Proposal

Assalamualaikum.

Being a girl, or a lady or a woman is already tough enough. Sometimes, I don't even know what I am thinking about, never thinking simple, always go for the complex things. I hate that. In my life, I only had one brother. A young brother, who is now 19 years old. I adore him from the start because he is always the calmest and always the one who speak less, and never is demanding in whatever he wants. Not very ambitious side of him is the most I like about my brother. And also the fact that he looks older than me. That's the yey part!

Now in college, and already in the adolescent phase of human girth and growing process, I see a lot of things as more complex as it is. I don't quite have best friends, and let me tell you that most of the time, only Guy friends called me via the phone. I have girlfriends, but we rarely contact. Somehow or rather, I treat my guy friends unequally. Some of them I can like be myself, talk non stop to them, like nothing to worry, but some of the others, I tried to become timid, silent and just talk what is necessary. 

 

One day, when a guy friend, posted a wallpost on FB, joking around telling me he saw me danced while he was watching a Hindustan movie, freaked the hell out of me. How did I take care of my ikhtilat? I mean I perhaps had reacted too exaggerating over the all the phone calls. What I wanna do is to just stay away from some of jahiliyyah that I miss out on counting. Astaghfirullahalazim.

On the contrary, being a 20-year old also denotes another phase towards finding your soul partner. How does it feels to have friends who all the way talking about who they like, who they hooked up with and you guys just laugh over it? It feels okay. But when the moment, I say it again almost all your friends suddenly came to you and said, "D, that guy proposed me! or D, you know what happened? That guy proposed me in the cafe, and D, that guy proposed me while we went for hiking the other day". That moment you know, something wrong is going on with you. 

To be frank, I hate talking about marriage, because all I see is, that phase is soooo farrrr away. Hearing your asasian friend, who already engaged, also wrecked me inside. I don't know why. But it's a girl thing inside or hormonal cause, that made you feel bad. Ain't you not pretty enough? Not good enough? Hahaha. All those came from shaithon after I realized. But seriously, planning things with your friends, to travel and saving money etc, and suddenly they paused, and said to me that they are saving up to their nikah, wrecking me even more. This is insane. 

Is it okay if I tell you that I feel alone after all my best friends, the girls, are already on their one step further for engulfing in the world of marriage while I am here, still like a kid, thinking it's not important yet to think about marriage? 

True, after all these while, I kind of stand still to a saying of my roommate; whereby she said to me, Nevermind, D, Allah is taking care of you. That is why. So, after all I am a muslim. And in Islam everything is in the hands of Allah. Even Jodoh is in his hands, so is Death. But I realized that Death is nearer. Probably I die even before I can find for my zauj. Everything can happen in a split second. Readiness towards death, sakaratul maut is therefore more important that anything in this world. 

Muwasofat tarbiyah isn't yet complete? How to reach baitul muslim.

Feeling left out, but I know Allah knows the best for me.

>>p/s: So, Dayana Azhar, chins up, and keep calm because death is awaiting you. And just be prepared for it, for true happiness is not about finding a soulmate but to be in Jannah; eternal happiness. TEHEE :D<<

Miscellaneous & Dilemma *again*

One day my sister asked me for some points that she could add into her essay entitled 'Why obesity must be prevented?'. I am almost like her teacher at home except for Bahasa Melayu because when she inquired me on Hukum DM, I failed to answer. Yang lain boleh aje nak tolong, but sorry for BM. Malu nak mengaku anak watan Malaysia macam ni. :(

I told her the simplest thing why obesity should be prohibited, like easily to get harmful diseases, short lifespan, low level of social activities and everything that I can relate to. And yes, I also added the fact that obesity will cause you hard time and more time to search for appropriate clothes to wear and will have hard time socializing (did I just said this?) ...and well that's what happen to me by the way.

Don't think I am underestimate myself but seriously after high school ended, I almost reach obesity. I stopped gaming sport even though I am not the kind who would go to the court or to the field every afternoon to sweat myself, but at least I did go out to get some stamina. Maybe most of you who 'follow and read' my posts would know how terrible the dismiss of Chiam, my closest friend bring an impact to me. She was the one who would always persuade me to play badminton every morning, and now it's all history. To go play alone is impossible, to ask other friends seem in a dream and thus, should I stop playing things around?

And then, came this great pembuka mata. One day I went shopping with mom, to buy new clothes but you know what happened? All the clothes of the recent sizes I wore, seemed unfit. It tears me down the hell. And don't label me as being and feeling insecure but it is bad when you are just 19 but your body looks like a mother of 3. T.T

I knew I must start working out to be in perfect shape again. Not that I was in perfect or ideal shape, but at least, I am not as 'large' as I am now. Obesity is hazardous and pathetic, but no one asks to have it. I admit that I have been bulge eating, eating without thinking, eating for fun and this is the repercussions to endure. Healthiness is a treasure for oneself. It brings you a deeper happiness and the feeling of confidence. To add up the dismay, it has been quite a long time since I ever feel confident, especially to speak or to confront the opposite gender.

I am afraid that with this insecure fitness, other sickly diseases will start to embark me. I have enough of Bronchitis already which has driven me crazy for the past 3 weeks. The 2nd doctor I sought out after told me to avoid eating chicken to prevent more infections, and that amazed me how chicken got to do with respiratory tract problem. Been consuming a lot of Antibiotics and hopefully this time it heals. What scares me off is the relation between having spare tires and diabetes. Ya ALLAH YA RABBI, avoid me from that deadly illness please. 

And if you think I am being over the top or over reacting, please note at this age, its NORMAL for a lady like me to be extra careful and super concern on her physique. After all, I am not only gonna merge as a WOMAN, but as a WIFE and a MOTHER too inshaAllah. Therefore, it's my compulsory and an emergence must for me to find a way to look good inside out so that I could be those PERSONS better. Ya ALLAH helps me please. 

So, if you are concern on your future, and want to change for the better, do confess. When you confess something like this, it will somehow bring an urge for you to start rather than keeping them by yourselves. First impressions are vital you know in whatever circumstances. Imagine, to dakwah itself, impression is highly seek upon to. That's why I must do the same.

Dilemma

Unimas ke Unisza. For both I opted for Medicine. It has been my keenly first choice among trillions other options. UniMas has been established, had their own medical graduates meanwhile Unisza is still a baby. Even my mom told me to not choose Unisza. UniMas has its other drawback, the distance. Staying in Sarawak for years? Can I adapt that? But if the intention to study why not? Hendak Seribu Daya, Enggan Seribu Dalih... 

So in the end, with all my might (chewah), I opted for UniMAS. Sarawak Bumi Kenyalang. Mana tau boleh enjoy sana pulak, after Sabah that day kan? Hahaha.

And yeah, my mom told me UiTM served the best medicine studies because most of the best of UKM'S doctors migrated to UiTM, maybe due to internal problems. She didn't let me choose Unisza, InshaAllah this is the best decision. 

>>>p/s: emm on the 13th May, got a text message inviting me to Pre-Med course at UiTM Shah Alam. Will be conducted for 5 weeks. Registering this 30th May. Bye-bye home sweet home, I have enough of sitting like a king. Time for brain squeezing. But I did hope for some closest friends to get the same chance though, anyhow still bersyukur tidak terkira, ALHAMDULILLAH:)<<<

Smile and Serenity

This whole week was awesomely tiring, due to the non-stop assignments and tutorials, and heavy topic of lectures. Final exam for semester one is looming, which will be held soon after our two weeks Eid holidays. I can't wait to finish the semester, and the next semester. Being an asasian, to be frank, is not significantly different that those in matriculation. For young readers, who will be sitting for SPM, grave it in mind, that, whether you choose asasi or matriculation after you complete your high school, it is still the same. Same work loads and same intense.

Physics is again mentioned in this blog. Why? Because it is a very good subject to be bragged about. The lecturer is forever hilarious, and the topics we learn are getting harder every day. The book is heavy and sometimes the more we refer to the book, the harder the subject be. Seriously, I will tear the book up into subtopics, so that it will be easier to bring along.

Bahjah Abdul Basir, a girl I know here, suddenly left UiTM for good. She is going to do medicine in Egypt under self-sponsorship. I will miss her badly, as how I missed other precious friends who left. She's funny and just know how to cheer up a day. On last Wednesday, she bid us farewell and she cried and we cried too! It is such a terrible lost, and I definitely hate it. Ah!

Friends from President College had their job done with foundation in science. Terrific! They are going to bid me Bon Voyage in a couple of months, to do medicine in Russia. I can't say anything rather than smile, waving them goodbye, glad that they completed it. Zaki is the luckiest person, who got the sponsorship from MARA even though he did the foundation himself. Congratulation Zaki, and a wise person shouldn't be disheartened for others' triumph. Now, I just could smile seeing his victory. 

When others might be as by far much more luckier than I am, and I am still here fighting among these ants of people to get a good spot, nothing more can I do except for study hard and work smarter. Mathematics are becoming annoying each day, after knowing that there won't be any formulas given during the exam, thus the brain needs to be upgraded. Huh! Dr Izyani whom gave a talk on Woman Dwi Kerjaya  this afternoon, said, the best time to be just for yourself is during your study period, during these college years, where you can train how to be a good manager in every aspect of your life. Once you are an adult, a matured woman, you will get married, working not as what you chose as a career, but at the same time, working as a housewife, a mother and not to mention a wife. "You must be capable of multitasking", said she who I can regard as a role model. She is a pHD graduate, in pharmaceutical field and won many awards for her research. I want to be like her one day, amin:)

It was "not intentionally"

I wonder why many women these days, like to wear short skirts. Well, for those non-Muslims, I won't be condemning them about wearing those "eye-bulging" clothes, since they have no faith in the concept of "sealing the Aurat", but still I am wondering, why the Muslim ladies tend to act like they never have faith, or never understand what the concept is all about? Mind if I ask you to rethink?

This issue came out of the blue moon, while I was having my 'delightful' evening leisure watching stupid Malay drama, since that's the only program available on TV. In that drama, a young woman, wearing extremely short denim skirts and a baby top was pissed off, when a mechanic tried to reminding her of the concept of 'sealing the aurat' by using the reverse psychological method. He said:

"It is so bizarre. You can see a lot of women these days showing off their thighs and 'stuff''. Are they making some free shows for the public? Oh GOD! They are damn 'generous' aren't they?"

Upon hearing that 'advice' from that kind-hearted mechanic, she went a blast, really mad, and became totally freaking out. She left by saying:

"It's my right to wear what I like. None of your business, you moron!!!"

Fine, looks like the woman was just wearing as what she decided to wear. That doesn't bring any harm to anyone nor bringing harm to the environment. But, does she know, that revealing certain parts of the body is A sin to do?? No?? Then, its a shame.

As for myself, I am not trying to act pious, or trying to say that I am an angel, but as Muslim women, what we can do is to try understanding the concept of our faith; Islam. No way saying that we are ISLAM but we ourselves never stand up to follow the faith itself. Rethink girls. Rethink.