maafkan saya

I apologize deeply for making you people expecting a lot from me. I apologize for not performing better for this year. Something change in me this year. Perhaps my brain is no longer like before. Perhaps I have been bad to people that all these coming backfired at me like every single time. Sudah jatuh, ditimpa pula tangga.Aduh sakitnya!

I feel sorry for mom and dad. They have been my greatest listener to all my whining, to all my muttering about these and thats that didn't satisfy me. I kept burdening and making inflammations in their ears for complaining about how bad I have been and how pathetically I have done in my previous test 1. I want to make a correction to the previous mistakes I have done, but the more I tried, the more worse it becomes.

Last year, I was too bad forcing them to let me having what I wanna pursue. This year, Allah showed HIS POWER by putting me in this condition whereby everything I did nothing seems working. Astaghfirullahalazim. I repented. I regret for the things and troubles I caused my parents to deal up with. I am so ashamed of myself. I should have think wisely and I should have not been so selfish.

Another problem rises after the other. I have this misunderstanding with my roommate at college. And it all happened due to the fact that I switched off her morning alarm, because they kept ringing non-stop, and she didn't wake up for GOD SAKE! I who wish for a peace night, couldn't find any peace because of her unstoppable alarm so I went to her side, and just switch off the damn alarm. I can't get it why she has to set alarms every hour starting the moment she went to bed. Do you think you can wake up in an hour after dozing off at night? Have your rest well and if you wish to wake up early, don't ever think that you can wake up at 2 am, if you went to bed at 12 am? That's crazy. I am so annoyed of this person, so we have this cold war, and couldn't speak to each other for the moment. Whatever.

Seeing how my comrades excel so well in the test 1 scares me. When they ask how did I do, and I told them what EXACTLY I got for the papers, I could see the faces of disappointment. Words of advices pouring into my ear, but I am afraid, like so afraid that I couldn't do good after this. I am so sick of working hard but lacking the luckiness. I am sick of becoming weak at everything. I tried to console myself, that everything has it's silver lining. And that probably the least I can think of. Mom kept reminding me of one suratul Baqarah from the Holy Quran, which said that one thing that you hated the most might be the best thing that ever happened to you. And also, the thing you loved the most, could be the worst thing for you. Above all, seek Allah for guidance, for HE knows best. Astaghfirullahalzim. 

Mom, told me to be strong like Prophet Ayoub. Who stands still beside Allah. Praying day and night. Diligently obligate to Allah. He had once become rich and healthy. In a sudden, Allah tested his strength by taking away all that he had. Allah tested him again, with a disease that make him weaker. Then, came the devils, whispering awful things to him. Telling him to follow them instead praying hard for Allah's forgiveness. But, days after days, week after weeks, and later years by years, Prophet Ayoub A.S still confident that Allah is The One the Almighty One that he had to serve for. He never missed his prayers and so, His prayers were answered by Allah S.W.T. Allah blessed him with more wealth and prosperous health. 

The test I am enduring perhaps not as tough as what Prophet Ayoub A.S encountered. I must not be weak and rendering myself useless. I must stand up straight and walk and run if I can for the better way and better days. I should have been stronger after these weakening events. I should have been struggling harder both in my obligations towards ALLAH the Greatest and also towards the studies that I have to brushing up at. 

>>>p/s: Pray for strength rather than having good events. Because everything has it's own thorns, don't let get yourself hurt<<<

Not long before everything ends

I used to hate it like hell, but now I am so afraid for the final to appear. 5 more weeks approximately counted, to be more productive and to be more focus for what coming up next. The TEST 2 schedules have been posted at the campus, which starts on 24th February and ended on the 4th March. By 10th March 2011, my colleagues here at PALAM and I of course gonna burn sitting for 3 hours for each paper that we learnt. I am nervous!

5 coupons in hand, need another 3, to just fulfil the 8 compulsory that needed to be collected. My block will hold this event like sukaneka kinda thing on the 12th February and we are expecting 2 coupons from it. Many events held here nowadays, didn't restate anything about coupons provided or alike. Probably, because they are tired of promising and disappointing many of kids like me who always been cheated. Lol. 

Already at the last chapter of Biology, Reproduction. The slides downloaded contain 160 pages, which are damn too many. I hate slides to be exact. But still I need it for easiness and to just reduce the weight of my bag. Chemistry almost came to end of the chapters too. Math got one more to go. And, Physics still tones. I am now learning most on electricity. There are just soooo many formulae that needed to be memorized and understand how to apply them. 

Cut short, I would say I am in a non-comfortable zone. Works undone like always. Sleepy-headness could never getting rid off my body. I miss working out physically like playing badminton but seriously I am too lousy to spare my time for some physical activity. Trans fat has been residing in my body and tissues. I have basically been fatter and bigger, which is a nightmare. Level of confidence drop and all I am thinking off is to go home and curl into a caterpillar. Lol.

things have turned to chaos. and ship has wrecked.

>>p/s: 2011 is soooo adventurous and......sickening. Had a fight with my roommate, can't talk to her. We just don't have mutual vibes. <<<

Regrets

here where it began and ended

Wow. Lately, I lost my conciousness and my sane-ness like so many times. For the recent dinner, I called my dad to let me borrow the family's digital camera because I wanted to take a lot of photos with my friends here at Puncak Alam. However, I misused the advantage I've got. The camera went a bit insane that night, probably the setting wasn't right and causing most of the pictures taken to be absolutely rubbish. In the end, only several photos can be considered OKAY. Sometimes, I think using my Sony E phone's 3.2 MP camera is more worth it than the Olympus 12 MP camera. What a luck. T.T

Me looking fat than ever T.T

With Azyan Amani:)

the most popular lecturer: Prof Ahmad

time to eat. hmm. at the back Bruno Mars puncak alam performing. lol

with fitri nabilah:)

One Night Gala:) Simple and nice invitation pass:D

22012011 is history now, table 29, kinda front row la.

basically first reason of attending dinner was to get this coupon for the collection  now this added up to 5 coupons.T.T

RM30 was worth it.

friends and acquaintances. from left: badrulhisyam, fiqrisyafiq (both were the backcrew of the dinner), shikin, gorgeous sara salleh and our class representative, ElizaAmira.

end of dinner

buses gonna take the kids back to where they belong lol

well, it looked almost like this. haha

Speed to SACC

"Abang firdaus tolong speed boleh tak?" my request to my cousin, on our way to SACC convention centre on Saturday the 22nd January. He drove my friends and I to the very place for a dinner that we CHOOSE to attend. He looked at me, and replied, "No hal la".

Mak Teh's family has been so nice for letting my friends and I to stay a night at their house. My cousins who have been very loving and generous, every and each of them offered to drive us to SACC that night. Thanks to Abang Pai a lot, for picking us up at Puncak Alam. He first thought I studied at Puncak Perdana so he went there looking for me, calling me 1 hour before he arrived, asking me whether I lived around an apartment of unknown name. I immediately told him that he was actually at the wrong place. Haha.

Arriving at Mak Teh's house, TWO nice cosy rooms specially prepared for us, five of us. But, because this is the first time we had a slumber party and living under one roof, we preferred sleeping in one room. Even one room was already good enough for us:) Plus, we had wonderful lunches too!

I admit that on our attempt to getting ready for that One Night Gala dinner, I felt soooo nervous from nowhere. Why would I feel such a thing even for a mere dinner? Lol. Maybe because I wasn't that confident of my appearance. Well, as a GIRL, I too wanna look good. I also feel that my dress for that night was too simple. Hehe. So, we had a hard time actually, because we NEED to arrive at SACC by 8.15 p.m, but Maghrib prayers started a little late this time, so we had to wait until it's time to pray before wearing our dress and put our scarves on.

At 7.45 p.m, I am still around Mak Teh's house, chaotically trying to put my shawl on. I am soooo bad at dressing up. I didn't even have the chance to put any make up on...so yeah I looked pretty dull. But, hey, that's what we called as Natural Beauty. Lol.

Thanks to the max, to Abang Firdaus, who speed to the maxx and made us reached the ballroom on time. Upon arriving, we still had to wait for the other 5 members and I just feld inconfidence after encountering with tonnes of girls looking amazingly beautiful just like in Grammy Awards. Ah, damn why I got envy so easy?

Despite my unsatisfaction on how the way I looked, I still think it was a GOOD meaningful event. Technical problems excluded. I found that everyone looked happy and even though we are Science students, we are NOT NERDY at all, that's the good part. I simply like most of the performances especially by a girl named Dayana and her duet partner, Pawan. Lol. K-Pop dance was the best, and got a lot of response from the students.

Oh yeah, my favourite Physics Lecturer, Prof Ahmad, was nominated as the most popular male lecturer for our batch. Wow, he deserved it better than the others but I saw he blushed away. Hahaha. And, the most important part, we got a photo with him.

Prof Ahmad with the rest of us:)

>>>More to come after this after photos uploaded into the hard disk. Stay tuned!<<<

Saya tak bergaya

Well, at 7 pm today, the dinner for the Foundation in Science students will be held at SACC convention centre, just beside the old popular PKNS Shah Alam. It is a grand dinner to be told, and hopefully, yeah, it would be meaningful.

Almost 2 months before this course end. I need to study harder seriously. Flunked in two IMPORTANT papers recently, put me somewhere to a spot that I never thought I would be standing in. I have turned into just a mere lower than average person and I hate the feeling so bad. It's like I am not deserving a place with the rest of my colleagues.

Yesterday, classes ended early. I didn't go to Recipe of Woman program because my friends weren't that in the mood to go with me. T.T. So, I rushed upstairs and just having breads and nutella for lunch. Seriously, I need to trim down my weight. Been fatter and fatter these days. And being fat is not fun.

So, around 3 p.m, I went to my friend's room far away at R2, where there was a demo session of wearing shawl. Conducted by my class representative, Eliza Amira, whom has always been elegant and up-to date in fashion. The rest of us, including me are just merely clueless girls who wish we can dress up like she did. Haha.

dina trying hers.

 

 

okay tak? lol

My sister looked different in these pictures of her taken recently:

 

 

shishin made over by cousin on Thursday

She looked matured and prettier than me. whatever lol

And, I actually love fashion. Seeing Gossip Girls, where beautiful garments and lavish dresses are made real always make me happy but I just don't have to gut to be updated. Lol. Many asked me to change style for real sake, but I don't really think I could.

I look sooooo round like ball if I were to put this on. Lol

>>>p/s: My friend, Azyan, her dress for the dinner is just mesmerizing. Well, I just notice that when we reach the stage of becoming a lady, there's a need to know how to dress well and look amazing. No more rugged style. But, I am just too innocent to play beautiful. haha. Jangan ketawa kalau saya tak bergaya at dinner esok. Saya cuba. <<<

We off on Thaipusam

Not celebrating that Hinduism celebration whatsoever, but currently living in a fake Batu Caves where the stairs are higher than that of Batu Caves itself. So, there's cable cars at batu caves, when will we here, feel to have the same thing? Lol

Mom and dad were forced to visit me here. I told them that I need our digital camera for the Saturday dinner, but it was actually just an excuse. I miss them a lot, and I need to see their faces and just everything about them. I also miss my sister like damn lots because she's my sister...duh :)

But, in the morning, I went play-shopping and window shopping with 2 of my comrades and one lost boy who called in the morning asking whether he could come with us. So, 4 girls and 1 boy went together. Nothing intriguing happened, but just sorting things out for Calvin's endeavours for what to wear for the very dinner. I on the other hand, couldn't find any lipgloss. Out of sold. T.T

The best part of the day was to go to Andalas, seeing my mak teh who looks healthier, alhamdulillah. Khayra Amani will have a new baby sibling soon, and that adds the member to our family. That's mean a YAY! What a great news. Gonna be seeing that new born baby probably by September, told my cousin Kak Intan who is also Khayra lovely mother. 

Watched my cousin mimicking Stacy's Jahat dance and seeing a makeup demo by my cousin to my little sister. I didn't got the chance to have the make up on, because it was time for dinner, where we ate the most delicious chicken rice ever! And we also ate the chicken rice with roasted fish? Erk...

Above all, I am glad my parents came all the way and brought me to Klang. Seeing that little kiddo Khayra Amani was a joy and eating lavish foods is satisfying. And sitting and studying in my room with my boring roommate is a misery. Lol. 

>>p/s: why is my roommate soooo hardworking but sooooo silent? It's  like I live with a wall<<

Sin-Fool

Assalamualaikum dear readers and bloggers whom I rarely meet or whom I NEVER got a chance to meet. Yes, SIN-FOOL is the best title and the best word made up by myself, that could describe how I have been and how life has been.

Test 1 had just ended and for the past 3 days of attending classes, we were given back our test papers and got to know the marks. Only two conditions applied; whether you PASSED the easy paper with a wide smile carved on your face or sighing high for the misery it has brought you with. And, the moment, you were to receive the paper back, was horrifying, more horrifying than doing a bungee jumping.

I have turned into a complete fool for the test 1. I am seriously, an idiotic-over confident person who turned into a SIN-FOOL and couldn't even do a good job for the easiest test. Why GOD? Why? After those moment of burning the midnight oil, after those by hook and crook studies and by those tutorials I managed to finish, I am still stupid? What have got into me?

I failed terribly for Physics and Chemistry and my heart broke into pieces, million or perhaps infinity little pieces when I see those 4 flatters who attained victory that I myself could just have been dreaming of. Over and over, the same 4 flatters gained top spots and I, where am I? Where am I among the 30++ students in the minor group B1? And I supposed I am among the bottom of the rest 1000+++ students of the whole foundation in science here. My comrades who have been sticking to me every now and then, and who have been helping me here and there, had excelled so well. They too did soo perfect, but I? I just merely a failure.

It feels so bad, when people expecting you could be good at things but in the end, you are nothing what they expected to be. It feels terrible when seeing your friends frustrating over their so-good-job paper and you just could feel WORST when seeing your poor-stupid-rated paper. It feels like I just wanna go home and curl into a worm, on the comfy bed at home, trying to reminisce of the bad things I have done till GOD puts me in this spot. 

Perhaps, yes, I have been too confident. I admit that once I saw the questions on kinetics, I was just out of my mind. I can't think, I can't do them well. Yes, I also admit that for Physics something came up to my head, and I lost the my conscious control and focus. I just sat still when Prof Ahmad went nearby, seeing what I wrote down. I was totally out at that time. Only after the test ended, I noticed that I have done so many mistakes. I went home and sent a message to my dear professor, apologizing for the careless mistakes and promise to be more alert next time. T.T

Chemistry Paper was the worst this time. First time ever I failed. I am so weak in naming the compounds and answering the easiest Kinetic questions. Together I have sinned a LOT and becoming a fool. I should have locked myself and muhasabah diri. And my luck is like sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga. Nothing seems working. 

Oh yeah, thanks to my friends for consoling me. Yes, like they said, failing now is a GIFT, so that I can be stronger and better. Failing now doesn't mean I will fail forever. And I don't wanna be an epic failure. Now, my life is at the bottom of the round ball. Besides that, mom kept reminding me to just move on, things happened cannot be rewind. She also said that, I performed better in class but performed poorly when it comes to test. T.T

>>p/s: dinner for asasi is on this saturday. gonna reach there by bus after tough discussion with my comrades, but I just wish that I could drive because in that way it will be a lot easier for us to prepare and to ready for that event. It will be such a troublesome to bring along our dress and getting ready at the SACC with the rest of asasi sains students. heh but better not be pessismistic. Plus, I want to donate my blood so badly but couldn't T.T, and doing data and distribution tutorials just like repeating what I did for SPM 2009 lol<<<