The Entity

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Kajang, Selangor, Malaysia
Assalamualaikum. Writing all the way from Belgaum, Karnataka, India. Missing Malaysia so much. But everything is just perfectly fine here. India makes people not just live, but SURVIVE. :)

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And remember, it always rain hard for those who deserve The Sun. :)

Thursday, 30 July 2009

It's done, hooray

I am glad that the National Physics Quiz for the year 2009 is over. There were only 70 questions and needed to be answered in 2 and a half hours, but I was like suffocating for oxygen. Man, they were tricky! I barely pass it I think, pray for me guys.

Like always, school is boring, every single thing is. In addition, since the teachers are damn busy to start off with revision to toy us up for the upcoming SPM trial, all the laughs and chaotic at school fly with the wind. sad.

But, let me tell you what I really think of right now. I am thinking of getting myself out from that school, from the class. It annoyed me so much. I feel terrible. Last wednesday, I was supposed to have account class but it turned me down, when the teacher whom I was waiting for went back just like that, without informing me. I was waiting like a fooled-log at the canteen for nothing. It felt so sad. Now I really confused about my intention of having account as my other subject for SPM. Ah...when will this end?

I also got fed up with my mom. It seems that I have no one to tangle with me for girl talks. Every girl I believe needs a girl talk at least once in a blue moon. However, I will never get that chance. My mom never actually listens to me. Yesterday, I saw her listening keenly to my sister who was practically blabbering about useless thing she did at school. Maybe because my sister is the youngest and supposedly she is the baby in the house, and that is why mom is paying more attention to her and not me. Ah....again frustrating.

Besides that, my day got worst when my school uniform was blemished by something really disgusting. Maybe it was bird poop or alike, and it ruined the uniform. T_T AH, lastly I just wanna say how glad I am to be home.....with blogger my mutual-bestfriend:(

Friday, 24 July 2009

Entah ape2

things went crazy again. I just hate July, because when the year strikes July, I stupid things started to burden me. I almost go lunatic.
Next Thursday, I have the National Physics Quiz, and I know I can't do it well, since I had not put any pain to feel the gain. And, life feels terrible, horrible, horrifying and lots of intense pressure. I am addicted to depressant, but not hanging on drugs because thankfully I am still conscious and beware of what I am doing.
I went to school like always, and Friday always have been my best day because the time I will spend at school is short. We, the muslims had a talk on the conjuction of Israk Mikraj. The speaker was great, love his voice. The background songs he put on during the talk, was heartpounding and touching. Some of my friends cried. And, I know why, just that I am happy that I was able to control my emotion. Then things went bored again.
There is only one word to describe school: BORING :(
I pretended to be fine...but still deep inside, I feel isolated and always feel that I suppose to eradicate myself from the "community" in class. For those who read this, you don't need to say "kenapa I feel this way?" or "what did I do?" because the reason I feel like this is because I am at fault. I am sorry. But I just think that I can't blend with you guys. In fact, I think I can't blend with anybody.

-true loneliness-

Monday, 20 July 2009


ditarik oleh facebook
ditarik oleh lagu chandra: FEAT sheila majid titled Ingatlah Diriku.
ditarik oleh abang asfan
ditarik oleh naqib.
ditarik oleh seekor kucing yang sengaja buat muka kesian, meow2 mintak ikan.

I am doing nothing except wasting my time.

Sunday, 19 July 2009

I will change, but my heart won't

Its sad when people started questioning about how bad we have become. How serious we have become. One thing I realised about myself, is that I haven't been a normal teen girl that I am supposed to be. I never tend to push myself to have fun like any normal girls by my age. That's true.
In the mere intense, of trying to work harder to get ready for trial examination and SPM itself, I might have forgotten some important aspects related to my social behaviour or my attitude towards people especially my friends at school. I don't have many friends, as far as I know, I just have several who are really good with me, since primary school. I try to be friendly, at least I tried. But perhaps, some ways of mine in approaching people might as well be thought negatively by others.
A couple of weeks earlier, I scolded Russell for being rude. It was a very spontaneous thing that I did. I never like to scold people especially when it involves people in school. He was being sarcastic like he always does, and I regret for saying bad things and scolded him that day. That was his normal gesture, I can't change that. I was supposed to know that. Maybe Eliza felt bad about that too, and I am here writing this post to say sorry from the bottom of my heart. You guys are people with your unique gestures, I shouldn't have questioned about that.
Friends become annoyed over me a couple days ago. They said I am too serious over things. I never played like how they played. I seldom laugh over their jokes, and with that they got annoyed. They blamed for my criticsms against them that I posted last year. I am sorry for all that. I may be too serious, but deep down, I just like you guys, wishing to have fun, wishing to play childishly, wishing to do crazy things that we should do by this age. Oh god! Why it is so hard for me to be like them.
To be frank, I am actually learning to love myself in order to love others. However, as far as I know, the more I tried to love myself, I hate myself even worst. I blamed for bad things happened for the past years. I never satisfied. That's the problem. Hah whatever it is, ONE thing I hope is that for people accept me for what I am.

Saturday, 11 July 2009

It was touching

It was Michael Jackson's memorial ceremony a couple of days ago, which aired on TV. Too bad the show was as early as at 1 am, which means that I failed to watch because I needed to sleep. However, I managed to see some bits of the memorial service from the MR. Internet (my new boyfriend) *joking* .
Of course, I was attracted to the speech given by Jacko's daughter Paris Michael. She was so brave despite of the sadness that accumulated the Staples Stadium in LA. If I were on her shoes, I might not be able to stand in front of the crowds of her late daddy's fans and give a final tribute to the King of Pop.
She, Paris, grabbed the microphone, and with tears running down her cheek, started her most outstanding speech. What she said was very simple as any girl by her age could say, but what touched me the most is how she showed people around the world that Michael Jackson had gave all he could, to be the best daddy of hers.
Paris grabbed the might, helped by Janet Jackson, and said:

"Daddy had been the best daddy you could ever imagined"....(she started to
break into tears, and was composed by Janet) ...she continued.."All I can say
is I love him so much".

This scene was almost the same as what happened to Hani Mohsin's death, where his daughter gave almost the same kind of speech.
I was so astonished ..and I myself broke into tears...
p/s: what if I were Paris...gosh...I can't imagine that....(not referring to Paris Hilton)

Monday, 6 July 2009

They were having so much fun~~!

Monday the 6th July.
My plan for the closing ceremony of Math and Science month went to be a downturn. My math and addmath teacher Puan Fozida was sulking and made it a day off from school. I just hate the school's board of directors because they were so childish, all they know is to reject what we had planned for weeks and now my teacher is sad. Boo THEM!~

So in conclusion the Rubic competition was put into hold. I don't know when it will be held. Maybe next week or the week after. God Knows. However, I was having fun with my classmates especially during Biology class. FYI, we were learning the chapter 4 about Reproduction and Growth. I like this chapter as much as I like chocolate. It is sooo interesting. And 'they' were having so much fun too....who are they I'm referring to???

They are of course my guy classmates. As the teacher was teaching us using the courseware, so we can actually learn interactively through animated diagrams. The boys were having their blast went it came to the part menstrual cycle. They asked a lot of questions and laughed non stop. Some of them even asked we girls back about the menstruation process. For them, its something cool. Can u believe that?

When the teacher told the class that a baby would be delivered through the same route as menstruation occurs, they became even hectic. And asking more questions, like can a woman does sexual intercourse during pregnancy. Hahaha....well, since my class are consisting with more girls than boys, the scene became more chaotic. I never thought the whole class would be thinking so "adult-ish" in this matter.

Overall, it was a fun experience when learning like that. I just have one hope for the boys; that is for them to appreciate women's nature and respect us more. Its hard to be women; that is the fact they have to know.

Wednesday, 1 July 2009

yay!!I'm not selected!~

Today the first July is my moma's birthday, LOVE u mommy. Of course, I won't be blogging about my mom, but just to share how happy I am today.

The good news is that I was not selected among the 120,000 youths tht were born in the year 1992 for the 2010's PLKN/7th Series. Yay!!~~ I am glad that I won't be detained like a soldier for three months. Even though we will get some allowances during the camp, I still think that I rather stay home with the family after SPM.

For those whom were selected CONGRATULATION!~ Selamat Maju Jaya!!~