Today I feel people do not respect me. Actually, I felt it a long ago. When people actually seems to not notice that they have to pay some respect for me. Am I asking for too much?
These days, when it almost pass 6 months being here all alone, I do feel something is wrong. I mean I am facing this complex situation where I cannot tell people. A friend noticed (well, I thanked him for noticing), that something is not well with me. He asked me who. I just can't answer. Too egoistic. I just told him, that he is not that close that I should tell the real story.
I am a person who love to express what I feel. I am somewhat an artist deep down, but too bad I sing badly, so I cannot make a song about it, nor am I a poet. So I just like to mumble. Telling this story, I mean problem to mom also seems to be so awkward. Then, I realised, I don't quite have a person for me to trust.
Also, being a secondum assistant to this one leader is also seems to be a nuisance. He always forget to help in whatever things I asked kindly for, which at last made me disappointed. Sometimes, I think he disrespect me in things I am doing. But I am not doing things for selfish reasons, instead I am doing for the whole colleagues here:(
Been six months here, at least what I can find is a good room mate. I just need some fresh air somehow. It's also awkward that I don't feel happy...instead very very very sad.
>>p/s: Ya Allah, if it's true I am not meant to be with the person I adore and love, bring me closer to you please. For your love is my greatest reason why I have to live happily. Please erase this sadness dear Allah.<<