Hina

Assalamualaikum,

Tak pernah saya rasa sesedih ini. 

Saya rasa sesal sebab saya tak pernah ambil peduli atau kisah tentang Palestin.

Ya, saya tahu Israel kejam. Tembak tak putus-putus. Rakus meragut nyawa kanak-kanak seagama dengan saya. Rakus menyeksa mereka yang lemah. 

Ya, saya tahu kanak-kanak di sana diseksa tatkala dalam perjalanan ke sekolah, tatkala sedang bermain bola sepak di kawasan lapang. Sekelip mata, hilang bagi mereka tangan, kaki, sistem pernafasan terseksa dek terkena asap bom yang diletuskan. 

Tapi apa saya buat? 

Allah beri saya upaya dan kudrat pergi ke musolah muslimat sebentar tadi. Musolah yang saya pun pergi jarang-jarang, walaupun tak sampai 20 langkah dah sampai. 

Allah beri saya suatu kesedaran untuk melangkah ke program Malaysian Global March Towards Jerusalem versi USMKLE Belgaum India.

Tersentak di benak hati rasa marah pabila melihat tayangan video kekejaman bala tentera Zionis. 2-3 video tengok. Darina kawan saya dah menangis, terharu. Saya cuba, tapi saya rasa lebih marah. Marah kat diri sendiri. Marah sebab saya sendiri lemah tak berdaya. 

Nama saya Dayana. Saya malu nak mengaku atas nama tu. Sebab nama tu sebenarnya bermaksud kegagahan. Apa yang gagahnya tentang diri saya? Sedangkan nak bangun solat subuh pun masih terkial-kial. Terpaksa suruh kakak usrah kejutkan via SMS. Haish, apakah nilainya saya untuk ISLAM? Gagahkah saya untuk ke Palestin, bantu mereka yang sudah berlumuran darah dan nyawanya sudah berada di hujung tanduk? Mampukah.

Satu video memaparkan reaksi si kecil yang comel menunjukkan rasa marahnya kepada Israel. Israel yang telah memusnahkan semua kepunyaannya, baju, permainan, rantai dan cincin pemberian ibunya, cermin mata hitam pemberian ayahnya. Bajunya berbau asap busuk kimia bom yang diletuskan Yahudi Laknatullah. Macam mana harus dia menikmati kehidupan dalam kegelutan bumi tanah airnya itu? 

Lihat kita disini! Di Malaysia, manusia lemas, saban hari kian lemas! Acap kali berita terpampang adalah berkenaan siapa menang pertandingan cari artis, remaja dirogol, kena belasah dengan Along, dan bermacam-macam lagi, termasuklah kes buang bayi yang sudah kian meningkat. 

Lihat saya di India! Allah beri peluang untuk menceduk Ilmu dalam bidang perubatan. Saya mahukan peluang ni sejak dulu, tapi kadang-kala iman saya longlai, tak pernah rasa syukur. Masa terluang di biarkan begitu sahaja dengan perkara sia-sia. Tak pernah letak sedikit kesedaran untuk menghayati keindahan ciptaan Allah, belajar dengan bersungguh-sungguh demi Allah Taala. Tak pernah!

Selepas Zikir Wadah tadi, saya rasa bagaikan ditembak peluru. Apakah gunanya saya ada mata sekarang, tangan dan jari untuk bekerja dan menaip saban hari. Apa gunanya telinga saya yang kerap digunakan untuk mendengar. Apakah gunanya kaki saya yang masih aktif berjalan dan berlari ke sana ke mari. Apakah gunanya kalau saya tak mampu bantu saudara Islam saya yang saban hari bermandi dengan tangisan dan darah di Palestin?

Bukan sahaja Palestin, bahkan banyak lagi tempat yang penuh dengan kekejaman? Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq? Di manakah saya? Di manakah saya sewaktu mereka sedang melawan pihak musuh Islam???

Maka, saya berdoa agar saya, kamu, awak dan kita mampu menjadi kuat. Kerapkan doa kita, doa melawan musuh. Doa itu senjata orang mukmin! Saya berdoa, agar saya dan kawan-kawan seangkatan dengan saya, mampu menjadi doktor perubatan Muslim dan Muslimah dan mampu ke sana untuk membantu mereka yang memerlukan! Allahuakbar! Hancurlah Yahudi! Hancurlah Zionis! Hancurlah Amerika!

Is it their fault?

Parents always want the best for their precious little ones. They would do anything, and undergo any tests just to make sure the fetus inside the womb is healthy and without deformities. 

Of course, no one pray to have Down Syndrome babies. This deformity can actually be detected during pregnancy, by taking some amniotic fluid through the mothers. It is a painful procedure to both baby and mother, and only bring about 80% chances to see whether the baby has Down Syndrome or vice versa. Plus, the cost is expensive as well. It costs about USD 900 for one trial. T.___T

For OBGYN doctors, it is their job before any labour or deliveries to tell their patients regarding this test, and ask whether they want it to be done. There are sometimes misunderstanding catastrophic when parents actually believed that when the test is negative on conduct, their babies won't have this syndrome. 

Thus, when this happen, guess what happen to the parents. Of course they would be plainly DISAPPOINTED. The babies they had waited long enough came out not at par to what they have expected. And, it's not easy to raise children with Down Syndrome. Only those with strength could. 

When the parents become bloody frustrated, they blame everything on doctors. They would say, that the doctors cheated and just want their money. They would go as far isas to sue the doctors. Of course, for Muslims, we must beware that, any tests invented by humans are not necessarily give 100% truthful results. Allah S.W.T is the Most Powerful, He is the only entity whom able to change everything according to HIS great knowledge. We cannot question on that.

Doctors would have to live for the blame. Even with high reputation, it would bring dirt if the doctors had made such 'mistake'-mistakenly. So, the doctors, have to bear being punched till bleed, being nagged and being insulted just because their babies are not as what they want it to be. 

Patience is doctor's greatest courage. Alertness comes hand in hand. Poor Doctors. Tough studies, tough work force, harsh patients. 

a big fight. everyone tries to stop it.

being threathen

A Dad ventilates how sad he is to know his newborn is deformed.

*from the series called Obgyn Doctors (2010) - episode 10. An amazing worth-to-watch drama*

Heads On

Keep Calm and start packing dear self. Almost every day, after returning home from work, Mom will ask whether or not have I started or finish packing up my stuff. The most intriguing thing to accomplish yet so complicated.

Actually, I have had myself busy packing for baju kurung. As far as I concern, USM-KLE although seems like studying overseas, it follows rules from USM-KK at Kelantan. Therefore, it a must for students to wear formal attire every day to lectures and classes. No excuses. And, according to our seniors, there's a day for girls to must wear a Punjab Suit, or Salwa Kameez. Yahooo!!! I like this. Hehehe :D So when I said formal attires, I mean baju kurung, dear readers.

Hence, I stuffed all that I have to my baggage and it seems that Baju kurung itself already make it full. Haih. I need to re-pack. Plus, I am thinking to buy more packets of Maggie. My frequent food it will be once I am there,  but it seems like 20 kg isn't enough :(

I came up with a plan, to apply for MAS Grad Cards, for students. It allows all members as long they are students to bring extra 10 kg on board, with free of charge but of course, paying the annual fees of USD 30 (for those studying abroad). But, I have second thoughts, if I apply this, I need to use MAS frequently. And, it's not that I will use MAS that frequent, because it's cheaper to return via Air Asia. So, it looks like this plan seems like into no use. Still, it is on my head now. HEHEE...and MAS has far more comfortable seats compared to Air Asia. 

Added up to the headache, I now need to pack for three occasions. One: For 5 years stay in India. Second: For 3 days orientation at USM KK. And Third: For Balik Kampung at Kedah. But I can't just bring different set of clothes for this three occasions. Thus, I need to think of a nice strategy to pull things through. Hehehe. Meaning I have to also bring laundry to India, because I have no time exactly to send them to the dobby. 

I wanna bring the whole HOUSE if I can. :(

This is just hectic and will be havoc. Just need my mental and physical to be prepared by all the future outbreaks. Not to mention, I maybe have to go to Kelantan by bus again. Pity Dad if I ask him to drive. It's so far. 

Anyhow, it is less than 25 days (*how fast time flew*) approximately for me to just set my minds straight and be tough and strong. I will have a drench weeks after Raya, no leisure. And I have to stand on my own feet without parents beside me. 

when can I finish this

It's not as simple as BLAIR when it comes to packing :(

Not to mention, I suddenly wish how Azyan Amani would accept this offer too. I just in a sudden, wish how we could prepare things together and live for 5 years together in India. But, she has her reasons to reject this. She doesn't want to be a doctor and I must respect that. :) 

>>>p/s: bersyukurlaa kepada sesiapa yang dapat IPTA. Anda tidak perlu risau mengemas barang seperti saya....and....I still need to find for sweaters. Its CHILLING and COLD at India <<<

Annoyance

Yeah, it's Ramadan now. But it's so freaking hard to resist annoyance. 

1. annoyed with one girl in Facebook. I don't know whether or not she's a friend I should keep or should I 'unfriend' her. She annoys me by liking every post and every status I made. She is nice and all, but she annoys me everytime. But why am I nagging? That's the reason to have facebook in the first place, wasn't it?

2. annoyed with a friend who seems so mysterious and has a lot of secrets. I do respect people's privacy, but if something like where you are studying is also a mysterious thing and a big secret, how will I function as a friend? 

3. annoyed with some people who couldn't be honest. Mulut putar belit, macam ular. Sometimes it's west sometimes it's east. Not certain and specific. Doing maths is better I guess because there's always specific answers rather than dealing with uncertain people.

4. annoyed with some Malaysian officers who seems to be very bossy and sometimes stuck ups and snobbish. Do they learn manners treating customers? Is it that hard to work a little harder during Ramadhan? Working in an air-conditioned cubicles are so tiring heh? Have they ever ponder how is it like for people who fight for money under hot blazing sun? Just tiresome and gruesome dealing with officers who never know the art of smiling and never ever learn the art of learning people's explanation. HEH. 

5. Super slow KTM is making me nuts. Since, KTM is the only transport, at least the best choice I have to travel to KL if there aren't anyone to drive me there, I have to bear the slowpoke-ness forever. 10 minutes for KTM means 20 minutes and 30 minutes means an hour. Clap clap KTM for being the oldest train service yet still sucks. And I guess the women's coach are now meant for men too aite? There is no longer any officer on duty to let no man into the coach. HAHAHAH. Pity laaa T.T

Worries

This is bad. I have this bad sense in alertness and being careful at things. My carelessness is my biggest weakness. And if I continue being this careless, being so bad at handling things, how am I going to be a competent doctor in the future?

I have this big regret already after filling up those agreements papers from MARA. They gave me a guide book on how to fill them properly, but I don't know what got into me that I misread those guides. In the end, everything turned spoiled. Many mistakes have I made on every cover of the agreement booklet. I needed to cross the mistakes out and both guarantors and I have to put our initial as to mark the mistakes. It's bizarre how I made those silly mistakes continuously for 5 same booklets. I was so careless.

My mom was furious to know how I lost focus on filling those IMPORTANT agreement booklets. Those are my future. MARA is a tedious matter. It is up to them now whether or not to accept those agreements. I have give them such bad impression as one future medical student now. It's the biggest fear I have right now knowing how bad the agreements look. 

House bought a smiley balloon to erase his worries. 

Mom said she should have watch over me while filling those agreements. She as a lawyer had always deal with such documents and it's weird how I, as her daughter couldn't even fill them nicely. Since that moment, mom has always been doubting the fact that I wanna do medicine. Everyday mom will give me a peace of advice to be extra careful, to be focus, to be alert and to be wise. As a medical student, mistakes may be my greatest teachers to guide me to be better, as I can learn from them. However, if one day I were a doctor, doing many mistakes could lead to mishap among my patients as well as the whole hospital community. And I do not want to be another incompetent doctor. Of course NOT.

Now all the worries accumulating inside the head. Worried that MARA might reject me, worried that things would be burdening my parents all over again and I just hate going to and fro burdening people and all the I am the one who should face the blame. Repercussion for being so careless over such important and crucial matters. 

In the end, I need to stay positive. Worries are always humans most useless imaginations. Period.

Confusion Again

I dwell with so many confusions lately. And I hate all these messes. How I pray I could erase them and let them go away. But I guess, I must keep positive, that all this mishaps would turn out as my useful guide and allow me to grow into a better conflict solver.

Been attached to a blog by Kak Chik a.k.a Ruben, who happened to be one of my future seniors at India. Simply like her blog, even though it is sort of a tedious time trying to read it. Sorry, but I am a bit harsh when it comes to lots of abbreviations and lots of 'on-purpose-misspelling' (ejaan salah yang disengajakan). However, as a total, her blog and bro Aidil Yusof's blogs are terrific and super helpful. I should hand in kudos to Naqib, a best friend, who linked me this blog a couple of months ago. HEHEHE.

So basically, Kak Chik was very helpful as a Q&A ambassador. I asked stupid questions like how long does it take from KL to Bangalore and how long will class runs a day? And things like that. Yesterday, I got confused with SPC (Skim Pelajar Cemerlang)- which I am puzzled how did she managed to get it even though she was from PASUM, since these days I thought SPC was only meant for SPM fresh graduates, like what Nina and Zaki got earlier.

Then, here's the answers, a very long and informative one I supposed, regarding the MARA thingy which I have been trying to copy inside this slow brain.

hi dayana azhar...

erm.. klu sy ckp sy hebat awk percaya x???awk xtawu ke selama nie mara memang akan call orang2 yg perform masa matrix dlu utk fly ke luar negara...

awk tawu ke perjanjian mara tue mcm mana?

awk tawu ke apa spc?

mara punya spc is basically loan.. loan boleh ubah...pinjaman ble ubah...

pada tahun2 sebelum nya... iaitu sebelum tahun nie.. menurut perjanjian spc.. peminjam perlu membayar balik sbyk 1% daripada pinjaman tersebut sekiranya peminjam itu berjaya dengan cemerlang dalam tempoh pengajian tersebut...

kalo dikirakan.. peruntukn bagi seorang pelajar ke india sebanyak rm 500k.. jd 1% daripada 500k.. berapa?? sy tawu awk pandai matematik...

sebab tue laa.. orang akn selalu igt.. bila dapat spc.. dapat scholarship yang 100% xyah bayar...

walaupun mara tue mmg murah hati.. namun... dia perlukan duit jugak utk trus bermurah hati...

tetapi dalam kes awk nie... mara daa revise dia pye polisi... maka pelajar yang mendapat spc harus membayar balik 20% daripada duit pinjaman tue...

kiranya.. apapun awk nak bagitawu sy.... sy nk kasi taw blk sama awk.. mara mmg daa ubah dia punya syarat tue.. thats why korang sumer yg bkl menandatangani perjanjian ngan mara harus membayar blk 20% drp jumlah pinjaman...

klo awk rasa nk keterangan lebih lanjut... awk ble berhubungan ngan pihak mara bahagian hutang piutang tue(lpe ap nama dia yang sebenar)

erm.. biasa laa tue lambat drp mara.. sbb awk bkn nya bdk mara yang under mara pye preparation.. dia kira lg pening.. nati satu hari.. bila awk kne panggil utk btn.. baru awk rasa sume tue jelas... ok... tp sy xsure ada btn tak time2 puasa nie

owh.. lagi satu sy nk ckp.. basically jpa pye scholar pun bkn scholar free.. if u don't want to work with government in years(according to the contract) u need to pay back all amount that government spent to u...

kiranya sumer benda sama saja laa.. xkira awk dpt scholarship drp mana pun badan kat m'sia tue.. cuma ada segelintir jer bg as real pye scholarship.. like genting i think..

awk jgn pikie 20% tue byk.. 20% tue bkn nya interest... tue jumlah awk kne bayar blk.. so still u shud call it as scholar ship!

about the book.. don't judge the book by what u heard.. u have read those books... buku tue nati jadi makanan ruji awk.. bukan sume orang ada buku fav yg sama... u will understand what i said once u experience it.. tempe mean local tempatan=tempe...

recomendation is based on usm text book.. u will get the list in buku fasa satu once u register the course..

hubli is a place.. u will take a plane from bangalore to hubli.. search in google map if u wanna see it.. kiranya it is a transit...

belgaum-bangalore jauh mcm kb-mersing.. as i told u earlier...

July 25, 2011 7:04 PM

So, YES, now I knew a little bit on how this 'loan' works. Now, I have to pray real hard to get it. Handed in all the necessary requirements already - with my father. Just hope they read my essay carefully and understand I need it. Please, Dear Allah The Most Merciful, gives me strength to face this with calm. 

Three Days

This is an emotional blog people. Mostly, you would here my whines and sad stories. Some would be great news, but then again, I might also, delete this blog one day URGE myself to write more on positive things. HEHE.

It has been 3 BLOODY days dayana azhar, face the fact already. You have gotten two amazing universities. Both are research universities, UKM and USM. So what's so sad? But yeah, UKM didn't offer what you wanted best right? 

So basically, after lotsa talking and discussion with mom and dad, with my cousins and all, I decided that maybe India is the best option. I would definitely, without doubt reject the Biomedical Science offer from UKM even though it is a bit interesting. To be frank it was the last option I had on the UPU, so I never imagined it got hooked. But Allah knows best.

On the same day, I knew I was offered Biomedical Science at UKM, that afternoon, came another offer. I never would imagine the interview at Kelantan  was worth it. Then again, I am glad that it was worth the journey and the adventure we faced. 

Alhamdulillah, it was USM-KLE International Medical Programme. I myself do not know what the heck it is at first, but MARA was the one who insisted me to apply and to go to the interview. This program is more like what UKM has with UNPAD. More like a twinning. Unfortunately, this would be a five years program at Karnataka, Belgaum, Bangalore, India. On the other hand, KLE is referred to Karnataka Lingayat Education, merely it is a new name for a former renowned Jawarhalal Nehru (JNMC) in India. 

Basically, the MOU between USM and KLE was signed only a year ago. It already has MMC accreditation and thus a good place to study. For details please just browse through this : USM-KLE and also HERE  It is not so bad at all, just that the problem is the news from MARA. So I guess I'll just have to wait.

Also, the hostels are of five class standard. And not to mention, the environment is chilling thus suitable for study and sleep purposes. HEHEHHE. Cadavers are abundant. I read one blog post from a senior telling that even in the first year, they already managed to get hands-on the cadavers, doing dissection which is SO FUN indeed. HEHEHE. 

But then again, noticing that I will be boarding to India soon and leave the family here and leave the dream to study medicine here, and the friends, and Khayra Amani, brought tears down. I have been crying for days, Both because of happy and sad. No matter how greener the grasses on the other side, ours will always be the best to step on :) I will miss UiTM badly. Why you didn't opt me? Why? I also hope my appeal gives me good news. I am still wanting to go to UiTM as they are lot of friends I already know. 

This is the dilemma. More stressful when a teacher from school who suddenly called me and said she has to adopt me if I really want her to help to get a place at UiTM or UKM. Apparenly, her husband is a doctor/cum lecturer and has a lot of connections at UKM and UiTM. So, I was thinking to use this cable but I need to have a strong relationship, that's why they want to adopt me. Sadly, I don't like to burden others. I hate to involve in some sort of complexity that would bring myself into a complete mess. Being an adopt child in a sudden? What is this?

 I then talked to my teacher's husband, and told everything. He of course frankly said that my results from asasi is not good enough to secure a place at UKM, and I know that. I realised the fact of being just plainly average for that course at UKM. But he is also lending me a hand for the appealing at UiTM but he did say that I should just go to India. Regarding UiTM, I have to send the details over to my teacher via email, which I haven't done it yet. Maybe tomorrow, em I just hate troubling people.

Naqib, a dear friend, then told me to be strong. He said, Allah loves me so much that he gifted me this wavy journey from the start. I should face this with patience. Because Allah has said in the verse of Surah AL Baqarah, Verse 286:

"Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. "Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people."

Certainly, I have to go back and seek for guidance, and repent for what ever sins I committed that put me into this situation. 

Productive

Sorry, saya tak produktif. Almost everyday, my routine would be almost similar to any housewives you would know. Well except for changing diapers or breast feeding. I hate the fact that I am just another lazy person. But, I think I am just lazy. Everybody keep asking about working, about part times. I got fed up sometimes. 

Many ex-asasians have already started working. Doing some part times can make them at least gain not only some pocket money and save up but they can also save up for their wedding, plus gain experience. Experience is the only treasure that would differ one from another. It is priceless.

My advertisement online probably looked dull and makes it just a failure in attracting clients. Haven't got a call from any asking for my service. In the end, I came up with another plan, which is making TAPAI. A type of appetizer rice or ubi that we fermented with yeast. I know how to make it, so I plan up with a business to make some and take up orders for wedding and restaurants. hmm.

And, to think back, I also haven't gone shopping for clothes quite a while. Last was for hari raya. My clothes are old and some don't even fit because I am just getting fatter. But, to shop, I need cash and thus I need work. But before working, I need to get my P license. And to do that, I need to renew my Learner license, for the second time. 

>>p/s: April fool everybody, and guess what? I am playing april fool with myself. and to see why I know how to make tapai see this Tapai Project <<<

Sin-Fool

Assalamualaikum dear readers and bloggers whom I rarely meet or whom I NEVER got a chance to meet. Yes, SIN-FOOL is the best title and the best word made up by myself, that could describe how I have been and how life has been.

Test 1 had just ended and for the past 3 days of attending classes, we were given back our test papers and got to know the marks. Only two conditions applied; whether you PASSED the easy paper with a wide smile carved on your face or sighing high for the misery it has brought you with. And, the moment, you were to receive the paper back, was horrifying, more horrifying than doing a bungee jumping.

I have turned into a complete fool for the test 1. I am seriously, an idiotic-over confident person who turned into a SIN-FOOL and couldn't even do a good job for the easiest test. Why GOD? Why? After those moment of burning the midnight oil, after those by hook and crook studies and by those tutorials I managed to finish, I am still stupid? What have got into me?

I failed terribly for Physics and Chemistry and my heart broke into pieces, million or perhaps infinity little pieces when I see those 4 flatters who attained victory that I myself could just have been dreaming of. Over and over, the same 4 flatters gained top spots and I, where am I? Where am I among the 30++ students in the minor group B1? And I supposed I am among the bottom of the rest 1000+++ students of the whole foundation in science here. My comrades who have been sticking to me every now and then, and who have been helping me here and there, had excelled so well. They too did soo perfect, but I? I just merely a failure.

It feels so bad, when people expecting you could be good at things but in the end, you are nothing what they expected to be. It feels terrible when seeing your friends frustrating over their so-good-job paper and you just could feel WORST when seeing your poor-stupid-rated paper. It feels like I just wanna go home and curl into a worm, on the comfy bed at home, trying to reminisce of the bad things I have done till GOD puts me in this spot. 

Perhaps, yes, I have been too confident. I admit that once I saw the questions on kinetics, I was just out of my mind. I can't think, I can't do them well. Yes, I also admit that for Physics something came up to my head, and I lost the my conscious control and focus. I just sat still when Prof Ahmad went nearby, seeing what I wrote down. I was totally out at that time. Only after the test ended, I noticed that I have done so many mistakes. I went home and sent a message to my dear professor, apologizing for the careless mistakes and promise to be more alert next time. T.T

Chemistry Paper was the worst this time. First time ever I failed. I am so weak in naming the compounds and answering the easiest Kinetic questions. Together I have sinned a LOT and becoming a fool. I should have locked myself and muhasabah diri. And my luck is like sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga. Nothing seems working. 

Oh yeah, thanks to my friends for consoling me. Yes, like they said, failing now is a GIFT, so that I can be stronger and better. Failing now doesn't mean I will fail forever. And I don't wanna be an epic failure. Now, my life is at the bottom of the round ball. Besides that, mom kept reminding me to just move on, things happened cannot be rewind. She also said that, I performed better in class but performed poorly when it comes to test. T.T

>>p/s: dinner for asasi is on this saturday. gonna reach there by bus after tough discussion with my comrades, but I just wish that I could drive because in that way it will be a lot easier for us to prepare and to ready for that event. It will be such a troublesome to bring along our dress and getting ready at the SACC with the rest of asasi sains students. heh but better not be pessismistic. Plus, I want to donate my blood so badly but couldn't T.T, and doing data and distribution tutorials just like repeating what I did for SPM 2009 lol<<<

Muet And Miscellaneous

"Seriously, I expect more from you, Dayana", wrote a friend of mine on yesterday's chat. He thought, and many friends here, expected that I could get band 5 at least, but yeah, don't expect high on me, because you would end up backfired. To be frank, I got band 4 for MUET End 2010, and I felt relieved. Alhamdulillah to Allah The creator, for HE the only one who knows the best for HIS servants.

So far I knew two guys from UiTM Puncak Alam who got band 5. They are awesomers whom need no more to be bragged. Congrats to all of MUET candidates who passed it well, and eligible for the degree programmes. Let's work hard on the real examinations and assignments at college for now on, and surpass the CGPA needed.

Been away from blogging not because I was reluctant to do so, but I was actually hindered by bad server of the Internet. What to do? I am not afford to buy a broadband for now, seriously, my allowances given by the KPT decreased bit by bit. Paid the RM475 fees and only several amount was left. Then, there is other thing that needed to be paid, so meaning I can't really use that money to spend on leisurements and entertainments which is kinda frustrating. The more you live, the more things you need, the more things you want, but sadly, most of them have to be traded with cash. What a life. That's why, you can't say money is not important. Even to buy yourself a yard of cloth when you die, need some money.

Anyhow, in the midst of relief after accomplished doing my physics first presentation, now come the other one. I thought I had passed it, and that's for the last time, but I was wrong. Tuesday, I need to present the OHM'S law experiment, done the slides with the girls but then, after rejoicing, I remembered that I haven't revise for upcoming test on Thursday, which consisting of 7 chapters to cover, and I went ballastic. Covering so many topics in less than a week is a crazy job but still, I have to make it work. Not to mention, my roommate whom has always been on her desk, studying like hardcore, came to seek me for physics, but then I realised, even though I got the answer right, I already forget the solution. How pathetic.

Wow. already 1 am, and here I am, jotting down a journal, without the pursuit to scratch the notes for physics and chemistry, in which chemistry test is on Tuesday. I lent my notes and tutorials on hydrocarbon to a groupmate, but then his girlfriend called, telling me that that friend of mine's Iphone was out of battery, so he can't reply any of my messages and calls, so making me waiting like for 30 minutes at the dining hall and almost went furiously annoyed. I am pissed because sometimes, doing good brings some sort of discomfort in our lives. Like what I faced, giving someone notes that I myself should be reading and conquering, and ending up being pissed because I can't get back the notes immediately. Everything is just increasing my hatred towards everything else.

Oh, until then, you will see me brag and mutter and merepek for more after this. Don't worry. Just read, about how those computer and Internet geeks are in the search for a program that could detect whether any social networks or webs account owners who died and letting their pages to be neglegted arouse curiosity of mine of the progress. It would be great, if one day we can know easier if something emergency like that happened. 

Now it's becoming greater

Fine. Thanks to those who congratulated me whatsoever. T.T. But, Facebook-ing has really making me wanna puke. I feel bad right now, really really bad. I don't know why but serious very bad.

Hahaha. And now I just realised how going to college was nothing but just the sake of going. I am actually blaming myself, for showing off what I actually did to many those I knew. But, yeah, like always it fired me back. 3.5 is not enough my dear friends and parents. Even how many times, you wish me luck, you said it's okay, you tell me to be strong and the lists continue. I sort of giving up.

Facebook-ing is a good source of feeling bad about who you are, about what happened to you and etc. Seeing those people posting status about how triumph their lives are, how good they are at certain things, how they ramble about stuff but still making things work out perfectly and just telling how they are doing blissfully, could make you envy and jealous, and in turn, making you feel so bad about yourself. It happened to me like so many times. But, what am I still doing there?

Currently three of my friends, I knew did better. One got a four flat, and actually got an A+ for chemistry, meaning he actually got 90++. How terrific was that? I was with him when we both complaining about mathematics. We were both ranting about the bad mood before the day we will get to know the results and sorts, but looked now where we both at. The Earth and the sky.  Congratulation to him, who got a four flat. He's a genius.

Semester 2 comes not with grace this time. I feel shattered to even know I will be going to that place I hate, and struggle harder. Emmm...what a luck and what a life. Just staring at the mathematics textbook already make me feel like throwing up. Where will I be with this awful results is nowhere but the devastation land.

>>>p/s: Feeling terrible after knowing you are nowhere closer to them the greatest. Feeling jaded when you realising that they are better but you couldn't be anywhere near like them. Sometimes I wish I never knew what is Facebook, what is blogging and what is desire and dreams. <<<

Try read this horror snippet!

Mid Semester break is over

Assalamualaikum,

I will be going back to UiTM on Sunday, even though I hate to return to normal daily boring routines of attending boring lectures and tutorials. However, I keep telling myself, I don't have other options to reconsider, I don't have another place where I can pursue my studies, so, yes people! UiTM is still the place for me for now.

Mom knew how I felt all this while. How frustrated I am of not being able to go to the place I would love to go, to pursue and to continue, and to finish up what have been planned. She tells me to be patient, she gave me this verse of the Surah Albaqarah, which states that:

'It could be the thing you love the most, be worst for you, and it might be the thing you despise be better for you, because all has been destined by ALLAH, these are all his secrets'

Yes. Everything has been stated in the Holy Quran. Coming back to basic, Allah is still the only-one who knows what best for HIS slaves. I just have to understand this and Redha. HE is with those who redha, and patient. 

Mid semester break is over, there is nothing fun going on this a week holiday. I canceled my plan with my best friend Mimi, because I don't feel like going out. I had made her disappointed. Sorry girl:( I had finished up my Physics assignment, and the marks are not like I wanted. Never mind, time to really work hard on that particular topic:) 

This 1 week holiday, was all about watching movies days and night. Yesterday, I lonely sit down in my room, watching a movie '17 Again', which I think a simple and rejoicing movie. I like Zac Efron so much, and often dream to have a guy friend like him. The storyline was full of message and it was wonderful, I will write the review of it later:) Then, I continue watching 'She's out of My League'. Thank God I am officially 18, because the movie is 18 rated. It is not suitable for those who cannot bear to watch forbidden scenes. And, it's not right for children. So kids, do not download this movie! I am warning you because you will only harm your decent and pure souls!

P/S: Yes! Finish downloading the High School Musical 3!! Bye2 dearest readers!

Monday Teruk

1st: Kawan kat kolej, henfon kene curi, habis spoil our mood

2nd: Kene tipu or conned dengan ape entah kat KTM Putra...habis duit !!6-6

3rd: Penat.Penat.Penat. Sbb pergi driving kat Broga, nak ambil test this friday. 

Apa2pun, I shouldn't mutter or whine here. I will be more tired and exhausted in the future. This is just a small matter. Telling myself to chill. Relax. Make up Chillax.