Aidilfitri and letting go

Salam aidilfitri, to all dear readers. Yes, it's Eid Mubarak already and it feels so soon for Ramadhan to leave us. Surely, every one will have their own nostalgic moment of both Ramadhan and Eid. I can say that Ramadhan is better to be remembered. This year alone, I had got the chance to feel the loneliness of celebrating Ramadhan a far from home, from family. Definitely, ifthor without mom and dad seems different.

Also, this year alone, it feels different when I have to rush things off just to have some time to see my expanded family because of time constraint. Only now that I realize time is so precious, because you know that you are getting older and the older you become, the possibility for you to have the same moment with the family members declines. Yes people, it is a negative thought, but we can't never stop Allah's power and Allah's knowledge. 

About a few months ago, some friends from asasi did have this idea to see each other, to have ifthor together. Well, I can say that I am very much disappointed because many of them didn't say anything during this ramadhan, keeping silent as a mouse and just missing in action. Perhaps, something happened to them that they no longer want to cherish the friendship. I can't understand, but I am learning to understand and let go.

Plus, tomorrow it's Eid. I want to see mak teh's face as much as I could. She who is my favourite aunt, is sick and doesn't seem to be better. Her diabetes is worsen. She did say, perhaps the next time I return, she might no longer be here with us. Which is sad, but then again, I have to learn to let go. And let her go, if that is what it meant to be.

And I only have like 4 days for syawal and then I am off straight to attend the PPSL thingy at USM. I like everyone feel bad of going because holidays become shorter that way; but sometimes we need changes to the way we spend our holidays. Just wanting to brush up some social skills that I am lacking, and that's why I am attending a camp in Penang from 25th till 29th of August and then another 4 days in USM Kubang Kerian till 5th September. Did I mention my date of returning to India is on the 9th of September? Yeahhh...so it's a short holiday.

Perhaps, this holiday, I can't fulfill my wish to see dear teachers, classmates from school and Puncak Alam that I miss dearly; thus I hope it won't be like this for my next return. Only that it is so sad that when Eid approaches, the date for me to be apart from my family is getting nearer. *Bursting into tears, womanly tears*

>>p/s: I am not yet a doctor yet people in the family keep calling me doctor. I pray their words are du'a so that the dream can be accomplished. Together with that, it is a sacrifice in a matter of time; lesser time with the family. And there's always a need to sacrifice to be successful. Hope people don't jot me as over ambitious>>

Syukur kerana tak cantik

One day, at beloved kampung, mom and I were getting ready for an open house at Pak Tam's. We were standing in front of the mirror. Fixing our tudung and wearing some bits of powder etc, for of course to look good. Every woman wanna look good during raya. Just agree on this LADIES!

"Mama....I look fat in this outfit...arghh geram" said me

"Ah..yeah...I noticed. Too much food I supposed. Biasalaah raya kan....lepas ni diet ler" said mom..being honest

"Arghhh...hate this..." I replied

"But remember. Being pretty is not good too for someone. Boleh timbul riak. Look at your sister" my mom added.

"So you should be grateful not being that pretty. It's good to be just normal as you are. So you won't be riak" she continued.

I admit I am jealous to see pretty ladies. I am even jealous at my sister. And that's bad. But then again, being just pretty in the face and on the outside when actually the inside is rusty, is worst than everything.

>>>p/s: kecantikan rupa paras bonus. ada yang cantik luaran dan dalaman. ada yang setakat fizikal sahaja. well, not that I am not grateful being ME...but humans do face jealousy most of the time. And not that my sister is just beautiful on the outside, she is kind and beautiful inside out, but sometimes she annoys us by being annoying. Mengada lebih....and I think that's normal for a pre-mature teenage girl <<<

Oh it's the most touching Raya

Assalamualaikum and salam merdeka raya people! So it's fifth day of Raya already, how fast eh? And in two days time, it's the day to register as a degree student. Freaking nervous I tell ya...

For me, 2011's raya is the most touching raya. It's the day where we as family gather round and chit chatting non-stop and eating non-stop...and also, it's the occasion when my family finally now, knew that I will be boarding off to India this upcoming Friday.

I was lucky that I wasn't asked to give a speech like how my cousin did last year. But I was touched when we all prayed for my safety. And the words of spirits I received from dear cousins, their spouses and aunts and uncles. Mak teh's house was our first destination for every raya, and even though not all of our families were there to gather around, it's still fun. 

Plus, duit raya tahun ni pun banyak. Hehehe. But no exact figure will I brag right here. Let it be my secret. Hehehe. Going to degree is a good thing after all, eh? hehehehe. Also at Sungai Petani, where my makjang gave me a telekung as a present. It was touching. The telekung symbolized a note and an advice to not forgetting my duty as a muslim, a duty to not forgetting my prayers.

Raya was short this year. But it felt good to see paktam, paklong, and my dear aunty from US aunty Zam, together with Cik Ja, makngah and many more to be mentioned who I only got to see once a year. It was sad to leave Sg Petani...

Salam Eid Fitri from me and family hehehe....:)

only a quarter of the big family :)

cucu mak dara, dan menantu perempuan mak dara :))

cucu lelaki, cicit dan menantu lelaki mak dara :))

Stay

Have you ever encounter a situation whereby you wish someone would stop you and said to you, PLEASE STAY....? This is what I am feeling right now. To stay. With the family right here which I love the most. And RAYA made it more difficult for me to hide this emotional aura. 

This is a catchy song I like, by an indie group called Estrella but they are now silent as a mouse. I found this enthralling when Shila Hamzah did a cover on it. Presenting: STAY...

>>p/s: Enjoy this song, even though I know not many would like it. Ah seriously, too sad to leave the house in a couple of days. <<

Vision Aidilfitri 1432H

Assalamualaikum and Salam Merdeka Raya to all those who kind enough to open my blog. 

Ramadhan for this year is going to end tomorrow. Can you guys believe it? Of course, AlhamduLILLAH for Allah the Almighty for giving us the chance to feel the presence of this blessed month up till now. Let's us all pray that we can meet again for the next ramadhan and the upcoming ones in years to come. I am also eager to see how my blog entry will mature in those years in the future. It's not good to post things over and over without a immense change. Because to be a blogger is easy, everyone can be a blogger, but to be a blogger who can contribute to society and to Islam most importantly, is not easy. I learn this from Hilal Asyraf after reading his book entitled: Batu-bata Kehidupan.

Generally, previous Ramadhan, was more likely to be merrier with Mak Ngah and other aunts visiting us and eat together for Iftar. This time, my aunts are as quite as a mouse. I receive no news about Mak Long and her awesome Pineapple Tart, about Mak Ngah and my cousin Taufiq and even Mak Teh didn't invite my family to her house for Iftar like she always did. So, I have no photos with Khayra. A bit sad though. 

However, I bet this raya I must be prepared to answer lotsa questionaires from my relatives. They must be quite perplexed on the fact that I am actually going to pursue studying in India after how busy they knew I was doing Pre-Medicine at UiTM. Basically, at Klang, my family will ask questions sounded: 

Why can't you continue at UiTM instead? I thought you were there for the past 2 months right? 

- No. That's just plainly PRE-MEDICINE. Not even first year yet.

Boleh ke Dayana ni jadi doctor. Sebab setahu mak teh, Dayana ni senyap aje.

- Yeah, I knew that becoming one, needs to see people everyday, talk to patients like every second. And I admit that in the family, I am among the most quite person. I won't talk if people don't approach me. Thus, this creates doubts in my Mak Teh's mind.

Em, Dengar cerita Dayana ada boyfriend sambung medic kat Ireland...?

-Perghh! This is the most intimidating question and the most annoying one I ever accounted. Hello relatives and family members, Dayana doesn't have any boyfriend at the moment. And that's just a myth for having a boyfriend in Ireland. WTFISH

Are you ready for the toughest time of your live?? - from Abang  Saiful

-I think I am. Been heard of this a lot of time already. And I think every doctor-wannabe should face the reality that he or she must withstand this. No pain, No gain.

Eh dulu kata nak pergi Russia? Kenapa India la pulak?

-Em long story....MARA sponsored me to India, so here I go.

These are just some bits I usually try to answer and probably will be trying to answer them again and again. Nevermind actually, these questions that they have about me, symbolize how my family members, aunts, cousins and all of them are indeed love me from the bottom of their heart. AWWWW :)

Oh, this is only the Klang part of the family, I didn't even mention the Kedah's yet. I mean I am more secured at Kedah because my uncle who has been with us for the first week of Ramadhan, already know about this India thing. Plus, my mak lang at Kelantan had been notified as well. They welcome me to their home with an open heart. Even my pak lang, had gave me some advice on how to cope and how to become strong as a medical student. It's easier to confront with these families in Kedah as most of them really understand this career and most are intellectuals. Not that Klang's part are not, but they usually tried hard to understand why suddenly I said I am going to Russia, now India? It's indeed my fault for arousing confusion among them.

But, my Mak Ngah at Kedah, seemed quite shock I mean, quite a BIG shock hearing about India. She even did try to ask why I didn't go to AIMST University at Kedah, near her place. She even nagged to mom, for sending me to India. Well, the bad perception one has for India will never be vanished. People will forever jot India as dirty and filthy. And Russia was once jotted uncivilized? I just hope more people especially the elderly would take their time understand about this matter. 

Haha. Sorry for anyone who read this find me exaggerating on this fact about perceptions and people's reactions. Of course, families have their right whatsoever to ask me anything they like. So I must let it be. 

Anyhow, I also try to find some good old raya photos, but fail searching. Too many files on the disk. And my eyes already swirling. Selamat Hari Raya Aildilfitri to all my readers and to all Malaysians and to all Muslims. May Syawwal bring happiness and May Ramadhan returns again for many years to come:)

saya tak reti anyam ketupat. tak pernah anyam sebab takde sesiapa pernah ajak buat. macam mana kalau mak mertua suruh anyam nanti? AIGGOOO

&amp;gt;&amp;gt;p/s: Eid Fitr means a celebration as in to celebrate how humans returns to their FITR, or FITRAH, the sacred self of the humans itself, freed from sins, hatred and despises. Let's us forgive each other for this happiness time of our lives&amp;lt;&amp;lt;&amp;lt;