Thousand-miles

I frankly took this from Dr Zoul's blog. And this is what I want to be exactly. Professional in the eyes of my patients and society, but at home I will live in a wrecked-ship. 

To say that I am certainly ready for all the outcomes, and the consequences, it would be all lies. You see, once you are entitled with medical school, your life would be different, no matter how your brain makes you think you are the same person.

For instance, my schoolmates are planning on a reunion. Reunion for being 20. Due to the fact that I am actually far from home, deters me to join, apart from not having Chiam beside me. And 5 years away from all those friends and families can make you crazy. Now I know the benefit of studying locally.

Mom on the other hand will always hoping that I study almost 24/7. But I actually have brain-clot somewhere. I encounter this terrible instance memory loss and I cannot persist long-term memory well enough to stuck all these block lectures in my head. Somewhere in my body or brain is lacking of something. I don't know what it is, that's the main problem. Even now, I always prone to have the family or friends to chat with through Skype so that I won't be that homesick. Deactivating facebook is my long thought decision as to make my family realizes that they have to tune up to Skype to 'see' me from far.

In the other 10 years, when I finally start working for the government, people would think I work for money mostly. Plucking money from the tree, to and fro to the hospital and come back home with sleepless nights, this would be a daily routine. Working hard and tired and almost losing a mind can't never be compensated with a high wage. Mind is always priceless and come prior to get the healthy doctor on duty.

To reflect back, what I think I do is acting like Dr House. The cynical but brilliant fake doctor tonnes have watched over the past 8 seasons if I am not mistaken. Frankly speaking, during pre-med, heck yeah I thought I am almost like Dr House. Even reading the Embryo or glancing at the ATLAS, I finally think that I have somehow surpass the world of dumb to the world of geniuses. But, deep down inside, I only fantasize myself and my surroundings. The more I know, the more I don't know.

At home, the real situation is very upsetting. You will get back wearing the pyjamas, heating up the water to make a cup of coffee for the trillions time for the week, and consume your meals, but then again, it often comes out to me that I become confused on what I should give focus to. Like which topic should I master first, or which subject should I give prior to. Sometimes, in the middle of walking to and fro, in the room, I always stop for a sec and becoming blank of not knowing what to do. It's like muscle stiffness and some cerebellar disease or something. 

Books and books are lovely. Soulmates for this journey to begin with. I love my books but are so hard to let the knowledge from them got intact to the memory. Why? Is it because of the food I consume? Is it because I no longer get the 'saint' pure food from home or mom home-made dishes? Maybe. Or maybe because I get rid of the habit of eating raisins and drinking zam-zam water from my daily consumption, just because I cannot get them right here? Probably....but to speak aloud: Where the heck is my brain power?

Answering selanjar 2, isn't as smooth as it was during selanjar 1. I don't know what happened, but what I know is I don't quite get the input from what I studied. This is sad. Is it because I am more prone of believing that I would look stupid after have studied but unable to score the high marks? Maybe because I want to brag about the marks rather that I focus on the knowledge I'd get? It's hard.

I am in the dilemma of getting the right strategy to get back the brain power. How to get all these into the brain. How to remember the pictures in the atlas? How to understand easily the concept of physiology and the names of enzymes in Biochemistry? 

The person who I am now, is a person who is not longer the person whom I used to be. I certainly have some problem in the body but I don't know what it is. Hermmm.....the agony...

Wordless Wednesday

Uncertain Route. And no one says it would be easy. Live with it. Strive  and pray for strength. 

Alhamdulillah

PENANG, 27 Jan – Teaching and learning using real corpses (cadavers) is a key component in the USM International Medical Doctor Programme carried out in collaboration with KLE University in Belgaum, Bangalore, India (USM-KLE).

KLE, otherwise known as Karnataka Lingayat Education (KLE), was basically established to carry out teaching and learning activities in various fields in Karnataka and South Maharashtra, India.

USM-KLE which has five-star learning and accommodation facilities is regarded as the best alternative and significant location for Malaysian students interested in pursuing a medical degree overseas.

The Vice-Chancellor of Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM), Prof. Tan Sri Dato’ Dzulkifli Abdul Razak said that in order to obtain much better and effective learning experiences, students must take full advantage of the fact that cadavers are used in their studies.

He said that so far there are no universities in the world that are prepared to provide cadavers to meet the needs in the teaching and learning process because of the difficulty in obtaining them. It is different in India, where they are donated for learning purposes.

“We have to take this opportunity to get the best education and the time has come to change our perceptions about India because not everything is bad,” he said in a media conference here today.

Copy and pasted from the USM-KLE Introductory Page. Hehehe. Alhamdulillah, I will go for an interview at Kelantan next week, inshaAllah :'). Right now, I am sort of trying to study for the interview. Never in my life I attended one, this would be my first, well if I excluded the job-seeking interviews of course. Serious nervous. 

The good news is I got the call, the bad news is I don't know how to go. Mom is going to Melbourne on the ninth , meanwhile I have an interview at 8.30 am the next day. Therefore, I have to rush helping mom out on packing that night or probably I have to run errand to get a bus to Kelantan. Mom won't be there, so only dad is around. Probably, I would tag my sister along to help me with the girl's thingy.

Hopefully everything would be just fine till the interview ends. I need this. I have been browsing through a couple of blogs owned by the first batch's students at KLE, and the campus is superb. But UiTM is better, and always better :') Plus, in India, I would have the best experience on clinical skills what not it offers adequate cadavers to 'play' with and that's the fun thing about becoming a medical student right? LOL

Till then, pray for me my dear readers. I am not hoping high, but if there's rezeki, I would go. 

Curtains Are Now Down

Remember the moment when Mara sent me a message which congratulated me for being placed at UiTM for Pre-Medicine course ...it was speechless and amazing. I was at the back seat of a van which we rented for a week during a trip to Sabah, a month ago. I was happy and couldn't utter a single word. My friends who were in the trip knew about the news just 2 days after that. I was so scared to tell them, as being overboard could lead to bad luck.

30th June was yesterday. Another history shall I say. History marked the end of my experience attending Pre Medicine here at UiTM Shah Alam (USA) with other 135 students. And yesterday, we had an exposure examination on MCQ True and False questions, whereby it comprised of negative marking scheme. Better leave unanswered said most of our seniors. Dr Rosfaizah, our coordinator said, those questions were lower at standard compared to the real one that inshaAllah we would sit for during the real degree. 

It's scary by the way. Even the lower standard seemed a bit tough. Emm...well tough is not actually the word, but when there are so many topics you learned in a sudden after a brain hiatus for 2 weeks, you'll feel the culture shock. Seriously a bit depressing since answers were quite confusing. Added to the dismay, only an hour was given. T.T

After MCQ, it was time for SAQ (Short Answered Questions). There were 3 questions, and compulsory to answer all of them. The questions were okay to our level but I was numb after seeing the first one, asking to describe extrahepatic biliary tract? What the toot? Haih....I just wrote down what I think was relevant enough. Hopefully, it doesn't back fire T.T

At 11 AM, everything came to a complete full stop. People were happy and relieved to have completed the course. The coordinators kept repeating that hopefully they will see us again in September, and yeah, inshaAllah we will if there's nothing in between. 

And yesterday, to celebrate the end of intense pressure, my roommates and I went to the bookfair at the SACC Mall, had McD for lunch and spent money like they are dried leaves. By the time I reached the hostel back, I was moneyless. I haven't even paid for the dinner yesterday...dah pokai T.T

the hospital sungai buloh's counter

the small park/garden in the middle of the hospital

my sweetest roommates, najwa and nadhirah

2 days before exam, ronda2 kampus :p

the corridor towards the lecture halls :'(

after the exam ended, with sharifah hamizah who would leave for USM this september :'(

my desk's number 93....Fakulti Perubatan USA tuuuu:p

visiting the sports center...dekat je rupanya :P

and sooo the NOOB-est nerdy played....without shoes on. But It was fun!

>>>p/s: I wonder why it's so hard to meet someone I always wanna meet, always wanna chat with and always wanna know. Everytime we planned something, there's other things came in between. SIGH. With this, I end my post regarding Pre Med. Only God knows best where would I head to after this. And of course, I will miss those who are going to USM...SAYONARA :')<<<

Two More Months

Home is always a paradise, even though it's not a mansion and surrounded by beaches or flower garden. Trying to stay put on revising is somehow hard. Many to be remembered and to understand but too many distractions, including our parents.

Exam is looming in a couple of days. Frankly speaking, preparation is at par. Not smooth and I don't really know how I am gonna perform. It's a new method of examination when it comes to OSPE. But the great thing about this is the experience and the exposure as a prospective student. 

To stay alone in my hostel at Mawar for revision while my roommates are at their respective home is not a good idea too, even though Internet access is somewhat better compared to home's. Mawar's hostel is just too dim and of poor ventilation, plus it has already been noted as Ladang Ternakan Nyamuk-Mosquitoes Breeding Farm. There had been a couple of sleepless nights and the whole room smelled funny due to minyak serai or Tiger Balm. In a nutshell, I must return home at last.

the exam schedule :S

Examination's schedule already been posted and everyone probably has been noted or informed. It's scary because on 5 weeks of intense course we studied a lot and therefore lot to be comprehended. Just wish I was KYLE XY or JESSEY XX who could just have some glances through the pages of thick books and answer everything correctly but I am not allowed to dream. Human remained human and must committed to his or her own abilities. 

Plus, after Premed ends, I have this wild idea to look for a job. Again, been rejected by mom and dad. So I would just enjoy the 2 more months break before heading for degree. I am scared and nervous, who wouldn't. And just now seeing how Shasha, a childhood friend, already on the pelamin, somehow made me wanna burst into tears. We were small girls and now look at her, perhaps by the time I am finishing this post - she's already someone's wife. A great responsibility and she's just 20. I am amazed:)

While mom and dad already planning on my 'future' wedding, I on the other hand, would just wait for the right time to come. It's hard to be 'away' from being someone's daughter to someone's wife. And what more, I still have to complete another phase of life: Degree. Then, Master, then PHD ...then .......let's see. InshaAllah.

>>>p/s: just hope tonight there's no distractions. just hope that tonight I can at least finish two chapters T.T. just hope that my future husband is the ONE I have been praying for. InshAALLAH.<<<

Towards the end

----23/6/2011 --- 

Just got back from SGS session and felt delighted. I am so in love with SGS or Small Group Session merely because I really feel like already becoming one of the real medical students. It's also a rezeki and a good luck given by Almighty Allah for me to be a part of Group 11, which comprises with a lot of intelligent and kind-hearted brainiacs whom are willing to share almost anything among each other. It's a chemistry that we are bound into, just simply amazing. Adding to the goodness, our chief who's just soooo murah hati :)

Again, time flew fast like turbulent blood flow . Tomorrow is actually the end of everything that we began with, but also just the starter or precursor for the real journey towards becoming a medical student, or must I say, to grow into versatile medical doctors? Perhaps it's still too early to say this because Pre-medicine is not a guarantee platform that would grab you back to the faculty or to the same course you have been dreaming of. InshaAllah if there's luck and again everything is depending on rezeki from Allah S.W.T.

UiTM Shah Alam or USA has a lot to offer actually. One place that I think I should go, but still haven't step into is the Sports Complex. Listened to a lot of bragging on the bright sides of that complex; on squash courts and on volleyball etc, I get a bit jealous to those people especially the female friends who could spend their afternoon there, and BERIADAH. And speaking of beriadah, it has been ages since I last make it a habit, no wonder turns into a balloon no? - But then again there's no effort to go there. Laziness is a habit which now travels happily in my blood. T.T

temporary campus - gonna switch and migrate to Sg Buloh soon, insyaALLAH

 Plus, one good thing staying at USA is the mobility access - whereby it's easier to ditch a bus compared to those moment during asasi. Sad isn't it? Nowadays, all we have to do is walk a bit to reach the bus stand, and the bus will mostly wait for us, not the opposite. The tendency to 'fly' is high - when you could just touch and go to reach the places you want to go. Staying at Mawar is convenient whereby Shah Alam Seksyen 7 is nearby - my roommates and I often walked through the back entrance- take the flyoever- and dine at nearby KFC or Pizza Hut, and random restaurants in the circle. The only thing that would put me in a great concern is the financial status. Almaklumlah, kena ada duit lebih kalau nak makan sedap3 ni.

Pizza Hut Seksyen 7 is easily accessible

24//6/2011- And just now the lecture on reappraisal of scenario 4 with Dr Harbinder Jeet Singh ended, marked the end of week 4 and marked almost the end of everything. It's a sad thing and a good thing though. Reappraisal is a session whereby the cases/scenarios given of any particular problems regarding one patient, is being summarized - for what are the approximate sickness that patient might be suffering from including the causes and mechanisms that caused that particular disease. Reappraisal is surely fun - but in Premedicine it's mostly just an exposure so that one would not be surprised once he or she gets into medical school.

during last lecture of Premedicine

Dr Harbindar and us discussing the scenario on liver dysfunction. One word: FUN!

Next week, on Wednesday, we are gonna sit for our OSPE- stations of questions needed to be answered in 4 minutes each, and on Thursday is the day for the scary SAQ and MCQ- with negative marking method. All these gives me 'tremors' in the brain. And what not, Dr Raudzah proposed that we must make sure we can get full marks during OSPE. OMG....

Things to be settled here already done- getting my transcripts and already posted some of my friends' just that a bit frustrated by how my 'kindness' sometimes got misused or mistreat by some people. Sometimes, it's better to not hope for things that high, or else get disappointed. Emmm...now trying to be calm as possible...

>>>p/s: Feeling sad because a friend is leaving- going for better and brighter offer. Or maybe feeling a bit sad, because of losing someone whom I thought could be best friend. Seriously, gonna miss this experience with the brainiacs, with the super-annoying hostels, with the inspiring doctors and specialists and those inspiring and impressive Early Clinical Exposures together with the fun Clinical Skills Lab<<<

Exam which feels like a phantom

3rd week now and it feels 'okay' a bit compared to the previous weeks. Why eh? Mostly because I read several motivational comments on the blog, and maybe because I finally could adapt to the UiTM Shah Alam campus. I now know where the museum located, where the laboratory located, the computer lab and the lecture hall of course and find good place to eat around Cendekia. Except for one thing, I COULDN'T TOLERATE: THE SMELLY Shiteous TOILETS!

We bumiputeras are well pampered including us who are undertaking the pre-medicine course. Why must I say that? Well, first is because we joined this thing at the first place WITHOUT the need to pay for anything, just using our money to support on our food and stuff we wanna buy. Can you imagine, how lucky we are, seeing those lecturers cum doctors who are also specialists - and they are superbly nice to us - they gave us lecturers without us paying them any tuition fees? And it's so lucky to be having Dr Hisham, an Iraqi as my Physiology lecturer cum doctor in charge during Small Group Session (SGS). Plus, we are staying at 'moderately' furnished hostels with no fees whatsoever- even though has to bear the gross of the toilets and the smells from them that arouse especially at night.

Then before I go further down to the 'mumbling'- I must say now is a hazard zone. Zone to get all the facts and all the mechanisms inside the brain-those we already discussed of course. Because exam is looming. And it's frightening me off like crazy to think of OSPE -Objective Structural Practical Examination -whereby there're 10 stations to deal with- and we have to answer several practical and structural questions-either on anatomy or on laboratories work like measuring blood pressure or lungs volume and capacity. And this is all maybe- plus, tonnes to be read and not just read but to memorize! Then, also we are required to undergo 150 MCQ's together with 3 Short Answer Questions, which are compulsory to be answered. 

Asked one doctor named Dr Syed in the Anatomy Lab just now- regarding the examination. Should we the premed students just depends on the lecture notes or on the books? He said, PRIOR THE BOOKS. The lecture notes are like extra-simplest key points. After listening to the advice, I tried pushing myself to look for more diligence to open up those books and get some points from them. Scary.

But, Premed is also fun. When we got super roommates who heal and washed away all the crazy uneasy feelings on insecurities, when we are able to sit together during dining either it be lunches or dinners, when we are able to advice each other and etc. It's amazing to hear experiences from doctors cum lecturers here- how their life were during the housemanship, during the college years- all in all, they somehow gave inspiration to me- to note that No One Says Life is Easy. What makes it easy, is perseverance and lot of prayers and blessing from Allah and dear Parents.

Thanks for all the comments I received. And, I already been lectured by Mom last week, whereby she told me to rethink if I am really determined to be in this field of madness. Kalau premed pun tak tahan, apatah lagi real med school and real life as a doctor kan? For this 3rd week, I have somehow put in mind that to be rich, this is certainly not the route, but if there's more patience and hardworking together with perseverance and CONFIDENCE we can be specialists- and when we are already one of them- we could gain not just respect but TRUST. The eternal trusts from our patients and the community. Sprinkled too with LEISURE, whereby we can almost do whatever we want without having the need to be boss around. 

-fun going to Hospital Sungai Buloh-the place was a majestic, and a beauty of course. Imagine, how we can go doing roundings at the place, so conducive and comfy. And not as busy as those hospitals like HTAR or HKL. 

-met a neurologist-who is also very sarcastic and funny simultaneously-Dr Andrean Husin who happened to be our coordinator; Dr Rosfaizah's husband-who told me mostly doctors deal with satans compared to dealing with God. 0.0

-met Dr Faisal, a paeditrician- a good doctor who explains very well.

-met Dr Onkara, an opthalmologist (kutt, dah lupe, tehee:D)  ....who happened to be a bit strict, whereby she advised a group mate to do something with his wavy hair as she told us doctors should look boring not interesting. 

>>>p/s: gives strength to your servant dear Allah. To pass all these and be happy. And to Aini Najwa, hope your choice to reject USM is the best for you, Amin<<<

Sabah Detour: almost like Going Overseas

Assalamualaikum people who are kind enough to open one tab to actually read what I post. Thanks a lot for not making my effort to blog a waste. Anyhow, I miss blogging wherever I go, and have been quite a long time since I last post anything.

AlhamduLiLLAH to Allah Almighty Lord for allowing me to join 4 other friends to detour Sabah. We planned early since our foundation at Puncak Alam, whereby Chrystine our Sabahan girlfriend was eagerly inviting us to visit her place in front of the math lecture hall at dear UiTM Puncak Alam. Firstly, Sara Salleh, Balqis Isa together with Azneeza Manan and Nurul Ashikin were about to tag along, but they cancelled on the bit of the last minute due to parents' objection and some due to the fact that they are now working. Therefore, only Azyan Amani, Dina Azureen, Eliza Amira, the group leader; Dina Syafiqah and I who managed to say YES for the adventure. Hehehe :D

Chronology of our Adventure

1. Woke up as early at 5 AM to get ready with things to bring along was a drench after a while of not doing so. Flight to Sabah was at 9 am but it is a must for everyone who are going on board to reach early to the airport in case of anything. Our take of was at LCCT as we took the airbus 3220 Air Asia to hoar like bird to the Land Below The Wind.  And my dad and I were the first among my friends to reach at LCCT so we headed to MCD for breakfast. As we finished, the others finally arrived with their respective dads and mom except for Eliza who came with Dina.

9 am we boarded into the plane whereby we only afford to pay for the economy seats, but still they were comfy. On the plane, there was a birthday surprise for a little girl named Nurin who turned 6. She got a buffet voucher at Residence Hotel KL. Then there was a game where we can get the same voucher, the question was how many seats are there on the plane. The clue was there are 31 rows and each row has 6 seats, so how many?? can you count? The answer is 180...:P How did it turned that way? Well, it's in the pamphlets.

Two hours of a boring flight, finally landed on at Terminal 2 Kota Kinabalu International Airport (KKIA). We were escorted by our tour guide name Abang Yus which until now my friends tend to fond him. -.-'

We were astonished by the Sabah bluish clean beach and seawater. Reached Kota Kinabalu the capital and it looked rather 'tak membangun' compared to here in Semenanjung. We searched for our hotel to shelter ourselves from hot sun and wet rainy days. And I found it first! City Park Inn was the place where we stayed for 5 days 4 nights. It was definitely The amazing '5 star' budget hotel we afford to stay in.

Quiet shocked with the room we got. Superbly 'JUST NICE' for the 5 of us. A double decker and two queen beds. But then, the aircond started to turn lunatic and made us sweating all over during the second day after visiting the Islands. So they gave us another room which was a bit smaller T.T. Oh yeah that night we managed to get Chrystine to join in. She can drive superbly although with manual. I felt little T.T. She was kind enough to attend us and brought us to dine at a nice place which I forgot its name but it was somewhere at the Double Six thingy. Yeah blame me for the ignorance T.T. Oh yes, she also brought us to Tanjung Aru that night for some chill out. Yet no close pictures with her since I didn't bring my camera. What ler....-,-'

2. Day two we headed towards the Islands. Pulau Sapi and Pulau Manukan. Not that far from Kota Kinabalu, around 20 minutes by super fast boat. The journey was amazing. Rasanya yang paling syok kut. Pulau Sapi was spectacular, boleh snorkelling sampai lebam, since we were provided with yellow goggles and life jackets. Seriously we can see and touch the fishes ! But stingray and sharks are a No No. We can only pass the spots with green balls if I wasn't mistaken. The others are dangerous, tempat bot lalu.

Oh at Pulau Sapi we met with this Sabahan guy who happened to be a rescuer. He moved around with a kayak and invited us to follow him to the middle of the sea. Only one person was allowed to follow him at once, I was the last one. So yes, I followed him, he brought me in the middle of the sea where corals more clearly. He told me I better dipped in to touch the corals and see more fishes. I hesitated but then he said I need no worry since I had the life jacket on. So yes, I dipped in, but got troubles with my goggles whereby the salty water kept rushing into my nose. It bothered me to dip deeper. When I tried to get back into the kayak, the rescuer tried to pull me up but he fell too. Hahahaha! The kayak went upside down. It was terrifying. I supported my upper body to the kayak but my I tend to step onto one big-rough coral reef. I was  scared, my feet bleed, but I managed to get onto the kayak at last. He brought me back to the shore. My friends were scared when they saw what happened from far. They thought I drowned. Alhamdulillah everything was super alright. God gives me another life!

After a heavy lunch which contains lotsa seafood and meats, we went for a banana boat riding. I think the ride was a bit too much for rm 40 per person. Bila balik Selangor, my dad told me you can get the ride for rm5 at Port Dickson. But hey here's the difference. At Pulau Sapi we had the ride in the middle of the blue sea, if I were to do it at PD, it can only be done near to the shore. Tak best ler ye dak?

Next was Pulau Manukan, and here is where you can find Taman Tunku Abd Rahman. Basically the beach and the sea are of the same kind of Pulau Sapi. But here. there's some chalets to rent for those who intend to stay overnight, but not us.

3. Started early at 8 am for a trip to Gunung Kinabalu and Poring Hotspring. The journey was a bit harsh with roads happened to be so narrow and berbelit2. Make sure bring along a plastic bag to puke if you might have road drunk. Anyhow, it was fun shopping at the Kundasang shopping spot, the prices are lower than that at Phillipines Market. Sadly, when we reached there, had some money deficit. So can't buy whatever we wanted even though the prices are better.

Arrived at Poring Hotspring around 11 something in the morning. It's hot here. Hot tubs are everywhere but some are not functioning and dirty. Many tourists especially the Chinese and Koreans. The water from the spring happened to be milky like milk when you try to collect it in your hands. And yes, the water is super hot, good for skin. Berendam lama pun takpe asalkan bayar RM 3.

Bored with hot water, my friends then wanted to try the river and the waterfall. We trekked the narrow pathway of the jungle to the nearest one which located around 400 m from the hot tubs. And wearing only a flip flop slipper my feet became easily tired. Sore people! While other friends wore shoes T.T this what happened if you forgot to bring a pair of sneakers or sport shoes...

The journey was super tiring. My friends were excited because the waterfall as if it belongs to us alone. No one else was at the spot. So yeah, it was worth a walk. 

Done with solat and etc, we headed to a Chinese Restaurant for lunch. It was included in our package. The place was nice but doubtful whether they served HALAL or not. Mom advised me to be extra careful even though the workers seemed like muslims wearing veils on their heads. There's no halal logo except for a saying says 'No Pork Served'. T.T. The dishes came late and we were mocking hungry. The food was extremely sedap but the portion was too little until after 2 hours later we felt hungry again. T.T

It was raining quite heavily and add up to the cold weather, I was shivering. Not only that I forgot to bring along a pair of closed shoes but I also tend to leave my sweater at home. Thanks to the extra fat, it helped me to overcome the chill and Azyan told me to transfer some to Dinas who is damn thin. Hehehe. I told you being fat somehow beneficial.

Visited a market full with fruits and vegies. Couldn't buy any vegies because we can't cook in our hotel. Bought some cut fruits, sadly the fruits started to smell funny the next day and we realised how we lost RM 5 for the fruits. TSK TSK. Back home, mom advised, next time, buy fruits with their skins on and not the cut ones. I repent, mom. hehee.

Kabus menghalang pemandangan yang cantik. Well, my mom said the mountain looks nice in the morning midst. Unfortunately, we arrived at the spot in the mid day, thus the view jeopardized a bit. We went up till the veranda where the tourguide told us that it is actually a place where you would get your permit to climb up. And of course we didn't manage to climb up because it needs another RM 400 for that, plus we had no suitable attires on. No wonder the climbers stared at us strangely.

Took another 3 hours to reach Kota Kinabalu. It was nauseous along the journey. But before we went to sleep, we took our night out to the Night Market which located at the back block of our hotel. One more shopping spot, to find beads, more pearls and some GOLOK branded stuff. Not interesting though.

4. Paid another RM 170... TSK TSK...seriously too expensive...for what? For our one day experience to see the Monyet Belanda and fireflies. At first, the tour guide, Mr Yus, recommended us to go for rafting. I felt scared because the main reason I had no other clothes to wear since my wet attire went missing blew by the wind. But then, I didn't know by what chance that we ended up paying the same amount for the river cruise. 

We headed to a place called Sungai Kias if I wasn't mistaken, took a boat to a cruise in the middle of the river and spent the whole afternoon and half our evening on it. The cruise was okay....we did see the monyet belanda with the long red nose but we mostly saw their buttocks on the tall trees. Tried to captured it into photos, sadly, they became quite blurred since we viewed from far. At night, we had seafood and rice for dinner, which was delicious. Did see fireflies but not as blazingly lighten as what I saw in the TNB ad on TV ....tsk tsk. One thing that happened was that, my friend managed to catch one firefly and put it inside a bottle, plus there's one which followed us into the van to KK.

5. Last day of our vacation we had no good activities to mention. Spent longer time to sleep till brunch hours and packed our things up to return to Peninsular. We needed to check out at 1 pm but the tour guide would only pick us up to the terminal at 6 pm. We left our handful luggages at the receptionist, planned to walk around town but it rained heavily. Sat down at the lobby where thank GOD there's HBO. Watched Anaconda for a whole while waiting for the rain to stop. Then we had lunch at one mamak restaurant called Mohaidin something even though Eliza and Dina wanted to have KFC Cheesy Wedges. I insisted to go to mamak because I thought the price will be lower but I was wrong. The mamak taukey cheated and everyone's food cost RM6.50 even though some of us took lesser food than the other. Sorry guys!!

Fulled with nice lunch, we then took a walk to the wet market to find prawns for Dina. We were actually searching for the Sunday Market but ended up taking pictures by the sea. Gone for another last shopping spree at the Phillipines Market. Needed to quench our thirst, we went down the food bazaar next to the Phillipines' Market where you can get many grilled food and fresh coconut juices. Sat down for some drinks and then walked again to find the prawns but no prawns were found nearby the food stalls. Dina wanted to buy prawns at the first shop we stopped by but sadly the shop closed. She looked rather down so we continue the adventure for prawn seeking. At last, Alhamdulillah she found one shop nearby the KK Big Market and bought prawns with a big smile on the face. We were glad. 

At 5 pm, Mr Yus arrived to pick us up to the terminal. Before that, he was kind enough to bring us to the beach near Sutera Harbour and next time if you have more money, you can rent and stay at the five star hotels around Sutera Harbour, said myself to myself. Hahahah. Took our last memoir photos with MR Yus by the beach but we were a bit frustrated not to visit the Bajau Laut houses which floats on the sea water. Maybe next time...

Our flight boarded off to KL around 9 pm, with Air Asia. And we bid farewell to Sabah and its people. It has been awesome, especially with our friends along. I sat with Azyan Amani on the flight, but the others sat quite far at the back so the 2 hours flight seemed a bit boring without the other three girls. Hahaha.

Finally, we needed to go home fast since the parents were already waiting at the terminal. My dad and mom and sister were there since 9 pm so they nagged me for lateness. Couldn't hide the bad feeling had to leave my friends, the ever good friends I had. Hope to see them all again next time. Insha Allah.

>>>p/s: to be continued, tips for BETTER holidays. Something I learn myself from my mistakes, T.T<<<

Between Choices, Choose and Life

Life is short to do the wrong job, life is too short to choose a wrong person to be your soul mate and life is always short to do every choices that we have. Generally, life is all about choices and life. Choose the right one? How do you know what you chose is the right one? Is there any signal that shows? 

tossing a coin is an option ....only an option

For Muslims, it is better to BELIEVE that even when one choice seems bad, it doesn't mean that choice is BAD on Allah's side and even when the other choice seems great, doesn't mean it's the BEST for us. Destiny is vital to believe in, but choose yours. Humans make mistake in their lives and mistakes are GIFT to test on perseverance to seek for HIS guides and GIFT to reborn to the better. I have been using the word REBORN a couple of times, and it doesn't mean we turned the time to the past, and return to being born again, rather, it simply means transform into someone much more worth to live.

Life is short. Live well.

I post this for those who are in the search to go to Universities or to plan for their future in upgrading themselves. I am not a great achiever so don't think that my life is great either. For SPM leavers, there are a lot of choices out there. Some have been lucky to be called upon interviews, for the good results they had in hand they might have a 50-50 chance to go abroad. While they are also those who haven't scored quite well but there's no fret about that. I certainly think SPM is a platform to choose your career path but not all who can attain places at college will turn out to be successful. Never quit learning. Never stop having the intention to learn and obtain knowledge and skills. 

certainly had great time at both foundations

My story- the summary

Finishing SPM at the latest date among many of my friends because of the many subjects I took. Determined to do medicine at my own cost, I went for a pre-med course cum foundation studies at a private college. I was utterly shocked to know how AMAZINGLY bright the Chinese at that place and some of the Indians too. I was happy there, since we study because of one reason; to FLY. I was also having fun to study ruskee with some of the greatest colleagues and friends. Around May, I was 'forced' at heart to start foundation again at Universiti Puncak Alam. 

Well as you can see, for the past almost a year, I have been posting ramblings and whining and MUTTERING, all sorts of them to talk badly about dear UiTM Puncak Alam. Now, I finished it smoothly. I rarely truant classes, except for some of math classes, during first semester then I repented because of the bad results for semester one's. I am not a star either at that place even though I have quite this feeling of cocky to pass it with RAINBOWS since I have learnt most of what they taught me during first semester. Guess, I was just TOO COCKY and that fired me back when I just managed to score moderately. Frust gila masa tu! During semester two, my learning route was not smooth. I endured a great failure in tests and almost gone lunatic. I cried because of despair and pain, almost giving up, but luckily my comrades were always on my side. Non-stop they have been my courage and my family. They had taught me to value the meaning of patience which I lack at. They taught me that Allah is always there for me. From that events, I learn and understand why Allah S.W.T put me there at the first place. It is the best place for me to know myself.

Going abroad at such a immature age, could be the worst decision for me. Listening to THREE medical students at Russia on how they sustain their lives, how they went through their lives as hectic medical students and how is the condition they are in now as well as some advice they poured me with about the bad decision to go there for medical degree, had somehow brighten my eyes and mind about the decision to go there at first. Hehehe:D But for my acquaintances who are studying at Russia, no offence for you guys. You guys have been enduring the greatest moments in your lives. This is about me after all.

Besides that, now that I have completed asasi and just another couple of months before going for my degree, there have been a lot to be thinking of. My dilemma is what to go for after this, whether it be dentistry or medicine. Medicine is my first choice and have always been my only choice, even the ENTIRE family knew about this. They have been supportive up till now, but then my heart changes a bit to love dentistry. Because as days passed, I am also thinking about 10 years from now. Being a dentist is tough at first and even tougher than studying for a medical degree. However, I am sure that by 10 years, a dentist can secure a very good financial status and this can be beneficial to women, who will start off a family and having kids. You know this is out of border but at 19 everyone should have think about this because LIFE IS SHORT.

Been planning a back up for my degree for the past one week. A back up plan for private Universitas. To be frank, I have bad intuition for private colleges. You know, that private colleges are quite expensive and therefore I have this weird feeling to apply for them. Deep in heart, I really wish for local universitas where I am sure to get JPA to sponsor, in that way, I could have less worries in my head. Right? I hate thinking of money while studying. It jeopardizes the spirit. 

I quit my intention to go to Cyberjaya Med School after it bad sides had been upfront recently even though it can be the BEST private institution to go for its location. MAHSA is also at the very edge considering that it has not produce any medical graduates yet, so I barely knew the quality. Right now, I already intend to apply for UniKL because it is under MARA and it alone. I don't know about Allianze Medical College. Emm, I am so in dilemma. But, the important part is pray. Allah alone can help me.

For kids out there or juniors, choose the right one and the best you can go for. I have another story; a friend name Ben chatted with me recently. He once got one offer to study at UTP under Petronas financial support, which means he will be able to work under Petronas as soon as he completes his studies. He got an offer to go for mechanical engineering which he then rejected. I asked him why since not many can surpass the Petronas application. He told me that his Physics is not very good, thus it would gives him a drench to do that course. Now, he has no regrets and he plans to go for medicine too. In conclusion, do what the best you can do. Don't do something just because you wanted it, but because you know that you can do it. The rest leaves  to Allah. 

>>>p/s: I have problems blogging. It has not been as smooth as before. Perhaps, I have suddenly have nothing to tell>>>

Preparing for death

Morrie as coach and Mitch as his best player. 

Tuesdays with Morrie. A title for a very meticulous and inspiring novel. Written by Mitch Abom, it is the most simplest yet touching piece of masterpiece that really sunk deep into this weak heart of mine and made me in a deep love with every single detail of the book. RM 18 was worth while.

Have you ever had a good teacher? Who taught you the most valuable lesson in life; on the preparation for your death? Mitch the author had once. A professor at his university named Morrie. He was a peacemaker and a great teacher for the rest of his life.

Suffered from ALS, Morrie had to live weak and fragile. He needed people to clean himself after he went to the washroom, he needed his food to be blended before he could swallow them down and he needed a wheelchair to move around. But, Morrie, a 70 something old professor, would always think that he is better than any one of them out there who is still healthy and occupy life with slaving themselves to money. He was contented with his life.

Mitch who is a journalist, and always had been ambitious, running and enslaving himself to the power of money, met Morrie by chance one day. It was the first time seeing his professor after 16 years. That's long and this time Morrie looked rather withered and shrink. The old age and the wrinkles symbolized how experienced he has been. And, during the moments before Morrie would have gone forever, they spent their Tuesdays together for the last lecture of their lives. The lecture of contentment of life. Of love, of satisfaction of what we had been given and what we have, of the power of touch and pamper and the power of isolating the deep insecure feeling we already cursed ourselves with.

Belows are several quotes which I really love from the novel:)

1. “Forgive ourselves. For all the things we didn’t do. All the things we should have. You can’t get stuck on the regrets of what should have happened. That doesn’t help you when you get to where I am.”

—

Morrie

2. “…if you’re trying to show off for people at the top, forget it. They will look down on you anyhow. And if you’re trying to show off for people at the bottom, forget it. They will only envy you. Status will get you nowhere. Only an open heart will allow you to float equally between everyone.”

3. “There is no such thing as “too late” in life.”

4. “It’s natural to die,”he said.”The fact that we make such a big hullabaloo over it is all because we don’t see ourselves as a part of nature.We think we are human. We are something above nature.”

5. “Devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”

certainly a MUST READ piece

I have many teachers who are just as Morrie.:)

>>>p/s: the book could not described by words. It is superb. And Mahatma Ghandi once quoted: When I sleep, I am dead. And when I am awake, I reborn. So, forget the mistakes we made in life. Once we awake the next day, it is the chance to say MORE YES and REBORN to the better.<<<

Things I hate during exam week

Number one would be the intense seeing the roommate of mine being sooooooo diligent, without the intention to at least grab some peaceful moment to have a wonderful nap. It gives me a sense of rivalry and it's not good I tell ya.

Number two would be the worry that my roommate or housemates would come to my place, even in the toilet that is, to actually seek for my opinion about the past year questions that they are doing. Sometimes, if feels nice when I can help them, but on the second thought, shoot I haven't done that question yet! What if it comes out in the tomorrow's finale???! *Paranoid*

Number three, is the worry to eat. Because, I always feel to go to the toilet after eating. And, even going to the toilet for natural calls are defined as wasting time, because at least 5 minutes are wasted right???

Number four, is the hatred towards distractions like internet, tv and you say it! And, the more you are in tendency to study, the more distracted you would be. Like now, I must say.

Number five, is the problem on waking up after a good night sleep. Sure, waking early is always a noble thing to do. But, during exam week, my eyes are just as if they have been stapled to close and my soul are already in New York. I just couldn't wake up early in the morning, to study....That's a problem, isn't it?

Number six, is of course the hatred knowing that the exam is just in a few hours, and the moment when everything you have learn quickly dissappear without no reason. It's the nervousness that give such a bad feeling towards everything. Not to mention, the feeling of stomach ache, and nausea, and puking when you see something related to the things you learnt. 

Number seven is the feeling of unconfidence to dwell with the very exam because it means everything! It determines everything that the future life would bring you. But, no worry, God is always there with us!

Number eight, is the laziness you could not overcome, especially when you can actually go for help down the campus, but your body said no, and it feels troublesome, to walk down the stairs when there's exactly no class to attend.

Number nine, is when you see some kids at the cafe' doing revisions together, and you really hope and wish your friends would call you and do the same thing. Sometimes studying in a bunch help, but I don't know, I never did try. Well, for some, it could be a nuisance, but I am just clueless. Mom told me yesterday, "You should study in groups for now on. What are the things you don't know, that you have trouble with?" But I can't answer her. I don't know what I don't know, and I hate the feeling of Oh Yeah I know everything but the real fact is I actually do not know anything at all. T.T

Lastly is the number ten, when the assesment marks are already there to be checked and the marks aren't really satisfying. It gives a sense of wonder, a wonder why can't I do a little better for the marks to be much more higher? But, no worry, God is there to help me:)

>>>p/s: the reason for failing must be because of the lack of believing towards what Allah can give me, towards the fact that HE is the only entity that could bring me luck and otherwise and towards the fact that HE is the only one whom I can beg for sympathy and help during toughness and ease. <<<

Bertemu kembali

Cikgu Fazly was my caunselor back then when I was form 3 and form 4. He was doing some thesis or some project with his friends 4 years ago. My caunsellor at school, Cikgu Linda was his senior, so he came to our school and select some students for a motivational program. I was one of them, and that was the first time I met him actually, because I was in his group with several other friends. After so many years, losing contact with him, because I lost my phone that contains his number and had a new one, I finally met him again even though not in person.

To be frank, when my friends and I saw the advertisement telling us that there will be a motivational concert by UNIC, I was not even close to have been intrigued. I just have no intrigue feeling to join that musical and whatsoever, because I am not their fan and knowing any of their songs. Lol. But, on that Monday, at campus, on the way back to hostel, Dina and Azyan bought the ticket, which cost only RM5, and like always I was influenced. So, I too bought the ticket. I was destined to go.

The concert was held at the faraway DK500 hall of Puncak Alam campus, on the very day of the Maulidur Rasul. Even a few hours before the concert started, I already went lazy to attend and you know, the feeling of reluctant to getting ready for any event, because of so many other things to handle. But, like I tell you earlier, I WAS DESTINED TO GO. And so I did.

Waited for Dina and her housemates at the stairs, which was just in front of my block at 7.50 p.m, and luckily Dina came with a smile, because lately she has always been uncheerful. And that's apparently hurts me sometimes. Congratulations to the organisers of the concert, for making it a wonderful one. We reached there early and alhamdulillah, got the front seats, I mean REAL FRONT SEATS. Sat there still for half an hour, and the musical only started after that. Perhaps the members of the UNIC got lost because it's easy for people to get lost on their way to UiTM Puncak Alam. But they will be amazed once they saw our campus! **(Proud being one of thousands inhabitants in this gigantic beautiful campus)**

Began with a fresh introduction by confident emcees, through some singing and jokes, was fun. And, the members of the group were fun too! I mean, imagine, they are nasyeed groups and still can do good jokes without needing to touch sensitive issues. I would gave them 10/10 on their way of connecting to the audiences. Plus, I thanked GOD for destined me to sit at the front, to see Cikgu Fazly again and to hear the other two members sing harmoniously and melodiously on the stage, crystal clear. :))) I had a rejoice. I bet everyone in the hall had too. 

The nasyeed group is 9 years old now, had won a platinum award for their album and their songs are great. I regret for not noticing them earlier and knowing their songs, while elses in the hall knew most of their songs. T.T. The members of the group had decreased due to the fact that most of the old members could not give full commitments to the group, so now left with only three members, including Cikgu Fazly, Bazli and Fakhrul. Bazli is the longest member that last, and the other two can be considered new. Fakhrul is the newest member. He was actually the Grand Winner of Akademi AL Quran program, on TV9. His voice is mesmerizing. Once hearing him recite one suratul Quran that night, I almost cry. It was beautiful. 

Then, the musical continued with some activity. They called two guys to the stage, and they had to sing in front of everybody. Jokes was everywhere. We were not bored at all! That's the best part. They motivated the two guys to be confident in front of the crowd. One of them spotted to be the most confident, because he can sing well, and he won the battle. Lol. The other one, was shy probably. But, I congatulated both of them for being sporting that night. 

Only one thing, happened to be a dismay that night. The audiences were not sporting enough, to sing along the UNIC members when the asked us too. Well, I can be excluded since I didn't know any of their songs, and luckily, they set the lyrics on the screen for us to follow. The UNIC members, especially Cikgu Fazly was so funny, and he had always been, since I first knew him in 2007. Bazli was funny too, and Fakhrul is a bit of a shy but he can do jokes sometimes. Basically, all three were amazing performers and motivators. 

The concert ended with a slide show, of a story, regarding what happened during the day that our beloved Prophet passed away. It showed us how the friends of Prophet Muhammad feeling despair after knowing the news of Prophet's demise. Saidina Umar Al Khattab, didn't believe it first because he was so sad that his friend was gone forever. Bilal bin Rabah on the other hand, swore that he would never sing the azan after that because he was mourning for Prophet's death. Years after the Prophet's gone, the friends met again, and Bilal bin Rabah was asked to sing the azan. He was reluctant at first, but he accepted it after asked again. And when he sing the azan, and the Prophet's friends prayed, they cried and burst into tears, feeling how they once could pray with Prophet S.A.W, but not anymore. The slide show did touched our hearts and I almost bursts into tears. That's showed the true value of friendship. And, the members then sang a song entitled Sahabat Sejati. I bestowed, and thank God for letting me sense the worth of having true friends here at Puncak Alam:)

Merely around 11 pm, the concert came to the end. Everyone was sad, because it was such an enjoyable moment ever. Once out from the hall, a photography session was held with the UNIC members. Unfortunately, there was no chance at all for me and my friends, to capture at least one rememberance photo with the UNIC group members. I was feeling a bit frustrated for now having the opportunity to greet Cikgu Fazly and apologize for not attending his wedding, in Kelantan 3 years ago. Still have the invitation card at home :)

From left: Fazly, Bazli and Fakhrul, amazing motivators and singers.

Nonetheless, it was the first night ever, did I went down to campus besides going to lectures and tutorials. And it was a worthsome event that I ever encountered. It's such a lost for those who didn't go. RM5 was nothing compared to the fun that we had and if they do come again, I will be in the first row's spectator again! 

>>>p/s: Semoga cikgu Fazly berjaya di dunia dan diakhirat. He was a great teacher, a good listener, and a good motivator<<<

Black Swan

I heard that Black Swan rated among the box offices in the US. That's a deserving spot for such a brilliant movie. I think the director is a genius for portraying Natalie Portman as the Swan Queen. Natalie Portman has always been among my A-list actress from Hollywood despite her less appearances in many well-known movies. She was the Queen in Starwars, the pale, and weird looking persona can easily been done by her. Lol.

Black Swan revolved around ballerinas and their struggle and dreams to seize the stage. A renowned ballet play needed a new Swan Queen, so every young ballerinas had this high hope to been chosen by the director of the play itself. Natalie played Nina, who is a talented and hardworking ballerina, and had been dancing since the age of 6 if I was not mistaken. Natalie dreamed high for that role, so every time at home, she will be practising the moves from the old Black Swan play. I think her mother was forcing her too hard for that role. You can see her being pushed over by her mother as if she was still 12 years old. 

She was intensed most of the time

So one day, during the role selection thingy, the director went to these ballerinas studio, where he tapped some of the dancers but not the other rest. Natalie was not being tapped, so she was like feeling disappointed. But, actually only those who the director didn't tap got the chance for the role, but for the tapped ones, they have to practice harder. Well, it ended up that Natalie was not chosen to be Swan Queen. It was her colleague. She grew envy in her soul and weakly burst into tears and called her mother telling her that she didn't make it through. However, because she really wanna the role, so the next day, she dressed up nicely and went to the director's office. 

Putting a bright red lipstick, she went inside and told the director how much the role mean so much for her. The strict director told her, that, the decision was final. Natalie went crying again, and wanted to leave, accepting the fate that she didn't get the role. Suddenly, the director closed the door and asked her, why didn't she fight for the role? He kissed her abruptly and Natalie bitted his lips till it bleeds. Natalie went out, smacked the door closed and running towards the bathroom.

Soon after, while all the dancers were eager to know who's the Swan Queen, Natalie was feeling jittered. Her mood was down, but suddenly, her friends congratulated her for getting the role as Swan Queen. Well, it was from that moment that, she became excessively delusion by the role. She was called a whore by her colleagues and well, that's true because after all she got the role after kissing the director. Haha. She became crazy when the director forced the dark side in her to show off. But, since she was too weak to portray that part of hers, she was sexually abused by the director himself. She tried so hard to play both white and black swan till she went to the outrageous part of taking drugs, and doing bad things that she never had done before. 

The director chose one of her colleague to become her substitute in case something happened to her. She became jealous and could not accept that someone else could have doing her part in that show. On the day of the show, she tripped during her White swan part and everyone blamed her for being so careless. She cried after that part ended, and rushed to her preparation room whereby the substitute girl was there. But exactly, there was no one there. Basically she thought that someone was there, but there was no one but her. The illusion substitute girl was wearing her Black Swan costume and getting ready to replace Natalie because she claimed that Natalie was too weak for that role. Natalie became furious, she pushed her to the mirror till it broke and the girl bleeds heavily at the head. The girl was dead and it was not in Natalie's intention to do that. She quickly hid the girl inside the bathroom, changed into the Black Swan costume and rushing to the stage. 

amazing ballet performance lol

Well, the black swan ballet was the best part in that movie. We can the dark side of Natalie, whereby she was possessed by the black swan spirit or something. She became so seductive on stage, her eyes went red, and portraying the stronger swan. Everyone was amazed by her performance. And when the performance ended, she rushed to her room, seeing blood coming out from the bathroom. She tried to cover it with a towel, when suddenly someone knocked her door. She opened the door and guess who was outside?

The substitute girl was outside the door. She came by to congratulate Natalie for her wonderful stage performance. The girl told Natalie that she deserved the role more than anyone would. So, the thing is, who did she killed previously? Hhahaha. She cried and went perplexed. The mirror was broken, but who bleeds? The answer was herself. She stabbed herself with the piece of glasses. She was not aware of the pain because she was not herself when she was performing. She cried and cried. It was her last part of the night as White Swan. 

she was not herself.....

Gracefulness was seen on the stage. It was actually the last performance by Natalie. When it came to an end, everyone gave their applauses, but Natalie couldn't get up. She laid down weakly and everyone came to her. Seeing blood all over her abdomen was terrifying. It was a good performance, and it was her last. 

nice poster lol

>>>p/s: well Black Swan, did somehow relates me to how I was in the past. Surrounded by the feeling of insecure of not getting what I want, and being pushed so hard by others could be such a stress. Never let yourself be to engulf by desire and dream and passion. You might end up hurting yourself or even kill yourself. <<<