I am sick of being a loser. Its always me who have to be on the lost side, I don't even know what had happened to me today. Yes, today, I meant just now, I was having badminton practice at sports complex in Bangi. The coach Pn Rohana wanted Chiam and I (my team mate) to verse against Huda and Alya in order to choose the best player to represent school next week.
During the practice time, its was a fine game. I played well. In a sudden, in the real game, I sucked. Its always like this. I missed a lot of smashes from Alya. Its a misery. Sad to mention we lost and also, we lost the opportunity to represent school for badminton. Chiam, on the other hand was really very dissapointed in me. I feel again, useless. I am nothing.
The humiliating part was that, after the lost, the teacher needs me to be the "line" girl, the one who have to check for the court's line. This is so bad, I will look dumb. I dont wanna look dumb. I wanna be the player. I am so ashamed of myself. I used to play very well, but today I lost the passion and also the spirit. People will look down at me.
This is maybe some tests from Allah AlMighty, first I didnt get a place in sekolah berasrama penuh (boarding school), then my special one hurted me so deeply until I cant be cured, after that, I failed to get a place in MRSM, now I am expelled from representing school for badminton tournament just because I played like a COW DUNG.
I am so sad, and depressed. Failures are not in my philosophies. I cant fail. I feel terribly down. I am now bad at everything. Its hurt really hurt. No more good friends, no more strong passion of love and no more DAYANA. I AM DEAD!
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