Travelogue?

Been editing the post of my recent expedition in Kudremukh, Bangalore. Couldn't make it interesting. Not just yet. How pathetic. Probably because after a hiatus, it took me a longer time to make it nice to be read. AHHHH...ideas do come and piling up, but then they are just hard to be written. T.T

Actually, for the hiking thing, each group was commanded to do a travelogue. Sad is sad when my group didn't really stay put altogether, and we don't have that much of the picture/photos showing we were in a team. Most of the photos, in other cameras, whom it felt like so frigging embarrassed to be asking for. And I am not that sure if they keep that photos.

The problem is here is of course photos. Travelogue is consider a success when photos are great since you all know how photos can speak a thousand words. No one like too many words unless they are really a keen reader and read everything. But reality, is the percentage of such people is low. 

My teammates, 3 guys and another girl is so helpful during the journey up to the mountain. Sadly, the goodness only stops there I think. No one really cares about the travelogue now. Or should I just pray and dream that someone already make it done and voila don't have to waste time sitting at mess and discussing it?

It was masyaAllah beautiful. Those greens you think were grass are as tall as you.UIndescribeable journey

The hiking was great. Will be posting A to Z about it in another post which I have been editing for the past three days. I didn't bring my cameraphone along because the battery was only 60%. Maybe you see this as an excuse of mine, but I really was saving the battery so that I could receive call from dear teammates of the World Diabetes Day back in Belgaum. Another sad story. My friend hazu, did let me lend her camera. But I gave it to Anis because I was hypoxic at one point, then she rushed off away to the peak leaving me behind with two other guys. T.T

I was really really hypoxic for the whole journey. Other fitters took only 5 hours to go and return, whilst I took the whole day. Never could repay kindness of a few MSU guys who helped me go through all the pain to hike and to climb down till the base camp, at exactly 10 pm. Only Allah could repay them. 

But still...deep down, a noxious feeling of disappointment for not being able to reach the last pit stop of Kudremukh, for intoxicating other guys in the my team especially whom had to wait patiently when I need to take a rest every 30 minutes walk, disappointment for not having great outlook at Allah's superb creation and not to have captured it digitally, all these really truly could let me punch myself. 

<<p/s: When you're about to go for an expedition, please don't boast. What happen to me is not fun. I did wish I was dead on top of that mountain. And certainly not fun when you have to become a nuisance to others>>

Really really wanna write

Gosh. How long has it been since I last stop here to write something, to start typing? It has been quite some time off from blogger due to certain issue where I think I will to express it out her. The reason why I stop posting things for some time. 

It also has been quite a busy start for being a 2nd year medical student. I must admit, it isn't as easy as people said. Of course, for USM medical students, being 2nd year students can be denoted as honeymoon years where you shouldn't be worried for having to face for your pro exam by the end of the year. However, happiness is short termed. We have to sum up all the things we learn NOW and during our third year, and go die for 2nd pro exam. Clap clap clappp.

Been opening the tab for blogger for a lot of time. Just do not know where to start. Just feel too afraid that my post will cause butthurt in some people here who come and read what I posted. And actually I really WANT people to read what I wanna post right here, that's why I didn't make it private. Some things are better expressed through words for people who only have words as their swords, but of course I don't expect everyone to understand this. Again, why should I be a coward? This is my space, and I think I deserve the every right to be as outspoken here even though nothing is being heard.

Clinicals have begun people! And as freshie medical students, the eagerness to 'touch' the patients are always there, every single time I step into the hospital door. I wish this last till I die, as medicine is a life-long career. InshaAllah ameen it will. Only that, I have been too bad in my studying lately. Couldn't focus and always got distracted by things I do not know what they are. Hahaha. I just need to face more books, but the more I read the sleepier I've become. Hahaha. 

That's all I wanna write I think. Sleepy now. And yes, juniors are here! 7 has yet to arrived (rumor said). But we are hoping that USM will finally realized we had enough of this year's intake. Hahhaha. Events held and gonna be held for this year and next year, would be great and BIG. Juniors are really sporty! I like that.

Coming back to sense

Alhamdulillah to dear Allah Al Mighty for all his blessings and rizq till now. One important thing is settled: moving in to the new USM Hostel as well as having a new roommate. Her parents gave her the name of Nurul Adibah binti Abdul Rahman, she's a year older than me, graduated from the prestigious IB college KMB and she has a blog actually. One thing I like about her, is her appearance of coolness and boldness as well as outspoken. I wish I had the same way of speaking in public like her, so confident. The English accent uttered through her tongue are just superb and yeah! she's my new roommate. I pray that I won't be exchanging roommates again after this. Let this stay ya Rabb.

We have an oven too now. I am longing to bake and bake! Yay! I really have found a true satisfaction and fondness towards cooking either. And now in the new hostel, I can cook like I have a husband and kids waiting for my dishes. I really love cooking! It's just in the blood for all these while. Just that I haven't had the chance too express this fondness. Now that the kitchen is a bit spacious, with IKEA interior: I just feel like cooking in my own dream house. :)

I will be posting pictures and pictures to let others see what Belgaum is really like. Just I need more time in front of the laptop and keep transferring photos. I have to find time that is. Because looks like schedule have becoming more tight. We are going to clinical side and clerk patients this Wednesday. I am so nervous and excited! I hope I don't scared the patient with my dumb kannada and a little twisted Hindi. Also, I must always note: NEVER to auscultate (must NOT use the stethoscope first); it's regulation. Must always start with inspection :)

Anyhow, just now, all the USMKLE students have safely moving into this new brand unfinished hostel. It was tiring to help them unpack, but there is where ukhwah is truly seen, especially when the boys spent their night to help the girls to bring up their things to the 3rd floor while the elevator is still not installed. 

Now, let's sleep. I promise to keep blogging ahahhaha (as if I have readers :P) I tried to enjoy my 2nd year. So must you (in whatever courses you're pursuing in colleges or universities). And always keep smiling even though it's hard to do so.

Of failure and of 'emptiness'

Salam to all.

Second year has approached its 2nd week by now. Still, in this leisure mood whereby I am pretending that all the contents of the lectures aren't important, and spending my night like I gonna get straight A's for my selanjar. I am a person who won't do good without struggling. And still with some struggle, I ain't good. But still, I don't wanna endure the guilt and agony of being a failure; thus something has to be done. Proper study schedule, proper self management to stay fit and to be energized all day long. I just do not want to be sleepy in class, because to review all the lecture at night is impossible'. 

As for being a second year student, I think it's not easy. All the lectures we have mostly deal with pathology meanwhile those in first year, deal more to the normal physiology. Thus, this year, we have to like do much of the recall. Which is not something easy. Difficult! How can we remember that complement cascade during immunology? And what not all the anatomy of arteries and veins. Thank you very much, but I am not complaining here, just give you some recap of what we are having now.

To be frank, I am not happy nowadays due to some reasons. Yes, I know things won't go as we plan or as we expected. But this awkwardness, this annoyance have been circulating around me for quite some time after we arrived. These days what I can see from my batch is the lacking of give and take. Most of them, genuinely seems to be so selfish and emotional without reasons. And there are some people who did wrong things but they are being eaten by their own ego. In the end, things became devastating.

By the way, I am more to twitter these days, because I can say anything I wish to say, but people won't get to see it unless they follow me. And sometimes, what I posted just drown in the time line. Anyhow, there are certain drawbacks of twitter in which most of the time what I wrote got misunderstood by others. Just like this week alone, I don't know whether I failed to send the information right, or I failed to convey it to sentences that people won't hurt when they read it. Or either they alone failed to read it with conscience and with an open minded. So much of failure!

And this year, I also have to endure to the fact that information regarding USMKLE won't be directly informed to me like last year. I have no post to hold (yet, maybe). And I don't think I am a kind of person people will vote for because of certain reasons (like being a drama queen). I don't know why but this actually makes my life here a bit empty. Maybe because I used to be all day busy with meetings, with endevours regarding my classmates and all. But this time, I just feel like not being needed. However, I know this will bring good to rescheduled my timetable and daily routine. Everything I get from Allah, is the best, hence; why fret?

I pray I don't have to deal with so much of arrogance this year, which I hate to see in my daily routine to and fro at college. People with no smile, unless being greeted; people with no sense to ask how we are doing unless we have been in their clique and so much more of arrogance. It seems like so many of 'puak' now and you only will get to cling if you can give people something in return. This is a very genuine feeling, just need to let it out. It is not a hard feeling, it is just that, after a year; the bond isn't just there yet. Maybe due to arrogance. 

Finn

>>p/s: Pray for strength not ease. That will be much better<<

Phase II

Salam to all.

Well, yeah, it's September and I am in year 2 already. Time is fast, so what? 

Just arrived from Malaysia 2 days back, which is yesterday. Class started at 10.30 am yesterday, while our bus from Bangalore reached Belgaum exactly at 7 am. Wasn't excited to come back. That mood of the holiday is still stuck here in the mind. Just feel that recent holiday wasn't enough. Wasn't satisfy with the short break and yeah, I didn't even have the chance to blog once I was in Malaysia. How lame is that?

Anyhow, no matter how I hate to be here already, I am still in this realistic world whereby I knew I must stay here for the sake of my studies. 2nd year and clinicals people. Heard that we have to move out to a hostel which isn't fully finished and still under construction. Heard that for clinicals we gonna go to a new hospital, built for USM students. WOOOOO...let's see how these big talks will turn out real, alright?

What I wanna advice to juniors who might knew me or not knowing me, to come to USM India, just don't hope so big. We'll try to make our stay be as fun as possible. Because FUN can be made. Remember that. Till then, I need sleep:)

>>p/s: Bilik macam tongkang pecah. Malah worst! Gosh!!!<<

Aidilfitri and letting go

Salam aidilfitri, to all dear readers. Yes, it's Eid Mubarak already and it feels so soon for Ramadhan to leave us. Surely, every one will have their own nostalgic moment of both Ramadhan and Eid. I can say that Ramadhan is better to be remembered. This year alone, I had got the chance to feel the loneliness of celebrating Ramadhan a far from home, from family. Definitely, ifthor without mom and dad seems different.

Also, this year alone, it feels different when I have to rush things off just to have some time to see my expanded family because of time constraint. Only now that I realize time is so precious, because you know that you are getting older and the older you become, the possibility for you to have the same moment with the family members declines. Yes people, it is a negative thought, but we can't never stop Allah's power and Allah's knowledge. 

About a few months ago, some friends from asasi did have this idea to see each other, to have ifthor together. Well, I can say that I am very much disappointed because many of them didn't say anything during this ramadhan, keeping silent as a mouse and just missing in action. Perhaps, something happened to them that they no longer want to cherish the friendship. I can't understand, but I am learning to understand and let go.

Plus, tomorrow it's Eid. I want to see mak teh's face as much as I could. She who is my favourite aunt, is sick and doesn't seem to be better. Her diabetes is worsen. She did say, perhaps the next time I return, she might no longer be here with us. Which is sad, but then again, I have to learn to let go. And let her go, if that is what it meant to be.

And I only have like 4 days for syawal and then I am off straight to attend the PPSL thingy at USM. I like everyone feel bad of going because holidays become shorter that way; but sometimes we need changes to the way we spend our holidays. Just wanting to brush up some social skills that I am lacking, and that's why I am attending a camp in Penang from 25th till 29th of August and then another 4 days in USM Kubang Kerian till 5th September. Did I mention my date of returning to India is on the 9th of September? Yeahhh...so it's a short holiday.

Perhaps, this holiday, I can't fulfill my wish to see dear teachers, classmates from school and Puncak Alam that I miss dearly; thus I hope it won't be like this for my next return. Only that it is so sad that when Eid approaches, the date for me to be apart from my family is getting nearer. *Bursting into tears, womanly tears*

>>p/s: I am not yet a doctor yet people in the family keep calling me doctor. I pray their words are du'a so that the dream can be accomplished. Together with that, it is a sacrifice in a matter of time; lesser time with the family. And there's always a need to sacrifice to be successful. Hope people don't jot me as over ambitious>>

Sayonara Belgaum, for a while

Assalamualaikum and Salam Ramadhan al Kareem to all of you.

Professional examination for year 1 is done, over, full stop, and the book has closed. It ended on last Monday the 23rd with OSPE. I must say OSPE was the savior among all those hard core short essays and multiple choice true and false questions. Probably because, most of the questions were already discussed during revision class, not the same questions but similar. But then again, everything came because of the Rahmah from Allah The Al Mighty.

The day when they said the result will be announced was terrifying. Everyone of us, the 83 students of Phase 1 were asked to gather in our lecture hall to know whether we have triumph or vice versa. It's so shaking I tell ya. Prof KJ, Dr Prabhakar Kore, Dr Rajshekar and some of our common lecturers were there waiting with us. The day before, 14 students were elected to attend the Viva interview with a few important panels. I am so proud to say 2 students from my A1 group were among the 14 students. Well, they deserve it as they had worked so hard literally. 

Prof KJ were the one who announced the result. One by one our names were called out, and was asked to stand. Others gave their big round of applause. Prof KJ did offered some nerve wrecking moment when 2 of my friends weren't being called. Then, he said, "Saya memain je" and everyone broke into laughter. Alhamdulillah, all of my colleague has passed the first year successfully. Later, the distinction students were called out. They were five of them. I must say two of my non-muslim friends who sat beside me, Gan and Ryan really deserved to get distinction. They were very discipline, never playing truant and at utmost diligent. I am so proud to be sitting among them in the lecture hall. *event though I didn't get to join them for viva, I iz okay*

Three of the distinctions students were ex PASUM's students. They were as expected and had been smarty pants all these while. Hahaha. One of them didn't study that hard but because of her good deeds to many of us, Allah granted her the place she deserved. Then again, congratulations to all my friends. The hurdles we had overcome with victory. Now, let's enjoy the short break and this Ramadhan with the family.

I got three more days in Belgaum, which I fulfilled with shopping. Celebrating Ramadhan for the first time, a thousand miles from home is okay for me since the community I live in is so welcoming and nice to each other. Even though, we had hard time to know when was our first day of Ramadhan (since India is so huge and every state and city has different time for it to start the month of Ramadhan), it is still fun. And for Iftar, it is never a trouble. My roommate is a chef, so thanks a lot to her for making me fat and thanks a lot to her for acting like my 'mom', waking me up for Sehri. As for Taraweeh, I am so thankful we have many 'Imam Muda' to lead the prayers. I told you everything is perfectly fine here, alhamdulillah. Just worry less and pray more :D

Now that the results are known, and most of the friends already on their way back home to Malaysia, I still has tonnes to do like laundry (2nd cycle), and of course to clear up my desk since I am moving to a new room with a new room mate next year (September 2012 that is LOL). I just found out that we cannot stick to one person even though she or he is our best friend. Sometimes we need some space. And yes, not everybody can stand with our attitudes although we think we have done good enough. Just accept it that, certain people wanna act different ways. I hope this is like a new 'Hijrah' for me. I know my new roommate who is also a year older than me, will guide me better in every way. I wanna be like her, insyaALLAH. I wanna be like her who is so bold yet so polite and respected by all. I rest everything to Allah because after all, HE knows best for HIS servants. And only to HIM we pray, none others :)

Alas, Sayonara dear Belgaum. A place where I discover many new things in life, the place where I found many other friends who are so close to Allah and never get bored to invite us along. Praise to Allah The Al Mighty, for all his continuous blessings and Rahmah that 83 of us had such a good time as a family here. Praise to HIM for He has brought such a fatherly Prof KJ to us; that with his guidance we all had succeed the first year, and InsyaALLAH for the next 4 years; towards becoming great doctors for the Ummah. Plus, we are definitely keen to have many more juniors to come here and be part of us. Amin:)

Here are us. 83 of us with some of our lecturers. It has been great, super great! 

>>p/s: will only have 2 days for raya, but then again to be great we need to sacrifice<<