Emotional and backstabbers

Life has always been a lot happier when you don't really care about people around you. Especially those who don't appreciate you. Who don't even look at brighter side of you, instead keep on pointing and seeing the negative side of you. 

I myself was too immersed with those kind of people; was too caring, was too over the board because perhaps my intention to be looked upon to by others; had led me to somehow a sober life. A much devastating kind of life. Because by then I thought, in university, I have to go all out. To be much of a person who speak a lot even though my nature is not that way. But that was proven to be wrong. It all backfired at me.

Just recently there was a seminar going on. We have lots of seminars these days; students are happening to be lecturers to other students. And of course, I like to comment on things. For me, especially being a back bencher, it would be so frustrating seeing my colleagues who were giving the seminar making such a boring looking presentation slide. And for me, colors do attract my attention life span. I don't know about others but this is true for most people. Colors affect our mood too. And thanks to my aggressive-used for twitter, I posted something which eventually butthurted a colleague of mine. Butthurt is simply the best word to describe how this person reacted toward my criticism. I wasn't intended to be rude at all. But he bashed me all the way because I wasn't mentioning him and accused me of mengumpat. 

Here's one thing to people becoming too emotional over some lame tweets or status or whatever it is on social media: if I were to mengumpat, I will not be that direct in twitter. I wasn't mentioning him because my tweet was focusing on a general group of people. To all my colleagues, people who follow me in twitter and to myself. If you ever make a seminar again, presenting your product for instance to a particular audience; a boring color slide will make people to doze off. Well this is an absolute truth!

I did a mistake when I mentioned his slide to be of cow dung green color that made me all sleepy. He said it's not because of the slide making me sleepy but I was sleepy myself. Haha. Not positive enough to take that criticism than okay. But don't accuse people of mengumpat. God knows whoever who do more of the mengumpat stuff. As for myself, it's a reminder that not everybody will be OKAY with that sort of judgement of saying cow dung green, or duck poop gray. (Hijau tahi lembu atau kelabu tahi itik). It is normal in my family to describe colors like that. And when I mentioned that, and because I thought that friend who was presenting was cool enough to denote of that description; I thought it's okay to mention about it. My guess is all wrong. Now everyone's bashing me. Oh dayana stop doing it ! You're doing this all the time. Oh please! Like you never comment over things. And I just made a GENERAL STATEMENT. And you just being a freaking emotional brader! (*I thought boys are cooler here, guess they're not)

And I simply despised the person who actually forwarded that general statement of mine to that friend who didn't quite satisfied over my criticism about the color of his presentation's slide. For what ever reason he did that I simply can't brain it off. But what I know, he's trying to look good in front of others. And that is simply devastating. 

Whatever it is I had apologize for my mistake for thinking that everyone's here is my friend who I can make joke, describe colors like that-like I used to do in my family. Guess I am all wrong. A person do not simply make people as their friends I assumed. And guess, I am not even 'welcomed' to joke around. Perhaps, they like the serious me. The serious all gloomy dayana. Yeahhh...

>>p/s: some people don't like you. and some are just freaking emotional. and you yourself must just ignore and apologize. But beware of rotten ones; some people appear nice in front of you; on the contrary they are just as bad that you can't put trust onto them. Life. Just accept it.<<

Exam which feels like a phantom

3rd week now and it feels 'okay' a bit compared to the previous weeks. Why eh? Mostly because I read several motivational comments on the blog, and maybe because I finally could adapt to the UiTM Shah Alam campus. I now know where the museum located, where the laboratory located, the computer lab and the lecture hall of course and find good place to eat around Cendekia. Except for one thing, I COULDN'T TOLERATE: THE SMELLY Shiteous TOILETS!

We bumiputeras are well pampered including us who are undertaking the pre-medicine course. Why must I say that? Well, first is because we joined this thing at the first place WITHOUT the need to pay for anything, just using our money to support on our food and stuff we wanna buy. Can you imagine, how lucky we are, seeing those lecturers cum doctors who are also specialists - and they are superbly nice to us - they gave us lecturers without us paying them any tuition fees? And it's so lucky to be having Dr Hisham, an Iraqi as my Physiology lecturer cum doctor in charge during Small Group Session (SGS). Plus, we are staying at 'moderately' furnished hostels with no fees whatsoever- even though has to bear the gross of the toilets and the smells from them that arouse especially at night.

Then before I go further down to the 'mumbling'- I must say now is a hazard zone. Zone to get all the facts and all the mechanisms inside the brain-those we already discussed of course. Because exam is looming. And it's frightening me off like crazy to think of OSPE -Objective Structural Practical Examination -whereby there're 10 stations to deal with- and we have to answer several practical and structural questions-either on anatomy or on laboratories work like measuring blood pressure or lungs volume and capacity. And this is all maybe- plus, tonnes to be read and not just read but to memorize! Then, also we are required to undergo 150 MCQ's together with 3 Short Answer Questions, which are compulsory to be answered. 

Asked one doctor named Dr Syed in the Anatomy Lab just now- regarding the examination. Should we the premed students just depends on the lecture notes or on the books? He said, PRIOR THE BOOKS. The lecture notes are like extra-simplest key points. After listening to the advice, I tried pushing myself to look for more diligence to open up those books and get some points from them. Scary.

But, Premed is also fun. When we got super roommates who heal and washed away all the crazy uneasy feelings on insecurities, when we are able to sit together during dining either it be lunches or dinners, when we are able to advice each other and etc. It's amazing to hear experiences from doctors cum lecturers here- how their life were during the housemanship, during the college years- all in all, they somehow gave inspiration to me- to note that No One Says Life is Easy. What makes it easy, is perseverance and lot of prayers and blessing from Allah and dear Parents.

Thanks for all the comments I received. And, I already been lectured by Mom last week, whereby she told me to rethink if I am really determined to be in this field of madness. Kalau premed pun tak tahan, apatah lagi real med school and real life as a doctor kan? For this 3rd week, I have somehow put in mind that to be rich, this is certainly not the route, but if there's more patience and hardworking together with perseverance and CONFIDENCE we can be specialists- and when we are already one of them- we could gain not just respect but TRUST. The eternal trusts from our patients and the community. Sprinkled too with LEISURE, whereby we can almost do whatever we want without having the need to be boss around. 

-fun going to Hospital Sungai Buloh-the place was a majestic, and a beauty of course. Imagine, how we can go doing roundings at the place, so conducive and comfy. And not as busy as those hospitals like HTAR or HKL. 

-met a neurologist-who is also very sarcastic and funny simultaneously-Dr Andrean Husin who happened to be our coordinator; Dr Rosfaizah's husband-who told me mostly doctors deal with satans compared to dealing with God. 0.0

-met Dr Faisal, a paeditrician- a good doctor who explains very well.

-met Dr Onkara, an opthalmologist (kutt, dah lupe, tehee:D)  ....who happened to be a bit strict, whereby she advised a group mate to do something with his wavy hair as she told us doctors should look boring not interesting. 

>>>p/s: gives strength to your servant dear Allah. To pass all these and be happy. And to Aini Najwa, hope your choice to reject USM is the best for you, Amin<<<

Miscellaneous & Dilemma *again*

One day my sister asked me for some points that she could add into her essay entitled 'Why obesity must be prevented?'. I am almost like her teacher at home except for Bahasa Melayu because when she inquired me on Hukum DM, I failed to answer. Yang lain boleh aje nak tolong, but sorry for BM. Malu nak mengaku anak watan Malaysia macam ni. :(

I told her the simplest thing why obesity should be prohibited, like easily to get harmful diseases, short lifespan, low level of social activities and everything that I can relate to. And yes, I also added the fact that obesity will cause you hard time and more time to search for appropriate clothes to wear and will have hard time socializing (did I just said this?) ...and well that's what happen to me by the way.

Don't think I am underestimate myself but seriously after high school ended, I almost reach obesity. I stopped gaming sport even though I am not the kind who would go to the court or to the field every afternoon to sweat myself, but at least I did go out to get some stamina. Maybe most of you who 'follow and read' my posts would know how terrible the dismiss of Chiam, my closest friend bring an impact to me. She was the one who would always persuade me to play badminton every morning, and now it's all history. To go play alone is impossible, to ask other friends seem in a dream and thus, should I stop playing things around?

And then, came this great pembuka mata. One day I went shopping with mom, to buy new clothes but you know what happened? All the clothes of the recent sizes I wore, seemed unfit. It tears me down the hell. And don't label me as being and feeling insecure but it is bad when you are just 19 but your body looks like a mother of 3. T.T

I knew I must start working out to be in perfect shape again. Not that I was in perfect or ideal shape, but at least, I am not as 'large' as I am now. Obesity is hazardous and pathetic, but no one asks to have it. I admit that I have been bulge eating, eating without thinking, eating for fun and this is the repercussions to endure. Healthiness is a treasure for oneself. It brings you a deeper happiness and the feeling of confidence. To add up the dismay, it has been quite a long time since I ever feel confident, especially to speak or to confront the opposite gender.

I am afraid that with this insecure fitness, other sickly diseases will start to embark me. I have enough of Bronchitis already which has driven me crazy for the past 3 weeks. The 2nd doctor I sought out after told me to avoid eating chicken to prevent more infections, and that amazed me how chicken got to do with respiratory tract problem. Been consuming a lot of Antibiotics and hopefully this time it heals. What scares me off is the relation between having spare tires and diabetes. Ya ALLAH YA RABBI, avoid me from that deadly illness please. 

And if you think I am being over the top or over reacting, please note at this age, its NORMAL for a lady like me to be extra careful and super concern on her physique. After all, I am not only gonna merge as a WOMAN, but as a WIFE and a MOTHER too inshaAllah. Therefore, it's my compulsory and an emergence must for me to find a way to look good inside out so that I could be those PERSONS better. Ya ALLAH helps me please. 

So, if you are concern on your future, and want to change for the better, do confess. When you confess something like this, it will somehow bring an urge for you to start rather than keeping them by yourselves. First impressions are vital you know in whatever circumstances. Imagine, to dakwah itself, impression is highly seek upon to. That's why I must do the same.

Dilemma

Unimas ke Unisza. For both I opted for Medicine. It has been my keenly first choice among trillions other options. UniMas has been established, had their own medical graduates meanwhile Unisza is still a baby. Even my mom told me to not choose Unisza. UniMas has its other drawback, the distance. Staying in Sarawak for years? Can I adapt that? But if the intention to study why not? Hendak Seribu Daya, Enggan Seribu Dalih... 

So in the end, with all my might (chewah), I opted for UniMAS. Sarawak Bumi Kenyalang. Mana tau boleh enjoy sana pulak, after Sabah that day kan? Hahaha.

And yeah, my mom told me UiTM served the best medicine studies because most of the best of UKM'S doctors migrated to UiTM, maybe due to internal problems. She didn't let me choose Unisza, InshaAllah this is the best decision. 

>>>p/s: emm on the 13th May, got a text message inviting me to Pre-Med course at UiTM Shah Alam. Will be conducted for 5 weeks. Registering this 30th May. Bye-bye home sweet home, I have enough of sitting like a king. Time for brain squeezing. But I did hope for some closest friends to get the same chance though, anyhow still bersyukur tidak terkira, ALHAMDULILLAH:)<<<

Sabah Detour: almost like Going Overseas

Assalamualaikum people who are kind enough to open one tab to actually read what I post. Thanks a lot for not making my effort to blog a waste. Anyhow, I miss blogging wherever I go, and have been quite a long time since I last post anything.

AlhamduLiLLAH to Allah Almighty Lord for allowing me to join 4 other friends to detour Sabah. We planned early since our foundation at Puncak Alam, whereby Chrystine our Sabahan girlfriend was eagerly inviting us to visit her place in front of the math lecture hall at dear UiTM Puncak Alam. Firstly, Sara Salleh, Balqis Isa together with Azneeza Manan and Nurul Ashikin were about to tag along, but they cancelled on the bit of the last minute due to parents' objection and some due to the fact that they are now working. Therefore, only Azyan Amani, Dina Azureen, Eliza Amira, the group leader; Dina Syafiqah and I who managed to say YES for the adventure. Hehehe :D

Chronology of our Adventure

1. Woke up as early at 5 AM to get ready with things to bring along was a drench after a while of not doing so. Flight to Sabah was at 9 am but it is a must for everyone who are going on board to reach early to the airport in case of anything. Our take of was at LCCT as we took the airbus 3220 Air Asia to hoar like bird to the Land Below The Wind.  And my dad and I were the first among my friends to reach at LCCT so we headed to MCD for breakfast. As we finished, the others finally arrived with their respective dads and mom except for Eliza who came with Dina.

9 am we boarded into the plane whereby we only afford to pay for the economy seats, but still they were comfy. On the plane, there was a birthday surprise for a little girl named Nurin who turned 6. She got a buffet voucher at Residence Hotel KL. Then there was a game where we can get the same voucher, the question was how many seats are there on the plane. The clue was there are 31 rows and each row has 6 seats, so how many?? can you count? The answer is 180...:P How did it turned that way? Well, it's in the pamphlets.

Two hours of a boring flight, finally landed on at Terminal 2 Kota Kinabalu International Airport (KKIA). We were escorted by our tour guide name Abang Yus which until now my friends tend to fond him. -.-'

We were astonished by the Sabah bluish clean beach and seawater. Reached Kota Kinabalu the capital and it looked rather 'tak membangun' compared to here in Semenanjung. We searched for our hotel to shelter ourselves from hot sun and wet rainy days. And I found it first! City Park Inn was the place where we stayed for 5 days 4 nights. It was definitely The amazing '5 star' budget hotel we afford to stay in.

Quiet shocked with the room we got. Superbly 'JUST NICE' for the 5 of us. A double decker and two queen beds. But then, the aircond started to turn lunatic and made us sweating all over during the second day after visiting the Islands. So they gave us another room which was a bit smaller T.T. Oh yeah that night we managed to get Chrystine to join in. She can drive superbly although with manual. I felt little T.T. She was kind enough to attend us and brought us to dine at a nice place which I forgot its name but it was somewhere at the Double Six thingy. Yeah blame me for the ignorance T.T. Oh yes, she also brought us to Tanjung Aru that night for some chill out. Yet no close pictures with her since I didn't bring my camera. What ler....-,-'

2. Day two we headed towards the Islands. Pulau Sapi and Pulau Manukan. Not that far from Kota Kinabalu, around 20 minutes by super fast boat. The journey was amazing. Rasanya yang paling syok kut. Pulau Sapi was spectacular, boleh snorkelling sampai lebam, since we were provided with yellow goggles and life jackets. Seriously we can see and touch the fishes ! But stingray and sharks are a No No. We can only pass the spots with green balls if I wasn't mistaken. The others are dangerous, tempat bot lalu.

Oh at Pulau Sapi we met with this Sabahan guy who happened to be a rescuer. He moved around with a kayak and invited us to follow him to the middle of the sea. Only one person was allowed to follow him at once, I was the last one. So yes, I followed him, he brought me in the middle of the sea where corals more clearly. He told me I better dipped in to touch the corals and see more fishes. I hesitated but then he said I need no worry since I had the life jacket on. So yes, I dipped in, but got troubles with my goggles whereby the salty water kept rushing into my nose. It bothered me to dip deeper. When I tried to get back into the kayak, the rescuer tried to pull me up but he fell too. Hahahaha! The kayak went upside down. It was terrifying. I supported my upper body to the kayak but my I tend to step onto one big-rough coral reef. I was  scared, my feet bleed, but I managed to get onto the kayak at last. He brought me back to the shore. My friends were scared when they saw what happened from far. They thought I drowned. Alhamdulillah everything was super alright. God gives me another life!

After a heavy lunch which contains lotsa seafood and meats, we went for a banana boat riding. I think the ride was a bit too much for rm 40 per person. Bila balik Selangor, my dad told me you can get the ride for rm5 at Port Dickson. But hey here's the difference. At Pulau Sapi we had the ride in the middle of the blue sea, if I were to do it at PD, it can only be done near to the shore. Tak best ler ye dak?

Next was Pulau Manukan, and here is where you can find Taman Tunku Abd Rahman. Basically the beach and the sea are of the same kind of Pulau Sapi. But here. there's some chalets to rent for those who intend to stay overnight, but not us.

3. Started early at 8 am for a trip to Gunung Kinabalu and Poring Hotspring. The journey was a bit harsh with roads happened to be so narrow and berbelit2. Make sure bring along a plastic bag to puke if you might have road drunk. Anyhow, it was fun shopping at the Kundasang shopping spot, the prices are lower than that at Phillipines Market. Sadly, when we reached there, had some money deficit. So can't buy whatever we wanted even though the prices are better.

Arrived at Poring Hotspring around 11 something in the morning. It's hot here. Hot tubs are everywhere but some are not functioning and dirty. Many tourists especially the Chinese and Koreans. The water from the spring happened to be milky like milk when you try to collect it in your hands. And yes, the water is super hot, good for skin. Berendam lama pun takpe asalkan bayar RM 3.

Bored with hot water, my friends then wanted to try the river and the waterfall. We trekked the narrow pathway of the jungle to the nearest one which located around 400 m from the hot tubs. And wearing only a flip flop slipper my feet became easily tired. Sore people! While other friends wore shoes T.T this what happened if you forgot to bring a pair of sneakers or sport shoes...

The journey was super tiring. My friends were excited because the waterfall as if it belongs to us alone. No one else was at the spot. So yeah, it was worth a walk. 

Done with solat and etc, we headed to a Chinese Restaurant for lunch. It was included in our package. The place was nice but doubtful whether they served HALAL or not. Mom advised me to be extra careful even though the workers seemed like muslims wearing veils on their heads. There's no halal logo except for a saying says 'No Pork Served'. T.T. The dishes came late and we were mocking hungry. The food was extremely sedap but the portion was too little until after 2 hours later we felt hungry again. T.T

It was raining quite heavily and add up to the cold weather, I was shivering. Not only that I forgot to bring along a pair of closed shoes but I also tend to leave my sweater at home. Thanks to the extra fat, it helped me to overcome the chill and Azyan told me to transfer some to Dinas who is damn thin. Hehehe. I told you being fat somehow beneficial.

Visited a market full with fruits and vegies. Couldn't buy any vegies because we can't cook in our hotel. Bought some cut fruits, sadly the fruits started to smell funny the next day and we realised how we lost RM 5 for the fruits. TSK TSK. Back home, mom advised, next time, buy fruits with their skins on and not the cut ones. I repent, mom. hehee.

Kabus menghalang pemandangan yang cantik. Well, my mom said the mountain looks nice in the morning midst. Unfortunately, we arrived at the spot in the mid day, thus the view jeopardized a bit. We went up till the veranda where the tourguide told us that it is actually a place where you would get your permit to climb up. And of course we didn't manage to climb up because it needs another RM 400 for that, plus we had no suitable attires on. No wonder the climbers stared at us strangely.

Took another 3 hours to reach Kota Kinabalu. It was nauseous along the journey. But before we went to sleep, we took our night out to the Night Market which located at the back block of our hotel. One more shopping spot, to find beads, more pearls and some GOLOK branded stuff. Not interesting though.

4. Paid another RM 170... TSK TSK...seriously too expensive...for what? For our one day experience to see the Monyet Belanda and fireflies. At first, the tour guide, Mr Yus, recommended us to go for rafting. I felt scared because the main reason I had no other clothes to wear since my wet attire went missing blew by the wind. But then, I didn't know by what chance that we ended up paying the same amount for the river cruise. 

We headed to a place called Sungai Kias if I wasn't mistaken, took a boat to a cruise in the middle of the river and spent the whole afternoon and half our evening on it. The cruise was okay....we did see the monyet belanda with the long red nose but we mostly saw their buttocks on the tall trees. Tried to captured it into photos, sadly, they became quite blurred since we viewed from far. At night, we had seafood and rice for dinner, which was delicious. Did see fireflies but not as blazingly lighten as what I saw in the TNB ad on TV ....tsk tsk. One thing that happened was that, my friend managed to catch one firefly and put it inside a bottle, plus there's one which followed us into the van to KK.

5. Last day of our vacation we had no good activities to mention. Spent longer time to sleep till brunch hours and packed our things up to return to Peninsular. We needed to check out at 1 pm but the tour guide would only pick us up to the terminal at 6 pm. We left our handful luggages at the receptionist, planned to walk around town but it rained heavily. Sat down at the lobby where thank GOD there's HBO. Watched Anaconda for a whole while waiting for the rain to stop. Then we had lunch at one mamak restaurant called Mohaidin something even though Eliza and Dina wanted to have KFC Cheesy Wedges. I insisted to go to mamak because I thought the price will be lower but I was wrong. The mamak taukey cheated and everyone's food cost RM6.50 even though some of us took lesser food than the other. Sorry guys!!

Fulled with nice lunch, we then took a walk to the wet market to find prawns for Dina. We were actually searching for the Sunday Market but ended up taking pictures by the sea. Gone for another last shopping spree at the Phillipines Market. Needed to quench our thirst, we went down the food bazaar next to the Phillipines' Market where you can get many grilled food and fresh coconut juices. Sat down for some drinks and then walked again to find the prawns but no prawns were found nearby the food stalls. Dina wanted to buy prawns at the first shop we stopped by but sadly the shop closed. She looked rather down so we continue the adventure for prawn seeking. At last, Alhamdulillah she found one shop nearby the KK Big Market and bought prawns with a big smile on the face. We were glad. 

At 5 pm, Mr Yus arrived to pick us up to the terminal. Before that, he was kind enough to bring us to the beach near Sutera Harbour and next time if you have more money, you can rent and stay at the five star hotels around Sutera Harbour, said myself to myself. Hahahah. Took our last memoir photos with MR Yus by the beach but we were a bit frustrated not to visit the Bajau Laut houses which floats on the sea water. Maybe next time...

Our flight boarded off to KL around 9 pm, with Air Asia. And we bid farewell to Sabah and its people. It has been awesome, especially with our friends along. I sat with Azyan Amani on the flight, but the others sat quite far at the back so the 2 hours flight seemed a bit boring without the other three girls. Hahaha.

Finally, we needed to go home fast since the parents were already waiting at the terminal. My dad and mom and sister were there since 9 pm so they nagged me for lateness. Couldn't hide the bad feeling had to leave my friends, the ever good friends I had. Hope to see them all again next time. Insha Allah.

>>>p/s: to be continued, tips for BETTER holidays. Something I learn myself from my mistakes, T.T<<<

Black Swan

I heard that Black Swan rated among the box offices in the US. That's a deserving spot for such a brilliant movie. I think the director is a genius for portraying Natalie Portman as the Swan Queen. Natalie Portman has always been among my A-list actress from Hollywood despite her less appearances in many well-known movies. She was the Queen in Starwars, the pale, and weird looking persona can easily been done by her. Lol.

Black Swan revolved around ballerinas and their struggle and dreams to seize the stage. A renowned ballet play needed a new Swan Queen, so every young ballerinas had this high hope to been chosen by the director of the play itself. Natalie played Nina, who is a talented and hardworking ballerina, and had been dancing since the age of 6 if I was not mistaken. Natalie dreamed high for that role, so every time at home, she will be practising the moves from the old Black Swan play. I think her mother was forcing her too hard for that role. You can see her being pushed over by her mother as if she was still 12 years old. 

She was intensed most of the time

So one day, during the role selection thingy, the director went to these ballerinas studio, where he tapped some of the dancers but not the other rest. Natalie was not being tapped, so she was like feeling disappointed. But, actually only those who the director didn't tap got the chance for the role, but for the tapped ones, they have to practice harder. Well, it ended up that Natalie was not chosen to be Swan Queen. It was her colleague. She grew envy in her soul and weakly burst into tears and called her mother telling her that she didn't make it through. However, because she really wanna the role, so the next day, she dressed up nicely and went to the director's office. 

Putting a bright red lipstick, she went inside and told the director how much the role mean so much for her. The strict director told her, that, the decision was final. Natalie went crying again, and wanted to leave, accepting the fate that she didn't get the role. Suddenly, the director closed the door and asked her, why didn't she fight for the role? He kissed her abruptly and Natalie bitted his lips till it bleeds. Natalie went out, smacked the door closed and running towards the bathroom.

Soon after, while all the dancers were eager to know who's the Swan Queen, Natalie was feeling jittered. Her mood was down, but suddenly, her friends congratulated her for getting the role as Swan Queen. Well, it was from that moment that, she became excessively delusion by the role. She was called a whore by her colleagues and well, that's true because after all she got the role after kissing the director. Haha. She became crazy when the director forced the dark side in her to show off. But, since she was too weak to portray that part of hers, she was sexually abused by the director himself. She tried so hard to play both white and black swan till she went to the outrageous part of taking drugs, and doing bad things that she never had done before. 

The director chose one of her colleague to become her substitute in case something happened to her. She became jealous and could not accept that someone else could have doing her part in that show. On the day of the show, she tripped during her White swan part and everyone blamed her for being so careless. She cried after that part ended, and rushed to her preparation room whereby the substitute girl was there. But exactly, there was no one there. Basically she thought that someone was there, but there was no one but her. The illusion substitute girl was wearing her Black Swan costume and getting ready to replace Natalie because she claimed that Natalie was too weak for that role. Natalie became furious, she pushed her to the mirror till it broke and the girl bleeds heavily at the head. The girl was dead and it was not in Natalie's intention to do that. She quickly hid the girl inside the bathroom, changed into the Black Swan costume and rushing to the stage. 

amazing ballet performance lol

Well, the black swan ballet was the best part in that movie. We can the dark side of Natalie, whereby she was possessed by the black swan spirit or something. She became so seductive on stage, her eyes went red, and portraying the stronger swan. Everyone was amazed by her performance. And when the performance ended, she rushed to her room, seeing blood coming out from the bathroom. She tried to cover it with a towel, when suddenly someone knocked her door. She opened the door and guess who was outside?

The substitute girl was outside the door. She came by to congratulate Natalie for her wonderful stage performance. The girl told Natalie that she deserved the role more than anyone would. So, the thing is, who did she killed previously? Hhahaha. She cried and went perplexed. The mirror was broken, but who bleeds? The answer was herself. She stabbed herself with the piece of glasses. She was not aware of the pain because she was not herself when she was performing. She cried and cried. It was her last part of the night as White Swan. 

she was not herself.....

Gracefulness was seen on the stage. It was actually the last performance by Natalie. When it came to an end, everyone gave their applauses, but Natalie couldn't get up. She laid down weakly and everyone came to her. Seeing blood all over her abdomen was terrifying. It was a good performance, and it was her last. 

nice poster lol

>>>p/s: well Black Swan, did somehow relates me to how I was in the past. Surrounded by the feeling of insecure of not getting what I want, and being pushed so hard by others could be such a stress. Never let yourself be to engulf by desire and dream and passion. You might end up hurting yourself or even kill yourself. <<<

Tron Legacy?

I was sweating all over the forehead. My ATM card went missing. Tried searching it in my purse and everywhere but it was nowhere to be found. Ah....how am I gonna go shopping? 

Two days before the incident happened, I went to Bank Islam, to ensure whether the allowances for the semester had been transferred into my account or otherwise. And yes, thanks to the KPT, now I have the money in the bank. I took the bank slip out and also the card, then drove off back home.

Yesterday, I noticed the card was missing. And, I was about to go for a shopping spree at Midvalley. Dad sent me to bank Islam, where I had to undergo few procedures to get a new ATM card, and burnt RM20 for that. It took an hour and a half at the bank since the officers did their job like so slow than ever. Luckily my little sister was with me, so I had a witness with me who can sign the document and all. We walked to KTM Kajang, which looked near but actually about 3 km from the bank. I who was wearing my gladiator shoes felt so regret because of the uncomfortable shoes.

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Arrived at Midvalley around 1 p.m. Quickly headed to the little surau, where it was crowded, like always. And, after that, went to Subway, where we decided not to eat, since the queue was so long. We went upstairs to the cineplex, and yes, the queue was long too. T.T. My heart wanted to watch Meet The Little Fockers, because I always think that watching something that can really tickle our funny bones, would worth the money. Then, my sister had a contradict opinion, in which she wanted to watch Tron Legacy. We took about an hour for queuing and the only available seatings for Meet The Little Fockers were at 4.30 p.m and for Tron, were at 4.00 p.m. My sister said, we should go for the earliest airing movie, so yeah Tron Legacy it was. T.T.

It was around 2.40 p.m, when we finally got our tickets. So, I went for my lunch at the foodcourt, where the food tasted like a stick. Not kicking my tastebuds at all but did wasting my RM10. My sister mocked me for eating at the food court, because the price I paid, would be just similar if I ate something cooler, like KFC or MCD? What a luck.

It was rather a tiring day for me. With a sore throat to handle, an uncomfortable shoes to walk in, and a runny nose to hate for, nothing seemed fine. Went to several shops, but found nothing catching the eyes. It was almost 4.00 p.m, so we headed back to the cinema. 

We sat at the most annoying seats of all, three rows from the front, so our eyeballs had to stand up causing the eyes to be so much of a sore. The sound was damn loud, that my eardrum was almost damaged. Eating popcorns worsen my sore throat. Coughing added to the dismay. It was nothing but a worst day for an outing. 

Tron Legacy, was having too much lights going on. The sounds were so electrified that I got a headache after it ended. After all, it was not a bad movie, but just too complicated for kids. I pitied some children who went there to watch Tron Legacy, I bet they had harsh time trying to understand about the tech stuff going through out the movie. 

Basically, the movie was about a man named Kevin Flynn, who runs this tech company, Encom. He had this vision of creating a cyber world named The Grid. He told his son, Sam, that one day when he succeed in building that world, everything would be beautiful, and he would bring Sam with him. One day, Kevin went missing, and drove the company that he runs together with a partner (I forgot this guy's name), to the bottom of non-profitable. His son became the heir of the company, but many of its board of directors, stole his programs and wanting to make profit of their own. Okay, going straight to the point, only after decades later, Sam, went to his father's old office down an arcade, where he was accidentally brought into his father's creation; The GRID. 

His father created The Grid together with his clone, named Clu and another man-made human called Tron. There they built programs called ISOs or whatever they called. Clu somehow, became rebellious, and became a traitor. Tron saved Kevin Flynn, and Clu destroyed all the ISO's but failed to destroy one program called Quorra.

Clu governed the Grid after that, and Sam's father lived far away in a mansion where everything is white. Sam who was brought into The Grid, was made to play games, where he had to destroy many other programs using a disk of memory who happened to be like a boomerang. T.T. He succeeded to the final battle, and he was brought to meet Clu. He first thought Clu was his father, but he wasn't. He battled again, and this time with Clu, where he had this stick-like device, which happened can evolved into a big motorbike. They raced, and yeah the movie was more like a video game. 

Sam was later saved by Quorra in a cool fast car. He was brought to meet his father, and a family reunion occurred. Then, Sam did everything to destroy Clu, in which till the end of the movie, they fought, with their super cool vehicles. They needed to head for the entrance, so that they could go back to the Earth. At the same time, Clu, happened not to have been killing the programs of ISO's rather making each one of them, as a troop of soldiers to conquer the Earth. Yeah like every villain would do.

By wanting to conquer the world, Clu had to have Kevin Flynn's memory disk. But at the end, only Sam and Quorra who succeeded to go back to Earth. Clu almost caught them, but he failed due to some power made by Kevin. He was then destroyed when he was brought back into Kevin's body. He can only be destroyed by his creator, who was Kevin himself. And, by that the Grid went vanished. 

Yeah, the storyline was heavy and somehow irrelevant. But the super CGI's were awesome to the maximum. You would also went asking yourself, what the heck with the title; Tron Legacy? Tron was not really described in the movie, he was just Kevin's comrade after all. Better name it The Grid or Flynn, right?

Whatever, but I went home with a fever and nothing was bought. What a day.

Balik Puncak Alam ?

Dah register. Alhamdulillah:D

 

 

In a week time, Semester two will be starting off like how semester one did. Another 5 months, studying for this pre-degree level, in a hope, and for a big dream to have what we want for our degree. Sounded easy, but trust me it's not when you are dealing with so many smartypants and diligency every single time you are there.

Semester 2 will be different. In previous semester, we all were divided into tiny groups according to alphabets. I got into B1, and I was in a mass group B. I can tell you that my lecturers were awesome. But, sadly, I can't hope big for the same lecturers, even though I wanted so much for Dr Rozana for Chemistry and Prof Ahmad for Physics. Changes will occur, to provide varsity. It's for our own good said my tutor. And hope that will proven right.

Today, knowing that I won't be in the mass lecture group B as with the same other B' students kinda hurting a bit and frustrating. Two of my housemates were in the same mass group, and now we had to go for separate ways. I love them to be in the same group since it's easier to mingle along, to go together and to ask for notes and so forth. Now, looks like I am on my own, and can only rely to my buddies of the same B1 group as well as those who are in MARA colleges whom I contact through texting asking for helps. Sometimes I wonder why can't I do things on my own?

After that, I also knew that, there will be limitation per group. Meaning, only 30 people per group. So, the first to register, got the first served and first spot. Maybe, because, they want the students to exaggerately go and register to prevent any delays in the system whatso ever. 

Ah... what a life. I actually like being in all B group. We are already like a family even though, we haven't actually knew each other. What ever be, let it be. Pray hard for strength, and HIS generosity for grace this semester. I'll do my best for this semester.  Adiozz

University and School is different.

Well, it feels like only yesterday when SPM ended. Now the new batch of 2010 will face the same challenge eh? Goodluck, two weeks more for them to conquer it all. But, SPM is super easy, I tell you. Hahaha.

1. No more lonely ranger.

Once you are in University, the phrase no longer works. No matter what you do, you always need to be in group. Discussion and etc, presentation and lab reports, everything relies on good teamwork. I had troubles, because I used to work alone in school. In college, I couldn't grab the teamwork concept. It was hard for me to do the laboratory works and reports when it came to co-operation with other people who we don't even know. So, make sure you don't think that when you did well alone at school, it would help you in higher institution. Coz' it's not.

2. Time to be open

Open in aspects of relationships. Don't mingle with just a particular group of people. Balanced both. Because this will help you to gain more informative output and expand your networking.  More you know people, the more easier for you to get fast information about upcoming mock tests whatsoever, advance notes and activities that are going to be held so that you can get extra points for your cocurricular column.

3. Learn to be hungry

In college, there will be so many people each meal time is on. So, if you cannot withstand hunger, bring light snacks like cookies or whatsoever to munch between lectures. If you have many cliques, you can ask them to save you space at the cafe' or at the canteen. Sometimes, be nice helps. So that they can help you buy your meal when you cannot do it on your own.

4. No more teacher's pet

Everyone is basically treated the same by lecturers and tutors. You have to take note to have all your lecturers' contact number and emails, so that you can arrange for later meet ups personally. Tutors are not so much helpful though. One hour tutorial for each subject per week is not enough for you to master certain topic, so meeting up personally with your lecturers could help you gain some extra attention from them, and extra tips too. 

5. Uncertainty IS NOW your enemy

Even if you were the top student at your school, you are no longer committing to that title while in college. More rivals will try to beat you and the only key to strive is to work hard and super duper hard and hard some more. Sometimes, work smart also doesn't work. Even if you got more Aces than someone elses, your pointer will be lower than them. Things won't be fair like in high school. Face all the possibilities lie ahead. Besides, sometimes they are many copycats, but they still make it out to beat you because their copy cat works turns better, and the lecturers never knew whether they actually plagiarised the works or vice versa. So, yeah, it's an unfair world at college. And it will make you mad!

6. Weekends are super boring, so make fun yourself!

There are some colleges which offer good activities during weekends, but some there aren't any. So, please bring anything that can please you. Television is not allowed of course, but having computers is a must, for you to be online watching movies and whatsoever. This is vital for those whom hometown is far away. And, also mind to be active, because if you're bored, you need to go for outing, and the 'journey' for outing is super tiring. 

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to be continued. maybe. hahaha. Gambate for 2010 SPM-ers. I miss those moments of SPM though:( You will too later. Meanwhile, I will be enjoying another 2 weeks of holidays. Yahoo..!

Fahmi likes to arouse jealosy among those who are already in college. muahahahaha. thumbs up!

What is on my mind?

Like always, being hungry and thirsty make you feel so exhausted and sleepy. Yawning...and while reading and revising for tomorrow's quizzes, I got myself in front of the lappy to take a look at some blogs I followed. Merely, most of them wrote about kad raya, about their activities, about sahur and etc. I just missed, I mean tremendously missing my friends' blogs. Too bad, they're just too busy to update theirs. When can I be as forgetful as they are, and rather would somehow, just leave the blog sphere for eternal, without a trace? Maybe one fine day I will...

Just two more weeks before the semester break for Hari Raya, and all of us at the Foundation Center of UiTM Puncak Alam have been fully occupied with quizzes. Next week, tests will be held. I am so damn worried on mathematics and physics, which have been the least I can master and do well. I am lost in mathematics and so does Physics, but I couldn't take a grip to start revising. Just not in the mood and how bad this is for me, only I can tell.

Yesterday was just horrid. My sandals suddenly "putus" on the way to the praying hall. How embarrassing I was yesterday, to walk with bare feet. At 11 p.m, I went to Rafflesia Hall, where there's a discussion for TOMORROW'S biology presentation. To be frank, the horrible part was, we cannot be creative, we didn't put as much wonderful ideas to make tomorrow's a "good" presentation on how enzyme works. At last, in the end, all I can summed up was that, we had wasted so much time on that particular 10 minutes presentation, which made us slept at around 2.00 a.m in the morning. T-T


Whats on my mind right now, is to just keep on track on memorising this Cellular Respiration's cycles, on glycolysis, Kreb's cycle and Electron Transport chains even though I encountered these before during Presco moment. I just hate to start all over again, and nothing I can do to just stop hating it. *Haih* Sometimes I wonder why, the results I obtained from President College would not be recognized by the local universities, since what I am studying here is exactly like what I studied in the college itself. It's like wasting time for two things which are completely similar.

I also wondering on whether I would send Kad Raya to my friends this time round. Last year, my dad said it's lame to do so, since we have digital cards and e-cards. I would like the traditional way to just keep on alive, sending kad raya, eating ketupat and not nasi impit and so many things the traditional way.

Send me your address, so that I can give you kad raya:)


 to smart_dayana@yahoo.com  waiting a reply from my readers.

p/s: boys at Puncak Alam are intelligent but snobbish. I smiled and they ignored. whateverbiglosers.

Masalah Puncak Alam

Fine, happy birthday to me! Yesterday, the 3rd June was my 18th birthday, and nothing intriguing happened, but I was thankful to receive wishes on the very day. Thanks for those who really care while I was struggling overcoming boredom back here in Puncak Alam. T.T

It has been 2 weeks I turned into a hosteler, staying with other 8 girls as my housemates is something I call a new experience. The place where I stayed is comfortable, refreshing and somehow a good place to sleep. But, this is only the slight review on UiTM Puncak Alam - A baby with lots of craps. 

What are the craps about UiTM Puncak Alam? Wanna know?

1. Mismanagement!!

- I know it is a new campus, and the first time receiving such an enormous count of students, and the first time receiving foundation students, but please upgrade the management service. Everything was a chaos, including the process to buy our mighty heavy-thick textbooks and to find for our class as well as to find lab coats? *sigh* (I need a lab coat). 

2. Technical Mishaps!!

-Oh please! I know UiTM is being established to help the Malays by offering cheap education facilities, but do you want to see us sweat all over just because the air conditioners did not function? *Bunyi jer kuat, sejuk tak terasa*, imagine! we in baju kurungs and formal wear all sweat in the poor ventilated rooms. Upgrade please!!

-Technicians must be alert in all lecture halls! When the lecture supposed to start at 8.30 a.m, it will only start at 9.00 a.m. Why? Because the projector always cause troubles since technicians are not on alert in every halls, making us all have to wait so long for it to function. Sigh.

3. Conducive-less. 

-Maybe from the outside everything looks terrific, but to be frank, the lecture halls are so small. Some of us need to sit at the stairs since not there are not enough spaces. The space for each seat is not as spacious as it supposed to be. You can't even get out to go to the toilet if you are already seated, you can't even put so many books on the small attached-table or even a bulky laptop on it. *Sigh* 

4. Coverage Problems and wireless sucks!!

- For the whole week, I had troubles receiving and sending messages via the phone to my loves ones and friends. Plus, whenever there were incoming calls, I couldn't answer. Line was so bad, I almost got fed up with it. Imagine, we have to cancel appointments with friends, and we can't contact our family at home. Such a problem must not be occurring again. Not to mention, the wireless connection sucks. I had registered my course over the student portal as well as for wireless connectivity package, but still, they said my username and password are invalid. *Sigh*

5. Bad services at the dine areas!!

-Slow, unfriendly, and expensive! I just hate when it comes to grumbling stomach due to hunger, since I despise eating at the Rafflesia College, or better called it the dine area. The food is tasteless and expensive, services are slow, imagine hundreds come at a time to dine, some waits like for two hours just to get their food done? Supposedly there must be more food stalls allocated to serve for the students. 

6. Hal Ehwal Pelajar? Where is it? 

- I also encounter problems to contact the HEP. I need to ask HEP for confirmation of the date to receive our matrix card, and to ask them what activities could I participated in for this one year course, just to strengthen my pointer at the end of the semester. However, until today, I still can't get them through. *Sigh*

>>>>Maybe people reading these, can straight away claimed me as ungrateful person, or a person full of excuses and maybe a whiner? But, these are the truth or dark sides about the campus, in which they have to improve as fast as possible to offer us a more better place to learn and grow.<<<<

 

 

FYI, I no longer need you by my side:p

Well, PNB did called me to show up, and yes, I made my way to the mighty building located in the Golden Triangle of Kuala Lumpur. Every applicants who are just as my age, wearing exclusively smart and formal and every each of them looked smashing. One of those students, is actually an acquittance  back then in  Form 1, he got 8A+ well yeah I must say he is a genius, luckily he moved out from my former school, and enabling me to shine. Hehehe.

The surprise was that, my ex- who is should not be name here, took the time to follow me all the way to Ampang Park. However, we did not go together, since I was late as usual, and he reached at KL Sentral earlier. So, nevermind about that, I did not go to meet him at KFC for breakfast since I was not in the mood, and just bother to reach PNB as soon as possible. Yeah, did I mention about getting in the wrong train? Well, I guess I was distracted by some problems in the head, and made me go all the way back to Bangsar then to Taman Paramount, in which, I was so dumb to not to ask anyone for correct direction until I stopped at Taman Paramount, and asked this elderly woman how to get to Ampang Park, and she went 

"Oh, first time taking the LRT?" 

*GULP, embarrassing:(*

To be frank, PNB didn't call for an interview. In the matter of fact, it was just a 3 segments test full of adrenaline rush (*as for me it was*) and I didn't think I did it smashingly, the time given was insufficient, and I just hope and pray, they can call me back for the interview, I really need it ok?! However, going to PNB was a chance of a lifetime for me, and it was a great experience even though I might not have encraved any of moments there. Nevertheless, I was happy to meet Akmal Farhan back, he changed in terms of social communication skills and more down to earth. I also met a wonderful guy from MRSM Jasin when I went to KLCC, and regret for not asking for his name (*I did, but I forget*) and his phone number. 

So, yeah, KLCC was the place after the intense test. Just to meet my ex. what a stupid and foolish thing I did. Well, to be frank, I didn't feel any sense of fun, excited when seeing him, it was plainly awful and boring. I couldn't understand any words he uttered out, I couldn't understand why he was willing to dress up formally just because I did so, and I couldn't understand his imagination and love for arts during our visit to the Petronas Art Gallery. Sorry, but I think I did fell in love (*puppy love*)  for the wrong guy. 

That was basically everything I did for this week. Looking ahead for any intriguing, exciting, and more bubblegums and gracefulness in tomorrow.

Earth Hour dan Kepentingannya

So, semalam 27hb Mac ada sambutan Earth Hour. Apa tu Earth Hour? Bagi kebanyakan orang di dunia menganggap Earth Hour adalah sebagai satu simbol menyelamatkan BUMI yang dicintai ini. Selamat daripada apa?? Selamat daripada pemanasan global. Dengan cara apa? Dengan cara memadamkan lampu atau lebih baik lagi memadamkan apa-apa jua bekalan elektrik. Tapi tak mungkin ada yang sanggup padamkan kipas atau aircond, kan panas berpeluh tak tahan pulak ye dak?

Nak dijadikan cerita, semalam lepas solat, aku ada jugak hajat nak sambut Earth Hour. Aku turun bawah, tgk adik aku masih tengah solat. Aku pun duduk2 sambil baca surat khabar. Lepas dia dah habis solat, aku cakap kat die, "eh dah lambat lah utk earth hour?"

My adik pun macam "a ah laa earth hour!!" tapi dah lambat. pastu die tgh baca quran. Aku pun kate kat die "ehm tak yah la sambut. dah pukul 9 dh. Lebih baik baca quran daripada sambut earth hour. Betul tak. 

Ample ZONE

A - AVAILABLE: Yes.
B - BIRTHDAY: 3rd June.
C - CRUSHING ON: Dr Faiz. Maybela.
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Hot Barley Juice
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: myms seve adam :)
F - FAVORITE SONG: currently Two is Better Than One 
G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: cats...
H - HOMETOWN: Kajang hate it.
I - IN LOVE WITH: the a best friend. but couldn't tell.
J - JUGGLE: very hard. almost explode
K - KILLED SOMEONE: Never and wont
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: Terengganu for a wedding
M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Vanilla.
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 3
O - ONE WISH: to be with the person I want to be with
P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: Maryam zamberi.
R - REASON TO SMILE: Happy of course
S- SONG YOU LAST HEARD: Can't Recall
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP : varies. 5 to 6 am
U - UNITED STATES OR UNITED KINGDOM : UAE!!
V - VEGETABLE(S): petola
W - WORST HABIT: none kutt..:)
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: yep.
Y – YOYOS ARE : a toy which made me dizzy.
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Gemini :D

THE HAVES:Have you ever been on a plane?: yes. a lot.
Have you ever asked someone out?: he asked me out.
Have you ever been asked out by someone?: yep. boring date. a cheap one.
Have you ever been to the ocean?: lots. boring. hate oceans. 
Have you ever painted your nails?: yep.

THE WHOS:
Who was the last person you IM'd?: DR. Fahmi Faisal.
Who was the last person you took a picture of?: My kittens.
Who was the last person you said I love you to?: azeem poyo

CRYING SECTION:
Ever really cried your heart out?: yeah.
Ever cried yourself to sleep?: yeah. always
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: NO!~.
Ever cried over the opposite sex?: yeah. ashamed of myself.
Do you cry when you get an injury?: nope.
Do certain songs make you cry?: depends.

HAPPY SECTION.
Are you a happy person?: depends. you make me happy then I am happy
What can make you happy?: shopping3, victory, holidays, when he's online<3.
Do you wish you were happier?: yep
Can music make you happy?: no...no...never will

LOVE SECTION
How many times have you had your heart broken?: once. and it was stupidos.
Have you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them?: yeah, for my parents.

LOOK AT ME.
What is your current hair color?: black
Current piercings?:no...
Have any tattoos?: ade....heheheh
Eye color?: depends. it changes you know.

IN A BOY/GIRL:
Favorite eye color: black la
Short or long hair: short
Height: ++170cm
Best clothing: never had one :(

HAVE YOU EVER
Been to jail: no
Laughed so hard you cried: always!~
Cried in school: yeah, dont blame me coz I am the drama queen.
Thrown up in a store: nope.
Done something really stupid that you still laugh at today:yes
Gone skinny dipping: i wish i can

I tag: Whomever never been tagged:) Fahmi Faisal, Arepa, Asfan NZ, Maryam, Irwan. and ustaz Junaidi...hehehe

Follow the heart, beware of misleading

Today, the 18th March, the morning blues strike me like it always did. Feeling so sleepy yet very hungry. I just need a way to stay full and not always hungry when I awake from a sleep.

I must have admit, right after being an 'adult', I have confronted a lot of changes. The changes are including:

1. My faces started to wrinkle with zits all around, and OXY hadn't be working.

2. Gaining on weight and not putting any effort to slash these fats down. 

3. Worsen panda eyes.

4. Emotional as if I am pregnant.

5. Transforming into a nagging woman who thinks she's so perfect.

So, that is basically all the changes I've noticed so far. The no.2 is a very important one, I need to trim down people. No one will eventually sees a fat tummy as attractive as before. :P 

The above were some craps. Hey, Alice in The wonderland is fully reserved! Waaa...now it's sad. 

Ok. Now be serious. Follow the heart generally means follow what you intention to do. Never lost hope, never listen to others saying, and do what you feel right. However, should we REALLY have to follow the heart. Will it be okay if we just do whatever we wanted to do, without doing any research or compiling the pros and cons at first? Will you be happy to do the thing you wanna do so much, even though at the beginning and at the end you tend to hurt the people who surround and love you? So, I have come to the conclusion that, we MUST never just do what we love to do, unless proper consideration have been put across and together with the decision we are making. 

warning

for dear friends

please don't be stupid by attending any interviews or programmes by certain authorities unless you have an invitation or offer letter. This is due to the fact that, I myself, have been conned, so I don't want the same thing happen to you guys.

love: denaazhar

Entah ape2

things went crazy again. I just hate July, because when the year strikes July, I stupid things started to burden me. I almost go lunatic.

Next Thursday, I have the National Physics Quiz, and I know I can't do it well, since I had not put any pain to feel the gain. And, life feels terrible, horrible, horrifying and lots of intense pressure. I am addicted to depressant, but not hanging on drugs because thankfully I am still conscious and beware of what I am doing.

I went to school like always, and Friday always have been my best day because the time I will spend at school is short. We, the muslims had a talk on the conjuction of Israk Mikraj. The speaker was great, love his voice. The background songs he put on during the talk, was heartpounding and touching. Some of my friends cried. And, I know why, just that I am happy that I was able to control my emotion. Then things went bored again.

There is only one word to describe school: BORING :(

I pretended to be fine...but still deep inside, I feel isolated and always feel that I suppose to eradicate myself from the "community" in class. For those who read this, you don't need to say "kenapa I feel this way?" or "what did I do?" because the reason I feel like this is because I am at fault. I am sorry. But I just think that I can't blend with you guys. In fact, I think I can't blend with anybody.

-true loneliness-

DItarik

ditarik oleh facebook
ditarik oleh lagu chandra: FEAT sheila majid titled Ingatlah Diriku.
ditarik oleh abang asfan
ditarik oleh naqib.
ditarik oleh seekor kucing yang sengaja buat muka kesian, meow2 mintak ikan.


crap.
I am doing nothing except wasting my time.
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