I just wanna tell you how sad it is when a frequent blog you used to stalk upon to is now no longer available. I don't know whether it has been hacked or the author has completely loosing his mind by deleting all those wonderful stuff he made me linger to, but yeah, it's sad for me.
Pascaspm.com is the blog I am blabbering about. It's a nice random blog from a medical student in Moscow. He has this talent in humor and he made my day often, just by posting something which I can quickly interpret the message but at the same time hilarious. I love reading his travelogue parts whereby he visited many European spots that I drool to go and see. He called his tour group (with a bunch of his friends) as Power Rangers. I mean, I can't just write about how funny the blog is but it's surely the best blog I've subscribed to. And when it's no longer on the net, it's like someone important in your life is suddenly missing.
I am exaggerating. Sorry.
Well, just these past few days (already turn to weeks) have been completely lonely. I used to online everyday, after class ends because to skype with my parents. I don't even have that clique where I go online desperately because of him or her, just to skype, chat or whatever. I just never had. Not to mention, cousins.
Family members are still in the Holy City performing their Umrah. It's a disappointment that I wasn't able to join. But, truth is, I am sacrificing myself to stay here and study for the sake of Ummah. Yes, I want to be a doctor who can contribute a lot of things to the Ummah, the society, the family and the list goes on. Of course, being a medical doctor one day, would let you make you feel like you're some kind of a superhero, but that is just far still far ahead of me.
Most of the friends I have on skype aren't that happening to skype with. I mean, I rarely talk to them in persons, so how should I expect they would react when it come to skype? I mean we don't have anything to talk about anyway, so why bother. Even the closest friends during asasi, are now completely occupied with their own business, so how am I gonna expect they would come online just to talk to the things that we aren't engulf together? It's bizarre.
3 hours difference in time zone has always been a barrier, no matter how fast your Internet is. My mom would go to sleep by 10 pm while it's still around 7 pm here in India. And during that time, I might be busy performing solat or just came back from class. My mom won't stay that long just to see me in skype as she is a pretty busy working career woman, so she needs her sleep at her prior, even how much she must be missing me.
The time barrier is also a hindrance between some of friends who upon miracle have this intention to chat with me and ask me something. By the time I online they would say, they almost went to sleep. So yeah, nothing works in distance relationship as for me. * AGAIN EXAGGERATING*
I also have a circle of friends that we called Bulatan Gembira. It's an Usrah formed group that I suddenly joined without intention to. I never joined one and this is my first. I would say I still have this difficulties to get to cling to the usrah mates even though they are nice and they are part of my friends. Maybe because we rarely are together. Or maybe because I am just a new part of them. It's hard trying to get into some group of people who already have some bond among each other.
One day, kakak Usrah, told us not to only see Usrah as Usrah. Whenever problem rises in your head, quickly go see any one of them, and share. But I am the one who easily write my problem here (hoping you on the other side could see/read) rather than go to random people who you rarely talk, and suddenly ventilates all the problems arising from your head to that people. And when she asked, what did you get from Usrah, I would frankly say sometimes, yes, I get nothing. The messages sometimes still quite blurred.
Also, it is an inferior when there's someone who wanna take over your place at something. People opted me for becoming their outspoke person is because of some reasons and thank you to them for believing in me. When there's someone better that you see taking over your job without realising that you're pissed that's something that really made me hit by an avalanche. Maybe because I give less said my heart. The girls here take each other's hearts by baking and cooking to each other. Not that, I don't like that method of approaching people, but I am a slow cooker. Not as pro as them, and might as well spend drench five hours just to cook 3 dishes. T.T
Naqib (a friend), once said I have turned into such an emotional person after coming here. I can sense that too. I am not cheerful either. The mood fluctuates often. But I really opt to see other things that would made me occupied rather than reading all the books and devote my life to them and see the same people I see day by day. I need a new quest. A new friend maybe.
So, that's all the random blabbering. It's actually a stress when you can't even answer the easiest topic of respiratory block in the test. And also, not to be able to impress and help a bunch of discussion group on a topic you think you've completely understood. I am failing.