to start paying for the electricity bill or to get rid of the fridge. What a life.

Now, it is summer here. It has been very hot and blazing hot. Unlike in winter, when it was freezing cold. At night, lotsa mosquitoes would be your sleeping partner and you will have to just be prepared having Vicks or Balms at your side. Also, if you study beside the window, and let is opens, please do welcome the bugs of your life to enter and disturb your attention. You will be having bees buzzing and the cockroaches swirling on the floor. 

hospital attachments sometimes

At shops, especially at Shop De Campus, please do stand the old female cashier, who works slower than slowpoke. And, please stand the attitude of these tempe (locals) who couldn't never understand the ethic of queueing up in a line to pay at the counter. It would be a waste of time sometimes just to buy a bottle of mineral water, so bring your own water where ever you go.

Cooking sometimes

To get coins here is very difficult. We still use the barter system, where when the cashier does not have enough coins to pay your change, he or she will replace it with candies. How insane. How can you use back the candies later on? The absurd way of life is that, so carry on your life...
Shopping at GOA sometimes

One good thing what you can find here is cheap novels, over half the price you can get at Malaysia. Also, the medical books are very cheap. Himalayas products for those who enjoy pampering beauty, are very very affordable. People makes business out of them. Beautiful sarees to make baju kurungs also something you would have a craze for. Nice strawberries for everyday snack? What you gonna say about that? HAHAHA

Bangles, anyone???

So, generally this is what the reality would seem. I am not saying I am not enjoying it, I do, but Malaysia is a way better home to be at. But living in India, would certainly made your eyes open wider of life. Real life.

Friday, 24 February 2012


Well, congratulations to Dr Arif Sahimin for getting A+ in recent examination at UiTM. You deserve it after well determination and perseverance. 

Congratulations too, to the bunch of collegemates who made it a success playing snow in Kashmir. I am jelly. Like a lot.

So, just accept it, no matter where we go, other people will get better opportunities, better grades, better look and a better life. I am in my life because only I can endure. Yeepeee :)

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Wordless Wednesday

In Kannada Wednesday is Budhavara ( V is pronounce as if it was a W) and (the last A is silent)

Plus, in Hindi they called it Budhavara too.


>>p/s: Trust me it was not 3 hours but 7 freaking hours! Nevertheless, it was a worthwhile trip. alhamdulillah.<<

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Goa | A short break

Assalamualaikum. {BEWARE: Don't read if you're lazy}

Good that I am able to post something again. Alhamdulillah, that I woke up and finally blessed with a week off from hectic life.

Last Saturday, 9 girls including me went for an embarking journey to the place called Goa. Thankfully, Goa is not that far from Belgaum. It only took us 7 hours straight. Very near if compared going to Mumbai or Bangalore or Cashmere. Hahaha. 

The tour leader was my dear friend cum secretary named Adibah, our co-driver was dear beautiful Yanti. Basically, going to Goa was not a proper plan. The KMB girls made the plan, and my roommate and I said yes at the last minute. We didn't regret at all going with these amazing friends:)

To start up with, we rented a van that can accommodate 12 persons, but in the end 3 of them cancelled and left just the 9 of us. We can say the van is just-enough comfortable through out the journey. The small size girls can easily sleep like a boss in the van. Pity Yanti though who had to sit at the front almost every journey just to ease us with the driver who cannot speak English at all. He only knows Hindi. In the end, the driver named Mahdi (A hindu !) just wanted to sit besides Yanti and no one else. Dasar miang kan??

The journey TO Goa was not breath taking. It was hot all day long. I was wrong to wear black, as black absorbed heat so I was living in an oven. Plus, sitting at a position where the sun shone brightly directly to me, made me tanned without having to go to the beach. The best thing when we went somewhere with a group of girls who are older was that, they would think like how moms would think. Packed the journey with a big tupperware of Nasi Goreng was lovely. My roommate and I made karipap. We called it Karipap Tak Mandi, since we didn't get the chance to bath the whole night making the dough and cooking the stuffed to fill the karipap in. But we made it! Our karipap is the best karipap ever!!! for first timer of course :)

Sleep and sleep, the woke up and eat. The driver tuned on the Hindi song of the zaman batu ages, but we forced him to turn it off since some of us could not stand, and would puke during the journey. The road was wavy, was harsh, was rocky and was blazing hot! We crossed by some amazing sceneries as well as some deserted ones. We even passed by this plantation which looked like sawah padi, and the people only sleep in tents!!!! Pity them with all the dusty surroundings and the bad looking rugged clothes. Something to be learned from what we witnessed.

Reaching Goa, what we mostly saw, were the restaurants which merely all have bars in it. Dozens of westerners or must I say tonnes of westerners were there, happily relaxing at the restaurants, sipping bottles and bottles of wine and beer. We wonder what we can eat there. We finally found our place to stay. Luckily, Adibah had booked three rooms at Fatima Guest House. Of course, we can never trust India when it comes to a name that is familiar with Islam. Fatima Guest House is not owned by a muslim. Instead, its owner is a Christian. A dentist if I am not mistaken. My roommate and another girl named Anis Wahab chose the 2nd floor room and we got jealous by the other girls. Why??? Because our room has this TV with satellite channels and of course a lot spacious compared to theirs. What could I say? It's our luck! :D

In front of the stay, there's a Muslim Restaurant, called Aslam. But we also witnessed the signboards of the shops were mostly written in Ruskee. Russian alphabets. I knew the alphabets really well since I did learnt them for a month during 2010. However, I can't even read some of them as I cannot recall the alphabets . I became puzzled as Goa is a place almost like Mexico but then every signboards tell you something in Russian. Am I in an asian-russian? Perhaps yes!?

Then dear Anis Wahab told me that because Russians like visiting Goa so much, despite their bad proficiency in English, the Goans decided to named everything and make all the billboards in English as well as in Russian. That's why I see tonnes of blondies (most of them are middle ages and golden ages) at the restaurants sipping their favorite Henneken. Jahiliyah is what I can say.

So, too bad the Muslim Restaurant we went, was as slow as a snail. Or even slower than that. The price was costly too. Surely not a place where I would suggest you all to go! But if Goa, I still think it's a place for muslims to consider. The only Muslim restaurant that is purely Muslims I tell ya! The owner of that place suggested Shashilk Restaurant for dinner. It an Islamic restaurant he told us. 

After some nice lemon tea, my friends and I strolled along the shops to have some eye candy moment. Women and shopping are like wave and tide. Ahahaha! The shops were abundant. We were spellbinded, but beware! Do bargaining till half the price is yours truly! Don't get cheated by this sly Goans!!

Things I would suggest people to buy would be 

1. Goa T shirts (range from INR 100-250)
2. Beach Pants (range INR 100-150 each)
3. Beach Hats (range from INR 100-300)---> I got one for INR 100 ONLYY!!! (RM 7 that is)
4. Keychains (range from INR 20-60)
5. Fridge Magnets (range from INR 100-350)---> Bargain till half yo!!
6. Nice cloth bags (range INR 300-INR 600)
7.Star shaped lanterns making anyone ??

That's all I think. They are also many Kashmirian's leather shops where you can purchase some leather goods: bags/coats/belts/wallets cheaper than Mumbai. You can also shop for some pendants or jewelleries if that what you ought for! These shops are mostly owned by Muslims.

After tired of strolling and bought what we needed, we went to the beach. They are a lot of bars there, and the moment when we arrived, lotsa tourists were sunbathing. Our aim was to see the sunset and recite the Al Mathurat. Looked like we went there at the wrong time!! Plus it was blazing hot. Thus, we continue on strolling down the aisle of shops. And more money was spent: D

At 6 pm, we walked to the beach back. Sunbathing session ended. So we sat down at the clean sand, and start reciting the Al Mathurat while enjoying the wind as well as the Sunset. People was staring at us bizarrely but we continue on reciting till the sun set fully. It was nice....subhanallah:)

That night went to a restaurant called Souza De Lobo. It was at the beach too! Apparently, walking to the restaurant was frightening. Lots of this annoying men and drunken humans. The restaurant is attached with bar. I went inside, and I was shocked by how crowded it was with drunken humans. Some of them are quieing for more beers and wines! It is certainly not a place for dinner. 

The restaurant was actually been recommended by our seniors. Looking at it, I was perplexed how did they eat there. Certainly, they served ham and they must cook using wine there. Sometimes, eating is also an issue that we must be properly taken care off. Another friend named Adeebah told us, Allah has put such a strict rule upon eating not because He wants to put harsh onto us, instead He wants to test our Imaan. He wants to see how do we take care of ourselves while away from getting Halal food, He wants to see which of His servants are the loyal ones. But sometimes, we take it from granted, we took Allah's command for granted. Even if I do eat seafood at that restaurant, that served ham and wine and beer, can I say confidently that my food is halal? How about the way they prepare the food? Of course, I could ask the waiter to tell the chef or the cook to avoid using wine while cooking the food, but how about the utensils used? Aren't they polluted already? There are many thoughts that we must think deeply thorough. Haram food must be avoided even how hard it may be!

At last, we went to Shashilk restaurant, ate western instead of dreaming for lobster. It was so costly for lobster :(( Too bad, the service was off under rated one, very slow and the grilled food turned burnt!. Overall for 9 girls, the price went up to INR 1350 around hundred ringgit plus plus:) Okay for me, but some of them eat this Fish Steak that cost around 20 ringgit and not even worth it! While we were on the way back, they screamed how regret they were for eating eat ! HAHA. (I was in the air as I got my fresh pineapple juice!!)

The next day, I thought of playing the paragliding, but I had no guts!! Water is always scary what not it's Goa not Malaysia. I went to the beach and quickly got myself wet. Love the waves so much! Feel like having them again now! We recited the Almathurat once more, then came some locals who offered us water games like bumper riding, banana boat and stuff. Many came, but at last we got INR 130 per person for banana boat. Sadly, it is not worth it at all! It was a short ride, not as fun as when I was in Sabah last year. Gosh! I miss Sabah and the troops at asasi:( I didn't get my paragliding ride thanks to my under-confidence. Waaa:( But I promised myself to come again and get the ride done before returning to Malaysia for good!!

Anis Sakinah, another Anis, who is popular with her cuteness, acting childishly at 21 years old, want to play the banana boat like crazy. We were on a small fight trying to get the cheapest rate. And INR 130 per person was the cheapest we could ever obtained. Sadly, I did something to my roommate back then, so she went back to the guest house alone without having the ride. Sorry though.

Playing with the beach was superb! Goa is such a heaven of big waves. The water is just nice, not cold just warm and the wave was amazing. Having fun like a blast! Too bad for some of the girls who didn't join though. They are just too old to play, said Anis Sakinah.

Get back to the guest house, rinse our selves, bathed then packing to go back to Belgaum. Searched for another restaurant that we can have our lunch. The place called Infrataria something. Sadly, it too served ham and wine and beer. We ended up buying lots of processed drinks and some crisps to eat during the long journey. Then, Yanti found this vendor. He was selling briyani. Yanti at first didn't see that it was written the briyani was halal, but then she found it when the vendor told her he's a muslim. We were gifted at that moment. Allah has certainly the best plan for us. He knew we were hungry and tried hard to find halal food, so there it was, the briyani vendor. 

Lucky us the briyani was superb. Not very oily, and bulky just nice for RM7. The best thing it is halal. Next we moved our journey to the legendary Fort Aquada. Nice place to see the Arabian see from on top of a hill. This was where I got a Goa T shirt and my straw hat at INR 100 each. YAHOO! Also, I get to drink at last the coconut juice yahoo!!!

Chapel St Chaterine was next.  A nice chapel built by the famous history text book person called Alfonso De Albuequeque. The interior was very nice to see, the carvings and all, sadly no photos are allowed T.T No!! The archeology museum was okay over all even though I was having a bore seeing the potraits and all. My eyes certainly not created for arts eh? But now I know how Vasco Da Gama looks like.

After the hot day, everyone was starting to have head ache, so we decided to let Goa go. We left Goa and headed to Jawarhalal Nehru University. Again, the journey was fun. It was long and more breathtaking. It was funny too sometimes. We even did our prayers together in the van, and it certainly tighten the bond between us.

Overall, the short break was splendid. The KMB-ians sisters are so sporting and very nice indeed. Our holiday didn't turn into just a mere holiday but filled with joy and food for the souls. Certainly, looking forward for another holiday like this one, insyaAllah:)

fact: Goa has the most abundant dental clinics in India. waaaa. 

Dr Raichur

Assalamualaikum readers:)

{I am actually in the mode where it's hard to concentrate to type peacefully because my feet is itching because they got bitten by some annoying ants that always invade my territory-the desk}

Anyhow, like I promise, I would write about the person named - Dr Raichur, so I am here.

Dr Raichur is a physiologist, an Indian of course, our physiology lecturer cum the director for the Phase 1 of USMKLE. 

For the passed three blocks that came up for Selanjar 2, he dealt with our lessons on physiology almost every day. And every day, we would crossed by his long 100++ slides of powerpoints per topic. It must be crazy for someone to prepare almost 100++ powerpoint slides for us, but that's what he as a lecturer wanna do to make sure we understand his topic to the max.

Unfortunately for him to have some students like me, whom looked quite attentive in class but the truth is the opposite. {I just wish I could change to the better, though}. So, in class I would say his lectures were amazing. He did his best to make us get thorough the important topics but em maybe it is my fault that when I tried to revise the lecture, everything seems so complicated.

Of course, to read books during study week is a moron-thing to do now. You cannot actually go back and refer to the text books at peak periods when it is just another 3 days before an examination. Books will let you sway and stray. It is better to read or refer to books one night before the lecture starts. And I will start that InsyaAllah, after many studying strategies failed.

Back to the topic, Dr Raichur has always advised us tor read before the lectures, but it's so hard for me. I don't even know what's happening at night. I maybe have zero stamina to stay focus. I hate to complaint on things like the curfew which is 9 pm for girls that deters us from attending the library for some peace. I don't wanna complaint my enthuasiasm for the Internet, but I lack the power already. At one spot, you will feel bored. Maybe because of homesickness? Yes perhaps.

One fine night, a friend told me that the next day's Small Group Discussion will be with Dr Raichur. My group was so terrified. We had like 29 questions to do in one and a half day. Heck not we can finish them all!. So a friend named Afiq quickly called me for the first time, asking me to divide the questions and asked me to be the leader. To be a leader is always a no prob for me, but to divide the questions when tomorrow is already the day for SGD, that's crazy.

I told Afiq that Dr Raichur was in charged the next day. He didn't wanna come at first but I insisted that he comes. (He is one of the hardworking boys in my group thats why). So yeah he did. We were all frightened like heck since Dr Raichur is very strict, very bold and very perfectionist.

One day, in his lecture, it was almost 6 pm, and my friend looked at her watch. My friend was scared that the lecture might end late since she had not perform her Asar prayers. When Dr Raichur saw this, he quickly sounded my dear friend, and asked why she looked at her watch in a stern voice. He told us that he doesn't like when students see the watch or the clock, as it disturbs him by telling we are in rush for something other than his lecture. Gulp.

I once did laughed in front of his lecture because of my friend's joke. He saw me, and asked me what's so funny. I said nothing about three times, and almost quarrell with him over that small matter. Even joking and laughing a little is a mistake in his class. T.T

Back to SGD, many of the group members didnt show up. I wonder why eh? And the questions that I already divided among my friends were taken for granted. He will be the one who will decide who gonna answer the question, meanwhile everybody was so scared since we didn't prepared for ALL the questions. :O

When it came to me explaining the AP graph of cardiac muscle, he always looked in doubt. He mentioned how bad my graph was, and it wasn't systematic. He would give a zero mark for it if I were to sketch that in my exam. He is very perfectionist and very detailed person. last Afiq was the one who helped me with it. 

Everything was in a strict manner that day. A very stern SGD for sure. But I do have some proposal I wanna make for USM's way of having these SGD and all. I would post them later. 

Doctors must be perfectionist in his work. Work to the detail parts of everything. Only then, you can be a versatile doctor.

Looks like no more slumberland for me.....

Wednesday, 15 February 2012


I frankly took this from Dr Zoul's blog. And this is what I want to be exactly. Professional in the eyes of my patients and society, but at home I will live in a wrecked-ship. 

To say that I am certainly ready for all the outcomes, and the consequences, it would be all lies. You see, once you are entitled with medical school, your life would be different, no matter how your brain makes you think you are the same person.

For instance, my schoolmates are planning on a reunion. Reunion for being 20. Due to the fact that I am actually far from home, deters me to join, apart from not having Chiam beside me. And 5 years away from all those friends and families can make you crazy. Now I know the benefit of studying locally.

Mom on the other hand will always hoping that I study almost 24/7. But I actually have brain-clot somewhere. I encounter this terrible instance memory loss and I cannot persist long-term memory well enough to stuck all these block lectures in my head. Somewhere in my body or brain is lacking of something. I don't know what it is, that's the main problem. Even now, I always prone to have the family or friends to chat with through Skype so that I won't be that homesick. Deactivating facebook is my long thought decision as to make my family realizes that they have to tune up to Skype to 'see' me from far.

In the other 10 years, when I finally start working for the government, people would think I work for money mostly. Plucking money from the tree, to and fro to the hospital and come back home with sleepless nights, this would be a daily routine. Working hard and tired and almost losing a mind can't never be compensated with a high wage. Mind is always priceless and come prior to get the healthy doctor on duty.

To reflect back, what I think I do is acting like Dr House. The cynical but brilliant fake doctor tonnes have watched over the past 8 seasons if I am not mistaken. Frankly speaking, during pre-med, heck yeah I thought I am almost like Dr House. Even reading the Embryo or glancing at the ATLAS, I finally think that I have somehow surpass the world of dumb to the world of geniuses. But, deep down inside, I only fantasize myself and my surroundings. The more I know, the more I don't know.

At home, the real situation is very upsetting. You will get back wearing the pyjamas, heating up the water to make a cup of coffee for the trillions time for the week, and consume your meals, but then again, it often comes out to me that I become confused on what I should give focus to. Like which topic should I master first, or which subject should I give prior to. Sometimes, in the middle of walking to and fro, in the room, I always stop for a sec and becoming blank of not knowing what to do. It's like muscle stiffness and some cerebellar disease or something. 

Books and books are lovely. Soulmates for this journey to begin with. I love my books but are so hard to let the knowledge from them got intact to the memory. Why? Is it because of the food I consume? Is it because I no longer get the 'saint' pure food from home or mom home-made dishes? Maybe. Or maybe because I get rid of the habit of eating raisins and drinking zam-zam water from my daily consumption, just because I cannot get them right here? Probably....but to speak aloud: Where the heck is my brain power?

Answering selanjar 2, isn't as smooth as it was during selanjar 1. I don't know what happened, but what I know is I don't quite get the input from what I studied. This is sad. Is it because I am more prone of believing that I would look stupid after have studied but unable to score the high marks? Maybe because I want to brag about the marks rather that I focus on the knowledge I'd get? It's hard.

I am in the dilemma of getting the right strategy to get back the brain power. How to get all these into the brain. How to remember the pictures in the atlas? How to understand easily the concept of physiology and the names of enzymes in Biochemistry? 

The person who I am now, is a person who is not longer the person whom I used to be. I certainly have some problem in the body but I don't know what it is. Hermmm.....the agony...

Monday, 13 February 2012

Selanjar 2 on 14.2.2012

Uhhhhh.....I am in pain

Ya Allah, berilah aku ketenangan jiwa dan minda untuk menjawab segala apa yang akan kutemui dalam peperiksaan ku. Berilah aku ilham sewaktu aku lupa, kerna hanya padaMU sahaja dapat ku pohon pertolongan. Jauhilah aku daripada riak dan ujub dengan ilmu yang telah aku perolehi...Sesungguhnya KAU sahaja tau yang terbaik buatku...

Friday, 10 February 2012


Just read all these lectures almost break my nerves.

And this is just for selanjar 2....

How will I get to stand for pro exam if continue like this....

It's a suffer, for forever dream career

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Ranting Otak

ni bukan kedai jual todi ye anak2.

Well actually wanna post Wordless Wednesday. Just noticed that I had this wonderful phone K770i which is cybershot then I bought a new one. The new one is far different from the K770i and the camera is so lame. sigh.....

Ini ialah BRAINSTEM ye anak-anak.

To know what the heck is brainstem, you can google it though. When we talked about brain, we  must at first just know the Cerebrum, but it's more than that. Okay, so as a first year medical student, it's a must to know where the cranial nerves are located. The cranial nerves are denoted in ROMAN numerals, like Olfactory Nerve (I) is for the smelling. And I actually have 12 Cranial Nerves to get stuck in my brain.

Okay, better stop blabbering here. This is certainly not wordless wednesday. Lol.

Monday, 6 February 2012

You will read if you know

A thousand miles would I walk if I wanna see you tonight. If only if you know how you meant to me. And yes I regret for not being your closest friend first.



Le Truth

Just read blog.arif. And what you can find in his latest entry is about MARA, that they don't actually apply the SPC- skim pelajar cemerlang thingy. Like before, those who got SPC (the excellent student scheme) would just have to pay 1% of the total sponsorship they got for their studies. Not anymore bustards!

Well even arif himself is still unsure about this matter. I mean he completed his degree, and he is just hoping that it would be 100% sponsor like it used to be. What the real picture is NOW , MARA has completely revised its policy.

So 20% is what I have to pay after finishing my MD here. Hooray!...And it's a lot I tell you. So don't blame me why I keep on blabbering on saving up. You see, I am no richie kid. I can't depend on my parents all the time. It is already a sin asking money from them at this age even though I am still under their responsibility. At 20, am I kidding my self? 

For sure, I hope this scheme is not gonna change anymore. I wonder how those who finished studying will contemplate on this matter though. Must be so disappointed.

But here one thing:

You are under JPA sponsorship, then you're obliged to work for the government for 10 years. If not, you have to pay ALL the sum of sponsorship you get.

You are under MARA, then you're obliged to pay back about 20% of the total sum you get in the first place, but it is convertible under certain rules and terms. (No need working for government for 10 years)

So which one do you prefer now? 

Bank Negara, Petronas, Shell, Yayasan??

It is all up to you and of course your important SPM results and pointers. 

Sunday, 5 February 2012

DR Raichur

Well ada kisah dengan seorang physiologist yand bernama seperti di atas. Nanti gue tulis deh...sekarang sedang sibuk melayan perasaan tak tentu arah study week, yang tak berapa nak progressive. Sigh. I need a spark in my life now.

Masih juga dalam teka-teki nak kemana cuti seminggu lepas exam. Alahai sayang, seminggu aje pon, tak sempat bersuka ria dah kena berduka. And upon all, I do think USM need to revise how they can reduce stress among us students. 

Hari ni, em nak habiskan notes on anatomy, memang tinggal harapan la. Serious penat sayang semua, because looking at the slides like every single details you have to know, but our deputy dean did say that they don't actually hoping we know everything. Tapi Indian lecturers ni lain sikit perangai. They are like books memorizer. Cuba buka buku Chaurasia (a book on dissecting) and you can actually hear the same phrases and sentences just like in the book from their mouth. THE AGONY!

Okay itu sahaja yang dapat dicoret. Dr Raichur, is a person I wanna brag...but later after finish exam. LOL

Saturday, 4 February 2012

The 13

Well, they, the 13 of them, came to join us here a bit late. Almost like 2 months gap between us and them. They said they were belittled. They were treated harsh in USM Kelantan and they were in mental distress that they were given permission to not attending classes for the first months.

One day I received news from a friend who is one of the 13, that they won't be coming here. Everyone was in despair. Of course, it was like a part of us was being separated. They were given a lot of choices on what they should do instead of coming here by MARA. But some of them were really freaking furious at that time, while little of them were really patient. I adored those who was patient enough.

Then, after a while of hiccups hearing bad news from their side, well they were actually 21 in numbers but reduced to 13 for some reasons which I couldn't make out, I suddenly received this message from the same person, the same friend I used to been receiving message, that they were allowed to come.

Once they arrived, none of them were looking joyful, because of certain reasons and mishaps that happened. Some of them weren't been given the rooms at the same hostel as the earlier peeps have. They were in mental distress again going to and fro the guest house. Pity them though.

Most of the 13 friends I mentioned are really a great persons. Funny, outrageous, smart, one of them truly KNOWS Hindi which is a very good thing, one is very athletic, one is super intelligent and full of ideas, and you named it. Also, some of them are really porous but at the same time cute and friendly.

The bond between them however is something you can't deny of the strength it has. It's like hydrogen bond you learned in Chemistry. So strong. They are like sticking together as a synctium almost 24/7. Then, shaitaan whispered me this words that leaded me to jealousy. And the jealousy becoming stronger each day.

I am generally jealous of the bond they have as a group. I mean the girls can rely on the boys member so much that is almost looking like they are some kind of a family. When one get sick, the other will quickly come and lend some medicine. When the canteen is closed due to certain holidays, like for a week, the 13 of them would cooked and eat together at the canteen, which I had never experienced. Also, on study week, they would make this synctial work by doing study group. Get down this white board and prepared for the tutorials and they would learn like that which is efficient. And during vacation week, they would go for a picnic or shopping as the 13. Which for me is the sweetest thing ever.

So sad, that I don't quite have that here. 
I mean I feel alone. And this is bad. Even now, I am.....actually alone.

I am in a terrible jealousy syndrome that I have to get rid off, but just couldn't help it.
They are so happy together and they are family.

Deep down in my heart I want that sort of things too but I just couldn't get one.
But maybe because this is what's the best I can get?

>>p/s: why?<<

Friday, 3 February 2012

Medic-student Pressure VS Maulud Nabi Muhammad s.a.w

Actually I am in a condition of major dilemma.

Maulidur Rasul is this Saturday. I have this crossword puzzle to be completed. It needs me to know various important things that related to the life of Rasulullah S.A.W. 

I tried to complete it by Google most of the answer. This is what happened kids, when in high school, you learnt Islamic Education for the sake of having a big smile on the Ustazah's face as well as to get the A on your slip.

Well, the questions are really tricky. Not everything can be Googled, is what I learned from this event. One of the questions is, write the name of a place where many JINNS were reverted to Islam. Another one is what is the name of a person who reverted to Islam because he wasn't willing to see Prophet Muhammad s.a.w to be insulted? 

Even the crossword puzzle linkage seems to make people confused. And I just knew that we have to pass this by 12 am...which I obviously fail to do that. T___T sorry.

I love you dear HEART, but I am also tired LEARNING about you. But my heart deep inside tells me to be a cardiologist one day:)

Simultaneously, it's hard to answer and revise for Cardiovascular system. Everything is Physics now, eh no! Physiology! But it's damn tricky! I don't know what to write anymore on the answer papers. Plus, tomorrow we have an exam to face. Clap, clap, clap. 

End block again. And please make tomorrow's night come quicker. I am tired actually because for the small group discussion we are going to have tomorrow, most of the people are trying to pick the easiest question available, make me a leader who have to deal asking people which questions they want (apparently, this wasted my time) , and how great because we are going to have Dr Raichur as our supervisor cum tutor. And everyone is afraid of Dr Raichur for certain reasons. Clap again.

At the end, I drown into this dilemma of whether to finish my crossword puzzle or to finish doing this questions. But in the end I chose to blog because 'the blog' is a friend I can trust who is not alive. 

>>p/s: Esok pasti lebih baik daripada hari ni!!! Yakin dengan Allah<<

Thursday, 2 February 2012

short mumbling

Today I feel people do not respect me. Actually, I felt it a long ago. When people actually seems to not notice that they have to pay some respect for me. Am I asking for too much?

These days, when it almost pass 6 months being here all alone, I do feel something is wrong. I mean I am facing this complex situation where I cannot tell people. A friend noticed (well, I thanked him for noticing), that something is not well with me. He asked me who. I just can't answer. Too egoistic. I just told him, that he is not that close that I should tell the real story.

I am a person who love to express what I feel. I am somewhat an artist deep down, but too bad I sing badly, so I cannot make a song about it, nor am I a poet. So I just like to mumble. Telling this story, I mean problem to mom also seems to be so awkward. Then, I realised, I don't quite have a person for me to trust. 

Also, being a secondum assistant to this one leader is also seems to be a nuisance. He always forget to help in whatever things I asked kindly for, which at last made me disappointed. Sometimes, I think he disrespect me in things I am doing. But I am not doing things for selfish reasons, instead I am doing for the whole colleagues here:(

Been six months here, at least what I can find is a good room mate. I just need some fresh air somehow. It's also awkward that I don't feel happy...instead very very very sad. 

>>p/s: Ya Allah, if it's true I am not meant to be with the person I adore and love, bring me closer to you please. For your love is my greatest reason why I have to live happily. Please erase this sadness dear Allah.<<