Two More Months

Home is always a paradise, even though it's not a mansion and surrounded by beaches or flower garden. Trying to stay put on revising is somehow hard. Many to be remembered and to understand but too many distractions, including our parents.

Exam is looming in a couple of days. Frankly speaking, preparation is at par. Not smooth and I don't really know how I am gonna perform. It's a new method of examination when it comes to OSPE. But the great thing about this is the experience and the exposure as a prospective student. 

To stay alone in my hostel at Mawar for revision while my roommates are at their respective home is not a good idea too, even though Internet access is somewhat better compared to home's. Mawar's hostel is just too dim and of poor ventilation, plus it has already been noted as Ladang Ternakan Nyamuk-Mosquitoes Breeding Farm. There had been a couple of sleepless nights and the whole room smelled funny due to minyak serai or Tiger Balm. In a nutshell, I must return home at last.

the exam schedule :S

Examination's schedule already been posted and everyone probably has been noted or informed. It's scary because on 5 weeks of intense course we studied a lot and therefore lot to be comprehended. Just wish I was KYLE XY or JESSEY XX who could just have some glances through the pages of thick books and answer everything correctly but I am not allowed to dream. Human remained human and must committed to his or her own abilities. 

Plus, after Premed ends, I have this wild idea to look for a job. Again, been rejected by mom and dad. So I would just enjoy the 2 more months break before heading for degree. I am scared and nervous, who wouldn't. And just now seeing how Shasha, a childhood friend, already on the pelamin, somehow made me wanna burst into tears. We were small girls and now look at her, perhaps by the time I am finishing this post - she's already someone's wife. A great responsibility and she's just 20. I am amazed:)

While mom and dad already planning on my 'future' wedding, I on the other hand, would just wait for the right time to come. It's hard to be 'away' from being someone's daughter to someone's wife. And what more, I still have to complete another phase of life: Degree. Then, Master, then PHD ...then .......let's see. InshaAllah.

>>>p/s: just hope tonight there's no distractions. just hope that tonight I can at least finish two chapters T.T. just hope that my future husband is the ONE I have been praying for. InshAALLAH.<<<

Chemistry Test II 2011

Today marked another sign that asasi gonna end. Yahoo! I am bored seriously of studying. How am I gonna go for degree if I continue being lazy? But, maybe this happens because of many works to finish up and many formulas to be memorized.

Ended test 2 for chemistry 2 hours ago. To be frank, I won't comment on anything. I don't think the questions were hard, they were just merely tricky, which suited our level as foundation students. Miss Hikamah, the Chemistry tutor of mine, reminded us yesterday to get high marks for the paper, and that add more to the stress. Shoot!

Buffer is something that I need to concentrate more after this. In a sudden, I completely forgot, the formula to find for buffer pH, got mixed up with other formula, and I was clueless whether to put pKa at the right side or the left. T.T and this marked how pathetic I am in the topic, so better brushing it all up.

Now, it's time for 2 hours-sleepy physics lecture. I hate late afternoon classes, because I seriously couldn't fight against my pineal gland's tendency to secrete melatonin, in which defines, the over secretion of sleep enzymes. Lol. Physics is getting trickier and just sooo confusing. I need help =.=

>>>P/S: to go home or not to go this week. But I wanna go home so badly!¬<<<

Semester Two Chapter 2

Like always, to blog at Puncak Alam takes time. Hard to use the Internet and no time to leisure blogging, literally speaking. Unlike semester 1, currently, tonnes of works are piled on the desk, and just pray hard that I could manage to settle them up in time. 

Anyhow, like I tell you readers earlier, in the previous post, I would like to jot down some objections regarding the talk by UPU staff thingy happened on last Monday the 22nd of November. Yes, like everybody knows, we here in Puncak Alam foundation centers are required to fill in the UPU form for applying our degree courses via online. 13 December is the date projected for us to start applying and continuous until the 26th of December if I was not mistaken. But whatever. 

Prof Ahmad, in just now Physics lecture, suggested us to CHOOSE Physics as our first selection for the degree programme. According to him, we better stick to things that aren't seems limited like Medicine, Pharmacy and dentistry. To note you readers widely, UiTM rather has only 350 spots for the three latter courses. 200 spots for medicine, 100 spots for pharmacy and 50 spots for dentistry. Hahaha. Laugh out loud people. With 1000 ++ ants of people here to compete for the same 'resource' and 'dreams', the possibility narrowed down at a much higher rate. Prof Ahmad went again telling us, sarcastically and frankly, how are we gonna go for medicine, if only a small number of us, obtained at least A in two important subjects; Biology and Chemistry? And, the sound of the cengkerik was heard. Even when he told us to CHOOSE Physics, a girl at the back, exclaimed loudly, AHHHH!!

Back to the talk given on last Monday, I was rather gonna puke, after hearing that, we BETTER go for courses that aren't likely going to be chosen by the applicants. The talker said, over and over, that we BETTER opt for something different, or in other words, choose the road less taken. Many Malaysians are gonna pick medicine. That's for sure, and even though many universities rated the least pointer at 3.50 for the applicant to qualify for the course, that is again A LIE. "Go for other universities", told the talker for the day. Don't choose UiTM unless you are really good and well-equipped with those charismatic features like amazing pointers and credibilities in many areas. And when I thinking back the moment when I whined after receiving a YES for being an asasi student, I looked back at myself at the mirror, and saw the reflection of a loser. I drowned in somewhat a lower charismatic person and having lack in credibilities in many areas. And, so many others here are WAY outstanding. I again feel jaded. 

In my minor group B1, still the friends are there. But, I feel hard to befriend with many of them especially the opposite genders. Like always, I am bad at socializing with the guys. And, the same thing goes for the girls. Not to mention, 3 persons in the B1 group I knew, got a flat 4 pointer recently. When I looked at them, I witnessed my weaknesses  'Lack of diligence' and 'Proud over the top'. Some of them, rather looked simple, and if we didn't bother to ask, probably until the semester II ends, we won't be able to know they were flat pointer students. Applause for them who gained triumph. They deserved it. And the least I could bear in my mind, is that, everyone has his or her own 'rezeki'. 

Before I am off, I also wanna brag that the foundation in science is planning to have the Grand Dinner, in which the further details are still phantoms. Now, the administration board are conducting a vote for the theme. I hope they organized it somewhere nearer, like Kuala Lumpur. But, yes, some might object. Grand Dinner will be a blast, I supposed. But still, on the assurance whether I will attend, is still in consideration. Perhaps, grand dinner is for those who really think socializing is their advantage. Crap, I am lacking in my confidence now. 

Asasi Grand Dinner Blogsphere.   (go or not to go)

I just voted for spring fling; the least that I think suitable and easiest to find a dress to wear. And, thinking of what to wear and put on is a serious problem too. Oh what a life! Plus, not returning home this weekend, weakened my pumping of the heart. Boredom will strike me in the bedroom. And going to and fro to the bathroom, and continuous studying, making me having a headache and eye sore. Adios.

>>>hoping for the sem II allowances to exist in the bank account A.S.A.P;( <<<<

MUET Second Session end 2010

Malaysian University English Test (MUET) laid down its curtain on last Saturday the 13th November 2010. That was the second session comprising of reading, writing and listening. To be frank, it's neither easy nor tricky. I would say it was neutral. 

Every students in Malaysia, who wanna pursue his or her degree in the local University, MUST at least score the MUET at band 3. Well, for foundation in science students, like me, that is the least score I should make for the very test. Many told me MUET is easy and it's like answering normal English paper, but seriously, if you haven't really expose to English in a long run, the thought could be amputated. It has been a quite while since I ever talk to anyone in English and even write factual essay so I had hard time and this is not a joke :(.

Reading was the first to be encountered. Oh before that, I really think I used the wrong pen. Do we have to use black pen in every paper we are answering? Seriously, I only noticed that everyone was using a black pen instead of me during the listening session. I am afraid that I did used the wrong colour pen, and I am scared that my paper would be disqualified. Please tell me I am wrong people! Ok back to the main point, reading is fun when you can read fast and understand many bombastic words like a flash of lightning. 4 passages, which are long and confusing needed to be trim and scanned in 90 minutes. Questions are MCQ, but I always confuse with false and not stated choices. Hope I did them well though. :'(

Writing was next after given a plainly 10 minutes break. Duhh...at least we should been given a free brunch no? Anyways, writing comprised of two tasks. Task A was a summary. But I already forgotten the topic that came out. Hahaar so fast eh? I don't know why, but I forget things VERY EASY nowadays. But, still, I remember the task B, it was a factual essay that needed to be up to 350 words at least. Mine was over the limit, because I engulfed with the topic ARRANGED MARRIAGE so much. I jotted down some relevant ideas before starting to write, but like always, I failed to use the ideas, instead came up with what comes up while writing down those words. T.T Hope they can read it. My handwriting is worst than boys'.

And last but not least, LISTENING was the last to be done. Radios were turning on, and we have to listen to three conversation made by the family of Doe. I was quite unsatisfied by how the test was conducted. The voices were a bit hard to hear, since it was held in a plainly classrooms with other classrooms side by side. Echoes were heard elsewhere. It was supposed to be done in a sound proof chamber no? Like the recording studio kinda room? Right? But, whatever it went, I had a blast of boredom. 

I don't want to have high expectations for it may not come in the right way like I want it too. Tawakal is the best option and the least I can do now. Plus, after knowing that my cgpa wouldn't make it through premedic course in UiTM, I feel jaded AGAIN. Bye-bye hopes to study in Malaysia:'( Bye-Bye UiTM, Bye-bye UKM :'(

When all the spirit lost to nowhere

Yes, the whole foundation students in UiTM and I bet in other foundation center in Malaysia, would encounter the fearsome semester 1 Grand Finale starting either today or tomorrow. Mine will be tomorrow, starting at 2.15 p.m and ends at 5.15 p.m for Physics I. The words to describe my emotion right now are indescribable. At times I feel like YES I NEED TO DO THIS LIKE SUPER GOOD! but then, I become reckless and I become completely in a dream world. It's like having this devil in front of me that tell me to just overjoy the break, and just do not have to study. I do not know why until now. There's no answer. I am now thinking of the future. The future which I have two choices. The first one is the future where I see light. But, that will only happen if I make a full preparation. The second future, is full of tears, which I rather see it more likely to happen. Arghhh!!!

I do not want to work hard but seeing no GOOD RESULTS, sadly it always happen.

 

 

this is all I can say to those like me.

Reminiscing to the past, I was rather strong and full of determination during SPM years. Those 2 years before SPM, was meaningful. I was the most hardworking student the school had and I devoted my whole life for it. I studied so hard because I want to reach that one dream. To enter a University. At that time, I do not know anything about scholarships and I did not have that wide view of the dream to pursue medicine. Teachers kept preaching how we must do hard to get the spot at universities, and thanks to God, I succeed, at least for now. I wanted UIA so badly, and yet I didn't get UIA and got UiTM, a place where I was dying telling everyone how I do not want it so badly. Now, all I have to do is keep on living in a place where I keep a lot of hatred feeling of uneasiness. T.T

I think no one can stop me from having the feeling of despicable towards the place, since that is what we suppose to do when we do not LIKE something, right? I tried to have fun, I tried to make friends, I tried to hide the bad feelings but sorry, just couldn't. My aunt asked how was it studying there, I answered, BEST GILAO! meanwhile deep inside, I can't feel joy because I don't quite SEE where I am heading to after all those hardcore examination. All I see is hardness, difficulties and dimness, behind all those fearsome moments of hard studying and terrible laboratories work. The brain just stop there.

Back in college, everyone did study hard. But, some didn't because it was private. I did work hard because the vision was clear. Every month the agent would come to see us, his clienteles, and tell us to work hard, to get confirmation from the universities we are about to attend. Everyone of us were close friends, since not many were of the same races. Malays were countable unlike here in UiTM, and we like a family. We were like a family of one TARGET of one DREAM, that is to go to medical school and become a doctor. As the vision was so clear at that time, we just focusing on getting a CGPA of 3.00 above despite the difficulties of mobility. I woke up early every morning to catch KTM as to reach to KL before 8.30 a.m and it was fun. I now miss KL like sooo much. T.T Perhaps, it was because of I was being too proud of my plan, that Allah took it away from me. I might had been forgetful how HE is the one who can only take what he had given to HIS servants. I was just boastful and forgetful, now living in the repercussion. 

maybe I could not FEEL and SEE this for now, maybe later, insyaALLAH

I admit how ENVIOUS I am, seeing Nicky, Zaki and those friends who will be flying soon. Nicky would aboard today and all the luck for him. I also admit that its so lame of me for thinking about the past, and its so stupid of me to post this, but its the reality: so hard to accept the fact when one of our dream seems faded, because at one time, it was so clear. I lost the spirit, the friends I had, and it stopped there. When mom called me just now, telling me to study hard, there's nothing I could tell, but opening the mouth, and said, "Yes". I just do not want to let her down, let my dad down, but they always let me down. Is this the sacrifices I need to work out for my future? Perhaps, it is. 

>>I am praying for the easiness for tomorrow and the afterward. <<

Between Bizzarre, Lazy and Unthinkable

Noticing that Tuesday will be the day for me to attend Physics Examination for this Semester 1, freaks me out on and off. I have this one feeling that I can answer them well, without putting too much effort and burning the midnight oil for the exam. I just do not know why since I never am really good at any of the subjects of sciences. Perhaps, the title smart as people consoled me often, shouldn't be bragged. It shouldn't be referred to me at the first place, as I am just no one, but a mere average student. I never got hundred percent for my exam paper except for modern math back at school, so as long as I haven't got that 100%, do not console me smart.

Holidays almost over for Raya time. I will be back to UiTM on Monday, after I convinced my dad that there will be no more lectures to attend. I will just need to return to UiTM to sit for my four papers, each took 3 hours to be answered. I have those sample Questions from previous semesters, I looked at them for just few minutes, and wondering if I would shiver and become anxious to complete it within the time given. Right now, what I am worried about, is Mathematics. It is such a burden to learn math here in college unlike high school. Plus, math is the only subject that is compulsory to be an A if one wants to attain a 4 flat. I somehow, underestimate my own self. For the quizzes of math I encountered all these while, my marks aren't satisfying. The lecture one day, called out my names out of many names that were listed to be drowning in mathematics, whom marks were getting lower and not improving. I sighed. The questions were not that difficult, but I just do not know why I can be so careless over them. Screwed me!

Oh yeah, at least for this 2 weeks holiday, I did accomplished something important: that is a visit to my best friend, late Chiam's house. I planned to go there with Huda and Mimi at the first place, but in the end, I went to her house, with Alya and Maizurah. Yesterday, at Huda huge and beautiful house, her parents kept telling us to at least spend some time and pay a visit. They also mention how hard is it for one to find a best friend in this world. Yes, that is true. Even though, many I met so far I can called friends, but in the end only ONE person will be engraved as the best friend of our lives. Just now, Maizurah, Alya and I went to Chiam's house, not very far from mine. Her house looked rather empty. I did not know how to call people inside, so I merely opened the gate outside without permission. We made our entry, and we saw something bizarre and scary. We saw, the television was on and there was a doll with a remote control on its lap. The doll was sitting on a chair and facing the television as if it was watching the television. Perhaps, Chiam's family put the doll that way, just to sooth their heart, and maybe that as a symbol that Chiam Win Nee never did leave them. I called out for people inside several times, but there was no sign that my voice was heard. We then looked at each other, and agreed to leave. But after that, we saw Chiam's mother in the kitchen and she saw us too. At last, the three of us, managed to see her mother who was alone at that time. She was crying when she saw us. I told her to be strong. I was rather speechless as well since not much of a chinese culture I know. We got inside, chatted a bit. But our conversation was trapped behind all the sadness that we keep down inside the heart. We left after everyone turned out to be in complete silent. We hugged her mom again, and all she could utter was, "Sorry, aunty tak tau raya camna". We smiled and made our way out.

According to her mom, Chiam stopped to have asthma at one time. But, at Genting she was rather silent about her illness. She was sick but she didn't tell. She collapsed on the day she should return to Kajang. Her brother who brought her to Genting, called the ambulance, but it was too late. Even at the hospital, my dear friend didn't get her treatment in immediate possibility. The doctor was late and everything was just too late, she died afterward, and it stopped right there. Hearing her mother's side of the story was disheartening. Raya was a bit dim without her and it will continue to be dim forever. It was just unthinkable.

my last photo with her during the awarding ceremony. I lost a friend who's smart and as the same interest as mine.

Among the bizarre-ness, laziness and unthinkable event, I need to standing still and move on while life wants me to be in its picture. First thing first that need to be completed is of course my final first sem exam. But why am I so lazy to handle anything with notes and exercises. Why am I in a sudden lose the spirit of becoming among them who could enter medical school? Why am I in a sudden feel like I could do good in the exam without proper struggling like I used to do? Why am I boastful? Why am I suddenly lost interest in Biology? Why am I suddenly feels like all I wanna do is not science but art? Why why why???

Physics Assignment

This is what I get for the 5 questions...I just need to work hard on this...OMY! And why there're two similar Semester Break Homework?

I also had a temporary seizure of doing Physics Lab Reports. I put them on the waiting line for such a long time, without realising that I now have tons of them to finish. Great no.. ?

I hate it when, I can't find the answers in the internet. I hate it when we asked our members to help, they won't help. Just frustrating.

Miscellaneous

Hoorah, I am in school again :| Which is somehow legends do return :|

But how come? By having troops who I can't or somehow have bad time to count on. 

Maybe that's why I choose to spend my weekends at home rather than staying at hostel because, I need some time to be alone. To be sniffing at my previous actions, and thinking of ways to stay optimistic about what have happened and will happen to me. I must grow, and mature.

Foundation studies, include too many works which I can't complain, since it is a pre-degree program, it supposed to train us how to deal with workloads in our degree during the next years to come. But, the most despicable of all, it of course, lab reports >.< especially physics and chemistry!

Physics like everyone knows, it's like the most toughest subject around. I can't mix with it very well, maybe because I lack of the sprint in thinking, and using the IQ power up to the maximum level to apply the knowledge to answer the questions and etc. We did an experiment on Newton's Second Law last Thursday, and I can't even interpret the whole experiment into the discussion part that needed to be done. Sigh!

Adding up with chemistry, not a very tough experiment, but when it comes to discussion the brain stops. References are needed regarding titration, and etc. The calculation part is easy but when it came to teamwork it became totally a chaos, since too many broth spoiled the soup!!

Ah. This is life I suppose to endure for another 8 months. Next week will be fully occupied with the nerd mood, since quizzes are on and so do the monthly tests before the mid-sem break. So, I better just have my body and soul stay cool and optimistic, by being there, and let the days passed. Right? Right....>.<

P/S: Seriously I missed the day when we laughed and study together, at college! Sadly, it is now a history

The True Offer

Fine, it came at last for last year's SPM candidates. The universities calling unit had made it done for us, deciding, offering us a place in random universities around the country, to allow us to pursue our higher education. Is this a fun thing to brag about? We'll see...

It was Vignaa whom spread the news of the UPU, made me having this terrifying anxiety whatsoever. At night, about 10 pm, Aida sent me a text message, asking me whether I have check mine or vice versa. Congrats to her that she got UIAM:) Foundation in Medicine I think, which I really wanted it at first either, but no luck:(

Seeing Fahmi's post about his success in getting an offer from UM, arouse the envy feeling inside. He's been so lucky since the start. Sigh:( He could be a first class doctors or alike called if he studies at PASUM.Congratulation again from my behalf :)

No Kad Pengenalan / My Kad	:	9206031054**
Nama	:	DAYANA BINTI AZHAR
TAHNIAH! Anda telah berjaya ditawarkan program pengajian seperti berikut:
KOD	:	E0001
NAMA PROGRAM PENGAJIAN	:	ASASI SAINS
IPTA	:	UNIVERSITI TEKNOLOGI MARA (UiTM)
SURAT TAWARAN	:	http://istudent.uitm.edu.my/intake

Okay, is this made it clear? Surprisingly, Nina also got UITM, which I don't think she will go. But, it will be wonderful if we can linger around in the campus together, like how we did in Presco for these couple of months. Besides that, Naqib got the same university and course, and other cyber friends from Klang. Haha, not to mention, most of the members from Malakat92, got UiTM as well.

Sadly, I am not even happier when I got this news. I was hoping high for UM or UIAM. They were my first choices, UiTM was the least I could hope for, not that UiTM is not as good as the other two, but it's medicine faculty is still a baby, and haven't yet produce medical doctors to the extend like how UM did. I was shattered, tears dropped (being an emo lately). I wanted UM and UIAM badly though. However, thank GOD he gave me this chance. Sorry for Chiam, for didn't make it, I know there's better opportunity for you after this, but I just couldn't predict the future for you nor I myself.

Now, the plan for Russia seemed like only 30%, my parents BADLY want me to go to UiTM, since it will be much cheaper, much MORE cheaper, than going abroad. See, money's issue came first, I told you money makes people happy. Great, now I am being materialistic:( Sigh:(. If only I have money on my OWN.

What I know for Asasi Sains UiTM, is that it comprises of  4 main subjects to be learnt, which are Biology, Physics, Chemistry and Mathematics, just like what I am learning in Presco it seems. The second thing I know, is to do medicine, I need to get a CGPA of a 4.00, which it will be a tough thing, need struggles again, after struggling in Presco. The main question popping, what IF I didn't attain the CGPA? Who will be helping me to pursue medicine after that? Will the people around tell me that "OH ni mesti tak belajar ni?" Is that it?

Another question is why I have to undergo this stupid, nasty situation that will teach me how to be matured, but at the same time giving me a blast in the head, and why it happens when I need to decide for my future. I know that somehow, GOD plans things for us, I know our path have been destined, but we have to choose the best for our lives? True or false? Oh, crap, I can't even think.