The Entity

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Kajang, Selangor, Malaysia
Assalamualaikum. Writing all the way from Belgaum, Karnataka, India. Missing Malaysia so much. But everything is just perfectly fine here. India makes people not just live, but SURVIVE. :)

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And remember, it always rain hard for those who deserve The Sun. :)

Monday, 30 January 2012

Mati di bumi orang

One fine day, I was having this nice chat cum tutorial with a friend named F. We learned various topics including Biology and some Chemistry as far as I concerned. 

Then, I told him that there was a medical student in Indonesia who was just in his first year, been taken by Allah forever. He was diagnosed with a dengue and died 2 weeks after that. I said to him how sad it would be for the families of that student. 

Then he told me not to pity. Don't pity those died because of jihad. I became purplexed and asked him, "Jihad?"

Then he explained that students who migrated to further his study and then he died because of disease, he can be considered as jihad. But, as long as he while studied, put Allah as his priority.

And after 2 years, when I read this surah, this bumped to me:

Surah An-Nisa, verse 100.

Dan barangsiapa berhijrah di jalan Allah, nescaya mereka akan dapatkan di Bumi Allah ini tempat hijrah yang luas dan rezeki yang banyak. Barang siapa keluar dari rumahnya dengan maksud berhijrah kerana Allah dan Rasulnya, kemudian kematian menimpanya, maka sungguh pahalanya ditetapkan disisi Allah. Dan Allah Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang. 

So, to reflect the sorrow I have in my heart, I should come back strong! It's not easy to be having this chance living in the other side of the world. Even though, I haven't cross continents, it is just Asia, still Asia, but the fact that I live far away from my family, give me the sorrow. The sorrow of not being able to send my little sister to her boarding school, the sorrow of not being able to catch a ride on my little brother's car and have some wild bro-sis day out. WAAA The agony!

Even if I die here, it would be a blessing. Ya ALLAH I need only you in my heart and in my mind. Don't let me be astray....

>>p/s: takde boypren pada umur 20 tahun merupakan satu agony gak.. T.T...sabar ye mama...yang tak sabar nak tgk aku biar gempak dulu...<<

Sunday, 29 January 2012

Battle Secondum

Less than 2 weeks before 2nd selanjar. 

Progress has been quite slow. And I am no longer an A-straight kid.

A friend of medschool back then faraway in Perak told me this in Twitter:

"Dapat A ke tak, doesn't matter. Bila dah kerja nanti sama je, gaji sama, start pun dari Housemen"

True indeed. But somehow or rather, the content feeling of obtaining the shining A somewhat matters, to me.


now that I am no longer in school, I should put down some believe. People obtaining A is always those who people will look for and look upon to. But, I don't think I want that now.

One day, a friend named N, a girl of course, came to my room during brunch hours. She was wearing baju kelawar and looked insanely just finished her studying. She wanted to get some slides notes and at the same time glancing at my histo work book. I gave her mine since I didn't let her borrow my neuroanatomy textbook because I wanna use it. Later, she found out that I do READ the text book, hence she became puzzled and surprised.

"Wey...aku tak baca pon buku2 semua ni. Aku baca lecture notes je...takde masa nak baca semua ni weh"

That's what she said to me. And she-who-I-must-not-named got an A during the previous battle. And I, who read all these books? Emmmm.....cukup makan aje but I felt content already.

So, if we looked back. Do ALLAH The Most Merciful looks upon the 'A' that we got, or HE looks more upon our efforts and perseverance? Think. And I got the answer. At first, I was quite intimidated by the person named 'N', but then is 'A' matters so much that I must feel intimidated? No

When we learned...or when we try to quest for something, we must at our most think that Allah is seeing us. Observing us. We learned and get the knowledge from HIM through mediums like books, lectures, the talks given and etc. Only how fast and how much knowledge we get is what gives us borders.

So I must think. You too. 

Let us study with peace. And do remember, nothing comes in handy and no entity can help us, rather than our MOST MERCIFUL ALLAH S.W.T.

Saturday, 28 January 2012

I'll make you stay

Well, this song is just amazing, and suiting the mood I am having right now.
So enjoy, don't forget some tissue to wipe your tears dry!

Bukan semua itu indah

Haha! We are in need to get rid of the fridge we have here. But how? They only give us A ONE WEEK notice? Sigh.

India is a place where it can make you so pissed off. The authority here works slow like a siput and every simple thing can be so complicated.

Recently, the KLE's behalf noticed that there's a peak rise in the electric bill which they assumed we the USMKLE students to be one of the causes. About three weeks ago, I did write an announcement to my colleagues to use the induction cooker less and no one can buy the fridge anymore. But like always, what I told them went down the drain.

So, now, the peak rise of bill has becomes tremendously high. They hence gave us this notice and made us to sign it. Sadly, our student's welfare officer is out somewhere in Mangalore and she will be boarding off to Australia in a week.

The only person we can talked to about the matter is our Deputy Dean who is superbly busy and occupied but he did a great job entertaining us during the study under the tree experience with him at his house. Not to mentioned, he gave us some spaces at his place for us to gather and cooked. It was awesome and I felt like being at kampung where waiting for the aunts to cook and we the kids watched TV while waiting.

Back to the point, now, people are worried where they are gonna place and hide the bloody gigantic fridge. I mean come on la Indians, we are living here for 5 YEARS, and bloody need the fridge. We drink milk daily and we have to cool it in the fridge, we cooked and that's why we have to put our groceries in the fridge. We can't afford to eat outside like some anak bangsawan out there because we are not!! And we have to cook for our own health benefits!!

Thus yesterday, my roomy and me went to have some eye to eye chat with the care taker of the hostel. We told her straight to the face why we need to keep the freaking fridge!!!

Gosh I am so mad. This is the reality when you live in a country so corrupt. And in the country, where the people are so freaking annoying. Some are good and some are just so bad. I am tired thinking of things that we have the right to keep or not. Why making things complicated!!

We have had enough of the most expensive hostel rent in the whole India and now this? Please lah, nak masak pun sempit, but I am aware that kubur nanti lagi sempit. This world is full of injustice....oh Allah gives me strength to face all this.

Thursday, 26 January 2012

Kalah Menang

Assalamualaikum people:)

Can you believe that we here had sports day for the past 2 days? Yes! Medical students and sports day are not something bizarre. In fact, I am astonished by the athletic friends and colleagues I have here. 

We have an iron lady, which I competed with her in a 100 meter spring racing. And it is ridiculous, because I am barely a person who can sprint, but she (who is in red team), was basically a representer for SUKMA. Can you note my point now? How on earth can a person who is so kayu like me to win the race? Where is justice? And this is why I hate sports sometimes. It's embarrassing to tell readers here about the actual detail during the competition. 

But at least, I was lucky because I got second place in single badminton game. And it was super lucky for me actually since I competed with the yellow team's first, whom basically, em did not know how to play. I won the first round, then to get either the first or the second place, I fought with a senior, which was from the Blue Team. She is known for being good at the game among her peers, but isn't as good as my old friend back in high school, whom I used to play with quite often when Chiam was around. 

It was a tough fight playing with the Blue Team, but I gave chance to her since I was already pancit. That was a circumstance for not being fit enough. I can say I am proud to contribute some points for my Green House The Pacific Dragons though. Clap clap clap. (*seriously clapping and cheering for myself*)

Okay, so on the first day of Samudra, the green team was so lucky that we were mostly on the first or the 2nd rank. The basketball team won Gold, The netball team won gold too, then we also had the badminton won gold and silver respectively for women's double and men's double and single. 

Too bad things weren't that lucky during the second day. The girls barely win anything. Only the boys sprinters got the medals and the points. T___T...also during baling selipar and galah panjang, we lost. Maybe because we lost our spirit as we knew we weren't strong and many of us were injured. At last, we gave chances for the blue team as they barely win anything HAHAHAHAR.

Well, Samudra2012, was a blast I could say. Too bad I am not athletic enough to have participate in netball since Darina said I can't the grip the ball well, also the futsal which em....I was lazying around not coming for the practice. I am so sorry that I have said yes to participate in the 100 meters, which I obviously can't win. 

Anyhow, Green Team/Pacific has won the 2nd Place!!! Alhamdulillah:) Hooray!!! Most of the competitors we had were injured badly including our group leader whom I assumed he had spasms of his thigh. The Red team roars like always (like in school) and indeed the red team members are not humans. What did they eat????

not complete. but we are the proud to say we are the PACIFIC DRAGONS!!!

Well too bad some of them went home already:(( BUT WE ROCK!

Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Realiti Belajar Jarak Jauh

Hai. Saya pelajar jarak jauh. Belajar di offshore campus perubatan yang terletak di sebuah perkampungan di India, bernama Belgaum.

Hari ni, dua orang pensyarah dari kampus USM malaysia datang menjengah. Salah seorang daripadanya memang saya dah pernah ketemui di USMKK sewaktu orientasi, dimana beliau bilang mengenai TITAS. Seorang lagi pula pensyarah keusahawanan.

To make things short, hari ni pukul 5 ptg, selepas dissection mereka datang menjengah kami bebudak first year. Menayangkan contoh powerpoint dan contoh profil usahawan yang ada. Baru tau kalau pelajar jarak jauh, kod kursus bukan lagi WUS, tetapi JUS. LOL.

Ada banyak perkara kena tukar. Profil usahawan yang dulunya kami ingat buat satu muka surat sekarang kena buat dalam 3 muka surat atau lebih. Maka, kami pun berang, dan masing-masing cakap kenapa bukan satu muka surat. Tiba-tiba, pensyarah tersebut berkata,

'Kalau anda mahu buat satu muka surat, tak jadi masalah. Tapi anda kena bukak stall usahawan macam kat USMKK'

Dan yang ironinya, ada juga kepala-kepala pemalas nak taip pakai komputer canggih yang mahu susah payah bukak stall. Tidak tahukah mereka bahawasanya, hari-hari kami di sini sudah penuh dengan aktiviti. Pagi petang kelas, then ada latihan utk SAMUDRA, then nak belajar lagi. ISH3. Banyak pulak saya merungut, sedangkan dulu ye ye nak ambik kursus kedoktoran ni. Almaklumlah glamer kan?

Bukan itu sahaja, yang menyakitkan hati lembut saya. Bahkan, banyak perkara perlu di alter sebab nak dapatkan A untuk kursus ini. Dan, yang paling seronok, esok ada exam keusahawan. Malam pulak tu. Bestkan sejuk2 pergi kampus? Bolehla test ada asap keluar tak waktu borak2, ye dak?

So malam ni, dgn pada mulanya happy sebab ingat boleh menelaah sedikit pasal jantung manusia, tiba-tiba kena belajar pasal bisnes. Best kan? Suka buat surprise, and yeah saya memang suka surprise. Lain kali buat lagi ye!

Apa-apa pun, hopefully ramai orang tenangkan diri walaupun banyak perkara kena ubah. Memang sakit hati tengok pensyarah keusahawanan tu datang, pastu sempat melawak, padahal kami yang kena buat kerja last minute. Ish2. Maksudnya, cuti raya cina terbuang aje sebab kena membetulkan proposal kami....

But people!! relaxla...I am telling this to myself. Ini baru scene kecil dan remeh jika nak dibandingkan dengan scene yang lebih mencabar waktu kerja nanti. Allah uji macam ni sebab tau kami mampu. Percaya sahaja kepada Allah yang Esa. 

Berkata Abdullah bin Mas’ud r.a. bahawasanya Nabi SAW telah bersabda: Allah Taala telah berfirman:“Demi Allah yang tiada ilah yang haq kecuali Dia, tiada seorangpun berbaik sangka kepada Allah, melainkan Allah akan memberikan sesuai yang disangkanya, karena kebaikan ada di tangan-Nya.” (Atz-Tadzkirah, Imam al-Qurthubi))

>>p/s: type dalam bahasa malaysia kerana rindukan Malaysia to the max. Pergh baru 4 bulan, chillax laaa! <<

Sunday, 15 January 2012


Masak-masak is always fun when you know how to cook, know where to get the almost-similar ingredients like what you can get in home sweet home, Malaysia, and to add more, when you have good buddy to rely on to. Who can actually play as your mother and cook for you. 

I mostly care about food. Plus, staying in this chilly weather or better cut short as winter, make you growl 24/7. Lapar weh....and the saddest thing of all when you spent RM400 as your monthly meal but every other kids got chicken but you only get a fried egg + some masala powder. T.T. The question is, where is justice.

Muak is another thing. Muak is when you are EXHAUSTED of having the same kind of thing as a routine. I would say now I am already muak with the food at Mess. Everyday the same chicken dishes, the same warm water, the same hard-stony rice and the same unfresh okra and potatoes deep fried. I can't even stand with the briyani nowadays. Although, briyani supposed to be super delicious.

To quit paying RM400 for the food that I am exhausted with is impossible....why? Because USM's deputy dean, who is very much concern that we won't be having enough time to cook, want us to eat there for the entire first year, and probably for the upcoming years till I graduate (*insyaAllah*) According to him, we will get the safest and cleanest food in India at our MESS but he didn't know how we are almost puking eating the repeated thing. 

GEEZ...I whine too much even though I must be lucky that my room mate has this terrific but very surprising attitude whereby she will be very eccentric at times and DOOSH, She cooks like a boss! She made nice nasi lemak last week, but her Mihun Goreng, was awful yesterday. But her asam pedas tastes awesome. She also bought some ikan bilis, which is very rare here people....And I am just waiting for her to make up something out of that. LOL. 

Apparently, asking mom and dad to send a parcel of things from Malaysia has becoming a nuisance to them. Pity them so much that they have to spend another RM200 for a 4kg parcel just for me. How could I repay their kindness? T.T I miss them damn muchoooo.

Okay....maybe people wanna see some photos out of this blog. Sorry, just that I hate that my Sony E won't work like the former K770I with it's 3.2MP camera. Blame me for choosing the wrong camera-phone!

NASI LEMAK !!! sedapppp

Pabila rajin menjelma

>>P/S: gambar asam pedas tak sempat capture since I was occupied on that day, hanya sempat melahap je. LOL<<

Friday, 13 January 2012

Hole in a pocket


Well, 2012 has been em quite hectic but again boring. I mean, I am here where the community of my people (the Malaysians) are barely could be counted by the fingers, and the moment I open my eyes, wow, it is the same person, the same group I stumbled upon to.

Samudra 2012 or the sports day that we organized ourselves is going to happen on the CNY holiday. Seeing all the posts by my colleagues back in Kubang Kerian on the fact that they are finding people who can carpooling with them to return home makes me sad, a little, somehow.

I am still with my ego. Which, I do not want to go back yet. Because, I don't want to feel so close at home till I can't let it go. I don't want myself to be like who I used to be during my asasi years. Barely stayed at Puncak Alam on weekends, and MUST go home by Friday night so that I can feel the Saturday at my home sweet home. No way I going to do that again.

Plus, it is also the time for me to stop being pampered by the family. It is the reality which I am going to face, insyaAllah for the entire rest of my life devoting my soul and my workforce to this crazy field of medicine...that has made me decided to be a little away from home. *relax bai, baru India....belum antartika* Thus, this lead to my decision to return only on July that is after the first phase of my MD is over!

Also, at this moment, where the hole in the pocket has gotten so large that I could die. LOL. MARA has been very generous to give us this opportunity to become rich kids. Some of us had also bought ourselves IPAD, GALAXY TAB and Galaxy Note you all tau? And yeah...this is absolutely one of .the perks for becoming a sponsor student. And up to now, after 4 months, the money seems to flow out and out non-stop.

Leaving in India where people said things are cheap and cheap is not the matter. But, the university that we are bound to, seemed to have eaten all the money. Just imagine paying USD 900 for a year hostel fee, then the bus fee where it costs us around USD 200 whereby we don't really use the bus anymore since it will only make us look like too cool for being late. After that, we have library fees which in rupees it costs around 4600 rupees which is several hundred ringgit and super expensive to me. 

Then, every month and so, we withdraw some more money to buy stuff we need in our daily life. All the snacks that could fill up the stomach while feeling hungry spontaneously as we are in a very hectic schedule of studying and studying. The snacks plus all the itineraries like detergents, soaps, shampoos and for the girly important stuff will cost you around RM 200 per month. Not including the broadband recharge. Of course, to have the best connectivity, the most costly package is available. And it is because it is not our parent's money, that lead us to over-spent the money to just have a better youtube session. T.T

a tree I want to grow in my yard

So, one lucky and fine day, my room mate nagged on how I have been a very stingy person. She advised me to not just keeping the money in the bank, instead I should invest it so that the money tree can be bear. That's why I am planning for some business selling sarees. And I hope it will turn out well because I really need to create some asset as the money given by MARA is not enough, literally. Whatnot, currently, the food served by MESS is super awful where the vegetables are not fresh, I now move on to cooking DIY. But mostly my friend/roommate will cook, meanwhile I bought the induction cooker which is like a boss expensive around RM 300. T.T *another money flow out*. Basically, I wanna grow a money tree for the funding of buying the ingredients to cook and to buy a stethoscope. And I am serious.

>>p/s: staying in India makes you feel so rich, but the reality is you are not. So beware to those who wanna join us!:D<<

Sunday, 8 January 2012

sukan oh sukan

saya suka sukan 

tapi tak suka main sukan

it's just that I don't have the talent.

*sedangkan memang kaki malas*

Okay people. In two weeks time, we the small community in this lovely place called USM KLE Belgaum is going to have a sports day! WOHOO:D *sorak sikit*

So yeah, it's like the basic school sports day where we have divided among ourselves to various groups according to color. I am green so beware. 

Being here, where we have to conduct our own activity is always difficult. But, I must praise those sports and culture bureau for making it a reality for the kids here to play netball, track game, relay, basketball, badminton, tennis and the list goes on. 

Just that, there's no teacher or coaches here to blindly PERSUADING us to play, thus creating more people like the lazy me. (*I am just so proud to be lazy..*)


SAMUDRA USM-KLE 2012 gonna be a blast since the IDEA is fantastic. Even we have our own groups by the name of oceans. Mine is Pacific which is GREEN. LOL.

But, even though I dislike sports, I know very well how sports can instill this feeling of being together and fight for our dignity, I mean our group's dignity. And, with many talented kids friends I have here, surely SAMUDRA will roars!

>>p/s: tulis nama masuk futsal, tapi serious malas weh nak main. why so serious la people!??>>

Thursday, 5 January 2012

Community Placement

Community Placement, is going to be ON for tomorrow. I am actually the project manager for this first meeting with our first activity showdown. I am excited but scared for some reason.

First, we are going to do this community service at a 'special deaf and mute kids' school located very near to our hostel. I mean if there's no wall at our campus, we can surely just walk there, but the reality is bitter. Due to a wall, we have to travel via our mini school bus. Great.

20 other colleagues and I went to the very place last week, during our first meeting. The place was located at a very isolate compound, and the moment we entered, all the special kids stand up and greet us like they greet their God.

So, we were having an orientation on that day actually. The supervisor of that school isn't able to converse in English, and only knows the local Kannada, and thus we have to have our own escort Dr Kiran as the translator. Which is kinda hard BECAUSE we ourselves are not well versed in Kannada. Susah ooo nak cakap dalam bahasa ayam itik. Literally susah. 

origami is what we are gonna teach these kids tomorrow. Gulp!

And the orientation lasted about 2 hours I think, whereby we were shown some simple sign language like the numbers and common alphabets, on the animals, and on the days but I only remember how to 'say' elephant though. Blame me for lack of knowledge in these stuff.

The kids there are mostly girls ranged about 5 to 18 years old, and only 10 boys. The girls stayed there, where they sleep on the floor. Well, it's very pity, but that is real life in India. The school on the other hand is named, The school for the deaf and dumb kids, but ironically, these kids are not dumb at all. Dumb are generally long time ago American usage to console those who are mute and deaf. But they don't use that anymore, plus, some of them could be offended if we called them dumb and deaf.

So during the orientation, one of my colleague, Adib, asked if we could change the school's name, but in the end, they said they can't as the school has already abided by the government. Poor kids, though. They learnt tough subjects like high level maths and chemistry. Sadly, they don't learn English and vocational subject. I kinda worry how their future gonna be with lack of English proficiency and human skills.

On the other hand, being a project manager is a drench task. It was actually three of us who are supposed to be in charge but the other two girls went sick during the group discussion, so the group leader passed the work to me. Well, being a leader is hard. I mean, I have leadership skills but somehow or rather I believed that people looked down on me because I care too much. They can easily 'step on' my kindness and my inability to reject people's lame and stupid ideas if they are good friends. And today I really feel awkward and weak. 

Tomorrow's visit must be exciting. I really wanna it to be so because first impression always counts first. Lol. I hope the group members are aware of their specific tasks as I have posted them on Facebook group like so many times. And who doesn't notice Facebook notifications these days eh? 

>>p/s: Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusanku dan rakan-rakanku. Dan jauhilah aku daripada sifat riak dan takbur serta bangga diri. Lindungilah aku daripada segala kejahatan dan lapangkanlah dadaku dengan kesabaran:) << 

Monday, 2 January 2012


Apa yang dah booked?

It's my air ticket to MALAYSIA people...

Yes, I am longing dearly to be with my family....

Eating with them, laugh with them over littlest things and just see them with my own eyes.

The fact that I don't use Skype too often is because I literally don't have time for it.

I know it's pathetic....but seriously, I just have to work harder for other things;

Not because I am a slow learner, it's because I am a fast learner who often forgets!

I think my limbic system has got lesions. And whatever it is, I still have to mingle harder with these books, lecture slides and all.

I am tired. And tires always vanish whenever I see my family....

Thus, my family is the medicine for all this laziness and ...this feeling of discomfort.

August 2012...please come hurrily....

But before that, I must COMPLETE this Phase 1 successfully!

Oh. I need the energy....the Action Potential for this brain to work at its max!

>>p/s: it's sad when a person who you longed to call/contact, became totally awkward to talk to and the saddest thing of all is that person seems like your call is unimportant<<

Sunday, 1 January 2012

20 years of life

I am not yet 20 but will be in another 6 months. 

Being 20 denotes the disappearance of the word teen. It denotes another phase of life called adulthood.

Many people claimed that I am more matured than my age.

But deep inside, I am a kid, who sometimes is too naive of things happening around me.

In another 5 years, InsyaAllah, I will embrace the working life as a doctor. It's something that my heart says what I should be. 

And being at a hospital is not always fun. I am aware of the great possibilities of me to get scolded by the senior doctors, to get mocked, to get insulted and everything harsh that would pressurize this head. 

Yesterday, I had hospital attachment with the ENT department at KLE Hospital right here. 

For a newbie, everything looks exciting....but to work, to apply the knowledge and skill while surgery is another thing which sometimes makes me worry. Apparently, worrying is a waste of time. I, We, You should 

Also, apart from work, there's another phase of being 20 which is marriage. 

Of course, I won't be settling down and be somebody's wife right now or at precisely 20 of age, but it's a kickstart actually to really find someone who can be a soulmate for life. 

Then the question tickled: Is there any man out there who can suits or compliment me? I doubt, sometimes. :P

So marrying is something I think it can be queued and place at the bottom of my priority. The most essential aspect now is trying my best to be as most perfect daughter towards my beloved parents. Can't imagine one day, I would be freed from their responsibility and leave home to start a new family. Could you?

I have been thinking a lot these days. Sometimes I am lost. And so I hope this year, will turn out good. Allah is the only entity that can give me strength for all these. amin.