The Entity

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Kajang, Selangor, Malaysia
Assalamualaikum. Writing all the way from Belgaum, Karnataka, India. Missing Malaysia so much. But everything is just perfectly fine here. India makes people not just live, but SURVIVE. :)

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Sunday, 20 May 2012


The truth sometimes hurt. Like a couple of days before, when the result of selanjar 3 was announced. I was not in the mood, so I purposely came in late for the PPIP meeting. I was literally 30 minutes late, so the others have got their results. And then I saw my result slip freely opened on the table for people to see. I was like, OH HOW'S NICE. NOW EVERYONE KNOWS THE RESULT. 

It's not that I am the kind of person who would be so secretive about examinations results. But hey, considerate please dear mentor! I mean, the first entity to be seeing the result is of course the person who owns it at the first place, not the others. I am really furious. Even more when knowing I haven't really improve. There's a slight improvement in my MCQ, but I knew I could do better.

The problem is now, I do not know how to at least score a grade B for MCQ. I mean, MCQ did dragged my whole result to the drain. This is certainly bad. When mentor asked the others, only Azlan and I do not have a study group. We are mere lone ranger, who studies on our own. But he is unlike me because he got an A+ for overall marks; which I am literally envy of. 

I just hate how the mentor would give his suggestions prior to let us do because he thought we can practice those suggestions in our studies. For these Indian genius doctors, who lack social skills;  well they study almost all the time, including my mentor. Sometimes, I viewed him as a freak. Total freak, no matter how good he is as a physiologist.

Purchasing an MCQ book seems like a good idea pertaining that you really have the urge to do the questions. But literally, I am done with buying books for the year, and will stick to the books I have. Seriously, like I need something that I can do to improve these multiple true and false questions, but I don't agree with my mentor suggestions since I find that I am not suited for the things he asked me to do. Excuses again. And how am I gonna excel with this ego?

Walking with dear fariyal yesterday, speaking about MCQ, I then realised perhaps due to my low-self esteem or low confident level towards my performance that I received such a result. It's vital to believe in Allah because the door of Rahmah is certainly within HIS hands. We are just mere planner, meanwhile HE destined the plans to be a success or a failure. Constantly telling this to my dearself, but just too fragile to hold on to it

And still, I am enduring this tension to get Aces although I have been preached all the time, that Aces do not  matters.What matters are our effort in becoming closer to Allah through our studies. Gosh, the worldly happiness is invading my mind like crazy.  Astaghfirullahalazim. Please keep me from Wahan Ya Rabb.


Calvin Charles said...

Dear Yana,
I miss you my friend. Well, Yana it is ok for you not to fail the MCQ question. Be grateful. Maybe your friends got good results now but who knows in the future you're gonna excel in some other things? Be patient Yana. I miss you guys now, Dina Azureen, Christyne, You, Dina Syafiqah, sometimes I cried when I recall back our moment of joys together and the laughter. I still remember how stressful you were when you study like hell. I feel like so sissy because I stick with you guys so much. Silly kan? I pray for your success, fren!

ayonKM said...

If you could, try doing those mcq past year. just hentam if you really don't know and if u are feeling lazy, just keep on doing it. It needs a driving force as I call it. later can discuss the answers with friends or lecturer.