The Entity

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Kajang, Selangor, Malaysia
Assalamualaikum. Writing all the way from Belgaum, Karnataka, India. Missing Malaysia so much. But everything is just perfectly fine here. India makes people not just live, but SURVIVE. :)

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Thursday, 20 January 2011


Assalamualaikum dear readers and bloggers whom I rarely meet or whom I NEVER got a chance to meet. Yes, SIN-FOOL is the best title and the best word made up by myself, that could describe how I have been and how life has been.

Test 1 had just ended and for the past 3 days of attending classes, we were given back our test papers and got to know the marks. Only two conditions applied; whether you PASSED the easy paper with a wide smile carved on your face or sighing high for the misery it has brought you with. And, the moment, you were to receive the paper back, was horrifying, more horrifying than doing a bungee jumping.

I have turned into a complete fool for the test 1. I am seriously, an idiotic-over confident person who turned into a SIN-FOOL and couldn't even do a good job for the easiest test. Why GOD? Why? After those moment of burning the midnight oil, after those by hook and crook studies and by those tutorials I managed to finish, I am still stupid? What have got into me?

I failed terribly for Physics and Chemistry and my heart broke into pieces, million or perhaps infinity little pieces when I see those 4 flatters who attained victory that I myself could just have been dreaming of. Over and over, the same 4 flatters gained top spots and I, where am I? Where am I among the 30++ students in the minor group B1? And I supposed I am among the bottom of the rest 1000+++ students of the whole foundation in science here. My comrades who have been sticking to me every now and then, and who have been helping me here and there, had excelled so well. They too did soo perfect, but I? I just merely a failure.

It feels so bad, when people expecting you could be good at things but in the end, you are nothing what they expected to be. It feels terrible when seeing your friends frustrating over their so-good-job paper and you just could feel WORST when seeing your poor-stupid-rated paper. It feels like I just wanna go home and curl into a worm, on the comfy bed at home, trying to reminisce of the bad things I have done till GOD puts me in this spot. 

Perhaps, yes, I have been too confident. I admit that once I saw the questions on kinetics, I was just out of my mind. I can't think, I can't do them well. Yes, I also admit that for Physics something came up to my head, and I lost the my conscious control and focus. I just sat still when Prof Ahmad went nearby, seeing what I wrote down. I was totally out at that time. Only after the test ended, I noticed that I have done so many mistakes. I went home and sent a message to my dear professor, apologizing for the careless mistakes and promise to be more alert next time. T.T

Chemistry Paper was the worst this time. First time ever I failed. I am so weak in naming the compounds and answering the easiest Kinetic questions. Together I have sinned a LOT and becoming a fool. I should have locked myself and muhasabah diri. And my luck is like sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga. Nothing seems working. 

Oh yeah, thanks to my friends for consoling me. Yes, like they said, failing now is a GIFT, so that I can be stronger and better. Failing now doesn't mean I will fail forever. And I don't wanna be an epic failure. Now, my life is at the bottom of the round ball. Besides that, mom kept reminding me to just move on, things happened cannot be rewind. She also said that, I performed better in class but performed poorly when it comes to test. T.T

>>p/s: dinner for asasi is on this saturday. gonna reach there by bus after tough discussion with my comrades, but I just wish that I could drive because in that way it will be a lot easier for us to prepare and to ready for that event. It will be such a troublesome to bring along our dress and getting ready at the SACC with the rest of asasi sains students. heh but better not be pessismistic. Plus, I want to donate my blood so badly but couldn't T.T, and doing data and distribution tutorials just like repeating what I did for SPM 2009 lol<<<

1 comment:

Calvin Charles said...

Luck is not on your side.... All the best to you, Dayana... Cheers.... Make sure you going to do the best this coming Test 2!! Don't blame yourself too much... You tried your best! Well, that's all from me! GOOD LUCK!!!! LIFE WITH PROBLEMS IS NORMAL.... COPE UP WITH IT!