Becoming Hadid and Maryam

Hadid means iron in Arabic. I am sorry but I am not that well versed in Arabic, only that I know Hadid means iron. In Malay, it means 'besi'. Hadid, is in fact, not just regular iron or besi. As I depicted this word from the Quran, I know Hadid means iron by how Allah S.W.T meant it to be.

As we regularly recite Al Kahfi every time Jumuuah comes, we could easily found a verse from that very ayat that mentioned:

As Zulkarnain asked the people to bring him sheets of iron. The Hadid. He leveled them between the two mountain walls, they were blew with fire till the become thoroughly strong. And the function of these sheets of iron, the Hadid was to prevent the Gog and Magog (Yakjuj and Makjuj) from coming any closer and causing tantrums to the people. The sheets of iron is strong enough that it couldn't be penetrated by those Gog and Magog.

The same thing I want to apply to myself. I am a stern person myself. But I realized how weak I am. Hadid in general should be a presentation to how our hearts should be. Strong. Firm. There must be nothing that could penetrate that firmness. Firmness in the route to get near to Allah. To our first home; Paradise. Jannah. I have a lot of times received messages from friends. from my sisters who keep on inviting to come closer to Allah. The messages keep on flowing and flowing. But I wonder why my heart seems not to be happy. Not to have the excitement as my other sisters. I always want to have that feeling. The excitement, happiness whenever the call awaits. When the call comes. Too many buts but yeah T__T

Being strong as not to stumble and fall. That is Hadid. The strong heart that knows well that only Allah should be her prior. None others. When things happened as it has been written, it's because Allah wants the heart to be closer to the ground. To make me, us just as His Servant. Whether things that happened is a joy or a sore. The heart should not weakens. Instead it should be like Hadid, firm and wouldn't let sadness over penetrate it self. 

Being Maryam R.A

Turning the soul into Maryam's soul. The Holy Mother of Prophet Isa a.s. Maryam is known for her fondness in enslaving herself to Allah Almighty God. Even food came to her from Allah's sky through the angel Jibrael a.s. She was chosen to be the mother of our Prophet Isa a.s because she was pure. She never had attachments towards humans. What more is it to be men. One day, Allah chose her to carry Prophet Isa a.s. in her womb. She cried as she wondered how could she become pregnant when she never ever even speak to a man. And never had been touched. Allah S.W.T reassured her that this was to be a sign of His power. That, when Allah meant something to happen, it happened. It's beyond human's capability. 

Maryam is also the only woman that had been mentioned in the Quran by her name alone. She has one surah for that. Her rank is so high that none other women would ever surpasses her. She lies besides the love of Allah. And when she gave birth, she was alone, Allah gave her all the strength. But during the childbirth, as she was weak and thirsty, Allah mentioned in the surah; calling her to go to a palm tree and shake it so that the fruits from it came down. Allah wanted to see her effort in doing so, because with efforts, Allah rewards us with more blessings. And when, Prophet Isa a.s was delivered, and people came talking bad towards Maryam, Allah gave the power to little Prophet Isa a.s to speak and defended his mother. 

Maryam, is a true Muslimah, Mukminah in general. How am I to have a soul as purified as her? That what heart has is only Allah S.W.T but none others. Nothing in the world owns her. And all she did was to surrender and surrender to Allah. Nothing else matters. 

Again, the world is fluttered with false hopes, dreams and too much negligence. But we too have Allah despite everything. Indeed, to be as pure as Maryam, and to develop a heart as strong like Hadid, perseverance is the key. And du'a and prayers. Lets put Allah on top of our priority ! 

>>p/s: -Bila kita kejar Allah, nescaya Dunia mula mengejar kita-<<

Sesak

When there is the intense feeling of hardness to breathe in air, what this could possibly be?

When there is tightness in the chest, what could be the cure of this all?

In the midst, when little children, of innocence, who were being trashed, slaughtered to death; how could Dayana, possibly be so weak?

How can you be weak when you have God by your side?

Always. Eternally.

Sometimes I ponder, where goes all the happiness?

Why do I feel tightness in chest when the day goes by?

Why am I not feeling this right?

This life. It is short. But what make me care so much of its contents?

Ya Rabb, teach me to let go. Guide me to let go.

Guide me to cry when I make sujud.

Guide me to feel how the Companions had felt when they embrace Islam.

Guide me steadfastness. In everything.



Please.

Amin.

Humanity

It's irony how nowadays, we subject a person or a troop of people according to their religion. Some westerners, or those of liberal thinking; would perhaps still consider Muslims with all those beard, those white hat (kopiah) and women with burqa or black veils; are terrorists. This explains all the banning issues against many Muslim women worldwide on wearing a head cover.

Well, clearly while many others fight for their right to wear head covers or scarves; there are still more out there who do not realize the concept of covering our aurah is a MUST and COMPULSORY. Not merely necessities. Sad isn't it? Thank God; for Allah, The Almighty Lord; is The Forgiver, alhamdulillah:)

People often misinterpret humanity. They always pin point the religion. For example, if one acknowledge another a syiah; automatically they will have to picture some sort of Basshar Al Assad regime in Syria. Well I had experience something we call 'Humanity that matters'. Something of that mindset that we have to tuned ourselves to, so that we don't judge. Instead, be experienced. Or in other words; do not judge the books by their covers. And I must emphasized; we Muslims; are supposed to always husnudzon (Thinking only good towards something or someone) first, before putting labels, but yet, many of us still fail to do so. I am too at times. Lets repent and switch our mindset. 

Bandra West, looks like a big city but behind those are slums.

When I went to Mumbai two years back, my friends and I had trouble in the search for a good silent place to solah, to pray in the crowd of Colaba. We entered to one shoe shop owned by a Muslim. Unfortunately, the water supply somehow shuts that time so we were really at end wits to where we should perform our solah. They then, showed us the route to a nearby musolah. It was Friday noon that time, so you could imagine how many Muslim men were there at the musolah.

Apparently, we were looking at each other, and asked ourselves how could we passed by all these men who were listening to Khutbah. Though we were a bit perplexed why the shoe shop owner we went earlier didn't actually go for the Jumuah solah. Then, there's a lady who came from the musolah, approached us, and led us the way. For women, they have this one small room (very small, can accommodate one bed kinda room), so we saw some women in black robes (Jubah) and black veils (Burqa') who were performing solah in there. And the room for wudhuk was somewhere else. 

ALLANA HOUSE, COLLABA :) The musolah where we pray. 

Of course, it wasn't much of a surprise that the women didn't pray like we 'did'. I mean, I am quite well versed of the difference in our mazhab. Most Muslims in India they practice Mazhab Hanafi, which didn't require them to really cover their feet while solah/prayer. So, they saw us 'differently' and started staring. All we could do was to reciprocate their stares hehehe :) 

Oh did I tell you that McDonald around Colaba isn't Halal? Well, upon coming here, there are a lot of doubts regarding any fast food's restaurant's status. Our seniors who had been there, told us we should not worry because yes, it's halal. But in the Musolah, Fariyal, a good friend of mine who was among those who is most peculiar about Halal food, asked one woman after finishing our prayer. Well, what to do then? Our craving for McDonald was let down after knowing it's not Halal. Rather, we had our lunch in a local Muslim restaurant called Olympia. It was still nice though but of course pricey.

the restaurant almost close (they don't have lunch at 3 pm)

Nothing could express our gratitude to Allah Al Mighty for showing us the way and ease our intention to do our obligation. Not many masjids of any kind would let women to enter and solat. But something really shocked me during my research for Ethnic studies in 2nd year. 

We went to Bhendi Bazaar to interview this local Imaam, as for Ethnic project on Islamic religion; comparison between that of in Malaysia and India. I told our experience, and somehow, the Imaam told us that the musolah we entered might not be of that of a Muslim. Because, in India all masjids disallowed women to enter since most women don't even pray. And because most of them are not Sunni, or following the Mazhab Syafiee. 

What sadden me the most is to know that, many Muslims, in India, treat their wives just as to keep them at pleasure, do house chores, take good care of the children and that's basically it. No need to teach them regarding Islam or to guide them towards it. Plus we got to know the musolah we went to in Mumbai was a place of worship for a religion or belief called Bahai. 

Bahai if I am not mistaken is one of the 'Syirik' and misleading belief as well as misleading preaching there is in this world. But how come those people, even if it's true they aren't Muslims could let us pray in their place? As if they saw the hardships or difficulty that we faced during that time to find the place to do so. This really touched my heart. They are seriously humane to me. Humane in knowing that we were in difficulty and willing to help as well as respecting our religion. 

Isn't that just blessed to experience such a wonderful thing. Humanity doesn't count whether you are a Muslim, a Syiah, a Christian, Hindu or even an Atheist. It is one kind of 'blessing' or gift that Allah puts in our hearts but most people couldn't show. The war or the slaughtering of humans made by those tyranny in Syria; those are not humanity; but see how the people from all over the world voiced out the hatred towards violence towards those innocents Syrians. Remember there's a circulating photo of Muslim men who were praying were guarded by Christian men in a circle because there was a riot in Egypt recently? All those are humanity. Humanity doesn't stick just to a particular religion. They go by heart. Only those with clean hearts could express it and show it. May Allah bless us with such hearts :)

>>p/s: loving to reminisce first year, where all of us were more united. But then I realize I am the one who's putting a distance between my colleagues and myself. Pardon me, but I guess I am just a loner:)>>

Guidance

"Apa tarbiyah dayana ye?"

"Dayana, nak share?"

"Dayana, iman macam mana hari ni?"

Those questions which some of you guys or some of my friends who happen to read them, feel quite as well easy to reply. To give answers. For me, these are killer questions. Killer than a question of when will I get married or to engage. Gulp.

For some reason, before I return to Belgaum for my third year; I had set this goal to grab every opportunities that come knocking at my door. Grab that and just do it! . I was so eager to come back. To return to my usrah mates and all. But guess what I did mentioned when reaching Bangalore airport? I said to my friends, I can't wait to return to Malaysia again T.T

I remember how I first joined all this usrah sitting was in my first year. Someone, anonymously pasted a note on my door asking me to join a sitting in someone else's room. It was my dear friend Mer's room. I was perplexed and almost follow Fariyal's sitting or picnic. Hahaha. Then I realized, I got 'selected'. Got selected to Ohana :)

Those were the times, we were all bunch of innocent 'little girls'. Who know nothing more except coming to India to study, become a doctor yada yada yada. Things were mostly just approaching 'Wahan; a love towards dunya. Until at one point, every usrah mates you had in your sitting, start to change bit by bit. You know you are stepping ahead towards something more 'secured' than anything you could ever had wish upon for. Towards better-ment. Towards something eternal happiness.

My friend D, whom I met in Premed UiTM, who also almost became my roommate; was among my usrahmates who had go so far in this 'Path' towards becoming a better muslimah. I just couldn't describe in words of how she has changed but all I know is yes, she has changed, 180 degree. I somewhat do not recognize her anymore. It's a miracle how the deen can immediately change her. Her personality, her actions, words uttered out from her mouth. SubhanALLAH!

Then, now that is she is happily married (at my age), it simply shows how beautiful Allah is taking care of her, protecting her. Not only that, I also kind of envy for the fact that my friend D is spreading happiness and goodness of tarbiyah in everyone. Of course, not everyone is being gifted with such capabilities. Everything goes just too fast for D. But I am happy for her !

Again, recently a new friend, Amirah Lina, shared this verse 57:16 from the Quran.

Has the time not come, for you Dayana? As if Allah asked me this on my face. It hurts. After almost three years, have I not yet realized? That there is better things to chase for. There are better things that I should hold on to? Because I've felt the pain, the staggering pain when chasing for something not even close to security. Not even an ant size close. It's hurting waiting for love which is not even true. Yet, I still hold on to some sort of false promises. How weak.

It has been almost a month for third year I am here. I've updating in twittah how clueless my life is. Suddenly, those spirit to start searching and those awakening boost I've set before I came back here all gone. Well, can't blame CFCS though. But seriously, I was in my calamity of thoughts. I was between "Yes I can do this!" and "What if what if I lost"

Truth is, what my previous Naqibah said is true. Joining some sort of Qudwah Hasannah is indeed a hard thing to do. But once you have step into and out of that journey; your heart will bloom with flowers. I want to feel that flowers. I want to have those flowery moments and thoughts with all these sisters who are in the same path with me. But I guess, I just need to try a little bit harder.

Then came another video sharing. Remember Salahuddin Al Ayubbi; one of the greatest leader and king that ever lived. Who opened Palestine? He was so great that even then everyone loved him. Even the non believers. And when he died, everyone mourned so bad. Until today, there are no leaders or kings as great as him. Those who went to his tomb and grave, even cried and 'pray' so that Salahuddin would wake up and save Palestine, Syria, Iraq and all. How irony? Now that the lives are asking a favor from someone who had deceased? How irony. How weak. How pathetic!

What are we now really? I see myself as such a supine-spineless person. Who even to join a sitting for usrah is still hard for me to say OK directly. What am I? What are we? Where are we heading to?

So yes people. We all need reminders. Let them be youtube videos (Please make full use of youtube, do more lah! ), let them be your friends, like myself, I envy over my roommates who is not also holding a high position in students association here but also a daie and let them be the Quran itself.

Aidan, a dear friend, hit me hard on my head. "Please don't be a spoil brat people!" She said recently. True, friends are there, to remind you of your Tarbiyah Dzatiyah (Tarbiyah when we are alone) and Tarbiyah Jamaiee (Tarbiyah when we are together). Yes! I agreed on the fact that I am spoiled. All I did was getting spoon-fed. I was not doing all the things for Allah. I put Allah on the second or third priority. I put 'friends' as my first. How would the others see me if I didn't do certain things? Maybe if I start joining them for all these Islamic lectures, I'll be part of them. Those were my thoughts. Just so wrong to think back.

I know Islam is not about uniformity, but unity. Yet, I am still found it hard so hard soo soo hard to start, and build that UNITY among these wonderful sisters here. And if the unity is not what I yet to feel or to 'get', how would I spread dakwah?

Just do it ! That's the perfect answer for now.

>> If you love someone, stop giving false hopes. <<

Quran Challenge and Rumah Islam

Assalamualaikum peeps:)

If you got the opportunity to study abroad, PLEASE GO!

I mean seriously, I found my first tarbiyah in USMKLE. In India. The one who leads me through are two darling naqibah, sisters who are of just one year older. 

Still, after two years joining this sitting where we called them usrah or family, I am not yet strong or strengthens. I see a lot of my friends, one of them who also got her tarbiyah in India, but now, wow, becoming a leader in this so called 'Path' towards becoming a better muslimah.

This year, before returning home, I got to stay in RI. It stands for RUMAH ISLAM. Friends who are studying in Bangalore called it White House. Rumah Islam accommodates 13 daie's. 13 forth year IMS' medical students; and one 2nd year student. 

I never stayed in RI because you know, often the trip to Bangalore or the transit was meant to be a joyous one. Joyous to me here means, not restricted to any rules. By staying in RI, I always have this mindset that all these sisters would keep preaching me whatsoever and wont let me have a joyous stay.

The clique I was following to this time transit to Bangalore was of different persons. One of them had already got married just yesterday. Barakallah :D and she is a good friend from asasi sains UiTM who Allah had made her heart clear of what she wanna be. A pure daie. 

After we arrived at that RI, it happened that the sister I wanna meet wasn't there. I was so frustrated, almost call for a leave and stay at another friend's house in Gokula. It was still Ramadan. And to my surprise, that very afternoon, these MSU girls in bangalore, mostly hold a MABIT together with iftar. My other friends, was so eager to join MABIT and I was like ERRRR.

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Because I knew if I didn't follow these friends, I'd be left out and all the sisters in the RI also had their own MABIT; so yeah. 

We arrived late for MABIT that night, but still were welcomed. It was an unfamiliar house we stepped into; the venue of that MABIT. Every girls were wearing white. Usually the opted to wear white because probably it seems more delightful and pure that way? hahaha.

After tarawih, and some night supper, the MABIT started. It was seriously, and amazingly fun. With almost 30 girls under one roof; it enlightened the spirit to sprint for more ibadah. We took turn to wake up for tahajud and tadarus. All our phones and watches were being taken away. But seriously, that's how it works to train our inner self. Get away from dunya. 

Later that morning, we had our mass Subuh prayer, recited the Math'urat then some game called QURAN CHALLENGE. 

It was my first time playing Quran Challenge. The purpose was to test how much of the Quran do we know after 3 weeks of Ramadan. 

Two groups were divided. One group be the Jahilliyah and another is the Taqwa. Jahilliyah must stop or interrupt the taqwa. 

I was astonished at how these friends in Bangalore are so good at the Quran Challenge. Because the mastermind will call out for one person from the Taqwa group. She will be given only the name of one surah from the Quran. She must know the highlight of that particular surah. Go to her Taqwa members and tell them the highlight of that surah without mentioning what the surah is. Technical clue must not be given. Her Taqwa's members must say out loud what the surah is. While the person tries to tell her members about the highlight, the Jahiliyyah members must try to pull her to be in Jahiliyyah by making her giving up. Some of us even tried to push them to sleep back with us. 

Seriously, the game was hard. To read and recite the Quran is easy. But to remember every detail of the Surah is hard. Well, that morning was really an avalanche to me, how I was bad at getting the highlight of the each surah and I must improve. No excuses.

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Being abroad, there's always RI. I know there are also RI or rumah Islam elsewhere in Malaysia; but I still see that the concept is being much appreciated abroad. RI is a home where you can stay, and eat, and the sisters/murobbi will make sure your Salat, your ibadah are well taken care of. I spent two nights there, and it was easy for me to wake up for tahajjud and tadarus. Simply beautiful, as if we had our life schedule nicely planned and constructed; in a syariat way of course. 

The sisters of White House RI Bangalore are darlings now. They eagerly cooked for Iftar when I was there. We ate in a Zuhud kind of way, in a dulang! Because their food is prepared in a zuhud kind of manner too. So that no wastage is present! How cool is that :D

MABIT, Malam Bina Iman Taqwa is indeed beautiful. Other than the chance to strengthen and to renew the spirit as to return to motherland Malaysia, we got to bond with our friends in MSU Bangalore. Ukhwah is then built. Another cool thing right :D 

>>P/S: because dad once said; when a person goes abroad to study; he or she can either be too good in her or his dakwah and deen or the opposite of that. It is us who chose the path when Allah showed us the light :)>>

Flowing Water

As the smooth river flows, without halt, till Allah Taala says so, due to drought; did we see the resemblance that we could follow with the flowing river water?

Istiqomah. Another Arabic word I started learning after I joined tarbiyyah. Simply means, continuity in doing our deeds for the deen. Seems easy? Nope it's not.

Being a woman, as for me, I tend to have the phase where I feel very lazy to do my ibadah, and that reckons me that my period of the month will come any minute. But soon after a week of 'break', after the crying of the uterus, suddenly the phase of rejuvenation comes in twine.

You see, our weak hearts are getting weakened by so many forces. By human forces, by environmental forces as well as physiological forces. We thus really in need of Allah, of his mighty words to keep us stand still, stand rigid. If this doesn't happen, guess what will happen? We might dwell with excessive unnecessary thoughts on loneliness, on boredom. But life never is lonely. We have Allah. And the Holy Book, The Quran. But the thing is do we really realize of this?

One method that I found that we should practice is to read, scan, and skim the Quran at least once a day. Come on! If some of us can actually take a big thick novel to read in just a day, why don't we take reading Quran as a habit? Every time after each of our daily five-times prayer? And every good did needs an initiation. Within ourselves, all we have to do, is to push. Set our negative thinking aside and just started doing. Once you gain momentum, voi'la it's becoming easier inshaAllah:)

Istiqomah in waking up early. Also one of my mujahadah. There are so many things we can do once we wake up as early birds. You would able to perform your obligation, the Subuh prayer. You could also wake up for tahajjud if you woke up earlier, you can then strengthening your physique by going to the gym, you can do your laundry, you can cook breakfast, you can perform your dhuha prayer....gosh, the list of things we can do once we wake up early is just endless. I often have hard time waking up early. After subuh, I return to dreamland because the bed is so much a distraction. But after waking up, the feeling of regret is just so big that it halted me to do things I feel I wanna do. At least, nowadays, paying for gym had made me easier to wake up early. At least. This also needs istiqomah. May Allah help me!

A senior has been living and sleeping with me during her study week recently. She saw me burning the midnight oil but still can still wake up early. So she asked me the tip. I told her this: JUST WAKE UP! One day I watched this video from Saudi Arabia in youtube, showing how the shaithon who is beside us, will whisper not to wake up for Fajr Prayer. Wow. That video is really freaking me out hahaha! So just wake up once your alarm rings. Just fight the bad whisperer! But right now I am again facing the problem. Wonder why so tired lately though :(

Istiqomah in becoming the 'superdaie', becoming the one who can bring Islam to another level, in other words the Muslims who give momentum to dakwah is harder. Because to start dakwah, we are doing it in troops, in a group. We need a whole set of togetherness, we need to really understand the concept of ukhwah, being good to each other who are in the same path as us, but as time goes by; it's hard to be husnozon. Husnuzon, means to ONLY think the best of others. What they do, what they say; you must think of no evil. Even if you do, you must then istighfar. But trust me, we are humans, and we do prejudice. We make assumptions, and to be a good daie' is how far you can resist those evil whispers. I am trying hard. So just keep praying that we all can resist the nastiness of the worldly evils. 

And just today, in a session of usrah, the leader of my group was feeling a bit down. Because one of our member who already knew we had a sitting session; went for a movie instead. Peer pressure that is. But then, who to be blamed? I mean we are now adults. We can think what best for us. But my leader (naqibah) kept thinking that because our usrah is a bore that made another member feels it's okay to skip the sitting for a movie. It was a stern long hour of discussion. I hate stern discussion but it feels sad, when our own naqibah is starting to becoming disheartened. It's so hard when every body just loses their momentum. But what should we do now? What should I do? 

Being in another level; whereby we wanna get closer to Allah. To becoming HIS agent for dakwah is certainly not a mere task. It needs perseverance and a lot of patience. We lack of these. Also, we lack of the sense of Ukhwah; togetherness. We judge a lot. We judge if someone prefer to not go for a sitting once, that her heart might has mislead. Or she might have gone wrong somewhere in her mind. We lack of Husnuzon; thinking of just the best of others. And we tend to only treat our other sisters who are in the dakwah path good, but when one of them do not want to join; we tend to treat her like a stranger. And what is this??? I am seeing all these. Plus, we lack the sense of humanity when we speak. We aren't cautious enough while we speak. We hurt others without we realize. 

We go for daurah/long journey of sisters meeting without telling others the purpose; we put exclamation on their heads rather than telling our true intention. We are basically making Islam a very hard religion. A very complex part of life. Somehow this is really what I see these days. Somehow or rather this is why; we lack of attraction as sisters/brothers in Islam in portraying the best Islamic view towards our peers, towards people around us. We lack of that virtue. Now reflect. Before giving others words of tarbiyah; set our mind, am I good enough to preach? Am I good enough for people to really understand Islam through me? If people see me, would they say that I am a good Muslim? Play people's hearts are best with characters. But yet; we keep thinking what we did are good enough. The answer is always a NO. In dakwah, there's never good enough. Because it's never as easy. 

>>p/s: Before blaming others for not understand, for not understanding our so called 'Priority for the Deen'; lets together reflect the mistakes we had made and thoroughly correcting them. Wallahualam<<

Proposal

Assalamualaikum.

Being a girl, or a lady or a woman is already tough enough. Sometimes, I don't even know what I am thinking about, never thinking simple, always go for the complex things. I hate that. In my life, I only had one brother. A young brother, who is now 19 years old. I adore him from the start because he is always the calmest and always the one who speak less, and never is demanding in whatever he wants. Not very ambitious side of him is the most I like about my brother. And also the fact that he looks older than me. That's the yey part!

Now in college, and already in the adolescent phase of human girth and growing process, I see a lot of things as more complex as it is. I don't quite have best friends, and let me tell you that most of the time, only Guy friends called me via the phone. I have girlfriends, but we rarely contact. Somehow or rather, I treat my guy friends unequally. Some of them I can like be myself, talk non stop to them, like nothing to worry, but some of the others, I tried to become timid, silent and just talk what is necessary. 

 

One day, when a guy friend, posted a wallpost on FB, joking around telling me he saw me danced while he was watching a Hindustan movie, freaked the hell out of me. How did I take care of my ikhtilat? I mean I perhaps had reacted too exaggerating over the all the phone calls. What I wanna do is to just stay away from some of jahiliyyah that I miss out on counting. Astaghfirullahalazim.

On the contrary, being a 20-year old also denotes another phase towards finding your soul partner. How does it feels to have friends who all the way talking about who they like, who they hooked up with and you guys just laugh over it? It feels okay. But when the moment, I say it again almost all your friends suddenly came to you and said, "D, that guy proposed me! or D, you know what happened? That guy proposed me in the cafe, and D, that guy proposed me while we went for hiking the other day". That moment you know, something wrong is going on with you. 

To be frank, I hate talking about marriage, because all I see is, that phase is soooo farrrr away. Hearing your asasian friend, who already engaged, also wrecked me inside. I don't know why. But it's a girl thing inside or hormonal cause, that made you feel bad. Ain't you not pretty enough? Not good enough? Hahaha. All those came from shaithon after I realized. But seriously, planning things with your friends, to travel and saving money etc, and suddenly they paused, and said to me that they are saving up to their nikah, wrecking me even more. This is insane. 

Is it okay if I tell you that I feel alone after all my best friends, the girls, are already on their one step further for engulfing in the world of marriage while I am here, still like a kid, thinking it's not important yet to think about marriage? 

True, after all these while, I kind of stand still to a saying of my roommate; whereby she said to me, Nevermind, D, Allah is taking care of you. That is why. So, after all I am a muslim. And in Islam everything is in the hands of Allah. Even Jodoh is in his hands, so is Death. But I realized that Death is nearer. Probably I die even before I can find for my zauj. Everything can happen in a split second. Readiness towards death, sakaratul maut is therefore more important that anything in this world. 

Muwasofat tarbiyah isn't yet complete? How to reach baitul muslim.

Feeling left out, but I know Allah knows the best for me.

>>p/s: So, Dayana Azhar, chins up, and keep calm because death is awaiting you. And just be prepared for it, for true happiness is not about finding a soulmate but to be in Jannah; eternal happiness. TEHEE :D<<

Uneasy

Uneasy is almost like the feeling of difficult. Like how I tried to post a blog in my small screen xperia while on bed.

Uneasy when the body is trying so,hard to cope with Belgaum's summer. Living in the new hostel, where the surrounding is so much different than previous NRI, where there's lush of greeneries with birds chirping every morning, with shades the trees provide; just so nice to prevent us to get direct harmful UV rays; especially on SUMMER.

Uneasy when there's a person who,kept asking about my motive of life. My matlamat hidup. Because after being a khalifah and abid for almost 21 years, there's still a shimmer. Answering such difficult question with motive of life is akhirat, the life after death is cliche', but that's all I have in mind. To da'wah, subhanallah what a heavy task. I still have countless flaws that when I tried reflecting myself in front of the mirror; I see a sinner. How could I be that magnet of Islam? Attracting people who mostly are hard like metals?

But to count our flaws and say to correct them first before working to da'wah is also not right. What if I died before completing to improve myself? Then, what could I answer in my tiny grave, what have I done and contribute in the road of da'wah?

So uneasy, many sleepless nights.

Pemuda-pemudi, sedarlah

Sampai bila lagi kita perlu hanyut dengan nikmat dunia yg fana?? Teguhkah sudah tugu iman dalam diri??

Dunya

Irshad was at the normal market that sell varieties of food and goods. He went there because someone at home asked him to purchase some bananas, apples and carrots. As usual, it was a normal Indian market that he went to, so it was crowded with people but things were so cheap as the hawkers were all from the village. Nobody could ignore the temptation of cheap foods that were sold there. 

One thing about Indian market is you have to be good at choosing what you wanna buy. You might be surprised by how cheap the food and the goods, as well as you are at the highest degree to be conned. Bargaining is a skill to master when visiting the market. Irshad tried to masked the hanky noises from the surrounding. He was not that kind of man who knows to buy food properly. He was there because he was forced to under certain reasons. He looked perplexed and confused but straightly walked near a stall where there was a guy wearing a slanky kurta standing. The man who seemed like had not shaved for months showed his best bananas and chikoos to Irshad. 

Irshad who was still confused, scratched his head, a sign of not knowing anything. The hawker bended down and helped him choose the best among the best bananas and apples for Irshad.

"Kitne rupees?" asked Irshad for the price.

"Das panch rupees", replied the hawker indicating it only cost 15 rupees.

Out of the blue, Adzan was heard. It was loud and so melodious that one who really understand every word of it would cry. 
 

"Allahuakbar, Allahuakbar..."

The hawker stood up after bending. 

"Sorry bhaiya, let perform our solah first", he said to Irshad. And he went away without letting Irshad paying for his bananas and chikoos first. 

Irshad put back his money into his pocket hurriedly, and followed the hawker to the nearby Masjid. The sound of Adzan was still in the air. As he reached the Masjid, he had lost track of the hawker. He stood still outside the Masjid for some time, thinking that he would only enter soon after the Adzan ends. 

Soon after the Adzan ended, as Irshad was about to make a step closer to the entrance of the masjid, he felt as if he was pushed a little on his shoulder. He looked back and he could sense a nice scent of a flower that he couldn't resist. So Irshad walked away leaving the masjid behind and followed the scent of the flower.

The scent brought him to a woman wearing full black long niqab. She was walking so fast but that made Irshad more eager to follow her. The mysterious woman looked back at Irshad, her eyes were big and pretty. Irshad couldn't resist it. As if the eyes were telling him to follow her. 

The woman continue to walk across the back of the buildings. Across those isolated pavements. Still, Irshad continue to follow her. The woman soon came to another normal market selling foods and goods. The woman was out of Irshad's sight in a sudden. Irshad was sweating all over. His heartbeat was becoming stronger. He looked around, but couldn't find the woman in that black niqab.

Irshad continue to walk around the market, searching for that woman. In his mind,  there were questions asking, who is that woman. He just have to figure it out by himself. Out of nowhere, he saw that woman again. This time that woman turned to walk faster. Out pace the speed that Irshad could. He was soaked in his own sweat. He seemed not to find a stop to what he was doing.

Again that woman's pretty smoky eyes looked straight to Irshad's. He was mesmerized and spellbind. Before he realized, the woman brought him to a graveyard. The graveyard was of those of flight of stairs. He followed her steps down the stairs. The woman stopped and looked at him. This time the sight was more stronger. Irshad stopped too. The woman didn't utter a word, so did Irshad. Both of them keep walking at the same pace, where the woman was in front and Irshad was at her back. 

There was a wall and a door when they both reached the ground. The woman opened the door where inside there was no light but darkness dimmed by a couple of candles. The woman finally voiced out. 

"Come to me, Irshad" her stunning voice pierced Irshad's eardrum

Irshad came nearer. He entered the dark small room where he had no idea what it was. The woman asked him to shut the door. 

"Now lock the door, Irshad. Then, throw the keys into the well" uttered the woman again.

Irshad was totally hypnotized. He locked the door literally and threw the ONLY keys into the well. 

"Come to me closer, Irshad" 

Irshad came closer to that woman. They were just an inch away, or probably less than an inch away among each other. They stood there upfront eye to eye. Irshad's heart pounded faster this time. The mysterious woman pulled off her niqab...

"ARTRGHHGHGHHGHGHHGHG!!??" screamed Irshad as loud as he can.

The woman face was not of that of a human. It was of something that was despicable to be looked upon to. It was beyond unbearable to see with a human eyes. Irshad quickly grab the door's knob. He tried to open but he failed. He forgot that he already threw the keys away. The ONLY KEYS for him to escape.

"Oh Irshad...come to me. Why are you afraid now?" asked the woman behind her laughter.

"Whooo...who are you?" Irshad asked, with fright.

"You really want to know who am I? My name is.....my name is ....DUNYA...and you followed me till here. Why are you so frightened? You were the one who followed me and LEFT behind your SOLAH...You left your solah just because of me, because of DUNYA, aren't you....!!!??" asked the woman again.

"And you know where this is, Irshad? This is your GRAVE!!" she added. 

"What??!! Ya Allahhh!" screamed Irshad; but it was just too late. 

He was trapped and 'killed' by his likeness more towards what is there in Dunya. Along his pathway towards following what Dunya had hold for him, he left his obligation for Solah; which is the most important thing to be obliged as a Muslim. Apparently, Irshad failed in his attempt towards reaching to Sirathal Mustaqim. He has been conned by Iblis. The woman named Dunya symbolized the Iblis; whom showed how 'the fake beauty' of this world could lead to a devastating fate in the here after. 

>>p/s: Surah Al-An’am :32. “Dan tiadalah kehidupan dunia kecuali hanya permainan dan senda gurau belaka. Dan sungguh kampung akhirat itu lebih baik bagi orang-orang yang bertaqwa. Apakah kamu tidak memikirkannya” 

and another verse stated from: Surah Ali Imran ayat 14:

“Dijadikan terasa indah dalam pandangan manusia cinta terhadap apa yang diinginkan, berupa perempuan-perempuan, anak-anak, harta benda yang bertumpuk dalam bentuk emas dan perak, kuda pilihan, hewan ternak dan sawah ladang. Itulah kesenangan hidup di dunia, dan di sisi Allah-lah tempat kembali yang baik”<<

 

 

Mati lebih baik

Isaac Newton is a well-known figure; the man whom we used his laws of Physics up till now. How awesome is that? Many Newton Laws prevails and because of that, he is saluted by all mankind who have been studying physics. F = ma , force is equal to mass times acceleration is the basic formula that every one, perhaps you, us and I have ever encountered. Many questions that came up for physics dealt with it, so let's not forget shall we.

Mass times acceleration. We all have mass, body mass. We also have acceleration, which is movement due to difference of distance in a particular time. And to make something to happen, we need to know that we have to move. And to move we need that F. Force to start doing something. Newton once dignified that one object which is kept stationary will remain stationary if no force (larger than that object) to make it moves. Thus, this concept is also analogical to the life we are pursuing. 

Have you ever felt that feeling of intense laziness to start doing something useful whether it be performing solah or as easy as to get your morning shower? Everyone must have experienced that. The only thing that will help us to finish something off is by making an effort (force) to start on doing. And remember one physics law that mentioned, every object has inertia and momentum. Once it is moving, it will continue to move at a constant speed, and will not stop unless there's another force exerted on it. The same goes with humans! So, what's make you waiting? Move and start doing. 

Read an article (coincidentally written by a brother to a very good friend: Ir Faridul Farhan) just now in JOM, and find this very good hadith regarding death is better than procrastination.

Ibnu Qayyim:

"Bergeraklah: kerana diam boleh mematikan. Sebesar-besar keuntungan di dunia adalah menjinakkan dirimu setiap saat pd aktiviti yang memberikan manfaat paling banyak di akhirat. Mensia-siakan waktu lebih bahaya daripada kematian kerana ia memutuskanmu daripada Allah & akhirat. Sedangkan kematian hanya memutuskanmu daripada dunia & penghuninya"

>>p/s: Mati lebih baik daripada buang masa. Please take care of time, or else time will definitely leave us behind<< 

Wrong move?

Hina

Assalamualaikum,

Tak pernah saya rasa sesedih ini. 

Saya rasa sesal sebab saya tak pernah ambil peduli atau kisah tentang Palestin.

Ya, saya tahu Israel kejam. Tembak tak putus-putus. Rakus meragut nyawa kanak-kanak seagama dengan saya. Rakus menyeksa mereka yang lemah. 

Ya, saya tahu kanak-kanak di sana diseksa tatkala dalam perjalanan ke sekolah, tatkala sedang bermain bola sepak di kawasan lapang. Sekelip mata, hilang bagi mereka tangan, kaki, sistem pernafasan terseksa dek terkena asap bom yang diletuskan. 

Tapi apa saya buat? 

Allah beri saya upaya dan kudrat pergi ke musolah muslimat sebentar tadi. Musolah yang saya pun pergi jarang-jarang, walaupun tak sampai 20 langkah dah sampai. 

Allah beri saya suatu kesedaran untuk melangkah ke program Malaysian Global March Towards Jerusalem versi USMKLE Belgaum India.

Tersentak di benak hati rasa marah pabila melihat tayangan video kekejaman bala tentera Zionis. 2-3 video tengok. Darina kawan saya dah menangis, terharu. Saya cuba, tapi saya rasa lebih marah. Marah kat diri sendiri. Marah sebab saya sendiri lemah tak berdaya. 

Nama saya Dayana. Saya malu nak mengaku atas nama tu. Sebab nama tu sebenarnya bermaksud kegagahan. Apa yang gagahnya tentang diri saya? Sedangkan nak bangun solat subuh pun masih terkial-kial. Terpaksa suruh kakak usrah kejutkan via SMS. Haish, apakah nilainya saya untuk ISLAM? Gagahkah saya untuk ke Palestin, bantu mereka yang sudah berlumuran darah dan nyawanya sudah berada di hujung tanduk? Mampukah.

Satu video memaparkan reaksi si kecil yang comel menunjukkan rasa marahnya kepada Israel. Israel yang telah memusnahkan semua kepunyaannya, baju, permainan, rantai dan cincin pemberian ibunya, cermin mata hitam pemberian ayahnya. Bajunya berbau asap busuk kimia bom yang diletuskan Yahudi Laknatullah. Macam mana harus dia menikmati kehidupan dalam kegelutan bumi tanah airnya itu? 

Lihat kita disini! Di Malaysia, manusia lemas, saban hari kian lemas! Acap kali berita terpampang adalah berkenaan siapa menang pertandingan cari artis, remaja dirogol, kena belasah dengan Along, dan bermacam-macam lagi, termasuklah kes buang bayi yang sudah kian meningkat. 

Lihat saya di India! Allah beri peluang untuk menceduk Ilmu dalam bidang perubatan. Saya mahukan peluang ni sejak dulu, tapi kadang-kala iman saya longlai, tak pernah rasa syukur. Masa terluang di biarkan begitu sahaja dengan perkara sia-sia. Tak pernah letak sedikit kesedaran untuk menghayati keindahan ciptaan Allah, belajar dengan bersungguh-sungguh demi Allah Taala. Tak pernah!

Selepas Zikir Wadah tadi, saya rasa bagaikan ditembak peluru. Apakah gunanya saya ada mata sekarang, tangan dan jari untuk bekerja dan menaip saban hari. Apa gunanya telinga saya yang kerap digunakan untuk mendengar. Apakah gunanya kaki saya yang masih aktif berjalan dan berlari ke sana ke mari. Apakah gunanya kalau saya tak mampu bantu saudara Islam saya yang saban hari bermandi dengan tangisan dan darah di Palestin?

Bukan sahaja Palestin, bahkan banyak lagi tempat yang penuh dengan kekejaman? Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq? Di manakah saya? Di manakah saya sewaktu mereka sedang melawan pihak musuh Islam???

Maka, saya berdoa agar saya, kamu, awak dan kita mampu menjadi kuat. Kerapkan doa kita, doa melawan musuh. Doa itu senjata orang mukmin! Saya berdoa, agar saya dan kawan-kawan seangkatan dengan saya, mampu menjadi doktor perubatan Muslim dan Muslimah dan mampu ke sana untuk membantu mereka yang memerlukan! Allahuakbar! Hancurlah Yahudi! Hancurlah Zionis! Hancurlah Amerika!

Mati di bumi orang

One fine day, I was having this nice chat cum tutorial with a friend named F. We learned various topics including Biology and some Chemistry as far as I concerned. 

Then, I told him that there was a medical student in Indonesia who was just in his first year, been taken by Allah forever. He was diagnosed with a dengue and died 2 weeks after that. I said to him how sad it would be for the families of that student. 

Then he told me not to pity. Don't pity those died because of jihad. I became purplexed and asked him, "Jihad?"

Then he explained that students who migrated to further his study and then he died because of disease, he can be considered as jihad. But, as long as he while studied, put Allah as his priority.

And after 2 years, when I read this surah, this bumped to me:

Surah An-Nisa, verse 100.

Dan barangsiapa berhijrah di jalan Allah, nescaya mereka akan dapatkan di Bumi Allah ini tempat hijrah yang luas dan rezeki yang banyak. Barang siapa keluar dari rumahnya dengan maksud berhijrah kerana Allah dan Rasulnya, kemudian kematian menimpanya, maka sungguh pahalanya ditetapkan disisi Allah. Dan Allah Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang. 

So, to reflect the sorrow I have in my heart, I should come back strong! It's not easy to be having this chance living in the other side of the world. Even though, I haven't cross continents, it is just Asia, still Asia, but the fact that I live far away from my family, give me the sorrow. The sorrow of not being able to send my little sister to her boarding school, the sorrow of not being able to catch a ride on my little brother's car and have some wild bro-sis day out. WAAA The agony!

Even if I die here, it would be a blessing. Ya ALLAH I need only you in my heart and in my mind. Don't let me be astray....

>>p/s: takde boypren pada umur 20 tahun merupakan satu agony gak.. T.T...sabar ye mama...yang tak sabar nak tgk aku kahwin....study biar gempak dulu...<<

Realiti Belajar Jarak Jauh

Hai. Saya pelajar jarak jauh. Belajar di offshore campus perubatan yang terletak di sebuah perkampungan di India, bernama Belgaum.

Hari ni, dua orang pensyarah dari kampus USM malaysia datang menjengah. Salah seorang daripadanya memang saya dah pernah ketemui di USMKK sewaktu orientasi, dimana beliau bilang mengenai TITAS. Seorang lagi pula pensyarah keusahawanan.

To make things short, hari ni pukul 5 ptg, selepas dissection mereka datang menjengah kami bebudak first year. Menayangkan contoh powerpoint dan contoh profil usahawan yang ada. Baru tau kalau pelajar jarak jauh, kod kursus bukan lagi WUS, tetapi JUS. LOL.

Ada banyak perkara kena tukar. Profil usahawan yang dulunya kami ingat buat satu muka surat sekarang kena buat dalam 3 muka surat atau lebih. Maka, kami pun berang, dan masing-masing cakap kenapa bukan satu muka surat. Tiba-tiba, pensyarah tersebut berkata,

'Kalau anda mahu buat satu muka surat, tak jadi masalah. Tapi anda kena bukak stall usahawan macam kat USMKK'

Dan yang ironinya, ada juga kepala-kepala pemalas nak taip pakai komputer canggih yang mahu susah payah bukak stall. Tidak tahukah mereka bahawasanya, hari-hari kami di sini sudah penuh dengan aktiviti. Pagi petang kelas, then ada latihan utk SAMUDRA, then nak belajar lagi. ISH3. Banyak pulak saya merungut, sedangkan dulu ye ye nak ambik kursus kedoktoran ni. Almaklumlah glamer kan?

Bukan itu sahaja, yang menyakitkan hati lembut saya. Bahkan, banyak perkara perlu di alter sebab nak dapatkan A untuk kursus ini. Dan, yang paling seronok, esok ada exam keusahawan. Malam pulak tu. Bestkan sejuk2 pergi kampus? Bolehla test ada asap keluar tak waktu borak2, ye dak?

So malam ni, dgn pada mulanya happy sebab ingat boleh menelaah sedikit pasal jantung manusia, tiba-tiba kena belajar pasal bisnes. Best kan? Suka buat surprise, and yeah saya memang suka surprise. Lain kali buat lagi ye!

Apa-apa pun, hopefully ramai orang tenangkan diri walaupun banyak perkara kena ubah. Memang sakit hati tengok pensyarah keusahawanan tu datang, pastu sempat melawak, padahal kami yang kena buat kerja last minute. Ish2. Maksudnya, cuti raya cina terbuang aje sebab kena membetulkan proposal kami....

But people!! relaxla...I am telling this to myself. Ini baru scene kecil dan remeh jika nak dibandingkan dengan scene yang lebih mencabar waktu kerja nanti. Allah uji macam ni sebab tau kami mampu. Percaya sahaja kepada Allah yang Esa. 

Berkata Abdullah bin Mas’ud r.a. bahawasanya Nabi SAW telah bersabda: Allah Taala telah berfirman:“Demi Allah yang tiada ilah yang haq kecuali Dia, tiada seorangpun berbaik sangka kepada Allah, melainkan Allah akan memberikan sesuai yang disangkanya, karena kebaikan ada di tangan-Nya.” (Atz-Tadzkirah, Imam al-Qurthubi))

>>p/s: type dalam bahasa malaysia kerana rindukan Malaysia to the max. Pergh baru 4 bulan, chillax laaa! <<

Usaha & Exam

Assalamualaikum peeps:)

There are time when I sigh and sigh for wanting so much to run for my dream that I have to leave my precious home. You can consider me as having a homesick. And homesick referred to the longing to spend time with the precious family members, especially my parents, to see how my siblings look like, to talk more to them, to see how my cousins are doing, my precious aunties and uncles and the nephews and cute nieces I have. 

The reason why I don't wanna return to Malaysia for this upcoming Chinese New Year or the exam break on the late February, is because I wanna convince myself that I can live for almost a year abroad and alone. It feels wonderful to know how we can be independent. I also wanna be truly focus on my studies. And yes, you can call me nerdy or whatever. 

Nak kumpul duit pi Shimla sebenarnya. ANYONE IN?

People might say that our results of examinations are already being planned or made by Allah. If that the case, why need studying so hard? Why so serious? We can just be a nobody, and just live without the need of getting a job or the pay because we ended up saying everything has been planned by He the All Mighty. Then, what's the purpose of life, if we just go by the wind. Or in Bahasa, we called it as ikut je haluan lalang, ikut je ke mana angin tu tiup.

But Allah does said, that TAWAKAL LAH KAMU APABILA KAMU TELAH BERUSAHA. It clearly means that we need to do something, do anything as long as it is morally, to achieve what we want, to get the best out of the best. And the most important part is that, Hamizah ( my group Naqibah) told me that, what exactly Allah sees in us is the efforts we made up through. All the obstacles that we went through that count not the final result of our exams and all. 

So, here comes the eye opener. Before this, I always blame Allah for what I have been through. The complicated pathways to reach medical school. The inability to score great marks at Asasi and the fact that I didn't get a place for medicine at Malaysian's University. In the end, with unexpectation, Allah the Great, gives me one better opportunity to come here, to Belgaum, an offshore USM Medical Campus. Thus, I get two opportunities, to experience other people's culture and also to be trained as a doctor :p 

And life as a medical student sucks...a lot I mean. But it's so fascinating to learn about the human's body parts. Every little detail about it is so beautiful and delicate. It teaches me how Allah has made it all perfectly. 

>>p/s: Hence, I now would contemplate more on the importance of efforts made than how the results gonna be. Because everything happens because of reasons, and some are those can only be explained by the Creator. <<

Vision Aidilfitri 1432H

Assalamualaikum and Salam Merdeka Raya to all those who kind enough to open my blog. 

Ramadhan for this year is going to end tomorrow. Can you guys believe it? Of course, AlhamduLILLAH for Allah the Almighty for giving us the chance to feel the presence of this blessed month up till now. Let's us all pray that we can meet again for the next ramadhan and the upcoming ones in years to come. I am also eager to see how my blog entry will mature in those years in the future. It's not good to post things over and over without a immense change. Because to be a blogger is easy, everyone can be a blogger, but to be a blogger who can contribute to society and to Islam most importantly, is not easy. I learn this from Hilal Asyraf after reading his book entitled: Batu-bata Kehidupan.

Generally, previous Ramadhan, was more likely to be merrier with Mak Ngah and other aunts visiting us and eat together for Iftar. This time, my aunts are as quite as a mouse. I receive no news about Mak Long and her awesome Pineapple Tart, about Mak Ngah and my cousin Taufiq and even Mak Teh didn't invite my family to her house for Iftar like she always did. So, I have no photos with Khayra. A bit sad though. 

However, I bet this raya I must be prepared to answer lotsa questionaires from my relatives. They must be quite perplexed on the fact that I am actually going to pursue studying in India after how busy they knew I was doing Pre-Medicine at UiTM. Basically, at Klang, my family will ask questions sounded: 

Why can't you continue at UiTM instead? I thought you were there for the past 2 months right? 

- No. That's just plainly PRE-MEDICINE. Not even first year yet.

Boleh ke Dayana ni jadi doctor. Sebab setahu mak teh, Dayana ni senyap aje.

- Yeah, I knew that becoming one, needs to see people everyday, talk to patients like every second. And I admit that in the family, I am among the most quite person. I won't talk if people don't approach me. Thus, this creates doubts in my Mak Teh's mind.

Em, Dengar cerita Dayana ada boyfriend sambung medic kat Ireland...?

-Perghh! This is the most intimidating question and the most annoying one I ever accounted. Hello relatives and family members, Dayana doesn't have any boyfriend at the moment. And that's just a myth for having a boyfriend in Ireland. WTFISH

Are you ready for the toughest time of your live?? - from Abang  Saiful

-I think I am. Been heard of this a lot of time already. And I think every doctor-wannabe should face the reality that he or she must withstand this. No pain, No gain.

Eh dulu kata nak pergi Russia? Kenapa India la pulak?

-Em long story....MARA sponsored me to India, so here I go.

These are just some bits I usually try to answer and probably will be trying to answer them again and again. Nevermind actually, these questions that they have about me, symbolize how my family members, aunts, cousins and all of them are indeed love me from the bottom of their heart. AWWWW :)

Oh, this is only the Klang part of the family, I didn't even mention the Kedah's yet. I mean I am more secured at Kedah because my uncle who has been with us for the first week of Ramadhan, already know about this India thing. Plus, my mak lang at Kelantan had been notified as well. They welcome me to their home with an open heart. Even my pak lang, had gave me some advice on how to cope and how to become strong as a medical student. It's easier to confront with these families in Kedah as most of them really understand this career and most are intellectuals. Not that Klang's part are not, but they usually tried hard to understand why suddenly I said I am going to Russia, now India? It's indeed my fault for arousing confusion among them.

But, my Mak Ngah at Kedah, seemed quite shock I mean, quite a BIG shock hearing about India. She even did try to ask why I didn't go to AIMST University at Kedah, near her place. She even nagged to mom, for sending me to India. Well, the bad perception one has for India will never be vanished. People will forever jot India as dirty and filthy. And Russia was once jotted uncivilized? I just hope more people especially the elderly would take their time understand about this matter. 

Haha. Sorry for anyone who read this find me exaggerating on this fact about perceptions and people's reactions. Of course, families have their right whatsoever to ask me anything they like. So I must let it be. 

Anyhow, I also try to find some good old raya photos, but fail searching. Too many files on the disk. And my eyes already swirling. Selamat Hari Raya Aildilfitri to all my readers and to all Malaysians and to all Muslims. May Syawwal bring happiness and May Ramadhan returns again for many years to come:)

saya tak reti anyam ketupat. tak pernah anyam sebab takde sesiapa pernah ajak buat. macam mana kalau mak mertua suruh anyam nanti? AIGGOOO

&amp;gt;&amp;gt;p/s: Eid Fitr means a celebration as in to celebrate how humans returns to their FITR, or FITRAH, the sacred self of the humans itself, freed from sins, hatred and despises. Let's us forgive each other for this happiness time of our lives&amp;lt;&amp;lt;&amp;lt;

It's nearer

Wow. Another 9 days for my brother to return home. Everyone in the family miss him for sure. I remember being a bossy sister, whom always tell him not to finish the whole Iftar nice beverage for himself. My brother used to be quite greedy but not anymore. He seldom eat, and I wonder why. To be frank, both my brother and sister are turning into plywood super thin, but I am the only one who turns gigantic. Clap clap. Where did I get the gene from? HERMM

Anyhow, so, I assumed when my brother comes home, he would have spend most of his time using my laptop to online of course. For that, I must 'beralah'. The worst part when it comes to being the eldest. Always beralah. I miss the moments when he adored the PS2. Sadly, he said, PS2 is so last season. T.T Thus, I would then occupied myself with packing. MUAHAHA. Yes people, I take years to pack, because it is for bloody 5 years. So is that a problem? 

Time is so compact, that I feel I haven't fill these long holidays with something really beneficial to myself except for the Sabah Trip and Pre med. I actually wanna spend time with lovely ex-future-sister-in-Law, hehe no actually, it was a history. But that girl, is really nice and cute. I fond cute girls, especially shorties. HEHE. But note that I am straight, okayy? Anyhow, I regret it so much that I don't have my driving license yet. I feel dumb now, really. It is embarrassing enough to renew the L license for the 3rd time. Blame me for procrastinating. I just don't feel quite comfortable with my instructors. I messed with three instructors already. Yeah, I am harsh and BAD. Happy?

After reading an article suggested by Aiman Azlan, which you can also read it here, (if you want to), I feel like I have bad mouth. Well yeah, I do have a bad mouth. This holy month alone, I had speak nasty towards my mother which can drag me to hell. It's so hard for me to control my emotions at times. Sometimes, I couldn't stand criticisms and I am not good controlling anger and patience. Of course, even a kindergarten kid could tell this is not a good trait to become someone who looks after someone. 

Must change is the only way I could take to stop being bad mouth. It won't bring me nowhere if I continue being a jerk. Plus, the aim to khatam the Quran twice, seems like in my dreams. I don't know why it becomes quite slow this time. 

Raya is near, PMR for my little sister is near and then come SPM for my brother. It's scary seeing how they study, and now I can actually see how bad I look like when I study HAHA. For my brother, everyone is hoping high for him, but I just pray he could grab scholarships. It's hard if you have no scholarships for degree. What not, relying on PTPTIPU (formerly known as PTPTN) is definitely nerve-wrecking. 

EH, and one thing is nearer: my flight to Belgium Belgaum, India. Mom advised me not to act like rich bratty kid, don't be friend with rich bratty kids, don't spend foolishly, and don't eat too much and WORK OUT. I think one disgust a mother has to face is to having a fat daughter. T...T Sorry Mommy :'(. Yeah, it's 20th Ramadhan already. Heads on, keep calm, be patience and upgrade your Ibadah. Pray for healthiness for the next Ramadhan. 

>>p/s: Jealousy is bad. Shut it off. Oh wait, It has no button -.-'''>>>

Book for the Souls.

Assalamualaikum dear readers :)

Ramadhan 2011 is going to approach it's second week already. What do we feel about this? Sad because it is going to end in another couple of weeks or we feel excited because Raya is looming? Tepuk dada tanya iman. AHAHA.

Ramadhan gives us more time to ponder on life and to start working out for things we usually missed out due to our meal time. Each meal takes approximately 10 to 30 minutes to end, thus, do the math and calculate how much spare time we obtain without the need to attend hunger?

My first Ramadhan's activity would be finishing some books in the collection. Lately, I have been in love with books for the souls, buku kerohanian rather than books for fun. And I am more into Bahasa Melayu's books. HEHEHE.

Isabella is the first book I would like to brag about. Bought it 2 months ago, in the intention to bring it along to UiTM Shah Alam during Pre Med, but it was kept dusty inside the drawer since it was so busy during that time. Ceh...

One word for Isabella would be mesmerizing. Isabella isn't a novel about the usual love story we found in typical books and it is not just about a woman named Isabella. More that, ISABELLA revolves around an Islamic Heroine. Srikandi Islam that we perhaps never heard before in our lives. 

Who is Isabella? Well, to know who she is, first we need to read the book. Basically, the book in my hand right now, is the new edition and it has been published over 20 years ago in Malaysia for the first time.

Back is Spain centuries ago, where Islam was about to spread all over Spain, lives Isabella, the daughter of the head of all priests. She is an intelligent, beautiful young woman, who many respects. Her father intended to bring her up just like Mary or Maryam, Mother of Isa A.S. He wanted Isabella's life fully dedicated to Christianity. Thus, Isabella had grown up to be one Christianity intellectual. 

Because of curiosity to find the truth, however, Isabella was attracted to the fact on Jesus Christ and the reason why 'Their Lord' was put to christ. Christians believed for ages that God sent down his 'prince/son' to Earth, to be Christ, to vanish or to wash away all sins there were on Earth. 

With intense debate among some Muslims' scholars, with the priests at one big church in Cordova, Isabella started to feel something wrong with the religion she have faith in. She even started to melt after listening to one surah recited by Umar Lahmi. By the way, it was Umar Lahmi who brought up the issue on Jesus being christ.

After some time, Isabella noticed how the priests and even her own father as the head, could not answer the all the questions asked by the muslims' scholars. Her faith became more shaky. She was so mad when her father didn't answer one question by Umar Lahmi instead he walked away because he was puzzled and he was blanked.

Because of that, Isabella was totally hundred per cent sure that ISLAM is the righteous religion and Allah S.W.T as the only God in the Universe. The book tells perfectly every detail on how Isabella was put into inquisitorial and was badly tortured in the dungent of the church as to bring her back to Christianity. However, she was strong till the end. No matter how harsh she was punch and kicked and slapped and hurt, she was still able to say and to confess that Allah is the only GOD, and Prophet Muhammad  S.A.W is HIS messenger. 

Isabella also revealed to Umar Lahmi and other Muslims about the dark and hidden sides of christianity. How nuns were treat as sex slaves to the priests and many other activities which sounded 'syirik' and khurafat. In the end, towards the end, Isabella was successfully released from torture and brought back to Islam and officially reverted to Islam. She then started learning hadith and the Quran, soon becoming a respected and prominent reference for Hadith. She was unbeatable in debates regarding Christianity and Islam. She even succeed to revert one famous Christian believer to Islam. 

This great woman died at the age of 80 and along her life, she had dedicated her energy and her wisdom to the spread of Islam all over Spain. Her demise was mourned and even some Muslims across the globe pray for her. Al FATIHAH to Isabella. A Muslim Heroine who definitely should we put as an example:)

SubhanALLAH. Grateful to be destined with this incredible novel. A must read for sure.

To those out there, please buy yourself and get this wonderful Novel right away.RM16 for an amazing and inspirational novel is nothing compared to its priceless story and knowledge. Indulge yourself and seek for the truth now. And thanks to Dato Abdullah Hussain for translating this wonderful story for us to learn and inspire.