Yesterday, after reaching home from college, a brown envelope was seen inside the mail box of my home sweet home.
"What's that?" asked Dad,
"Nothing, just an offer letter from Matriculation college," I answered.
Reminiscing a couple of years back, when I was in Form 4, I always wanted to go to matriculation. Well at that time, I really didn't have that "wide" view about higher education, UPU and sort as well as fast track programmes and not to mention scholarships like MARA or JPA. For me, as long as I could get it to Matriculation, I'll be more than satisfied. I admit I was unacknowledged about all sort of scholarships offered, higher education endeavors and etc, because I never asked and no one really tell me the truth, or the inner scope of it.
Yes, like yesterday, I can say my old dream did come true. An offer letter from Matriculation Johor, for science, duration 1 year. I tore up the envelope, and read the offer letter, went through all the booklets whatsoever that was given to me. My friend, Irwan, told me about rumors that Johor Matriculation College possesses strict learning system. To my surprise, a lot of schoolmates got JOHOR, but I don't feel a slight feeling deep inside to be excited.
When my mom came back from work, she sat down and saw the envelope laid on the coffee table. She opened it, and went through it and asked me,
"So, what are you going to do with this?"
I answered, "Ignored it, leave it".
Maybe some people like my formed teachers at school disagree about the my decision to put aside this offer, but I am just scared that I couldn't do good enough, that I couldn't manage to adapt to the strict environment in the college. If I failed, there goes Universities and there goes my dream to become a doctor. That's why I chose not to turn back. I already completed half of my expensive education here in Presco, and if I turned back and attend matriculation is like taking a long path to reach my destination even though I already see the shortest path that could take me there.
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| what more noble than injecting people to heal them legally? |
I currently have a lot of barriers to really help me to become a doctor. I admit, I lack of supports especially from my loves ones, and until now I don't know why they did this. The only way to survive is pretend to be deaf, struggle hard and prove them that I can. It is true that medical profession is full of disguise, playing and seeing blood, slimes, and many other things that people probably would vomit of thinking. Not to mention, dealing with patients with various attitudes and human diversities. These might seem to be difficult but as long as one has passion for it, he or she can definitely bare it, go with it because to live well is to serve for humankind in a lot sort of ways, dealing with people's lives and see them healthy as well as make their families glad are the success in the medical profession and something that could not be bought with money. If no one could understand this, it's okay. Malaysian saying has it that "rambut sama hitam, hati lain-lain".
As I already put my body and soul in this journey of long life learning, I just have to live with it, bare it, feel it, and struggle hard to achieve it. No more acting, turning back and playing for now on. It has just about to begin :)
