Emotional and backstabbers

Life has always been a lot happier when you don't really care about people around you. Especially those who don't appreciate you. Who don't even look at brighter side of you, instead keep on pointing and seeing the negative side of you. 

I myself was too immersed with those kind of people; was too caring, was too over the board because perhaps my intention to be looked upon to by others; had led me to somehow a sober life. A much devastating kind of life. Because by then I thought, in university, I have to go all out. To be much of a person who speak a lot even though my nature is not that way. But that was proven to be wrong. It all backfired at me.

Just recently there was a seminar going on. We have lots of seminars these days; students are happening to be lecturers to other students. And of course, I like to comment on things. For me, especially being a back bencher, it would be so frustrating seeing my colleagues who were giving the seminar making such a boring looking presentation slide. And for me, colors do attract my attention life span. I don't know about others but this is true for most people. Colors affect our mood too. And thanks to my aggressive-used for twitter, I posted something which eventually butthurted a colleague of mine. Butthurt is simply the best word to describe how this person reacted toward my criticism. I wasn't intended to be rude at all. But he bashed me all the way because I wasn't mentioning him and accused me of mengumpat. 

Here's one thing to people becoming too emotional over some lame tweets or status or whatever it is on social media: if I were to mengumpat, I will not be that direct in twitter. I wasn't mentioning him because my tweet was focusing on a general group of people. To all my colleagues, people who follow me in twitter and to myself. If you ever make a seminar again, presenting your product for instance to a particular audience; a boring color slide will make people to doze off. Well this is an absolute truth!

I did a mistake when I mentioned his slide to be of cow dung green color that made me all sleepy. He said it's not because of the slide making me sleepy but I was sleepy myself. Haha. Not positive enough to take that criticism than okay. But don't accuse people of mengumpat. God knows whoever who do more of the mengumpat stuff. As for myself, it's a reminder that not everybody will be OKAY with that sort of judgement of saying cow dung green, or duck poop gray. (Hijau tahi lembu atau kelabu tahi itik). It is normal in my family to describe colors like that. And when I mentioned that, and because I thought that friend who was presenting was cool enough to denote of that description; I thought it's okay to mention about it. My guess is all wrong. Now everyone's bashing me. Oh dayana stop doing it ! You're doing this all the time. Oh please! Like you never comment over things. And I just made a GENERAL STATEMENT. And you just being a freaking emotional brader! (*I thought boys are cooler here, guess they're not)

And I simply despised the person who actually forwarded that general statement of mine to that friend who didn't quite satisfied over my criticism about the color of his presentation's slide. For what ever reason he did that I simply can't brain it off. But what I know, he's trying to look good in front of others. And that is simply devastating. 

Whatever it is I had apologize for my mistake for thinking that everyone's here is my friend who I can make joke, describe colors like that-like I used to do in my family. Guess I am all wrong. A person do not simply make people as their friends I assumed. And guess, I am not even 'welcomed' to joke around. Perhaps, they like the serious me. The serious all gloomy dayana. Yeahhh...

>>p/s: some people don't like you. and some are just freaking emotional. and you yourself must just ignore and apologize. But beware of rotten ones; some people appear nice in front of you; on the contrary they are just as bad that you can't put trust onto them. Life. Just accept it.<<

Racun

Racun is poison, and of course do I need to be more specific? Also, to deal with life, we have to deal with so many poisons. We have to be wise not to gulp or be addicted towards any of the 'poisons' in life. So what are they?

I am not merely talking on poisons that contain chemicals. Rather I am talking about poisons that can put adverse effect on your life in a long run.

#1 Laziness

Yes people! Who doesn't  happened to have drinking this poison. The ultimate hazardous situation is when you know and fully aware you have this upcoming examination to sit for, yet laziness restrict you from doing the exact things you should have been doing. Most of my colleagues are now putting their free time doing past years questions and some of them, attending study groups. I on the other hand, still the slow poke on this slow pace. How am I going to alleviate this mess by becoming lazy? So people, if you are lazy, think of your future. I always dream to be the next Dr Halina (Dr SMS's wife) who is so charismatic and so diligent. I also wanna have a family like her. So, will I achieve that passion if I continue being lazy? The answer is always a NO. Now, better start moving and start doing something.

#2 Sleepiness

Sleepiness might be due to certain sleep disorders. Perhaps, one of it is hypersomnia. While many friends of mine succumb to insomnia, I have hypersomnia instead. Feel very dizzy and sleepy during 8.00 to 10.00 am. Then, I have to run for a cup of hot coffee in the canteen. For Rs 15 a cup might sounded cheap. But if I continue this routine, I'll end up broke and have to forget everything on the plan for Italy. You know when you are now in a danger zone of your first year MD, where you know, being alert in class is a must since anything could be asked in your exam; thus you shouldn't be sleepy, so you know what I mean? You can't just be sleepy. But sleepiness is involuntary. You can't change unless you have something to boost the decrements of melatonin.

#3 Uneasy feelings

Uneasy feelings are the feelings of death. Feels like everything is not right and going to be wrong. Nonsense it might seem, but these are poisons which at 20, I still have trouble to deal with. Not to mention, some personal problem I am dwelling with. With unanswered situation with some person I want answers from. Do you know, if you sincerely like someone, and then confess, then do not get the answer, you will be questioning all the way: at any time. Till one fine day, I answered it myself: fine lets do serious stuff with the studies first. We think about feelings later.

#4 Sarees

I like many other here do not want our money-income or allowance to be just that of what MARA is currently giving. Instead, we want to invest it to things we thought could bring us some profit. That's why, we then become engulf with sarees. We actually knew this one merchant who sell sarees at good prices and good qualities. Also, Malaysian people love sarees, but after rumors that most of the girls who sent their sarees for business via shipping: and got stuck within India itself, plus: with India high tax when it comes to shipping things abroad: almost make the idea come to a halt. Sad! The worst part is that, I already promise one aunt back home to post these sarees. Hermm

#5 Grey's Anatomy

The reason for me to watch it beginning with it's old lame first season is due to the fact that I was underaged when I wanna watch it at 12 with my dad. Kesian kan? You know Grey's Anatomy was all about fake doctors with their complicated life; contain scenes that you should not watch. But as for me, now that I waited 8 years to watch it with a legal feeling; it is still fun I tell ya. Of course, there's no Mc Dreamy in real life. And there is no doctor especially intern like Meredith Grey who seems to be very calm in what she's doing. Ok, that's not the only reason why I watch it. Second is, because I want to get re-motivated. Sadly, I ended up, being too dreamy.

#6 Plume for Android

Gahh...this is now number 1 addiction. What is it? It's an app for twitter for android users. I must check to see the twitter almost every 10 minutes of my daily life. So, this is bad, because I am not even an important figure who should tweet so many times a day, and now my tweets reaching almost 12000. Hahaha. This is so funny yet humiliating to myself. Plume for android, let me know daily news about the world, but this is again an addiction I have to stop, since I must focus on studies.

#7 Sidred

Sidred stands for Sidang Redaksi, by the way. Becoming a member in the editorial board is like a dream come true. I actually dream of becoming the designing team. Without any talent to design, so I move on towards becoming the sponsor team. While most of the friends, are busy preparing for their pro exam, my friends and I who were in the team, now run here and there around Belgaum, searching for sponsors for our magazine. It is a fun job whereby it teaches you on how to communicate and sweet talk better. Hahaha. But also a bit of wasting time and energy.

These 7 things are my main poisons. I have to learn and find more effective methods to let myself away from these things for a moment, just for this bloody one month and a half. Because pro exam is the most important thing I have to deal with. The end...

Regresa Mi

Assalamualaikum

It has not been a great day, a great week and a great month. Embarking into a new place was exciting, but now it's not exciting as it was before. Sorry that I might seem not to be thankful but I have been more prone to remember of the past. I am just a person who is hard to let go of things; what more the things I have develop love with.

In a flash, without I am realising, selanjar 3/continuous assessment 3 is looming any minute with 4 big topics to cover. Still, the mood to start doing something has decelerated. Maybe, at one point, there's time you will feel bloody tired and exhausted to continue. I have been trying to tell myself and preach myself telling that I must do these for the sake of Allah, but I guess, I am failing. 

Mom and dad would be very disappointed knowing that I am not actually very happy living here. Well, not to the optimum. I mean life has been repeatedly about studying and to pass the first year. Every time it feels amazing to let to learn new things, to discover how organs work, to know how to handle emergency aids and such; but I don't know why I feel life is lacking of boost.

I have been looking through the photos of Puncak Alam quite a number of times. I felt free back then, with my K770i. It was a big mistake to have been traded that cybershot phone with a lousy Xperia X8. Nak smart phone sangatkan?! Ni lah padahnya!...but I shouldn't complain much since K770i was really broken by the time I was about to come to Belgaum; and that's why I got the new X8.

At University, I should have more friends and cliques. Yes, I do have them here; but I am just too greedy and stubborn for wanting to have the similar friends I had before. You see, the only person I feel free to do anything with is my room mate. But, I can't just rely on one person. I want to have groups of friends. Oh why am I being so demanding?

Looking through photos of my ex-schoolmate; I envy how close their friendship is. Their still photos show everything off. It was just lovely and lively! I would want photos like that, said my heart. Sadly, would I get that with this pathetic situation I am enduring with now?

I do have friends and I bragged a lot about having friends in Russia, in USA, in Palam, in Indonesia and in Egypt; but I don't cherish them. They are just mere people I used to know; used to study with, used to talk a little with and this is just bad. I know I should not feel down just because I am lacking that feeling of having friends around because Allah is the only Entity that I must seek for. 

Somehow or rather, deep down inside, I am still a mere human. A human who needs a companion. But I am a human who rarely succeeded in achieving close contact and relationship with people. More often I ruined them; just like what I did a couple of days before. Being a leader who is hatred by some people is such a devastating occurrence. And it was all my fault for not being clever and wise enough to handle a small matter ; rather I made things complicated.

You know the feeling when, seeing others got calls from their friends at Malaysia, far away from here, make me envy, a lot frankly saying. Even sending people postcards and not receiving not at least one from the people I love is sad. It's awkward when seeing colleagues here receiving postcards from their friends, receiving visits and all. And when I don't get any of them; I just feel like am I the only one who still consider these people I know as friends? 

I never had best friends. Even if I had one; GOD has taken her away; very far. I miss her. Maybe it's because I am not friendly, not kind and not fun that I am feeling so lonely in this world of loneliness? Perhaps so? Even family members are too busy to attend me, what more with friends that I must seek for?

Okay then, so books and dear books; would you please dearly have some 'great' time with me? I won't do you harm but I bet you would.

O ALLAH The Most Merciful, I only seek knowledge through YOU; since only YOU could give me the knowledge.

Confusion Again

I dwell with so many confusions lately. And I hate all these messes. How I pray I could erase them and let them go away. But I guess, I must keep positive, that all this mishaps would turn out as my useful guide and allow me to grow into a better conflict solver.

Been attached to a blog by Kak Chik a.k.a Ruben, who happened to be one of my future seniors at India. Simply like her blog, even though it is sort of a tedious time trying to read it. Sorry, but I am a bit harsh when it comes to lots of abbreviations and lots of 'on-purpose-misspelling' (ejaan salah yang disengajakan). However, as a total, her blog and bro Aidil Yusof's blogs are terrific and super helpful. I should hand in kudos to Naqib, a best friend, who linked me this blog a couple of months ago. HEHEHE.

So basically, Kak Chik was very helpful as a Q&A ambassador. I asked stupid questions like how long does it take from KL to Bangalore and how long will class runs a day? And things like that. Yesterday, I got confused with SPC (Skim Pelajar Cemerlang)- which I am puzzled how did she managed to get it even though she was from PASUM, since these days I thought SPC was only meant for SPM fresh graduates, like what Nina and Zaki got earlier.

Then, here's the answers, a very long and informative one I supposed, regarding the MARA thingy which I have been trying to copy inside this slow brain.

hi dayana azhar...

erm.. klu sy ckp sy hebat awk percaya x???awk xtawu ke selama nie mara memang akan call orang2 yg perform masa matrix dlu utk fly ke luar negara...

awk tawu ke perjanjian mara tue mcm mana?

awk tawu ke apa spc?

mara punya spc is basically loan.. loan boleh ubah...pinjaman ble ubah...

pada tahun2 sebelum nya... iaitu sebelum tahun nie.. menurut perjanjian spc.. peminjam perlu membayar balik sbyk 1% daripada pinjaman tersebut sekiranya peminjam itu berjaya dengan cemerlang dalam tempoh pengajian tersebut...

kalo dikirakan.. peruntukn bagi seorang pelajar ke india sebanyak rm 500k.. jd 1% daripada 500k.. berapa?? sy tawu awk pandai matematik...

sebab tue laa.. orang akn selalu igt.. bila dapat spc.. dapat scholarship yang 100% xyah bayar...

walaupun mara tue mmg murah hati.. namun... dia perlukan duit jugak utk trus bermurah hati...

tetapi dalam kes awk nie... mara daa revise dia pye polisi... maka pelajar yang mendapat spc harus membayar balik 20% daripada duit pinjaman tue...

kiranya.. apapun awk nak bagitawu sy.... sy nk kasi taw blk sama awk.. mara mmg daa ubah dia punya syarat tue.. thats why korang sumer yg bkl menandatangani perjanjian ngan mara harus membayar blk 20% drp jumlah pinjaman...

klo awk rasa nk keterangan lebih lanjut... awk ble berhubungan ngan pihak mara bahagian hutang piutang tue(lpe ap nama dia yang sebenar)

erm.. biasa laa tue lambat drp mara.. sbb awk bkn nya bdk mara yang under mara pye preparation.. dia kira lg pening.. nati satu hari.. bila awk kne panggil utk btn.. baru awk rasa sume tue jelas... ok... tp sy xsure ada btn tak time2 puasa nie

owh.. lagi satu sy nk ckp.. basically jpa pye scholar pun bkn scholar free.. if u don't want to work with government in years(according to the contract) u need to pay back all amount that government spent to u...

kiranya sumer benda sama saja laa.. xkira awk dpt scholarship drp mana pun badan kat m'sia tue.. cuma ada segelintir jer bg as real pye scholarship.. like genting i think..

awk jgn pikie 20% tue byk.. 20% tue bkn nya interest... tue jumlah awk kne bayar blk.. so still u shud call it as scholar ship!

about the book.. don't judge the book by what u heard.. u have read those books... buku tue nati jadi makanan ruji awk.. bukan sume orang ada buku fav yg sama... u will understand what i said once u experience it.. tempe mean local tempatan=tempe...

recomendation is based on usm text book.. u will get the list in buku fasa satu once u register the course..

hubli is a place.. u will take a plane from bangalore to hubli.. search in google map if u wanna see it.. kiranya it is a transit...

belgaum-bangalore jauh mcm kb-mersing.. as i told u earlier...

July 25, 2011 7:04 PM

So, YES, now I knew a little bit on how this 'loan' works. Now, I have to pray real hard to get it. Handed in all the necessary requirements already - with my father. Just hope they read my essay carefully and understand I need it. Please, Dear Allah The Most Merciful, gives me strength to face this with calm. 

Bersyukurla

Just finished reading Ariffshah's post regarding an ungrateful parent, whom his kid, was sent to Moscow to pursue medicine. You can read it on your own here. And, please read it very carefully.

This pak cik, wrote a letter concerning that Russia is a mundur country and lacking the expertise to produce First Class doctors. I heard the same thing since early last year, and well, couldn't be surprised. This old guy, wrote how his kid in Russia, feeling miserable and lost the spirit to study, because of the negative publicities arousing over their studies over there. 

He also posted that, there's a hidden agenda behind the reason why Malaysia, especially MARA to send good students to pursue medicine at Russia. And, he was really worried regarding this matter, since he had signed up a RM 600 K contract with Mara to send his kid there. He doesn't want his kid to graduate as 2nd class doctors.

Then came, a reply from an anynomous called Pelajar Marah from Moscow too. The person replied, with an angry tone, that, the pak cik and his kid, should be grateful under any circumstances since they can be considered lucky enough to have been given the chance to do undergraduate studies overseas. Russia on the other hand, is not mundur at all! Well, Pelajar Marah replied by saying, how can Russia be considered as Mundur when it has the fastest Internet Connection in the world!? Even our beloved country which we often said as MAJU, always have problems regarding secure-smooth Internet line. Hahhaa. Think Twice. And the system of education at Russia is different, even for clinical training for the medical students are conducted differently compared to locally. And, even if the kid can write and speak a little in Russia, well, fret yes, that the knowledge is still below an edge over many different dialects of the language itself, and therefore do not be surprise if one has trouble to understand the courses taught. 

This is probably the tenth time did I hear bad things about studying medicine in Russia. But, why in fright? Don't you see that, once you are there, and got the chance to study, using the MARA MONEY, you should then be grateful enough? The post by the pak cik seriously giving me a sense of hatred towards some typical malaysian mindset over smallest matters. Every country you go, there's a different way of studying things and applying things, so why so worried? Many fresh doctors from Russia, couldn't perform well? Then they should have learn from those who are better once they are here. Everything needs to be learn. AND being a medical doctor, is one of the many careers that implies LIFELONG LEARNING. 

You see, for those who got the chance to study overseas, STOP MUTTERING. Some of us, in the country who mainly didn't get the chance to get the same opportunity, have to struggle real hard to get to medical schools. Everything needs to be learn, even though not everything we learn will be applied later in the undergraduate program. Places locally are limited, and there are so many competitors here and there to get the same thing, while those who are already some steps away from being a doctor, like those in Russia and overseas, should be thankful, and just think for a sec, what if you guys are in our shoes! 

I am tired listening to whining and muttering, and ungratefulness of the many luckier persons who thought they aren't lucky enough! Stop blaming the country for sending you guys to where you guys hate. Accept the fact and just adapt to it. Life need to be endured strongly and not pathetically blaming things around.

its tomorrow, next week and the next one week

3 weeks la to go. hehehe. for the finale. I am like having premature contractions in the heart. Lol. Seriously, banyak gila stuff that needed to be stuffed inside the brain, but just pray for strength, and good memories. After all, not everything we learn in Asasi is gonna to be applied in the degree we're about to take. This is fact, told by many who had encountered the same thing.

Tomorrow Chemistry Test. On Monday, it gonna be Physics, Mathematics on following Tuesday and Biology on Thursday. Test II fnishes next week, insyaAllah. Have to struggle harder, because damn I flunked on the last time, and this give me a sign of fright. 

Saya dah mandi, segar-bugar, dan kelas ended early. How I love Wednesday. Sadly, today, there's no chance to watch movies with the comrades. Everyone is under stressful condition. Me too to add up. Planned to see lecturers to ask questions, but then again something came up. And the plans became just plainly plans. Now better not talking to the blog, and started revising chemistry. T.T

Anyhow, goodluck for all asasians fighters for tomorrow. Many of them here are awesome. And, Goodluck too for the finale a week after the test. Let's everyone wear batik on the last FINALE-exam day, shall we?

>>>p/s: enough coupon collected. and it's another week of lecture and tutorials. is this sad?<<<

What's with the heartbeat?

Two years ago, I was innocent and practically just a girl who didn't know much about anything, excepts for my friends, and families and books to add on. I was more like nerdy and geeky, (oh is that really a word).

Someone far away from where I lived, then became my pal. Barely knew him, but there were a lot of things we could share in common. He gave me something which most people would called it lame; exam papers of his and hoping I can give him mine. We basically exchanged exam papers, well that's what we call sharing knowledge if most of you here wouldn't know. I waited for days for the papers to reach my snailmail box and it came at last. 

Getting something so priceless from a stranger is weird. But, after all it was just pieces of papers, I mean so many papers. Along with the package, there was a note. A simple note asking if I could send back my papers to him, but I wrongly read it as send back all his papers to him. I was so stupid. 

I ended up not sending him my papers and I can tell that he was a little disappointed because our main attempt was to exchange our papers. Lol. After two years have passed, I found the papers again in my father's back portion of the car. It was covered with dust and I should be blamed for letting it there for two years.

On last Wednesday, I took the package of papers back. Weeping it out of dust and opened it again. See back those papers and how some mere papers meant so much for this weak heart. The note was there too, on it, was written the address of the sender but perhaps, it might not be the same address as two years ago. Seeing 'TO DAYANA AZHAR" From XX melted me. Hahaa. And the heartbeat of this weak heart was somehow pounding heart. It feels weird though. 

This heartbeat is like giving me thousands of weird thoughts over and over again. What do they mean anyway? Lol. 

>>>p/s: hate falling for nonsense things but missing the old him who cares.<<<

Saya tak bergaya

Well, at 7 pm today, the dinner for the Foundation in Science students will be held at SACC convention centre, just beside the old popular PKNS Shah Alam. It is a grand dinner to be told, and hopefully, yeah, it would be meaningful.

Almost 2 months before this course end. I need to study harder seriously. Flunked in two IMPORTANT papers recently, put me somewhere to a spot that I never thought I would be standing in. I have turned into just a mere lower than average person and I hate the feeling so bad. It's like I am not deserving a place with the rest of my colleagues.

Yesterday, classes ended early. I didn't go to Recipe of Woman program because my friends weren't that in the mood to go with me. T.T. So, I rushed upstairs and just having breads and nutella for lunch. Seriously, I need to trim down my weight. Been fatter and fatter these days. And being fat is not fun.

So, around 3 p.m, I went to my friend's room far away at R2, where there was a demo session of wearing shawl. Conducted by my class representative, Eliza Amira, whom has always been elegant and up-to date in fashion. The rest of us, including me are just merely clueless girls who wish we can dress up like she did. Haha.

dina trying hers.

 

 

okay tak? lol

My sister looked different in these pictures of her taken recently:

 

 

shishin made over by cousin on Thursday

She looked matured and prettier than me. whatever lol

And, I actually love fashion. Seeing Gossip Girls, where beautiful garments and lavish dresses are made real always make me happy but I just don't have to gut to be updated. Lol. Many asked me to change style for real sake, but I don't really think I could.

I look sooooo round like ball if I were to put this on. Lol

>>>p/s: My friend, Azyan, her dress for the dinner is just mesmerizing. Well, I just notice that when we reach the stage of becoming a lady, there's a need to know how to dress well and look amazing. No more rugged style. But, I am just too innocent to play beautiful. haha. Jangan ketawa kalau saya tak bergaya at dinner esok. Saya cuba. <<<

Trying harder is not the answer

Assalamualaikum and rise and shine peeps here in the blog-O-sphere. Nothing more fun than the chance to wake up without having to bath early, to prepare early and to just worry about classes, work and the annoying people around you. Don't take the weekends for granted, mind that.

The previous two weeks had been quite a crap for me and I bet many others at Puncak Alam. Just imagine, that for preceding two weeks, the lecturers have been speeding up every topics, and there were Physics Presentation, due date of the submission of the ecology project and the misery of Test 1 for the second semester. I almost smacked out myself because there weren't any of the time spare for me to revise properly and to get a good night sleep. Whenever I shut my eyes to go faraway to New York in my dreams, I would be reminded of the need to go back to lecture notes. What a life.

I supposed that's what University life is all about. Everything must be comprehended on your own, and it is yourself only that could make everything seems fine work out well. My friends and I whom were doing the Ecology Project, together, were backfired with the fact that we actually killed ourselves for doing last minute jobs. Imagine how we were just about to start doing the essays on ecological niche, adaptation of the animals in our so-called make believe ecosystem, the biotic and abiotic limiting factors of it and everything else for the project for the whole one week. And it was on that particular ONE WEEK also, that we had to study like super hard for the test which we were conned right onto our face. I for once, felt so stupid and a fool. 

Test One was a misery for me. I repented. I wasn't supposed to study THAT HARD, and burnt the midnight oil, worrying about how to answer HARD questions. Instead, I should have take note on the simplest parts in which I overlooked them, and just neglecting them, which was the worst thing I ever did. So, basically I thought test one gonna be a blast. The questions I assumed to be tough and tricky and what not, except for Biology. But, in the end, they were the reverse of what I assumed. 

Physics

-Thought that I did my best remembering the formulas and understanding the concept, but I guess, I was wrong. I did my worst for the EASIEST physics test and I should note that Prof Ahmad had already told me in Facebook that it is gonna be an ANTIDOTE for the other paper. I studied like hell, but then nothing seems working. I flunk in understanding the concept of Doppler Shift. When two cars at the same speed and moving at the same direction, no doppler occurred because Doppler Shift depends on the difference in speed. I failed to master the concept of light, spectrum of colours, the colour that bend the LEAST is RED not violet. I also unable to hinder my careless mistakes, in which, the question asked for HOW LONG, instead, I became erratically confident, and answered HOW FAST. Every mistakes I did make me feel terrible. How can I did that to myself on the easiest paper ever. Perhaps, I could never perform well due to excessive nervousness.

I should be sorry and apologize to my dear prof ahmad. Physics is fun and easy, but I was just too careless. T.T

Biology

-Studied almost everything including circulation and I think I did my best, but turned out worst as well. Many answers I wrote at the first attempt were the right ones, instead, after reluctance of hearing to the heart, I quickly replaced the answer with foolishness. SHAME ON ME!

Mathematics

-Should have been more careful, and don't take the examples in tutorials for granted.

Chemistry

-Same like Physics, it was the EASIEST test, but then, I flunked badly. Reaction kinetics were the worst I did, and I am just too frustrated by how I perform. I can answer the questions in tutorials, but during the test, I was just drawn away by carelessness and over confidence. I wanna re-sit for the test so badly. T.T

Physic Presentation

-On OHM's Law, and I think my group did our best. The evaluators seemed to understand our presentation and accepted it with a smile. I am grateful that we weren't tested with nasty-harsh-superduper tough Physics application questions during the presentation. Only that one of the evaluator asked what type of wire we used, and we almost got it right, by implementing the formula of Resistance and resistivity of the conductor. 

I was amazed by how my friends, Nina Zulkifli and Fahmi Faisal did their AWESOME job at KMB for being among those who attained honour rolls. Despite all the hardcore subjects they learn and the over-excessive activities to do on one go, they still manage to shine. I envied them for some reason, but I knew that different people have different potential. Congratulations with the deepest joy from me here who can't do better than you guys, but could just be proud of having such amazing scorers as friends. Their dreams for overseas studies almost there, revealing, and I, still struggling but still flunk and flunk and just couldn't be awesome. Perhaps not my luck, or perhaps, I should go for other options  I just have to be normal and go with the flow like grasses on the wide field ready to be grazed by cows and goats. 

they who give me joy and the meaning of friendship at Puncak Alam. They are awesomers.

Study hard is not the answer to do well. Sometimes, relaxing works better. Keep calm also works better. Or perhaps I can shine no more.

>>P/S: going home after an intense week is a please. And, I am thinking of the next agenda to keep back on track. I lost. Plus, I am dissappointed that everytime I need to go home, there are always important events at campus. Today, USM's medical faculty is dropping by to give a talk. But, I can't go because I need a break from that place and boredom<<

Making Money

To be a student is a hard work. Thinking how fast time flew, and how abruptly you have used all the allowances is a nightmare. Good students are given scholarships, some take that as a responsibility and some just plainly don't because, perhaps, they come from a well-being family. But, still some just plainly act low profile, use the money only on something important and save the rest. Maybe money doesn't mean anything to them.

A month plus plus of holidays finally laid down it's curtain. It was boring to know that holidays were spent with nothing but excessive sleeping and blogging and chatting nonsense via skype. But knowing how those days where you don't have to worry about what will happen the next day is heaven! I will only have them back when semester II ends, on the late of March 2011.

Having a degree on medicine is something I really wish would come true. No hard work, no pray, no perseverance, and no entry given would make it just plainly a dream. I still on my wits end thinking on other options. Sorry to note that I have none. Saying you want to be something and had that something for your career just because you have dream for it the whole life, is pathetic. And pathetically, it happens to me. To be rich by being a doctor, is a certain not. But, why when people ask what I wanna do with life, the answers would give rise to those that need money to be settled down? 

Three friends so far have invited me to join a business venture. I can say that it's not a bizarre thing. They came online nicely and sent messages nicely, to ask me to join them in the Score A business, which as for me, thought of it more likely as Marketing Level thingy, which, frankly speaking, kinda hard to be trusted. Thanks Hanif, Fidrie and Azeryl for that many many explanations on the program. Really appreciate them. But to start ahead, joining them is not easy. It needs money still! Where am I gonna find that so much money?   God knows. 

Listing 20 names that I know best, who can really help lend me RM 50 per person is a tough thing to do. I never really had ask people for funds. Even for a RM 10, it feels awkward. But, if they are willing to help lending me some money, it is for the business sake. And, I PROMISE to pay it back in a month. Well, that's what Hanif told me. How far is it to be true, only God Knows. 

However, after looking at the three categories of people in this world, which 

1. 1. see the chances, but think that he has so much time, so why now? 
2. 
   
3. 2. grab the opportunity fast, for it won't come in twice. 
4. 
   
5. 3. wait for others to show better results, and be happy with what they earn. Precaution should be priority.

I rather want to be the no. 2. I wanna make money fast. But can I? Multi Level Marketing is not east. Cooperation to find underground dealers is a must, must be filthy diligent to find buyers and must be very optimistic of what lies ahead. After seeing how, some of them who joined the venture, could gained up to RM30 K for three months, roused my goosebumps and anxiety. For sure, money can't bring to death, but death needs money, for kain kapan, tanah kubur and etc. Right?

Now it's becoming greater

Fine. Thanks to those who congratulated me whatsoever. T.T. But, Facebook-ing has really making me wanna puke. I feel bad right now, really really bad. I don't know why but serious very bad.

Hahaha. And now I just realised how going to college was nothing but just the sake of going. I am actually blaming myself, for showing off what I actually did to many those I knew. But, yeah, like always it fired me back. 3.5 is not enough my dear friends and parents. Even how many times, you wish me luck, you said it's okay, you tell me to be strong and the lists continue. I sort of giving up.

Facebook-ing is a good source of feeling bad about who you are, about what happened to you and etc. Seeing those people posting status about how triumph their lives are, how good they are at certain things, how they ramble about stuff but still making things work out perfectly and just telling how they are doing blissfully, could make you envy and jealous, and in turn, making you feel so bad about yourself. It happened to me like so many times. But, what am I still doing there?

Currently three of my friends, I knew did better. One got a four flat, and actually got an A+ for chemistry, meaning he actually got 90++. How terrific was that? I was with him when we both complaining about mathematics. We were both ranting about the bad mood before the day we will get to know the results and sorts, but looked now where we both at. The Earth and the sky.  Congratulation to him, who got a four flat. He's a genius.

Semester 2 comes not with grace this time. I feel shattered to even know I will be going to that place I hate, and struggle harder. Emmm...what a luck and what a life. Just staring at the mathematics textbook already make me feel like throwing up. Where will I be with this awful results is nowhere but the devastation land.

>>>p/s: Feeling terrible after knowing you are nowhere closer to them the greatest. Feeling jaded when you realising that they are better but you couldn't be anywhere near like them. Sometimes I wish I never knew what is Facebook, what is blogging and what is desire and dreams. <<<

The Past and The Present

Assalamualaikum to anyone who kindly spend some time to read this post, and also to those who kindly and accidentally open up this space of mine. A space, where I 'talk' in words regarding what happened in my daily life. Praises to our beloved Prophet Muhammad s.a.w, the greatest caliph that always have us in his remembrance. Thanks to dear mom and dad for their present until now, and for their non-stop effort of raising my siblings and I. 

It has almost reaching one year, after I finished the burden of SPM off my shoulder and head. Now, pity the juniors at school, who kept posting in Facebook and elsewhere about their woes and worries for the exam. What I did, was to laugh at them, and smile, since I had faced it with a smile. At least, a cynical smile. Most of them, are still lazybums, and haven't get it ready. What they could do to erase that laziness is sleep. I mean, sleep does help to freshen up the brain, since laziness is mostly due to prolonged exposure to small texts and intricate words, that put pressure to the brain. Sleep and rest, don't sit in front of the pc and look at the screen so often. It will make your laziness worsen and headache fired. 

My little sister is also enduring her finale at school. At 14, and 8 subjects to grasp, she is strongwilled. She's intelligent for anything except Bahasa Melayu. Her composition needs to be brushed up a little, well can't blame her. She's been learning to much in English since elementary school, that's why her Bahasa is quite rusty. Nonetheless, she inherited my way of learning by which is reading out loud the notes and the texts that needed to be memorized. T.T

But, please, when she gave me those examination papers that she already did for me to check I would reject them right away. Mom said, "Go check her English MCQ paper", and I was like "OH NO". Basically, my days of rechecking exam papers or any test papers are extinct. I hope others will too, because just remember that whatever you did in the past, are bygones. Let them go away and let only the memories stay behind. 

Adding to the sigh, my brother's friend, asked me about Biology Paper 3 for SPM format. I mean, come on don't they take a look at previous papers, the abundant exercises that any bookstores would sell for such low prices??? And, didn't the teachers at school tell them what the format would be like? Or yeah, maybe they just don't care till the eleventh hour when everything comes to end wits.

Whatever it is, I wish super best of luck to any youngsters who are going to take their finale before the long school holidays. Yeah, one day a friend of mine from VI aged 17, nagging about how terrible his trial SPM, and making jokes about letting me to do it. I am sorry from heart, it is just an exam. Do your best in understanding how to tackle the questions. I always did my exercises by looking at the answers located at the back page. It works and helps. So, goodluck, everyone has his or her own ways to make things work. For now, get the spirit up people! 

>>p/s: face this battle. only losers walk backwards.<<

Masalah Puncak Alam

Fine, happy birthday to me! Yesterday, the 3rd June was my 18th birthday, and nothing intriguing happened, but I was thankful to receive wishes on the very day. Thanks for those who really care while I was struggling overcoming boredom back here in Puncak Alam. T.T

It has been 2 weeks I turned into a hosteler, staying with other 8 girls as my housemates is something I call a new experience. The place where I stayed is comfortable, refreshing and somehow a good place to sleep. But, this is only the slight review on UiTM Puncak Alam - A baby with lots of craps. 

What are the craps about UiTM Puncak Alam? Wanna know?

1. Mismanagement!!

- I know it is a new campus, and the first time receiving such an enormous count of students, and the first time receiving foundation students, but please upgrade the management service. Everything was a chaos, including the process to buy our mighty heavy-thick textbooks and to find for our class as well as to find lab coats? *sigh* (I need a lab coat). 

2. Technical Mishaps!!

-Oh please! I know UiTM is being established to help the Malays by offering cheap education facilities, but do you want to see us sweat all over just because the air conditioners did not function? *Bunyi jer kuat, sejuk tak terasa*, imagine! we in baju kurungs and formal wear all sweat in the poor ventilated rooms. Upgrade please!!

-Technicians must be alert in all lecture halls! When the lecture supposed to start at 8.30 a.m, it will only start at 9.00 a.m. Why? Because the projector always cause troubles since technicians are not on alert in every halls, making us all have to wait so long for it to function. Sigh.

3. Conducive-less. 

-Maybe from the outside everything looks terrific, but to be frank, the lecture halls are so small. Some of us need to sit at the stairs since not there are not enough spaces. The space for each seat is not as spacious as it supposed to be. You can't even get out to go to the toilet if you are already seated, you can't even put so many books on the small attached-table or even a bulky laptop on it. *Sigh* 

4. Coverage Problems and wireless sucks!!

- For the whole week, I had troubles receiving and sending messages via the phone to my loves ones and friends. Plus, whenever there were incoming calls, I couldn't answer. Line was so bad, I almost got fed up with it. Imagine, we have to cancel appointments with friends, and we can't contact our family at home. Such a problem must not be occurring again. Not to mention, the wireless connection sucks. I had registered my course over the student portal as well as for wireless connectivity package, but still, they said my username and password are invalid. *Sigh*

5. Bad services at the dine areas!!

-Slow, unfriendly, and expensive! I just hate when it comes to grumbling stomach due to hunger, since I despise eating at the Rafflesia College, or better called it the dine area. The food is tasteless and expensive, services are slow, imagine hundreds come at a time to dine, some waits like for two hours just to get their food done? Supposedly there must be more food stalls allocated to serve for the students. 

6. Hal Ehwal Pelajar? Where is it? 

- I also encounter problems to contact the HEP. I need to ask HEP for confirmation of the date to receive our matrix card, and to ask them what activities could I participated in for this one year course, just to strengthen my pointer at the end of the semester. However, until today, I still can't get them through. *Sigh*

>>>>Maybe people reading these, can straight away claimed me as ungrateful person, or a person full of excuses and maybe a whiner? But, these are the truth or dark sides about the campus, in which they have to improve as fast as possible to offer us a more better place to learn and grow.<<<<