Selanjar 2 on 14.2.2012

Uhhhhh.....I am in pain

Ya Allah, berilah aku ketenangan jiwa dan minda untuk menjawab segala apa yang akan kutemui dalam peperiksaan ku. Berilah aku ilham sewaktu aku lupa, kerna hanya padaMU sahaja dapat ku pohon pertolongan. Jauhilah aku daripada riak dan ujub dengan ilmu yang telah aku perolehi...Sesungguhnya KAU sahaja tau yang terbaik buatku...

The 13

Well, they, the 13 of them, came to join us here a bit late. Almost like 2 months gap between us and them. They said they were belittled. They were treated harsh in USM Kelantan and they were in mental distress that they were given permission to not attending classes for the first months.

One day I received news from a friend who is one of the 13, that they won't be coming here. Everyone was in despair. Of course, it was like a part of us was being separated. They were given a lot of choices on what they should do instead of coming here by MARA. But some of them were really freaking furious at that time, while little of them were really patient. I adored those who was patient enough.

Then, after a while of hiccups hearing bad news from their side, well they were actually 21 in numbers but reduced to 13 for some reasons which I couldn't make out, I suddenly received this message from the same person, the same friend I used to been receiving message, that they were allowed to come.

Once they arrived, none of them were looking joyful, because of certain reasons and mishaps that happened. Some of them weren't been given the rooms at the same hostel as the earlier peeps have. They were in mental distress again going to and fro the guest house. Pity them though.

Most of the 13 friends I mentioned are really a great persons. Funny, outrageous, smart, one of them truly KNOWS Hindi which is a very good thing, one is very athletic, one is super intelligent and full of ideas, and you named it. Also, some of them are really porous but at the same time cute and friendly.

The bond between them however is something you can't deny of the strength it has. It's like hydrogen bond you learned in Chemistry. So strong. They are like sticking together as a synctium almost 24/7. Then, shaitaan whispered me this words that leaded me to jealousy. And the jealousy becoming stronger each day.

I am generally jealous of the bond they have as a group. I mean the girls can rely on the boys member so much that is almost looking like they are some kind of a family. When one get sick, the other will quickly come and lend some medicine. When the canteen is closed due to certain holidays, like for a week, the 13 of them would cooked and eat together at the canteen, which I had never experienced. Also, on study week, they would make this synctial work by doing study group. Get down this white board and prepared for the tutorials and they would learn like that which is efficient. And during vacation week, they would go for a picnic or shopping as the 13. Which for me is the sweetest thing ever.

So sad, that I don't quite have that here. 

I mean I feel alone. And this is bad. Even now, I am.....actually alone.

I am in a terrible jealousy syndrome that I have to get rid off, but just couldn't help it.

They are so happy together and they are family.

Deep down in my heart I want that sort of things too but I just couldn't get one.

But maybe because this is what's the best I can get?

>>p/s: why?<<

meaning of A+

Ok. This post tells you readers how 'stress' the form five batch gonna be this year. That includes my brother of course.

Last Sunday, I happily and willingly eager to follow mum and dad to SM Sains Tuanku Munawir or previously known as SASER. Objective was simple; to fetch my brother's previous mid-year exam slip.

Brother in magenta, with dad in white, heading to meet the teachers

We were kinda late since every classes were crowded with parents and family members. Altogether, we took about two hours and managed to meet almost all the teachers except for his math teacher and Ustaz.

Not to boast, but my brother turned out to score quite well even though he did flunk compared to last year's. He is now at the 18th spot in the overall 100++ form five students in the school. Not bad considering that he's now at Saser. He managed to get 2nd place in his class and the boy who was at the first spot in his class managed to beat other boys and consistently at his comfort zone of being on the very top of the scorers. 

Teachers mostly aimed big. At boarding schools, usually, teachers would spoon fed you. And it depends on how hard you did your revision to enable you to score good marks. Frankly, my brother didn't score a straight A's and he did worse in Bahasa Inggeris which made all of us quite shocked. But I am not that 'afraid' and 'concern'. Because, you see, mostly, students won't show their true colors during normal exams but will turn to roaring lions and score so well at the real examination.

My parents were quite relieved to hear that my brother has not that much of a problem regarding disciplines and focus. Just that he like many others would sometimes fall asleep, and that is normal for teenage boys at boarding schools. Teachers asked my brother to aim for A+ and at least A. Even A- these days won't bring you 'nowhere'. They somehow frightened him, I could see in his eyes. Adding up to the fact that he's now among the line of boys who are being nominated as potential scorers. 

'Score A+ wan...and scholarships come kneeling to you' -- this is ALMOST how the teachers sounded. At the same time, my brother looked scared.

the boring and sad face of a 17 year old SPM candidate

The best thing happened to me at his school was that teachers kept noting me as my brother's little sister meanwhile I am the eldest. Funny though because I usually looks like someone's mother. :P HEHE 

And knowing how hard it is for my brother to hold that position right now, make I pity him. Boarding school has surely changes him to the better. Better in the sense of his studies. troop of friends and also social skills. It makes me happy seeing him there. At least, he will be having one Alma Mater to brag about once he leaves. Hahaha.

A+ for core sciences subjects are tougher than anyone could ever imagine. Even I myself failed to obtained those pluses. Just pray that he could. He has the potential. And I'll pray for his best every single seconds. 

>>>p/s: relax bro. 3 more months, then enjoy your heart out. You will be drown with boredom AHAHA. By the way, his Biology teacher told him to be a doctor, but he himself said NO<<<

maafkan saya

I apologize deeply for making you people expecting a lot from me. I apologize for not performing better for this year. Something change in me this year. Perhaps my brain is no longer like before. Perhaps I have been bad to people that all these coming backfired at me like every single time. Sudah jatuh, ditimpa pula tangga.Aduh sakitnya!

I feel sorry for mom and dad. They have been my greatest listener to all my whining, to all my muttering about these and thats that didn't satisfy me. I kept burdening and making inflammations in their ears for complaining about how bad I have been and how pathetically I have done in my previous test 1. I want to make a correction to the previous mistakes I have done, but the more I tried, the more worse it becomes.

Last year, I was too bad forcing them to let me having what I wanna pursue. This year, Allah showed HIS POWER by putting me in this condition whereby everything I did nothing seems working. Astaghfirullahalazim. I repented. I regret for the things and troubles I caused my parents to deal up with. I am so ashamed of myself. I should have think wisely and I should have not been so selfish.

Another problem rises after the other. I have this misunderstanding with my roommate at college. And it all happened due to the fact that I switched off her morning alarm, because they kept ringing non-stop, and she didn't wake up for GOD SAKE! I who wish for a peace night, couldn't find any peace because of her unstoppable alarm so I went to her side, and just switch off the damn alarm. I can't get it why she has to set alarms every hour starting the moment she went to bed. Do you think you can wake up in an hour after dozing off at night? Have your rest well and if you wish to wake up early, don't ever think that you can wake up at 2 am, if you went to bed at 12 am? That's crazy. I am so annoyed of this person, so we have this cold war, and couldn't speak to each other for the moment. Whatever.

Seeing how my comrades excel so well in the test 1 scares me. When they ask how did I do, and I told them what EXACTLY I got for the papers, I could see the faces of disappointment. Words of advices pouring into my ear, but I am afraid, like so afraid that I couldn't do good after this. I am so sick of working hard but lacking the luckiness. I am sick of becoming weak at everything. I tried to console myself, that everything has it's silver lining. And that probably the least I can think of. Mom kept reminding me of one suratul Baqarah from the Holy Quran, which said that one thing that you hated the most might be the best thing that ever happened to you. And also, the thing you loved the most, could be the worst thing for you. Above all, seek Allah for guidance, for HE knows best. Astaghfirullahalzim. 

Mom, told me to be strong like Prophet Ayoub. Who stands still beside Allah. Praying day and night. Diligently obligate to Allah. He had once become rich and healthy. In a sudden, Allah tested his strength by taking away all that he had. Allah tested him again, with a disease that make him weaker. Then, came the devils, whispering awful things to him. Telling him to follow them instead praying hard for Allah's forgiveness. But, days after days, week after weeks, and later years by years, Prophet Ayoub A.S still confident that Allah is The One the Almighty One that he had to serve for. He never missed his prayers and so, His prayers were answered by Allah S.W.T. Allah blessed him with more wealth and prosperous health. 

The test I am enduring perhaps not as tough as what Prophet Ayoub A.S encountered. I must not be weak and rendering myself useless. I must stand up straight and walk and run if I can for the better way and better days. I should have been stronger after these weakening events. I should have been struggling harder both in my obligations towards ALLAH the Greatest and also towards the studies that I have to brushing up at. 

>>>p/s: Pray for strength rather than having good events. Because everything has it's own thorns, don't let get yourself hurt<<<

Trying harder is not the answer

Assalamualaikum and rise and shine peeps here in the blog-O-sphere. Nothing more fun than the chance to wake up without having to bath early, to prepare early and to just worry about classes, work and the annoying people around you. Don't take the weekends for granted, mind that.

The previous two weeks had been quite a crap for me and I bet many others at Puncak Alam. Just imagine, that for preceding two weeks, the lecturers have been speeding up every topics, and there were Physics Presentation, due date of the submission of the ecology project and the misery of Test 1 for the second semester. I almost smacked out myself because there weren't any of the time spare for me to revise properly and to get a good night sleep. Whenever I shut my eyes to go faraway to New York in my dreams, I would be reminded of the need to go back to lecture notes. What a life.

I supposed that's what University life is all about. Everything must be comprehended on your own, and it is yourself only that could make everything seems fine work out well. My friends and I whom were doing the Ecology Project, together, were backfired with the fact that we actually killed ourselves for doing last minute jobs. Imagine how we were just about to start doing the essays on ecological niche, adaptation of the animals in our so-called make believe ecosystem, the biotic and abiotic limiting factors of it and everything else for the project for the whole one week. And it was on that particular ONE WEEK also, that we had to study like super hard for the test which we were conned right onto our face. I for once, felt so stupid and a fool. 

Test One was a misery for me. I repented. I wasn't supposed to study THAT HARD, and burnt the midnight oil, worrying about how to answer HARD questions. Instead, I should have take note on the simplest parts in which I overlooked them, and just neglecting them, which was the worst thing I ever did. So, basically I thought test one gonna be a blast. The questions I assumed to be tough and tricky and what not, except for Biology. But, in the end, they were the reverse of what I assumed. 

Physics

-Thought that I did my best remembering the formulas and understanding the concept, but I guess, I was wrong. I did my worst for the EASIEST physics test and I should note that Prof Ahmad had already told me in Facebook that it is gonna be an ANTIDOTE for the other paper. I studied like hell, but then nothing seems working. I flunk in understanding the concept of Doppler Shift. When two cars at the same speed and moving at the same direction, no doppler occurred because Doppler Shift depends on the difference in speed. I failed to master the concept of light, spectrum of colours, the colour that bend the LEAST is RED not violet. I also unable to hinder my careless mistakes, in which, the question asked for HOW LONG, instead, I became erratically confident, and answered HOW FAST. Every mistakes I did make me feel terrible. How can I did that to myself on the easiest paper ever. Perhaps, I could never perform well due to excessive nervousness.

I should be sorry and apologize to my dear prof ahmad. Physics is fun and easy, but I was just too careless. T.T

Biology

-Studied almost everything including circulation and I think I did my best, but turned out worst as well. Many answers I wrote at the first attempt were the right ones, instead, after reluctance of hearing to the heart, I quickly replaced the answer with foolishness. SHAME ON ME!

Mathematics

-Should have been more careful, and don't take the examples in tutorials for granted.

Chemistry

-Same like Physics, it was the EASIEST test, but then, I flunked badly. Reaction kinetics were the worst I did, and I am just too frustrated by how I perform. I can answer the questions in tutorials, but during the test, I was just drawn away by carelessness and over confidence. I wanna re-sit for the test so badly. T.T

Physic Presentation

-On OHM's Law, and I think my group did our best. The evaluators seemed to understand our presentation and accepted it with a smile. I am grateful that we weren't tested with nasty-harsh-superduper tough Physics application questions during the presentation. Only that one of the evaluator asked what type of wire we used, and we almost got it right, by implementing the formula of Resistance and resistivity of the conductor. 

I was amazed by how my friends, Nina Zulkifli and Fahmi Faisal did their AWESOME job at KMB for being among those who attained honour rolls. Despite all the hardcore subjects they learn and the over-excessive activities to do on one go, they still manage to shine. I envied them for some reason, but I knew that different people have different potential. Congratulations with the deepest joy from me here who can't do better than you guys, but could just be proud of having such amazing scorers as friends. Their dreams for overseas studies almost there, revealing, and I, still struggling but still flunk and flunk and just couldn't be awesome. Perhaps not my luck, or perhaps, I should go for other options  I just have to be normal and go with the flow like grasses on the wide field ready to be grazed by cows and goats. 

they who give me joy and the meaning of friendship at Puncak Alam. They are awesomers.

Study hard is not the answer to do well. Sometimes, relaxing works better. Keep calm also works better. Or perhaps I can shine no more.

>>P/S: going home after an intense week is a please. And, I am thinking of the next agenda to keep back on track. I lost. Plus, I am dissappointed that everytime I need to go home, there are always important events at campus. Today, USM's medical faculty is dropping by to give a talk. But, I can't go because I need a break from that place and boredom<<

huh

buat ape aku penat2 blogging, kalau takda sape pun perasan?

When the backbone is missing

if only you could feel what I feel

Please my dear friends, I am begging !! Begging that you could at least PLAY your role in our work here in UiTM. Stop thinking about loitering around, dating around or playing around, BE SERIOUS PLEASE!! I am tired. I wish I can yell this word in front of you! But, I won't do that because I know, it's not appropriate. I wish you could, BEHAVE like a student, THINK more like a student, don't depend on me too much! Please...to make our work done, to make our work fulfilled and satisfying, please PLAY YOUR ROLE, CONTRIBUTE SOMETHING, CONTRIBUTE IDEAS and CONTRIBUTE USEFUL ADVICE. I hate when some of you keep waiting for me for ideas, keep waiting for me to tell you what to do, keep waiting for me to make things right. It disturbs me! I need friends who can BE TOGETHER, WHEN TIME IS HARSH AND WHEN TIME IS WONDERFUL. I need these friends to cherish the moment while we are studying here. Please, BE that kind of friends.

UiTM adakah ia di hati?

So, yeah bloggy world, I am home...yipee...>.< Seriously, being at home was no fun like I had expected. I mean, it's like living in a gloomy hunted house, so quite, so boring, crap I am muttering again. I apologize. 

Well, at least, I am away from Puncak Alam. The UiTM campus. I must admit, the new campus is a beauty baby. Very futuristic, and the concept is somehow awesome. On 23rd  of May recently, it was the big day of registration process. Over 2000 new students arrived at the very place to register as foundation students, whether it be engineering or science. More than 2000 students came along with respective family members, so you must imagine how congest the place was! Some parents who were selfish, inconsiderately parked their cars in the middle of the road, causing the others to stuck in the traffic. Haih. Malaysians have to change!

Since the place is still a baby, I got a comfortable room. Every building has 9 floors, every nine floors consists of 6 apartments/house, and every house there is 4 rooms, every room equips 2 persons. Hahaha. So do the math. I can be considered lucky, since I got the room at Raflessia 4, which gives me a nice view of the campus from the top, especially at night, and very close to the mighty stairs. Did I mentioned the stairs consist of 232 baby steps? No? Okay now you all know. So, yes, everyday, I will have to survive going up and down the mighty stairs to go to classes, tutorial, lab and quizzes. Yey!!! I will be damn tired, damn exhausted and damn thin by I finished the one year course. I really wish I can be thin, because I am fed up of being fat and plump. Arghhh!

For the past 6 days, there was orientation week, or they called it Minggu Destini Siswa. The orientation was no fun exactly, more like the real process of registration. A lot of times, we listened to speeches, conducted by the dean, the lead of the programme, tazkirah, and about integrity and so on. And now it had finished, what a relief, but thoroughly the seniors were so cool and kind, not as fierce or snobbish like I had heard from others. >.<

Like you all should know, the students stay at the apartments located on a hill. To avoid hunger, there is a place called Kolej Raflessia, mainly a food court and I had already post the photo here a couple of weeks ago. There are only a couple of stalls on function, the others are still closed. The minimart has every essential that one needs, but I must say it's too small. Just imagine over 2000 students gathered at the Raflessia College to dine. What a crowded place. I can't even imagine what will happen during the fasting month. Haih.......>.<

As for transportation, well, there will be an hourly RapidKL bus, to send students outside of campus, like to the nearest Meru Town or Kapar town or even to the Klang Sentral. >.< This make it hard for me, and I really miss the KTM and LRT in KL. OH KL, you are still my baby! Then, as for classes, everyday, class starts at 8.30 a.m, but it depends because, my class on Tuesday, starts on 10.30. The time to return to our room also depends on the schedule given. But, for a day, it will be hectic, since, the location of tutorial, lectures and also laboratory work are different, and far from each other. Sigh. Will be Very busy after this. 

Now we go into the deeper part. The requirements to pursue a degree programme is at least 3.5 CGPA in hands. But, since there are too many students, I bet the competition is quite high, since most of the students in asasi sains wish to pursue medicine. So, this means I have to score 4.00 flat. For this 4.00 flat, a student must at least attains a A- for Mathematics and Biology, and B+ for Physics and Chemistry. Besides that, a student must also score a band 3 in MUET, plus to make the requirement fulfilled, a student should have participated in 8 activities to achieve the maximum 10 marks. I am very worried here. 8 activities? Hoolala...>.<

The problems in UiTM Puncak Alam is that, is hard to dine around here. The Raflessia College could not equipped that too many students. Plus, the hourly bus, should be upgraded at least 15 minutes each right? To be frank, in UiTM, we're treated just as the same as school kids, the only difference is we can bring our own laptop, and handphones, or MP3 alike. And, I just have to buy more baju kurung, since I will be wearing them often. :( I really hope I could fine my cliques as soon as possible. Cliques like Nina and Aida I am hoping for like really bad. Haih....with 200 students in a lecture, please give me strength!!! 

Ya Allah, for only You know what best for your slave, show me the right path, show me strength, give me the strength. Please!!

I need a remedy.

Seriously people, why do I have to be weak and pathetic? Yes. I might have grown, in terms of physical, but in terms of mindset, what a childish old rubbish. I tend to feel annoyed of myself. I tend to have difficulties to smile. I cried, until eyes swell, and yet nobody cares don't they?

Yesterday, I was playing truant from dear old college. Not like I would be there for another week, and not like I will sit for the semester II exam like others would. I feel shattered as I sat back, alone, reminiscing the first reason I went to that college. For what? Is it just for the sake of knowledge, as preparatory program to medical school? or just the sake of meeting a friend I would really like to meet. Of course, I did forced my parents to send me there and it involved a lot of persuading and crying and begging, and do I have to brag out more of the past? NO...

I was having a problem with my Internet connection, and yesterday I knew my friends at college would send message or post something on the wall of facebook. I really addicted to them! Today would be the very last day, I will be spending in that very college. I feel so dull, and unhappy, sad, and a lot more. Yesterday, I tried to persuade mom. "MOM please, let me go to Russia, Please!!"  Mom on the other hand, could not even a single chance change her mind. She told me how childish I am, how immature I am, and how boastful I am towards Russia. She told me that I could not survive, that I am more like someone who cant be independent. Argh. That's hurt. And yes, I don't know. I don't know what to do. No one close to me really support what I am trying to show them. They only see the dark sides. Shoot! Sometimes its better to die early....

Seriously, I need a remedy. A remedy that could make me happy again. I hate the fact that, I just went to the college for the sake of going there, get some knowledge for another foundation in UiTM? What the heck? Mom also told me that if I didn't get the required results needed like a 4 flat she would definitely jot President College as a college of nothing but a waste. Again, a failure. Shoot!

Days have been tough

Trees, Birds, Moon, and Stars why are my days turn into scars? Yeah, people, if you could see what my face is showing. It shows uncertainty, dimmed without sparks and zits all over because of prolong massive depression. It is maybe true. Allah loves me so much, and that's why HE is testing me this way. The only thing that I am capable of doing now is, flow with the wind just like the kites in the air.

I am sad. So sad. Take my words, I am sad that I can't go out of where I belong. My dream again vanished, and there's no one I could hold to, to mend a broken heart. There's nothing I can do, but just live for what destiny has showed me although life if not just accepting the destiny but choose the very best of it, but I just do not have that too many options.

In a few days to come, a farewell must be bid to dear President College. I will miss it dearly, I will surely remember the first day I stepped into the very place. Despite all the whining I uttered on the difficulties in lectures and tutorials, the lectures and on the spaces, I actually love it. 

Friends whom I feel like we have known each other for ages, are the ones I hardly leave. Not to mention Russian Class, Drasvih Dahniya! It's such a pity to not be able to learn more. Miss Renata, the Ruskee pryepadavatyel, was a lovely teacher, and all the best to her. 

How I wish my parents can afford me to go to Russia. How I wish I can convince them again. How I wish, this is a nightmare:|

Dream of doing my degree as fast as I could easily ruined. I hope I could stay calm and strong. Thanks for everyone, especially my friend F and agent. Dr Z and auntie Latifah for everything:) 

Bye-bye

Foundation in Science (UiTM)

For those who're still clueless...



Asasi Sains is a full time preparatory predegree programme to prepare students for entrance to Science and Technology degree programmes in UiTM or other local public Institutions of Higher Learning (IPTA). The duration of the programme is 2 semesters with 32 credits. Students will be prepared with a strong science background which is required to pursue degree programmes in related courses. (Conducted at Puncak Alam, Shah Alam)
  Upon completion of this program, students with a CGPA of at least 2.50 may pursue degree programmes in various Science and Technology related Faculties in UiTM such as:

1. Faculty of Applied Science
2. Faculty of Health Sciences
3. Faculty of Sport Science and Recreation
4. Faculty of Computer and Mathematical Sciences

Students wishing to pursue degree courses in the

1. Faculty of Medicine (insyaALLAH)
2. Faculty of Dentistry or
3. Faculty of Pharmacy

in UiTM must score a CGPA of at least 3.50 (BETTER IF U GET 4.00). They are then eligible to attend the Pre-Medicine course conducted by the Faculty of Medicine, UiTM. They must also score a Band 3 for their MUET (MUET pulak dah =.=) with minimum credits for all science subjects in their SPM examination. Also a minimum of A- in Biology and Chemistry and a B+ in Mathematics and Physics at the Asasi Sains level are required.  The course runs for 5 weeks at the end of the second semester with the sole purpose of exposing students to a life at the Faculty of Medicine.
Entry Requirement

Candidates who wish to enter this programme must fulfill university requirement and possess the minimum qualifications as follows:

•  An excellent result in SPM or its equivalent achieving at least two distinction A- grades and two credit B grades for the following 4 subjects: Physics, Chemistry, Biology and Additional Mathematics.
• Candidates must score at least a credit B+ grade in English AND a credit C grade in Bahasa Malaysia.