The Entity

My photo
Kajang, Selangor, Malaysia
Assalamualaikum. Writing all the way from Belgaum, Karnataka, India. Missing Malaysia so much. But everything is just perfectly fine here. India makes people not just live, but SURVIVE. :)

Welcome Message

And remember, it always rain hard for those who deserve The Sun. :)

Sunday, 29 April 2012


Dear You,
Did you remember the time when you text me and asked me what I am going to do after SPM?
We text for hours dreaming of our future, I mean our career. 
You mentioned you wanna be a doctor and you sounded happy when you knew we had the same dream.

Dear You,
Did you remember the times when you asked me to see something you wanna show me in the web, on December 2010?

You told me that you were going to that place, and then pursue to study medicine in Russia.
You asked me whether I wanna tagged you along.
You asked me to look at the photos, and you saw tables and chairs, and you said it would be lovely if we could study together.
Didn't you remember?

Dear You,
You text me quite a number of times asking me whether I am attending the place where you are about to go to study.
I was blind and a fool that I forced my parents to send me there, because I thought it would be good to have a friend to study with; with the same passion for medicine.
And so yes, I went there. I was there with you.

Dear You,
Did you remember when you text me asking whether I want you to reserve a seat in the class for me?
And when I arrived, the class was full so I sat at the back. And then you text me back, telling you were sorry.

Dear You,
We had nice time studying russian, even though we didn't practice it together.
We had nice time studying at the library.
And I simply like how you were passionate as I am.

Dear you,
I was sad when you get better chances and going.
You were planning to go far ahead, better than anyone.
Then now, things are reversed.
You told me, perhaps you're going to switch on doing something else rather than medicine.
I was shocked.
We had a dream together. 
Only if you remember. 

Please. Stay on the tract you wanted. Don't change. Please.

To Fahmifaisal

Monday, 23 April 2012

Busy body


Yes. I am a proud sister to a proud little brother. That lazy chad has proven that he got the brain even though I know I should not judge him according to his result in recent SPM. I heard SPM's quality dropped, well it almost has been, almost every year. More quantity, less quality; and that's how ironic our education system is.

But I am not gonna blabber about national stories or whining about the urge of Malaysia to change its style in educate its future generation. Okay, to cut things short; I noticed JPA has changed its policy in giving these smarties the scholarships. My brother got the Bursary thingy; where Kementerian Pelajaran offered to sponsor his em preparation studies. So he chose to do A-Level. He also has in his mind to be an IB-an, which I quickly restricted him to do so, because of several personal reasons.

He applied for Japanese engineering program, and was called for the test and interview, but he gave a lame excuse that he woke up late. I was like furious. It seems like these people when they get something so good, opportunity that other people are dreaming of, they could just slip it away by telling others they was fast asleep and didn't notice any call. What an absurd?

Later, he told me he was tired to think about anything and would just go off with the A level for science at Taylors. Oh mai, Taylors tu!! Tempat yang susah sikit nak study. HAHA...ok bye. thats all...I bebel too much to him and I suppose to know boys are meant to be existing to hear women talk. 

Sunday, 22 April 2012

Regresa Mi


It has not been a great day, a great week and a great month. Embarking into a new place was exciting, but now it's not exciting as it was before. Sorry that I might seem not to be thankful but I have been more prone to remember of the past. I am just a person who is hard to let go of things; what more the things I have develop love with.

In a flash, without I am realising, selanjar 3/continuous assessment 3 is looming any minute with 4 big topics to cover. Still, the mood to start doing something has decelerated. Maybe, at one point, there's time you will feel bloody tired and exhausted to continue. I have been trying to tell myself and preach myself telling that I must do these for the sake of Allah, but I guess, I am failing. 

Mom and dad would be very disappointed knowing that I am not actually very happy living here. Well, not to the optimum. I mean life has been repeatedly about studying and to pass the first year. Every time it feels amazing to let to learn new things, to discover how organs work, to know how to handle emergency aids and such; but I don't know why I feel life is lacking of boost.

I have been looking through the photos of Puncak Alam quite a number of times. I felt free back then, with my K770i. It was a big mistake to have been traded that cybershot phone with a lousy Xperia X8. Nak smart phone sangatkan?! Ni lah padahnya!...but I shouldn't complain much since K770i was really broken by the time I was about to come to Belgaum; and that's why I got the new X8.

At University, I should have more friends and cliques. Yes, I do have them here; but I am just too greedy and stubborn for wanting to have the similar friends I had before. You see, the only person I feel free to do anything with is my room mate. But, I can't just rely on one person. I want to have groups of friends. Oh why am I being so demanding?

Looking through photos of my ex-schoolmate; I envy how close their friendship is. Their still photos show everything off. It was just lovely and lively! I would want photos like that, said my heart. Sadly, would I get that with this pathetic situation I am enduring with now?

I do have friends and I bragged a lot about having friends in Russia, in USA, in Palam, in Indonesia and in Egypt; but I don't cherish them. They are just mere people I used to know; used to study with, used to talk a little with and this is just bad. I know I should not feel down just because I am lacking that feeling of having friends around because Allah is the only Entity that I must seek for. 

Somehow or rather, deep down inside, I am still a mere human. A human who needs a companion. But I am a human who rarely succeeded in achieving close contact and relationship with people. More often I ruined them; just like what I did a couple of days before. Being a leader who is hatred by some people is such a devastating occurrence. And it was all my fault for not being clever and wise enough to handle a small matter ; rather I made things complicated.

You know the feeling when, seeing others got calls from their friends at Malaysia, far away from here, make me envy, a lot frankly saying. Even sending people postcards and not receiving not at least one from the people I love is sad. It's awkward when seeing colleagues here receiving postcards from their friends, receiving visits and all. And when I don't get any of them; I just feel like am I the only one who still consider these people I know as friends? 

I never had best friends. Even if I had one; GOD has taken her away; very far. I miss her. Maybe it's because I am not friendly, not kind and not fun that I am feeling so lonely in this world of loneliness? Perhaps so? Even family members are too busy to attend me, what more with friends that I must seek for?

Okay then, so books and dear books; would you please dearly have some 'great' time with me? I won't do you harm but I bet you would.

O ALLAH The Most Merciful, I only seek knowledge through YOU; since only YOU could give me the knowledge.

Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Too childish

Please be considerate. I have been telling this to the colleague I have here like thousand times. But, I guess, they are just too stuck-up to notice how they have been selfish and never want to reflect what littlest thing they did cause trouble to the others.

Being a high committee members for the 83 students seem to be an easy job. It must be easier than what a friend of mine would have to deal with at USM Kubang Kerian; with more than 100++ students to manage. However, it is just harder than I thought it would be.

Maybe it's my fault that I didn't communicate well that the others won't listen. But sometimes, I am tired to improve. Improve in order to become the leader they really want to have. Other bureau members are having similar problems too. We have mess bureaus members. They are in charged in ensuring the food we have daily is at par to what we have paid and at par to what we want to eat.

It costs us RS5000 a month; almost equivalent to RM300 for mess. The two members are responsible to collect the mess fees every month; as to hand it over to the mess contractor. Sadly, many of the colleague here are just too stubborn to go to the nearest ATM and withdraw that bloody RM300 for what they eat daily. In the end, it caused the two bureau members for the mess, to use up their own money in order to pay for the mess.

Sometimes, we tell these kids every single day to pay, but some part in their brain are just loosen up I think. They can't even interpret the easiest message conveyed to them. Then, they would blame that they haven't been online so they didn't know the message that was posted in our FB group. That's a total lie!

In class on the other hand, we would get these feedback forms for every block we are going to learn. By the end of each week we have to pass in the papers to the staff available. Today, many of them still haven't give the feedback forms even though they were told before to bring the papers. Why can't they just keep that bloody papers in their bag? Fill it quickly, and just hand it over when it is necessary? Why is it that hard? Sometimes I doubt that I am living with so-called-International-diploma graduates. Like seriously! (not everyone that is)

For bus for instance. One fine day, I almost made myself turning into evil by making a pity bus driver for almost losing his job. The bus driver was frequently coming late to serve as our driver and caused us to have attended the class very late. I went to the director and talked to him straight to the face and complaint regarding this matter. The issue is now solver, the bus driver repents and now the problem is inside the students themselves.

I am getting tired of hurrying around people, shouting could you please hurry!! like a mad person. Every single day, each and everyone of them, is going to be inform if the class starts early so they have to get into the bus at the exact time as planned. Now that the bus driver is punctual, the students act like a stupid VVIP. I am furious to know those living at 2nd or 3rd floor who came down so late and running to get into the bus as well. When the bus stops at the place, where the male students wait, the other male students would seem like having a breezy walk, not even bother to run to catch the bus and realized that they are making every one late!

For some reason, if this act of selfishness still outgrowing, how can they think they are eligible to become good doctors? I doubt and doubt. 

Friday, 13 April 2012

A lesson-on Life Saving

First Aid block is gonna emerge next week. A block which I am eagerly want to learn since it's a basic knowledge that all future-wannabe doctors should know and then apply upon stepping into the clinical field.

Our deputy dean, Prof KJ, who is a super-doctor to me, has this abundant of experience and knowledge that he would like to share with us. So yesterday, he was kind enough to give a lecture on the Do's and Don'ts in Disaster. 

The class started as early as 8 am. But, at JNMC the class is earlier, so we shouldn't complain. And yesterday, I woke up early alhamdulillah. A great thanks to mama usrah who kindly came to my room and woke me up. I was ready to go at around 7.30 am. I went to the canteen and I was so delighted with the Puri breakfast; which is my most favorite Indian breakfast of all time.

Bus wasn't there on the foyer to send us to the campus. I didn't pay much attention for the absence of bus since I usually walked to class. To make things complicated, the shortcut which we used often that is walking down the JNMC aisle cannot be used since a big hole is being dig. Thus, all of us need to use the long way, which is literally far. 

Walking like a thunder rather than running as baju kurung inhibits us from doing so, we managed to arrive at 8.12 am. I saw many other collegemates outside the classroom and I was happy that I thought the class haven't started yet. To my surprise, it was a surprise that Prof KJ let Ryan to lock the door and not permitting us to enter. 

Everyone looked so down. Some of them was fasting, and they came running. Some of them mistakenly took the shortcut, but needed to climb the gate to cross over as they wanna go to Prof KJ's lecture. What an agony when 2 minutes late was consider as our fault. 

But to reflect, yes it was our fault. Now that I know the bus driver wasn't the one to be blamed as he wasn't being informed about the 8 am class. Other friends managed to arrived early because they were more cautious, and so they left the hostel earlier. Merely, those who were 2 minutes late, were just being careless and thought that the kind fatherly Prof KJ would be as fatherly when it comes to attending his lecture.

And so yeah, the other 40++ students weren't able to get into the class, and so they sat outside, on the corridor. Some of us were very sad and disappointed. He showed to the rest of 20 students in the class about his experience in Afghanistan and such. It was tearful that we couldn't join.

As the class ended, he exited the lecture hall and wanted us to write a letter why were we late. It was like an avalanche falling to our head. Of course pin pointing on blaming others is certainly something a wannabe doctor should not do. 

Prof KJ merely did that as to teach us a lesson on punctuality. As in emergency, a doctor couldn't blame time that runs too fast that he might kill a patient. He should rather blame himself of not being punctual. A patient could die any minute if a treatment could not be done because a doctor was actually late. This gives a lot of self-threaten moment in myself. 

I usually early to attend lectures. Allah has definitely want me to be more responsible and be punctual everyday. I guess everyone feels the same too...

And here one quote:

>>p/s: sorry to the person who I made him lost his job today. Truth does hurts.<<

Monday, 9 April 2012

So you think Swallowing is easy

Alright guys, I am bored actually. But at least, a quality time with guyton was finally attempted: YEY! I am now in Gastrointestinal Block, a week more to go to finish this block off. Then comes First Aid Block then 3rd Selanjar. How tempting huh?

Okay, today I am gonna do some teaching. Do you mind? Sorry for being a nerd by posting nerdy stuff, but I just feel dang bored.

Today you gonna learn the swallowing stage. All of you knows eating. I bet most of you are munching or eating something while reading this. Nak sikit boleh? * OK gila dah* . So if you know how to eat, do you know that your swallowing process is one of the most complicated thing that happened in your body? But why? Telan mecam senang je kan? Think again then!

In the world of medicine, we called it DEGLUTITION. Of course, it sounded complicated now...but wait! There's more.

I said swallowing is complicated. But why? Well this is merely because there's 4 tracks that must be opened or closed so that food will passed safe and sound to the esophagus. It looks like a round about where you guys find everyday while driving on the roads. You have nasopharynx on the top and trachea below. Then your food must directly passed from the oral cavity to esophagus. There are various mechanisms of our anatomical feature of the oral cavity and the neck region; for the correct passage of food in term of bolus.

As you can see in the above diagram I drew, that is the pharyngeal stage. But, humans have another stage called the voluntary stage. This stage merely initiates swallowing; where we voluntarily squeezed or rolled the food posteriorly to the pharynx by pressure of the tongue against palate. 

Okay, now entering the pharynx, food stimulates epithelial swallowing receptor areas around opening of the pharynx. Impulses then pass to the brain stem for the start of automatic pharyngeal muscle contractions.

1. Food must not goes into our nose. Thus, soft palate is pulled upward to close the posterior nares.

2. There's folds at the pharynx called palatopharyngeal folds on each side of the pharynx: they are pulled medially forming a small slit. This enabled only MASTICATED or small-chewed food to enter.

3. Food must not fall or enter the laryngeal inlet. Thus, the vocal cords are strongly approximated. Larynx is pulled upward and anteriorly by neck muscles. Combined with ligaments that prevent the epiglottis to move upward: cause the epiglottis to swing backward over the laryngeal inlet. These prevent food from entering into nose and the trachea. (Trachea is continuous with the laryngeal inlet). 

4. As larynx is pulled upward, opening for esophagus is enlarged. Here, the upper esophageal sphincter relaxes. This helps food bolus to move easily and freely into upper esophagus. Between swallows, this sphincter remains contracted to prevent air from going into esophagus during respiration. 

So the summary people:

Trachea is closed - esophagus is opened - a fast peristaltic wave initiated by nervous system of the pharynx forces the bolus into upper esophagus: the entire swallowing process takes 2 seconds only. How magnificent!

Sunday, 8 April 2012

Everyone has 24/7 a day

Community service was fun and entertaining. Doing the paper work is the opposite. I almost wasted 3 nights to make sure the paper work turned out great.

I am not whining nor do I hate to do it. But it's tiring when you worked so hard and put every bit on your strength into it, then came a supervisor who wanna change every bit of it; according to his cup of tea. That's ridiculous.

Being a leader is always a part of my hobby. Not that I could gain power and looked uber cool, rather; I like it because it teaches me to be independent and enhance my social skills. However, too much work on things that is not as important as Selanjar, made me wanna puke. 

Okay, I am worried. Worried about passing my first year. Chance like I have now only came once, but if I don't know how to manage time properly, I will be doomed. Sometimes I ponder how did other friends here who can do whatever they like but still attain the good marks in the end block. Of course, end block is just a test after one block to the other. But it certainly marks our comprehension on the topics learnt. 

When hearing the other friends at other countries, UiTM for example. They have PBL where they would discuss on the pathological side, and the symptoms. That would be rather difficult compared to what I have here as darjah satu eh first year. First year in USM only requires students to answer MCQ paper, OSPE (practical) and also SEQ (essay). This is merely easier compared to my other friend in UKM-UNPAD, Bandung; who have 200 MCQ questions and scenario cases to be presented for their examination.

You see, medical institutions all over the world, serve different methods of learning. We can't just pick which one is better, because every place has it's advantage. I can USM is better because I am learning here, but that would sounded biased to the extreme right? I just need to bear this hardships for a little longer. I just need to enter 2nd phase (second year) with ease. Ya Allah, Please.

But yeah, still I got project report to be edited. I am bad at multitasking recently that's why everything seemed a mess. Photos need editing so do all the sentences I have made. sigh...the agony

See ya then, when life gets better.

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

'Family Photos'

Gonna be missed. The moments of hardships, friendship, together-ness and the moment of feeling grateful that I have a better life. This was one of the best things that ever happened in my life.