Becoming Hadid and Maryam

Hadid means iron in Arabic. I am sorry but I am not that well versed in Arabic, only that I know Hadid means iron. In Malay, it means 'besi'. Hadid, is in fact, not just regular iron or besi. As I depicted this word from the Quran, I know Hadid means iron by how Allah S.W.T meant it to be.

As we regularly recite Al Kahfi every time Jumuuah comes, we could easily found a verse from that very ayat that mentioned:

As Zulkarnain asked the people to bring him sheets of iron. The Hadid. He leveled them between the two mountain walls, they were blew with fire till the become thoroughly strong. And the function of these sheets of iron, the Hadid was to prevent the Gog and Magog (Yakjuj and Makjuj) from coming any closer and causing tantrums to the people. The sheets of iron is strong enough that it couldn't be penetrated by those Gog and Magog.

The same thing I want to apply to myself. I am a stern person myself. But I realized how weak I am. Hadid in general should be a presentation to how our hearts should be. Strong. Firm. There must be nothing that could penetrate that firmness. Firmness in the route to get near to Allah. To our first home; Paradise. Jannah. I have a lot of times received messages from friends. from my sisters who keep on inviting to come closer to Allah. The messages keep on flowing and flowing. But I wonder why my heart seems not to be happy. Not to have the excitement as my other sisters. I always want to have that feeling. The excitement, happiness whenever the call awaits. When the call comes. Too many buts but yeah T__T

Being strong as not to stumble and fall. That is Hadid. The strong heart that knows well that only Allah should be her prior. None others. When things happened as it has been written, it's because Allah wants the heart to be closer to the ground. To make me, us just as His Servant. Whether things that happened is a joy or a sore. The heart should not weakens. Instead it should be like Hadid, firm and wouldn't let sadness over penetrate it self. 

Being Maryam R.A

Turning the soul into Maryam's soul. The Holy Mother of Prophet Isa a.s. Maryam is known for her fondness in enslaving herself to Allah Almighty God. Even food came to her from Allah's sky through the angel Jibrael a.s. She was chosen to be the mother of our Prophet Isa a.s because she was pure. She never had attachments towards humans. What more is it to be men. One day, Allah chose her to carry Prophet Isa a.s. in her womb. She cried as she wondered how could she become pregnant when she never ever even speak to a man. And never had been touched. Allah S.W.T reassured her that this was to be a sign of His power. That, when Allah meant something to happen, it happened. It's beyond human's capability. 

Maryam is also the only woman that had been mentioned in the Quran by her name alone. She has one surah for that. Her rank is so high that none other women would ever surpasses her. She lies besides the love of Allah. And when she gave birth, she was alone, Allah gave her all the strength. But during the childbirth, as she was weak and thirsty, Allah mentioned in the surah; calling her to go to a palm tree and shake it so that the fruits from it came down. Allah wanted to see her effort in doing so, because with efforts, Allah rewards us with more blessings. And when, Prophet Isa a.s was delivered, and people came talking bad towards Maryam, Allah gave the power to little Prophet Isa a.s to speak and defended his mother. 

Maryam, is a true Muslimah, Mukminah in general. How am I to have a soul as purified as her? That what heart has is only Allah S.W.T but none others. Nothing in the world owns her. And all she did was to surrender and surrender to Allah. Nothing else matters. 

Again, the world is fluttered with false hopes, dreams and too much negligence. But we too have Allah despite everything. Indeed, to be as pure as Maryam, and to develop a heart as strong like Hadid, perseverance is the key. And du'a and prayers. Lets put Allah on top of our priority ! 

>>p/s: -Bila kita kejar Allah, nescaya Dunia mula mengejar kita-<<

Dunya

Irshad was at the normal market that sell varieties of food and goods. He went there because someone at home asked him to purchase some bananas, apples and carrots. As usual, it was a normal Indian market that he went to, so it was crowded with people but things were so cheap as the hawkers were all from the village. Nobody could ignore the temptation of cheap foods that were sold there. 

One thing about Indian market is you have to be good at choosing what you wanna buy. You might be surprised by how cheap the food and the goods, as well as you are at the highest degree to be conned. Bargaining is a skill to master when visiting the market. Irshad tried to masked the hanky noises from the surrounding. He was not that kind of man who knows to buy food properly. He was there because he was forced to under certain reasons. He looked perplexed and confused but straightly walked near a stall where there was a guy wearing a slanky kurta standing. The man who seemed like had not shaved for months showed his best bananas and chikoos to Irshad. 

Irshad who was still confused, scratched his head, a sign of not knowing anything. The hawker bended down and helped him choose the best among the best bananas and apples for Irshad.

"Kitne rupees?" asked Irshad for the price.

"Das panch rupees", replied the hawker indicating it only cost 15 rupees.

Out of the blue, Adzan was heard. It was loud and so melodious that one who really understand every word of it would cry. 
 

"Allahuakbar, Allahuakbar..."

The hawker stood up after bending. 

"Sorry bhaiya, let perform our solah first", he said to Irshad. And he went away without letting Irshad paying for his bananas and chikoos first. 

Irshad put back his money into his pocket hurriedly, and followed the hawker to the nearby Masjid. The sound of Adzan was still in the air. As he reached the Masjid, he had lost track of the hawker. He stood still outside the Masjid for some time, thinking that he would only enter soon after the Adzan ends. 

Soon after the Adzan ended, as Irshad was about to make a step closer to the entrance of the masjid, he felt as if he was pushed a little on his shoulder. He looked back and he could sense a nice scent of a flower that he couldn't resist. So Irshad walked away leaving the masjid behind and followed the scent of the flower.

The scent brought him to a woman wearing full black long niqab. She was walking so fast but that made Irshad more eager to follow her. The mysterious woman looked back at Irshad, her eyes were big and pretty. Irshad couldn't resist it. As if the eyes were telling him to follow her. 

The woman continue to walk across the back of the buildings. Across those isolated pavements. Still, Irshad continue to follow her. The woman soon came to another normal market selling foods and goods. The woman was out of Irshad's sight in a sudden. Irshad was sweating all over. His heartbeat was becoming stronger. He looked around, but couldn't find the woman in that black niqab.

Irshad continue to walk around the market, searching for that woman. In his mind,  there were questions asking, who is that woman. He just have to figure it out by himself. Out of nowhere, he saw that woman again. This time that woman turned to walk faster. Out pace the speed that Irshad could. He was soaked in his own sweat. He seemed not to find a stop to what he was doing.

Again that woman's pretty smoky eyes looked straight to Irshad's. He was mesmerized and spellbind. Before he realized, the woman brought him to a graveyard. The graveyard was of those of flight of stairs. He followed her steps down the stairs. The woman stopped and looked at him. This time the sight was more stronger. Irshad stopped too. The woman didn't utter a word, so did Irshad. Both of them keep walking at the same pace, where the woman was in front and Irshad was at her back. 

There was a wall and a door when they both reached the ground. The woman opened the door where inside there was no light but darkness dimmed by a couple of candles. The woman finally voiced out. 

"Come to me, Irshad" her stunning voice pierced Irshad's eardrum

Irshad came nearer. He entered the dark small room where he had no idea what it was. The woman asked him to shut the door. 

"Now lock the door, Irshad. Then, throw the keys into the well" uttered the woman again.

Irshad was totally hypnotized. He locked the door literally and threw the ONLY keys into the well. 

"Come to me closer, Irshad" 

Irshad came closer to that woman. They were just an inch away, or probably less than an inch away among each other. They stood there upfront eye to eye. Irshad's heart pounded faster this time. The mysterious woman pulled off her niqab...

"ARTRGHHGHGHHGHGHHGHG!!??" screamed Irshad as loud as he can.

The woman face was not of that of a human. It was of something that was despicable to be looked upon to. It was beyond unbearable to see with a human eyes. Irshad quickly grab the door's knob. He tried to open but he failed. He forgot that he already threw the keys away. The ONLY KEYS for him to escape.

"Oh Irshad...come to me. Why are you afraid now?" asked the woman behind her laughter.

"Whooo...who are you?" Irshad asked, with fright.

"You really want to know who am I? My name is.....my name is ....DUNYA...and you followed me till here. Why are you so frightened? You were the one who followed me and LEFT behind your SOLAH...You left your solah just because of me, because of DUNYA, aren't you....!!!??" asked the woman again.

"And you know where this is, Irshad? This is your GRAVE!!" she added. 

"What??!! Ya Allahhh!" screamed Irshad; but it was just too late. 

He was trapped and 'killed' by his likeness more towards what is there in Dunya. Along his pathway towards following what Dunya had hold for him, he left his obligation for Solah; which is the most important thing to be obliged as a Muslim. Apparently, Irshad failed in his attempt towards reaching to Sirathal Mustaqim. He has been conned by Iblis. The woman named Dunya symbolized the Iblis; whom showed how 'the fake beauty' of this world could lead to a devastating fate in the here after. 

>>p/s: Surah Al-An’am :32. “Dan tiadalah kehidupan dunia kecuali hanya permainan dan senda gurau belaka. Dan sungguh kampung akhirat itu lebih baik bagi orang-orang yang bertaqwa. Apakah kamu tidak memikirkannya” 

and another verse stated from: Surah Ali Imran ayat 14:

“Dijadikan terasa indah dalam pandangan manusia cinta terhadap apa yang diinginkan, berupa perempuan-perempuan, anak-anak, harta benda yang bertumpuk dalam bentuk emas dan perak, kuda pilihan, hewan ternak dan sawah ladang. Itulah kesenangan hidup di dunia, dan di sisi Allah-lah tempat kembali yang baik”<<

 

 

Good

Well, congratulations to Dr Arif Sahimin for getting A+ in recent examination at UiTM. You deserve it after well determination and perseverance. 

Congratulations too, to the bunch of collegemates who made it a success playing snow in Kashmir. I am jelly. Like a lot.

So, just accept it, no matter where we go, other people will get better opportunities, better grades, better look and a better life. I am in my life because only I can endure. Yeepeee :)

2 months and miscellaneous

Assalamualaikum :)

It's 11 a.m and I haven't start revising what I planned to revise last night. My room mate said that it's impossible to cover everything since we only have like 2 days left to burn the midnight chill. She gonna do spotting questions. But, spotting only helps during the secondary education days. Sigh.

The route to the beautiful mini forest :3

Anyhow, it's enjoyable to see how these trees swaying following the rhythm of the chilling wind that blown all over Nehru Nagar, Belgaum, Karnataka, India. Yes people, I am not living in the suburban place like Bangalore. I am living on a state which is already blending in my blood and I enjoy adapting to the places. Sadly, I haven't had this good Hindi proficiency yet, which is quite troublesome when we go shopping. Even the Kannada dialect is also a tough one to get through. Still, I missed learning Ruskee. And I feel Ruskee is easier even though we need to memorize all the Crylic letters. 

Capati and chicken. Common lunch :3

I am happy to announce that it's winter now. It's so chilling but according to the seniors last year's is more chilling. However, I am happy enough to not to sweat. This conducive surrounding let me be study well and sleep soundly like a baby. How blessed I am to be sent here. Nikmat :)

the ultimate chicken cheese sandwich at 45 rupee 

2 months have I stand on this Belgaum land. A place where I never had expected to come, what not to study. But I am loving it. I like talking and chit chatting with the manager at our cafe down the hostel. His name is Umesh, who is so friendly, and he's currently taking his Master degree in Sociology. Another manager was here, named Firdhous, a Muslim Lady. But now she quited and joined a school as a teacher. Miss her though.

the biochemistry

Selanjar One denotes the first battle as in my previous post. 50 minutes for short essay question, 1 hour for 40 true false questions and 1 hour for slide spot assessment. But there are three big important topics to cover. The irony of being in medical school, but this is the challenge, and I am loving it too. Why is the duration so short? Because doctors aren't supposed to have a long time to think and making decision. They had the shortest limit of time to do all the best they can according to their professionalism and intelligence. 

planning to travel after selanjar. InsyaAllah

Hearing many seniors failed this first battle somehow terrifies the heck out of me. However, with all the harsh preps like what I posted earlier, InsyAALLAH everything will be fine :) Let's pray together:)

My Mom's note on the upcoming exam:

companions. most of the time. literally

1. Recite Al Fatihah 7x
2. Selawat Nabi 7 x
3. SubhanALLAH 44 x
4. ALLAHUAKBAR 44 x
5. Ya Hoyyu Qayyum 21 x

Je Pun la sangat.

>>p/s: - ‎"Maka, apabila kamu telah membulatkan tekad (berusaha), maka bertawakkallah kepada Allah. Sesungguhnya Allah mencintai orang-orang yang bertawakkal" (3:159) - Just a sharing thought. May Allah ease everything for us, InsyAllah :) - lovely thought  from friend and sis Adibah Rahman USM-KLE <<

The harsh prep

Fine. It's only Selanjar 1 babe, but I am exhausted already. Maybe there isn't much time to have for myself, enough time to rejuvenate or no time to go freshen up the mind. One word: Tiresome.

This is what you call it the cruelty of being a medical student, even though I am just a mere first year for God sake. I am under knowledgeable, and very perishable. I need guidance, yet I feel so alone, even though every time I mingled a lot with my room mate. She's the only person I can trust, I feel comfortable with in anyway but somehow I need more companions, like a group of friends, similar to what I had before while in UiTM. Sadly, it just feels lonely here. Haih.

More companion means a better study surrounding will I have. With 4 blocks to cover in just this short period of study week, I will go insane. If there were more people who I can discuss with, the faster will my prep goes. But this is not the case, unfortunately. I made notes, but then it became too slow to cover 3 topics in one night. Plus, to make things worst, I can only study at night. I will only sleep in the afternoon :'(

Luckily, the lecturers here worked hard to make us in the mind set of examination where we have end block test at the very end of each block we learned. It is conducted in a similar way to the real Selanjar/Continuous Assessment, and USM KK doesn't have this kind of act. Plus, lately we had this Mock SSA (Spot Slide Assessment) where various slides are put in the Sony TV and we have to identify all the blanks on them. No one scored good in the mock test, except for this one Chinese friend, named Gan. Jelly moment was there :P

But too much prep make this head heavier. Just today, half of us were needed to do the spot histo slide identification test.There were more than 40 slides and we have to identify what is each of them, each given 1 minute and a half. It was crazy!! I can only identify skin (thick and thin). Arghhh

Things aren't gone right either. The lunch and dinner at Mess tasted worse day to day. We ate chicken, but it taste like puke most of the time. I am bored with the food already. Plus, tomorrow, our deputy dean who kindly enough to stay alone here, to accompany us at USM KLE, will conduct a revision class at his house. This is again one of the many benefit of being the student of USMKLE. (BANGGA 2X)

>>p/s: Till then. I am not in a good mood. Study is the only 'expertise' I have. Unfortunately, I kind of loosing the tract. Ya Allah, bring me peace and strength.<<

The first battle is looming

Selanjar One as they called it. Don't know why it is that way. But it simply tells us, me exactly, that the first assessment, an important one is going to be conducted next week. Hooray! 

Finished the musculoskeletal block. Not everything comes right to the memory box. Even though, at a glance, I am sure I know exactly where is Sartorius and Piriformis, but then I always mixed up between many other muscles. Every fossa we have to remember, the cubital and popliteal. Also the nerves and arteries come in between. Thank god that we are not being emphasised on the facial muscles and their nerves. If not sure, I become a zombie.

Not just the fossae, but then comes the joints, elbow and knee joints. Screwed if the muscles we can't remember. But sometimes, the diagram or the illustration is so confusing. And yes, it's medicine, so why am I complaining. It should be well understood, that human body is confusing. What we see in atlas is not the similar thing we see in the dissected cadaver.

I like learning on the abdomen. Just last week I now knew that to treat inguinal hernia, for the direct case of inguinal hernia, which you can see there's like one pouch protruding on the lower abdomen. It's not by cutting, or removing the whole hernia. Professor KO, the eldest professor for anatomy told me, we have to somehow push the hernia so that it can fit again into the abdomen. If we cut it, we are actually messing with the abdomen and creating a hole. Just imagine your abdomen is punctured? Yeah it would be like that. Woha! (Sorry for my ignorance)

Anyhow, on last Friday, the end block assessment was held. The whole second batch was seated at the exam hall and made it feels like already the final exam. The questions were confusing, tough, tiring, tricky and you named it. For biochemistry, mostly would just say, OH SHOOT WHAT IS THIS??! Same goes to me eventually :'(

and I want to graduate so badly. amin..

Okay. So I almost spent half of the day going to and fro and haven't start the real revision. OH NO!

>>pray for me, and I'll pray hard for myself. I must not fail this. I will give my best. YEAH"!<<

Easier said, than reality

Dr Pagal is the most popular doctor nowadays in the cyber world. His articles complain and mocking about the real scenario of Malaysia's health care system. I understand how he is being sane to care about the matters that patients would be killed by upcoming low specialized doctors. I also have this goosebumps when reading the matter on private hospitals. When working at private, you are not bonded and not straight away being gazetted as the hospital's practitioner thus can make you lotsa cash but it depends on how many patients you are treating and how much you charge for your service. It is just merely like you rent a room in that hospital and everything must be done on your own.

This again made me give a long sigh. Why oh why? The reality is superbly bitter but at least I know the truth now. Back to the point I am gonna brag, about last week, the Director of MMC and some of the MMC officers who are also doctors, came to visit us, at USM KLE. I was like WOHA! Super WOHA! When they just sat about less than 2 meters in front of me. (I am a front bencher, so yeah :p) 

Mainly, to start up with, their objective is to see whether USM KLE medical school can equip our next junior students, which will inshaAllah be 100 in number. I must say that, the staves did quite a good job in ensuring the campus looks good from roof to floor. Even the musical fountain was beautifully turned on. Anyhow, they also came to ask us randomly, on our progression. Like how the studies went on, how we manage to fit in into the community, how's the food and what have we studies, plus one cepumas question on how does the integrated curiculum works. Well, I must say, up till now, I myself, quiet have this zero understanding on that curiculum. Lol.

I think most of us, or those lucky ones who had been asked, were giving basic, expected answers to the questions like 'Yeah, we are doing incredibly fine here, The lecturers are good, the food is nice, adaptable and etc...only one guy who was asked on anatomy and a bit on the integrated curicullum thingy was unexpected. I bet the officers and the director had already assumed what we are going to answer. Haha.

Just that, during interacting session, the MMC gave us a slight highlight of how it works to work in the government. Before this, I knew it's 2 years housemanship, than another 4 years of MO, but then they said, it's one year for housemanship? For real? About postgraduate (PG), two ways how it works, firstly, after completing housemanship, would only then the fresh graduates are now assigned as true doctors. They can apply for either options: 1. to bond with government for 7 years after completing PG, on conditioned, obtain the scholarship from the government as well as the wage/payment or gaji as an MO. And second option is that one could apply for a PG scheme, with no bound and no scholarship, but wage/payment still runs, and pay school fees with that money. I forgot the other option, I mean the without payment scheme.

Well, it seems and heard so simple from their mouths. With doctors are about to glut, or already glutting, a place to do specialization is no way as simple as that. One must have good reputation in their housemanship, good skills and etc. It is just like entering another medical school again, where you have to go all out or be all out just to specialize in a particular field. Plus, with numerous rivalries, no one can ensure that one doctor could go for the specialization he or she really wants to go for. It's luck again playing on the doctors.

As for me, I just think that everything is depending on the future that Allah holds. Who knows we really need more doctors in the future. Things can change. Prediction is just predictions. And plus, now that I am here, it's a no way out for me to turn back. We are now considered baby doctors in the making to grow. Even first year is hard enough, what not the other years to come. But this is life like I wanted before, so I am living with it. I also asked some questions, regarding working in a refugee camp and also on the posting to Borneo. MMC told me that those who are posted to the Borneo are put under priority for PG scholarships. They also said we are too young/too fragile to ask about working in a refugee camps as well as going for PG. Maybe because we haven't finished our first year? Probably...

Anyhow, it was a pleasure having them around all the way from Malaysia. Hope that everything goes on smoothly for this offshore campus to be on the map and for everyone to start noticing. 

>>p/s: Perfectly fine means so many things to endeavour. This is what we call the medical world of misery<<

salam aidiladha

It sounds like a celebration is going on outside. But it almost quarter to 11 pm and I am super duper tired. Wanna sleep so bad after a tiring day of dissection and engulfing with dead man's fat and muscles. Also, the brain is exhausted because of too many facts and muscles names including the veins and arteries on one go. How I wish this could stop...

Even to break my fast is tiring. Ate at a hotel and eat till bloated then again tired. Maybe my heart is tired too...macam mana nak jadi doktor ni? Asyik lesu je...aiseehh...so that's why tomorrow, we here at USMKLE will be withdrawn by an activity called explorace. I need to memorize some ayat from Maathurat which I still haven't. God please give me good memory...and yes, now I wanna sleep but still I haven't my heart is longing for my family...

Tired mind, tired heart, bloated stomach and irregular emotions are all around my plexus. So, I hope this one week off for Bakrid/Aidiladha, would freshen me up from these kekacauan jiwa..

Again, from me, all the way from Belgaum, the city that will make us survive and not just live....selamat menyambut aidiladha. And appreciate your family if you are with them while celebrating it. :)

Riding and shopping

The best way to go shopping is no way by cab nor LRT or KTM. We usually go out of this hostel, and took some time wandering to the nearest shopping spot called Maruthi Gali via AUTO...or they called it OTO. A modified motorcycled with 4 seats at the back.

Depends on whether you look rich or vice versa, you will get the best rate as best as 40 rupees per ride...but sometimes it depends on the distance. Here I have a video which I lamely captured almost two weeks ago. So, just watch it and enjoy:)

Comfort

Thanks Allah for the comfort you pour on me and my other 82 friends plus 44 seniors. Living within this fantastic building is luxury. We can't even get this in Malaysia for the truth sake. Unfortunately, this would be temporary. All USM KLE students have to move out from this strategic place to the new, 5 star hostel complex which is still under renovation.

But some of my friends and I have visited the new hostel. Rumours have it that we can move to that building in a month. However, that would be super impossible because there are tonnes more to be completed by the contractors and engineers to make it safe for us to sleep in that hostels. 

Knowing that I will leave this beautiful and comfortable room, make me feel somehow sad again. No more beautiful scenery, no more big balcony and super great interiors. Bye-bye NRI hostel....

>>P/S: feeling like a dwarf here at USMKLE. these colleagues of mine are so talented, so brilliant, how can I be on the stage's center...?<<

Anatomy is FUN!

Assalamualaikum people !

Just feel a little better after feeling some sickness because the broadband turned into berukband. Luckily, after some persuasive actions done to Sachin, a worker at Tata Docomo, I finally can use this berukband to go online. And to live in India, patience would be your greatest alliance.

Buying broadband after a month here is a must since wireless connection is no way to access. Moreover, living on the highest floor, despite having this beautiful scenery outside the window and a big balcony, I face problems to have good connection, whether it is phone line or Internet.

Scratch that by the way. What I am gonna brag about is on anatomy. Bought two thick books of anatomy atlas. I am in love with one of the book from Thieme which also comes with this amazing helpful flashcard and makes anatomy on the go! And what made me please living here, is that the medical books can be bought at a much cheaper rate compared to Malaysia. I have been telling about that a lot of times in this blog but that's the reasons why we here at USM KLE has no reason to fail. Speaking about failure, I am so freaking scared when to note that First Selanjar is looming in two more weeks. 

burning the midnight oil with Thieme!

say hi to your long and short head of braceps brachii

Currently, what I can remember is those shoulder girdles anatomical terms. The scapula and clavicle are the common ones, then we need to know all the processes and which part is the sternal and acromial part as for clavicle. Subclavius groove, attachment for the trapezius, sternocleidomastoid muscles, the costoclavicular ligaments, the corocoid and the acromion processes and the various other muscles that help in abduction and adduction and more anatomical terms which will make one first year medical student feels on the air when he or she already know most of the terms without realising we have more to learn, the lower limbs, the skull and  list goes on.

tak pernah kubayang pentingnya seni....

Dissection class is certainly priceless when you have a good lecturer cum guidance to lead you through all those wet, formalin-soaked muscles and nerves and arteries. Going layer by layer, it is intriguing to know how Allah has made human into its best formation. To differentiate between arteries and nerves are quite difficult for me. Adding to the fact that, I cannot remember which nerves belongs to which cords. And every muscle has its own nerve and blood supply. One thing I can laugh about is to see how the boys in my dissection group who looks absolutely terrified because we are the only group handling a female cadaver. But, it's scary to see how amazing their heads are when it comes to remember all the parts. As for me, anatomy is like what a lot of lecturers said, it is a VOLATILE subject. In a minute, it is as if you know almost everything you learned. Once you wake up the next day, you can't even recall one of the muscles. O Allah! The MOST MERCIFUL, please give me the power of good memory.

One man selling ABC....dare to try?

Selamat Tinggal Tuan Nordin, merangkap cikgu BM paling cool dan paling penyabar:)

Also today marks the end of BM class after several holidays been occupied with it. To be frank, BM class is boring, but I start to miss Tuan Nordin already. For the last class, we had this essay test, to write a complete essay of 500-600 words. I by eccentrically, wrote about 1000 words and I hope he oversees it. See you again Tuan Nordin. In Malaysia that is. And please don't make me repeat the class next year:(

Plus, there is no reason to fail because almost every week, there will be another demonstration in the lab on the anatomical parts one has learned here. Laboratory installed with almost 20 LCD Sony TV is another benefits students at USM-KLE will get to feel. There's no need to slide in crowds of people to see how the demonstrations by the lecturers held in front. One can just sit and relax while watching the boring demo on the TV screen. Trust me when I said, most of the times, students will only go snoozing and let the TV watch them.

Thus, till here will I write for this time round. I am glad to have Internet back. Looking forward for another 'active' post even though I need more time to revise. But what can I conclude here is that, it feels nice learning anatomy because I feel more like a medical student. Biochemistry will only explode my head out and physiology is what I always love since Premed. 

>>P/S: Getting bored with the food here. I wanna drink fresh juices!!....and I think cooking in the hostel is totally tiresome<<

1 month in Belgaum

Been seeking for some time to blog. Seriously miss blogging. But I have to sacrifice between what is priority and what is desire. At last, my heart goes for desire. Actually, just bought this broadband Tata Docomo which can be described as the most expensive brand there are in Belgaum's market. I need it to do Internet research and it is my initial and usual habit to study with the laptop turning on till blazing hot and Internet access is there for sure.

To study here in a destiny and holding the people's money while buying stuff for my desire is such a pathetic thing to do. I had planned to close my wallet and lock it but I couldn't. A lot of thing to buy here because everything seems like needs and not desire. Do you get me?

Frankly speaking, I feel guilty for not being able to be a responsible blogger by mentioning about my EXACT routine as USM-KLE first year student, but time envies me. I am in a race with it. Especially when you are in a medical field, even first year seems so hectic.

Going to Bangalore for leadership convention was a bittersweet decision. It was between desire and need. Desire to get to explore and travel to Bangalore and at the same time the need for this soul to get out of this hectic USM-KLE.

Seriously, the 3 days stay at Mount View Resort at Bangalore was worth it. Especially when one gets to stay in a honeymoon suite. Also, worth the 10 hours journey from Belgaum, but sadly, works start to piling up. Everything is a mess now, really. And sometimes I ponder why did I engulf myself to this route. I am gonna be a phantom!

Imagine tomorrow supposedly Diwali is gonna be celebrated, but I have classes to attend till half of the day is gone. SGD questions on biochem have been touched a bit but my plan to finish it up was merely plain plan. Histological drawings of cells is still on progress and I couldn't find any end to this. I need a break! And trust me - first year here means no break.

I am in a mess situation and envying my colleagues who already got time to make short notes or mind maps. I also envy those colleagues graduated from KMB to have survive in the world of sleepless nights. Clap-clap to them. In the mean time, I feel my brain is gonna explode. The fear of failure here is indeed worrisome. FAIL means go back to Malaysia and say bye to your dream MD degree. Plus, to achieve the target for distinction is like a dream in a fairytale. It is not impossible, it just seems so unreal....at least for now.

Shoulder and Pectoral region, Brachial Plexus and metabolism for fuel of muscles and etc etc, how I wish I were KYLE XY to memorize and remember all those terms and facts. Another thing that one should fear about medicine is everything is fact, once you get one wrong, the linkage to it is completely insane and WRONG.

>>P/S: mama dah pesan medic susah, and I do feel sometimes it's not my thing, but when I wake up, HEY, What do you expect, it's medicine for godsake!<<

Spare time

Assalamualaikum

Today marks another beginning of a NEW block/topic for my first year as a medical student. It is on the MUSCULOSKELETAL BLOCK.

Meaning last week is the end of the Cell and Tissue block which is super duper hard for me. The end block test was a disaster. Focusing on the hard topics but what came out was out of expectation. I should have bear in mind that everything in life is unexpected. However, no use of crying out blood by now. Things had happened.

For anatomy, I think I have quite a big love for bones and structures of them. It intrigued me a lot unlike remembering the properties of Amino Acid and Nucleic Acids. Sadly, last week, while other students have already dig their hands in to dissect the cadavers, my group (the only group with a FEMALE CADAVER)m, hasn't actually try on those blades to cut open the poor body. But we had fun learning some terms like epiphisis and diaphisis as well as other term like haversion canal. Things that I can remember of course. Biochemistry, on the other hand, is something which I have to create fond with. The book recommended which I am using now is not exactly a good book which I can refer to. And of course, here, there's time constraint to focus on those thicks books which stand erectly arranged in my room. Beautifully untouched. And I blamed time for being too fast.

Malaysian Night

Apart from the great studying moments, we as overseas students also get this opportunity joining one gathering of Malaysian students around Belgaum. One of the events is Malaysian Night. USM-KLE is the host and we performed 2 shows for the night which were awesome. Here, I am so amazed by some of the colleagues who are so artistic. They can sing, they can dance so beautifully and play instruments. Our team won the performance competition. Did I mentioned I joined dancing? It is plainly just for fun and to fulfill the emptiness.

Trinity 2011

This is an intercollegiate event where students of JNMC as well as other students from Karnataka or Belgaum I think, participate in various events including, competitions like Battle of The Bands, Football, Arts, and many more. USM-KLE's students like Adib and Aidil Yusof both won the best basis and best drummer award. Isn't these arouse jealousy? Who says medical students just know medical terms? They can also play music and rock the stage. And it's a pleasure even though I can't join because I am untalented, seeing them winning those things among many other talented students here, make me proud to be part of them! WOAHH

So only yesterday, MARA had also came here to see how their sponsor students are doing. Mainly, we are doing fine. Hostel is comfy, food is lavish and what else I could describe? Our safety is well keep as we have our own Malaysian's dean here, Prof KJ, so that's is among the privilege of becoming a USMKLE Student. 

Over a month have I been here. Staying here is alright. All cosy and chilling. Some places are dirty and noisy and that's India. A place where you are not going to grow alive but to grow surviving. I am praying hard so that I will excell in my phase 1 and could attend phase 2 and the other phases up to the end with strength and smoothly finish all this then get married. OOps, I mean work and serve for the people. (lame phrases but whatever) 

Sorry for no photos like what you have seen in many of other blogs. I have no good time to spare to upload them. Will steal some pictures from friends FB page. MUAHAHHAHA. 

>>p/s: must buy a camera now. Cepatlah tahun depan bulan 7!<<

Maybe some other time

Assalamualaikum....I wanna brag that I really miss blogging. Internet is not a bless here to be accessible, especially at the hostel. But, on the bright sides of it, I have time more to sleep, to tidy up my room, to enjoy the sceneries of Belgaum, India and other things I usually miss when Internet was my closest buddy.

Plus, there are things which restricts me to blog. One of them, is internet of course, other one would be the humane ethic and feelings of sentient towards my dear 21 friends who are still stranded at USM Kubang Kerian. I must say, the way MMC managed things is vulgarly done. Pity for those who volunteered to stay and more pitiful for those who were 'destined' by one small paper written 'STAY' on that very day of 8th September 2011.

I am sad that a friend named Darina isn't here. But perhaps, Allah has a better plan for her and also the others. Sorry to all of them, I don't know of any more words to console you. The more I say, the more hurt you will become, I know that. Just remember, for whatever that happened, things happened for a hidden reason. And only Allah could answer that. My prayer would be, SABAR.

Good things recently happened. One of them is that I get this nice room I wanna share with Darina. But last week, the hostel management staff took away the mattress beside me that was gonna be Darina's place. They took it without my notice and I was so shocked. I was later asked to move to another single bedded room which the location I disliked due to bad window view and too close to the boys' hostels. Alhamdulillah, things has settled. I got a room mate now and thus staying in that beautiful room for another 6 or 8 months.

I have seen the room for the new hostel which is still under construction. The room is quite small but cosy not fully finished. I doubt that it could be fully finished by another 6 months though. Plus, arriving at a new place isn't as easy as one could think. I don't know why they said here everything is cheap because trust me it's not. They have the almost standard malaysian price for electrical appliances. Plastics appliances are so expensive here. But medical books are of heaven! So cheap! I bought a thick Guyton and Hall book of Medical Physiology at INR 1450. Just revert to RM by dividing this with 15. 

Oops got to go.....will be posting later :)

Hurm

Em I could never learn to think nice of people. All I could do, is thinking negative. That person is rude, this person is annoying, people hate me. Why oh why?

Again, quarreling with mom and will be boarding off faraway soon is not a good thing. Yet, everything coming from people's mouth that didn't suit my mood, will deter this mood swings. Been having sleepless nights thinking about future, about life, about future friends, future hardships and many worries and imaginations which are useless. 

Plus, packing things make me sad. And the more I pack, the more I think of bringing the whole house with me. GULP. And today I quarrel with mom regarding one thing so sacred. Mom called me impatience. Hence, she brought up the matter whether or not can I possess a good patience in myself. ARGHH. I am bad at this. Thus, I sinned just because of that during Ramadan. Seriously, I am sick.

Hurm. Hurm....just that, days are becoming nearer to the day I have to leave the house. I really have wasted my long holidays for more of 'NOTHING' compared to 'SOMETHING'. HAIH.....

Is it their fault?

Parents always want the best for their precious little ones. They would do anything, and undergo any tests just to make sure the fetus inside the womb is healthy and without deformities. 

Of course, no one pray to have Down Syndrome babies. This deformity can actually be detected during pregnancy, by taking some amniotic fluid through the mothers. It is a painful procedure to both baby and mother, and only bring about 80% chances to see whether the baby has Down Syndrome or vice versa. Plus, the cost is expensive as well. It costs about USD 900 for one trial. T.___T

For OBGYN doctors, it is their job before any labour or deliveries to tell their patients regarding this test, and ask whether they want it to be done. There are sometimes misunderstanding catastrophic when parents actually believed that when the test is negative on conduct, their babies won't have this syndrome. 

Thus, when this happen, guess what happen to the parents. Of course they would be plainly DISAPPOINTED. The babies they had waited long enough came out not at par to what they have expected. And, it's not easy to raise children with Down Syndrome. Only those with strength could. 

When the parents become bloody frustrated, they blame everything on doctors. They would say, that the doctors cheated and just want their money. They would go as far isas to sue the doctors. Of course, for Muslims, we must beware that, any tests invented by humans are not necessarily give 100% truthful results. Allah S.W.T is the Most Powerful, He is the only entity whom able to change everything according to HIS great knowledge. We cannot question on that.

Doctors would have to live for the blame. Even with high reputation, it would bring dirt if the doctors had made such 'mistake'-mistakenly. So, the doctors, have to bear being punched till bleed, being nagged and being insulted just because their babies are not as what they want it to be. 

Patience is doctor's greatest courage. Alertness comes hand in hand. Poor Doctors. Tough studies, tough work force, harsh patients. 

a big fight. everyone tries to stop it.

being threathen

A Dad ventilates how sad he is to know his newborn is deformed.

*from the series called Obgyn Doctors (2010) - episode 10. An amazing worth-to-watch drama*

Kena marah..

On last Wednesday, I went to The India Visa Centre located at Jalan Lebuh Pasar Besar to of course do my visa. Sadly, MARA didn't covers for it, so I went up using dad's money instead. Pity me though for not having this 'capability' to pay this on my own. I am plain broke.

Actually, on that day before, Tuesday that was, dad and I walked all the way from Jalan Raja Laut crossing the Jalan Tunku Abdul Rahman to reach Masjid Jamek to search for Jalan Lebuh Pasar Besar. Glad that my dad is  a Kuala Lumpur expert, so he knew quite well where some important buildings are located in the city. It was tiring and blazing hot, adding up it was Ramadhan. 

I guess that Tuesday was some sort of a bad luck day for me though. Dad and I went to perform Zuhur at Masjid India, which was sooo crowded. After wudhuk, I went to the Muslimah side of the masjid, then I got scolded for stepping on the pathway that I can't step on if I have my shoes on. The clean lady was like:

" Dah tulis tak boleh pijak pun, masih pijak lagi. Takde mata ke? " 

And she was pointing all those words to me. Everyone was staring at me like I am sort of a loser (Well, practically I am. I step back, took off my shoes and went inside without bothering to give some piece of my mind to the lady. Takpe, puasa, so tahan je nafsu amarah tu :)

Anyhow, as I was saying, I went again to KL on Wednesday, since the service for Visa had already close when we actually arrived at the very place. Early in the morning we went there, and so, I was the first one to deal with the counter that very day. 

Unfortunately, I don't know which part that I did wrong or LOOKed wrong that I was mistreated so badly. Okay, actually as I arrived, I went to the receptionist, gave the lady my information and the lady did write something on my Visa form and then gave it back to me. She gave me my number, and in a couple of seconds, I was called. Damn fast.

Then, it was at the counter where, I was treated like some sort of bastard. The counter lady, asked for my Visa form, my passport and USM offer letter rudely though. The intonation was as if she had PMS on that day. She ruined my mood in a total. Then she asked me rudely again why didn't I complete my visa form. Well it was 90% complete, except that I left blank some of the part I didn't know what to fill. I gave her back as soon as I finished filling those empty parts. She asked for my passport, and kept complaining how different my signature in the passport with the one in the Visa form. Of course a slight different only. Is that such bad thing? No right? T.T

I was so freaking pissed because of the lady at the counter. She even questioned me whether my application has been approved by the manager. I told her NO because I didn't know that the first lady at the reception counter already approve it. She took my visa form, and saw the red ink note written by that lady, and exclaimed, " Just now I asked you dah approve ke belum, you kata belum". Yeah, like I knew THAT was actually what they mean by approved. 

Luckily, all those heart wrenching moment lasted about 20 minutes. I was a bit shocked by how RUDE some people especially officers can be EARLY in the morning. Really spoiled my mood though, I bet she spoiled hers too. Maybe I was right that she has PMS. But why can't she be at least a bit fun. I am going to her country for God sake. Why can she smile? Is not like she's working under the hot blazing sun or it's not like she's on fasting. Haih....what a day

But people, that was just a simple scene one would have to bear in Kuala Lumpur. Harsh people are everywhere. No one you can trust.

>>p/s: KTM SUCKS LIKE ALWAYS. <<

Annoyance

Yeah, it's Ramadan now. But it's so freaking hard to resist annoyance. 

1. annoyed with one girl in Facebook. I don't know whether or not she's a friend I should keep or should I 'unfriend' her. She annoys me by liking every post and every status I made. She is nice and all, but she annoys me everytime. But why am I nagging? That's the reason to have facebook in the first place, wasn't it?

2. annoyed with a friend who seems so mysterious and has a lot of secrets. I do respect people's privacy, but if something like where you are studying is also a mysterious thing and a big secret, how will I function as a friend? 

3. annoyed with some people who couldn't be honest. Mulut putar belit, macam ular. Sometimes it's west sometimes it's east. Not certain and specific. Doing maths is better I guess because there's always specific answers rather than dealing with uncertain people.

4. annoyed with some Malaysian officers who seems to be very bossy and sometimes stuck ups and snobbish. Do they learn manners treating customers? Is it that hard to work a little harder during Ramadhan? Working in an air-conditioned cubicles are so tiring heh? Have they ever ponder how is it like for people who fight for money under hot blazing sun? Just tiresome and gruesome dealing with officers who never know the art of smiling and never ever learn the art of learning people's explanation. HEH. 

5. Super slow KTM is making me nuts. Since, KTM is the only transport, at least the best choice I have to travel to KL if there aren't anyone to drive me there, I have to bear the slowpoke-ness forever. 10 minutes for KTM means 20 minutes and 30 minutes means an hour. Clap clap KTM for being the oldest train service yet still sucks. And I guess the women's coach are now meant for men too aite? There is no longer any officer on duty to let no man into the coach. HAHAHAH. Pity laaa T.T

Worries

This is bad. I have this bad sense in alertness and being careful at things. My carelessness is my biggest weakness. And if I continue being this careless, being so bad at handling things, how am I going to be a competent doctor in the future?

I have this big regret already after filling up those agreements papers from MARA. They gave me a guide book on how to fill them properly, but I don't know what got into me that I misread those guides. In the end, everything turned spoiled. Many mistakes have I made on every cover of the agreement booklet. I needed to cross the mistakes out and both guarantors and I have to put our initial as to mark the mistakes. It's bizarre how I made those silly mistakes continuously for 5 same booklets. I was so careless.

My mom was furious to know how I lost focus on filling those IMPORTANT agreement booklets. Those are my future. MARA is a tedious matter. It is up to them now whether or not to accept those agreements. I have give them such bad impression as one future medical student now. It's the biggest fear I have right now knowing how bad the agreements look. 

House bought a smiley balloon to erase his worries. 

Mom said she should have watch over me while filling those agreements. She as a lawyer had always deal with such documents and it's weird how I, as her daughter couldn't even fill them nicely. Since that moment, mom has always been doubting the fact that I wanna do medicine. Everyday mom will give me a peace of advice to be extra careful, to be focus, to be alert and to be wise. As a medical student, mistakes may be my greatest teachers to guide me to be better, as I can learn from them. However, if one day I were a doctor, doing many mistakes could lead to mishap among my patients as well as the whole hospital community. And I do not want to be another incompetent doctor. Of course NOT.

Now all the worries accumulating inside the head. Worried that MARA might reject me, worried that things would be burdening my parents all over again and I just hate going to and fro burdening people and all the I am the one who should face the blame. Repercussion for being so careless over such important and crucial matters. 

In the end, I need to stay positive. Worries are always humans most useless imaginations. Period.

Dugaan Bulan Ramadhan

Minggu yang serabut. Minda serabut, pertuturan serabut. Semua serabut. Cuma masa tarawih sahaja ketenangan menerpa.

8 August 2011

Actually today I need to send back my Mara's agreement forms and whatnot. One word dealing with all these forms would be : tiresome. No wonder many friends before this, asked me to decide properly either I want to accept this offer of vice versa. And now I know how tedious all of these are. Part of growing up dear self. Live with it.

The fact that some of future coursemates and I have to send all these by 8th August is because we took the agreement by hand, whilst some others got theirs through post laju which is not as laju as it seems. Anyhow, so yeah, I really was positive that I can settle everything about Mara's agreement by today. My mom skipped from her office to follow me to the Oath Commissioner to get her/his signature for the guarantors' agreements. She was a nice lady, which brighten up my day quite a bit.

Spent bloody RM50 note on Stamps for the 5 copies of agreement booklets was something I have to bear. Went to the LHDN, to matikan the stamps ahhaha and luckily it was quite near and didn't cost me a cent. And every thing seems to be almost complete till I arrived at the MARA's headquarters down the Jalan Raja Laut, Kuala Lumpur. Took the bloody commuter to reach Bank Negara, along the way standing upright holding to an aluminium rod because the coach was as always full of bloody people. Walked a few stones of steps to voila reach the MARA's building at almost 1 pm.

Greatly about my arrival was that, it was actually lunch time, Even though most of MARA's staff are Muslim Malays, and they are all fasting, they still need lunch time. I went to the third floor dear readers, where I should hand in the documents. I sat down at one couch and start rearranging all the forms in order. And it was nearly two seconds before 1 pm, that I walked to the receptionist. Greet one woman with salam, but sadly I was badly treated.

It was my bad frankly to say that I came at inappropriate time. She asked me what agreement was that, and I told her that I was one of the USM-KLE'S students. And she went looking puzzle for a sudden as if she doesn't know what is it. I was a bit pissed actually when they told me that they were tired, and asked me to come later. Haissh

And in the end, the agreements need to be corrected. I need to see my cousin again as he is the guarantor, to get his initials for every mistakes in that bloody booklets. HAHAHA. So, I left MARA's building with this frown face. Dad and I walked all the way to Masjid Jamek, crossing the forever crowded Jalan TAR and the hotness of Ramadhan to go to Indian Visa Centre somewhere near the Bangunan Sultan Abdul Samad (Jalan Lebuh Pasar Besar). Saw some tourists drinking coke like heaven brought up the tenses I tell ya! Takpee dugaan.

One thing I hate about KL is the those uniformed DBKL people who should function as our travel guide in KL. How pathetic that they don't even know where Lebuh Pasar Besar is. And what more the Visa Centre. Pity laa Malaysian. And after lotsa walking, guess who helped Dad and I to the Visa Centre? A kind hearted Arabic Man, who is a foreigner for GOD SAKE!!

I was relief when we actually got ourselves to the Visa Centre. Then, came another bad news. The Visa application time is already of at 2 pm. We reached there at 2.30 pm. And of course I was bloody disappointed. After all the walking, after all the sore throat and thirst. But Dad said, in KL weak people die early. You need to be strong to be in KL especially during Ramadhan. Dad was so strong. So rigid and so positive. He is a total opposite from me. I adore him a lot for that. He is willing to sacrifice his time to bear all these with me, syukur AlhamduLILLAH.

Back at home, mom was there. She is kinda mad at me for being so careless filling up these forms. I like always like to blame on things when I am in a bad mood, so all those blaming, made me tired and wearing out. HAHAHA. I slept after reaching home till Iftar. Didn't help mom sorting out the preparation for it though, what a daughter am I huh?

All these I should consider as dugaan. Allah Taala loves me dearly, so HE gives me all these obstacles again and again. I am blessed with a dad who forever is willing to accompany me and attending my amends. I am blessed to have a cousin who is willing to be my guarantor and going to and fro to attend my documents. T.T Syukur ya RABB for all these lovely people. Lovely life and lovely dugaan.