The Entity

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Kajang, Selangor, Malaysia
Assalamualaikum. Writing all the way from Belgaum, Karnataka, India. Missing Malaysia so much. But everything is just perfectly fine here. India makes people not just live, but SURVIVE. :)

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Sunday, 19 July 2009

I will change, but my heart won't

Its sad when people started questioning about how bad we have become. How serious we have become. One thing I realised about myself, is that I haven't been a normal teen girl that I am supposed to be. I never tend to push myself to have fun like any normal girls by my age. That's true.
In the mere intense, of trying to work harder to get ready for trial examination and SPM itself, I might have forgotten some important aspects related to my social behaviour or my attitude towards people especially my friends at school. I don't have many friends, as far as I know, I just have several who are really good with me, since primary school. I try to be friendly, at least I tried. But perhaps, some ways of mine in approaching people might as well be thought negatively by others.
A couple of weeks earlier, I scolded Russell for being rude. It was a very spontaneous thing that I did. I never like to scold people especially when it involves people in school. He was being sarcastic like he always does, and I regret for saying bad things and scolded him that day. That was his normal gesture, I can't change that. I was supposed to know that. Maybe Eliza felt bad about that too, and I am here writing this post to say sorry from the bottom of my heart. You guys are people with your unique gestures, I shouldn't have questioned about that.
Friends become annoyed over me a couple days ago. They said I am too serious over things. I never played like how they played. I seldom laugh over their jokes, and with that they got annoyed. They blamed for my criticsms against them that I posted last year. I am sorry for all that. I may be too serious, but deep down, I just like you guys, wishing to have fun, wishing to play childishly, wishing to do crazy things that we should do by this age. Oh god! Why it is so hard for me to be like them.
To be frank, I am actually learning to love myself in order to love others. However, as far as I know, the more I tried to love myself, I hate myself even worst. I blamed for bad things happened for the past years. I never satisfied. That's the problem. Hah whatever it is, ONE thing I hope is that for people accept me for what I am.


ARC said...

oo garang rupenye die ni..abg larila cmni..XD

Anonymous said...

OMG, your story as my life too......
Think we have something in common ;D
Hehehe, by the way, sometimes you can't control yourself exploded with full of agry feelings, really can cause you losing some of your friends. But, I keep on supporting you on everything you do ;D
I'm always here to give my opinions, if you do to ask ;D
Don't worry too much and try to control the madness, OK.
Have fun and happy day ;D