Becoming Hadid and Maryam

Hadid means iron in Arabic. I am sorry but I am not that well versed in Arabic, only that I know Hadid means iron. In Malay, it means 'besi'. Hadid, is in fact, not just regular iron or besi. As I depicted this word from the Quran, I know Hadid means iron by how Allah S.W.T meant it to be.

As we regularly recite Al Kahfi every time Jumuuah comes, we could easily found a verse from that very ayat that mentioned:

As Zulkarnain asked the people to bring him sheets of iron. The Hadid. He leveled them between the two mountain walls, they were blew with fire till the become thoroughly strong. And the function of these sheets of iron, the Hadid was to prevent the Gog and Magog (Yakjuj and Makjuj) from coming any closer and causing tantrums to the people. The sheets of iron is strong enough that it couldn't be penetrated by those Gog and Magog.

The same thing I want to apply to myself. I am a stern person myself. But I realized how weak I am. Hadid in general should be a presentation to how our hearts should be. Strong. Firm. There must be nothing that could penetrate that firmness. Firmness in the route to get near to Allah. To our first home; Paradise. Jannah. I have a lot of times received messages from friends. from my sisters who keep on inviting to come closer to Allah. The messages keep on flowing and flowing. But I wonder why my heart seems not to be happy. Not to have the excitement as my other sisters. I always want to have that feeling. The excitement, happiness whenever the call awaits. When the call comes. Too many buts but yeah T__T

Being strong as not to stumble and fall. That is Hadid. The strong heart that knows well that only Allah should be her prior. None others. When things happened as it has been written, it's because Allah wants the heart to be closer to the ground. To make me, us just as His Servant. Whether things that happened is a joy or a sore. The heart should not weakens. Instead it should be like Hadid, firm and wouldn't let sadness over penetrate it self. 

Being Maryam R.A

Turning the soul into Maryam's soul. The Holy Mother of Prophet Isa a.s. Maryam is known for her fondness in enslaving herself to Allah Almighty God. Even food came to her from Allah's sky through the angel Jibrael a.s. She was chosen to be the mother of our Prophet Isa a.s because she was pure. She never had attachments towards humans. What more is it to be men. One day, Allah chose her to carry Prophet Isa a.s. in her womb. She cried as she wondered how could she become pregnant when she never ever even speak to a man. And never had been touched. Allah S.W.T reassured her that this was to be a sign of His power. That, when Allah meant something to happen, it happened. It's beyond human's capability. 

Maryam is also the only woman that had been mentioned in the Quran by her name alone. She has one surah for that. Her rank is so high that none other women would ever surpasses her. She lies besides the love of Allah. And when she gave birth, she was alone, Allah gave her all the strength. But during the childbirth, as she was weak and thirsty, Allah mentioned in the surah; calling her to go to a palm tree and shake it so that the fruits from it came down. Allah wanted to see her effort in doing so, because with efforts, Allah rewards us with more blessings. And when, Prophet Isa a.s was delivered, and people came talking bad towards Maryam, Allah gave the power to little Prophet Isa a.s to speak and defended his mother. 

Maryam, is a true Muslimah, Mukminah in general. How am I to have a soul as purified as her? That what heart has is only Allah S.W.T but none others. Nothing in the world owns her. And all she did was to surrender and surrender to Allah. Nothing else matters. 

Again, the world is fluttered with false hopes, dreams and too much negligence. But we too have Allah despite everything. Indeed, to be as pure as Maryam, and to develop a heart as strong like Hadid, perseverance is the key. And du'a and prayers. Lets put Allah on top of our priority ! 

>>p/s: -Bila kita kejar Allah, nescaya Dunia mula mengejar kita-<<

Illusion

was it just an illusion?

did I just wake up from a dream,

from a beautiful dream?


were all those good night wishes,

and dearly words of consoling,

are all lies,

are those all merely illusion?


how easy it was to start

and how easier it was to end.

eyes didn't tell,

and even mouth didn't speak.

but the truth is I know it all.

what is happening now,

and what is in your mind.

perhaps I should wait?

perhaps I should cry

when I utter your name out

of my prayer?


:)

let this just be another phase

phase where two humans met,

they separate due to fate,

and we'll both go in our own way.

Love At First Sight

'Engine starto' and I don't know why in Japanese language, alike Kannada, has to add another vowel to the pre-existing English words hahahaha! 

It was the emergency team of a renowned hospital in Japan. It has been noted to all the emergency team that there is a call from a town call Kyoto, a bit far from Tokyo. All the doctors rush to help whatever case it might be. It is always a game for the emergency team. The case might as well be as serious as someone has been hit by an avalanche or as simple as someone being beat up by some mafia gang. Whatever it is, they must be impromptu!

The helicopter boarded off. Kids seeing it in the air, flying proudly, were running across the field following its path but could never catch up. As the helicopter landed, the emergency team ran with all their might to see what's wrong and who's the victim. 

It's a 40 year old something man. There was a blow on his head. Bleeding profusely. However, nothing seems like something fell on his head. The wife of that victim was asked how it had happened. "I threw an ashtray and it landed on his forehead, accidentally," she said. How lovely.

It was suspected after further investigations and physical examination that the victim now suffered from a hematoma in his brain. It must be removed but then again complications in medicine are always something people has to adhere to. Even a million-worth of treatment can lead to serious complications. Oh God why?

The victim's wife was walking to and fro at the aisle of the waiting corner. She was worried sick. But she was the one who threw the ashtray. She regrets it now. One of the attending doctors came to see her. Explaining what she should be informed of. The couple then needed counseling on which treatment they would prefer to continue. 

And so, these two couples sat next to each other, confronting 3 doctors in a meeting room. The victim and his bandaged head looks as if he never knew the woman sitting beside him. His wife tried hard to console him, putting her hand over his arm, but the victim quickly pulled his arm away. It was obvious that the two is having some marriage mishaps.

Dr Satoshi explained everything about the hematoma. Now the treatment is either, to remove and would lead to a serious complication of loosing a memory. Another, is to just repair the vessels, but the tumor could grow, and the patient might die. They must agree to at least one. And the doctors aren't persuasive of neither.

Outside the meeting room, as the victim was about to be sent to his bed in his wheelchair, he looked at his wife and say; "I bet you are happy now aren't you. I hope I never knew you"

His wife cried on the spot. Who wouldn't. And she ran away without ever being stopped by her husband.

Dr Satoshi went to see his wife. Asking what's the matter with both of them. And whether or not, they had made any decision upon which treatment they would like to proceed with. 

The wife who was sitting and holding her paper cup containing cold coffee; again cries. 

"You know, sir...he was different" suddenly she uttered.

The doctor looked at her...with the most pitiful face.

"After a day that we met, my husband, he...asked me whether I would be with him forever. He kneel and I still remember how his knees were shaking badly...."

"He also said that he never saw anyone prettier than me...but now..."

"And...so the ashtray you threw at him..." asked Dr Satoshi

"He was always returning home very late...maybe he has someone else"

"He said he is bored with me"...and she cried more.

2 days passed, and now the couple finally decided. The husband wanted to remove the hematoma. Regardless the complication of losing his memory, he said that it would be the best. The wife followed his wish; although deep down inside; she's in deep pain. Deep pain knowing her husband would rather loses all his memory of them together.

While the victim was about to be brought to the surgical theatre, his wife was there to follow.

"No! Don't come with me!" demanded the husband.

His wife who was holding his hand, drew away hers. She cried.

Before the victim was anesthetic-ally put into sleep , he told the doctor something.

"Sir...could you please tell my wife I love her?"

 The doctor just smiled and nodded.

Fortunately, the surgery was a success. The victim was conscious three days later. But he lost all his memories. His wife acted normal. When she came...after recovering from her sadness, she stood a little bit far from her husband. Worried that he might again hurt her. Hurt her heart. 

When her husband saw her...he asked the nurse to bring him closer to his wife.

"Miss...do I know you?"

"Because, I think I saw you somewhere, yesterday maybe?"

The wife became perplexed. 

"Would you be with me....? Although I've only known you since yesterday?"

And his knees were shaking....

The wife cried...once more,

Memory of them in the past might have lost, but they are regaining NEW ones. How exciting.

>>p/s: We are not broken just bent, and we can learn to love again :) <<

.

Syukur

Syukur because finally I made it to have a very good attendance to the lectures, the practicals and you named it all. Haha (* a good kid here, so yeahh*)

Syukur because I have many beautiful solehah sisters around me, that never got bored of advising and never got bored to cook for me (I mean us hehee :P)

Syukur alhamdulillah, finally that I feel at peace joining the Usrah. Sad because there's Naqibah changing system, but still do you remember when Allah commanded that the qiblat changed, and most of the Muslims condemned and doubt, why it changed? So I am asking my imaan quite a number of times whether I attended usrah just because I like the Naqibah and the other sisters; or is it because of Allah?

Syukur alhamdulillah, that my room mate and I thrived to stay in one room together after so many 'hurdles' and 'fights'. Girls are so complicated I must say, including me. The best way is to learn how to tolerate.

Syukur alhamdulillah, that my parcel of sarees just landed in KLIA. 

Syukur alhamdulillah for the well-being of my physique and the well-being of my immune system that until today, I have never experience one night in the hospital.

Syukur alhamdulillah for Adibah's grandma to be here, that most of us could feel the slight reminisce of eating kampung dishes. Just had lontong for dinner and asam pedas yesterday !

Syukur alhamdulillah, that Allah gave me the opportunity to stay in a place where it's so conducive to study, so cold, so prosper. 

Also syukur alhamdulillah that final is approaching, meaning end of year 1, and meaning it's the time to grow both physically, mentally and spirituality; towards becoming better in every aspect of life as well as for the Here after, akhirat, husnul khatimah is what we should approached for :')

Towards the final

”Or think you that you will enter Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who believed along with him said: ‘When (will come) the help of Allah?’ Yes! Certainly, the help of Allah is near!” [2: 214]

Been here, live here, and loving these people around me. After so many troubles pertaining on the fact that I was damn scared not to get into medical school; and now Alhamdulillah, I am approaching my final year examination with other 82 colleague in USM KLE and 100++ first year students in USM Kubang Kerian. 

Passing all the three selanjars was a bless. Allah Taala gave us the best, so don't deny and questioned. There are reasons. Do you know that when you have faith towards even ONE of the 99 Names of Allah Taala, you can actually be granted with Allah's Paradise?

 Put your faith now to Al Wakil. As Allah alone the caregiver of all, HE alone who can decides to give or not to give the things we wanted. Instead, HE knows better and gives us the best. Believe and don't doubt him. 

Certainly, holding on with the faith is not an easy task. It requires a lot of patience and at the same time peace. And who else can give us peace, non other than Allah Himself. 

And today, marked the end of many things actually. Things that will remain as memories. It marks that Chemical Pathology class is finally over, Anatomy is also over and my circle of happiness as well. Yes, a lot of goodbyes in a day can be quite depressed, but some things have to reach an end so that humans can grow and mature. The same goes for apoptosis: eh?

dissection team: girls in my group except adibahrahman (most left)

pretty much relaxing during the last day

Along the circle of happiness with 6 other muslimats, I have found that life is more than dunya; instead; the final goal is Jannah. It was such a mesmerizing experience; full of laughter, full of tears, full of awakening moments. It was my first too. I was mostly quite in our gathering; but they are sure more than usrahmates. They are more like mothers who care for us, love us, and make us feel like home. I will miss them thoroughly ;'(

 They also taught me the word 'Uhibukifillah' which I never stumbled upon too; which denotes, 'See you in Jannah together!' The word is really sweet and gives me the sense of fear, of whether I can go to see them and ALLAH in Jannah too, or not? Insha Allah.

Towards the final; they also taught me more on seeking for Allah during hard times, and to reduce my whining. Today, I received an Ohana card, and one of the friends in the circle of happiness wrote me a Quran's verse like the above shown. That verses surely a warning Allah gave me, you, US especially; that to attain and to obtain a place near to him in Jannah later on needs more sacrifices and perseverance. Nothing comes easy. Many loves and many thanks to dear usrahmates, whom Allah sent for love and care.

Nota-nota cinta :)

Love :)

>>p/s : in glance, first year is about to end. Pro exam is looming. I am telling myself to keep calm and study. Allah is there. I need to pass this exam, but I want it to be an excellent passing grade, insyaAllah:') Goodluck to all my friends here, reading this, and there in Kelantan<<

Papa, I love you :")

"I have been living in England for 6 years. I received only 240 pounds back then, while the currency rate was only 4.5. You can calculate how little was my allowance compared to yours now. In studying medicine, to become a doctor, dayana, what you need is sacrifice. Sacrifice your leisure time, sacrifice your rest. To master at your studies, you need to spend more time on books, to read the topic as many times as you can. Then you have to close the books and try to explain to yourself about the topics read. If you can explain it smoothly, you're on the right track"

An advice from dear papa azhar on the reality of life, of trying to do well in studies; and yes, I do need to sacrifice myself.

You will read if you know

A thousand miles would I walk if I wanna see you tonight. If only if you know how you meant to me. And yes I regret for not being your closest friend first.

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ff

I'll make you stay

Well, this song is just amazing, and suiting the mood I am having right now.

So enjoy, don't forget some tissue to wipe your tears dry!

A concert

This beautiful princess is gonna give a speech for her kindergarten's concert. Can't wait to see how she goes. hehehe. 

mesmerizing as always

>>p/s: intense is now starting to blazing inside<<