I was revising for my english test, and I read a poem titled "IF". One of the meaning of the poem is not to brag about our misfortunes and sad stories, in order to show that we are strong and having a willed-heart to stand on our own.
Maybe this was my mistake these whole while. I wasn't supposed to brag about my misfortunes to anyone. How can I turn the time back? The answer is always a no. No way of turning the time back, even if I see a dukun or pawang or bomoh for it. But, of course, I won't be doing that stupid thing.
I have regretted in almost everything I did. I am not a genius, and I am almost nobody. With a slight gift from god, and some lucky opportunities, I thought I am great enough to be noticed and to gain attention from people around me. -These are false. I am never great. I can't do things right.
I have failed in my speech contest yesterday, for the 4th time. I pitied the teacher for sending me, the weakest candidate for the speech contest. I sometimes, felt a little stunned because its not that I didn't show my commitment or efforts for the contest, I did, but nothing is the word I gain in return. My dad said "ITS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD". Maybe he said that because he is far more experienced in pursuing his life or maybe because he just thought that I was over reacted.
Two friends of mine are on their nerves because of me. I was stupid and made wrong decisions that led to their furiousness over me. I apologized, but like always, it always depend on them on forgiving me. They deserve to be mad or whatsoever. I am the one who's stupid.
I am sad when it rained on wednesday, it ruined my day, but what can I do? Its God's will. Maybe its just the beginning of the end of my happiness.
Next week will be a whole week holiday in which I will be sleeping for long, not awaken by a single noise or disturbances. Trust me. I will be sleeping for long. Maybe for eternity. I am so exhausted. I miss Maryam so much, but can she comfort me? I am perplexed on what I am encountering with. I did good to people, but they only see the negative sides of me. Perhaps I have to have a gun and shoot a couple of friends I know, to show my inner feelings. No-that's not the way....