Truth

The truth sometimes hurt. Like a couple of days before, when the result of selanjar 3 was announced. I was not in the mood, so I purposely came in late for the PPIP meeting. I was literally 30 minutes late, so the others have got their results. And then I saw my result slip freely opened on the table for people to see. I was like, OH HOW'S NICE. NOW EVERYONE KNOWS THE RESULT. 

It's not that I am the kind of person who would be so secretive about examinations results. But hey, considerate please dear mentor! I mean, the first entity to be seeing the result is of course the person who owns it at the first place, not the others. I am really furious. Even more when knowing I haven't really improve. There's a slight improvement in my MCQ, but I knew I could do better.

The problem is now, I do not know how to at least score a grade B for MCQ. I mean, MCQ did dragged my whole result to the drain. This is certainly bad. When mentor asked the others, only Azlan and I do not have a study group. We are mere lone ranger, who studies on our own. But he is unlike me because he got an A+ for overall marks; which I am literally envy of. 

I just hate how the mentor would give his suggestions prior to let us do because he thought we can practice those suggestions in our studies. For these Indian genius doctors, who lack social skills;  well they study almost all the time, including my mentor. Sometimes, I viewed him as a freak. Total freak, no matter how good he is as a physiologist.

Purchasing an MCQ book seems like a good idea pertaining that you really have the urge to do the questions. But literally, I am done with buying books for the year, and will stick to the books I have. Seriously, like I need something that I can do to improve these multiple true and false questions, but I don't agree with my mentor suggestions since I find that I am not suited for the things he asked me to do. Excuses again. And how am I gonna excel with this ego?

Walking with dear fariyal yesterday, speaking about MCQ, I then realised perhaps due to my low-self esteem or low confident level towards my performance that I received such a result. It's vital to believe in Allah because the door of Rahmah is certainly within HIS hands. We are just mere planner, meanwhile HE destined the plans to be a success or a failure. Constantly telling this to my dearself, but just too fragile to hold on to it

And still, I am enduring this tension to get Aces although I have been preached all the time, that Aces do not  matters.What matters are our effort in becoming closer to Allah through our studies. Gosh, the worldly happiness is invading my mind like crazy.  Astaghfirullahalazim. Please keep me from Wahan Ya Rabb.

last 2nd semester of high school {hopefully}

yeah people...holidays are over for the month of June. And, this basically means that we, I mean those who are the same age as mine, won't be having any leisure time to have more fun than we can ever have. Examination is looming, and it is not an ordinary exam, where you can simply roll the dice, and 'opps' the answer is A,B,C or D. It is hard, but in my case, I would rather said the examination to be tricky...its not hard because we had learnt it, so it's not hard.

Like always, upon sitting on the chair, we students received our marks for the recent papers we sat for. My marks were not that 'flamboyant' like those kids in Malakat92.com have, but there are just nice to put me somehow or rather among the top in form 5. Not that I want to be a smug here, but really, since form 1, the tendency to get A is rather easy. Maybe because there aren't that many of the rivals and basically starting form 4, 75 % is already consider as an A1, so for those geniuses, whom would like to study here, you would not need to study I tell ya.

So far, I got a C for accounting and a B3 for my chemistry. The most highest mark I got so far, is for agama. Thank god for that. Anyhow, I must not be too full of myself. I am not perfect. I can flunk anytime by now if I kept on wasting time and dreaming a lot. Mathematics becomes harder in a sudden, so does English. I wonder why...? And the teachers become strict at times and that really annoy students.

As for the badminton tournament, the teacher keeps delaying it, whilst the "players" are already asking me when will the date be. It is so sad when the president of the club didn't know about the date of the game. I sometimes, a bit pissed off over Pn Rohana. She kept asking me to renew the proposal for the game, and I still wonder why we need a proposal for handling a small-in-school competition...duh..sometimes I like Pn Eliza better.

Ah, and one more thing, I am really bored staying at home...and still wondering why is the friends I have in the Yahoo list, never bother to have a chat, at least saying a hello or how do you do?